ITT: Moments You Realized Your Current Game Wasn't Worth It

>players are absolute minmaxers
>decide to have a bit of fun with them
>create the codpiece of invincibility
>20+dex AC, but all you can wear is the codpiece
>They don't get the point and wear it
>They don't care that every npc is making fun of them
>they just like seeing numbers go up

welp, that killed my enjoyment of the game. Sucks to know they're okay breaking story immersion and deep plotlines for bigger numbers

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You should tell the player who wears it as to actually wear a codpiece IRL, so they understand the situation better.

I don't understand how they could play a tabletop RPG based entirely on mind's eye imagination and not realize what they're wearing. They should set the pen and paper down and pick up, say, Skyrim.

I mean, you knew they were minmaxers, and you gave them a really, really good item whose only downside is a little bit of social fun poked at them.

You can help your players out of that mindset, but it takes creative thinking. An item like that would be loved by anybody who doesn't give a damn about what society thinks of them, and just care about power. Introduce a minmaxing Lich. He steals the piece. He wears it now. Make him strong (but within the rules) and make him extremely annoyingly clever, abusing every rule to get the upper hand on them. Have him use legendary actions to monologue. You and the players might accidentally begin having fun as they try to take down somebody cheesier than they are.

20+dex is too high; plate gives 20 with no bonus. I would've given them 21 with no bonus as a joke, you gave them possibly 25 AC which is more than most enemies can make on a crit.

Thankfully crits always hit; one of the few cases where 20 means automatic success, but it's still way to strong, yes.

Oboy, great discomfort if you get a murderboner during a battle

>give them insanely good item that gives them near invincibility in combat
>surprised that anyone takes it.

There's not enough adjectives in the English dictionary to describe how much of an idiot you are OP.

...

Oh god no

"It's too strong!"

Playing airsoft and paintball with friends when I was 16 I would get a massive fucking boner 100% full mast, blood pressure through the roof all out adrenaline rush. Fuck the everloving shit out of my GF after, thats how I learned why men rape bitches during war. God damn I wish I joined the military if I could get a murderboner on a weekly basis I would be happy, instead I joined private security. The money and benefits are good but even when I get in a massive brawl still no murderboner adrenaline release.

the point is that it's too strong and anyone would be a fool for not taking it.

Seek professional help.

>Join a game in progress already to replace a player who left
>Sit down with the DM and other players (except for That Guy who missed the session) and decide to play a wizard from the setting's big magic city because the party is lacking an arcane caster and wants to form an alliance with that city anyway.
>Next session happens, the one That Guy who was absent during my character creation is here.
>Decides 5 minutes into my character introduction and showing the party around the city that I'm hogging too much of the plot.
>Decides he hates this city, hates mages, and hates me.
>When we finally get an audience with the countess of the city, he basically threatens her her violence while the rest of us sit there mortified
>Of course he gets taken down instantly and arrested
>We get him out of jail that same day by convincing the countess he was just stressed from travel and battle
>Player vehemently rants about how we all betrayed and how I'm "ruining the game" (reminder that all I've done so far is show the party around the city and get them a meeting)
>Everyone else in the game is clearly uncomfortable, but the beta-bitch DM won't kick this guy or make him stop because they're IRL friends or some shit
>Session ends with him bullying the party into letting him plan an assassination against this countess
>I'm expected to go along with it even though this is my character's home

I didn't come back for a third session. I later found out this is why the player I was replacing quit, and that another player the session after I did.

>mfw he says he can't
>because he's already wearing one
>and then you notice That Guy has a boner
>sole female player sheepishly raises her hand
>as the party tank, she should wear it
>everyone nervously exchanges glances
>unclear if she meant in-game, IRL, or both

Glad your players are as boring and uncreative as you.
They missed a golden opportunity to re-brand themselves as the "Mandingoes" and rule the region with an Iron Crotch

I find these situations are better resolved by having an earnest talk about it, rather than trying to use passive-aggressive in game goading. If your players want a markedly different game than you, try and ask if you can do the game in another way. If you just can’t make it work, find a new group.

>come back from piss break
find DM on the floor, clutching his nose, with blood coating his fingers
>player who had been terse but amiable for the entire game standing over him with a clenched fist, muttering something in Japanese
>he turns to face me, holds his gaze for a few seconds, and turns around, walking out the door
The other two players took care of the DM and I got him a cold compress. I didn't come back.

I have never harmed any animal. I havent harmed any human being that didnt hit me first, i have a very even temper. Im extremly professional and try to deescalate the situation, once the subject is subdued or incapacitated I dont take it any further. Trash talk and insults dont provoke me or get me angry at all. Fighting(mma wrestling jujitsu boxing judo) interests me as a hobby but doesnt provide an adrenaline release.

removing context, walking into that seems really funny

>This note was found in user's bedroom, written in what DNA evidence later determined to be his spouse's blood
>police are still searching for the body

I'd have definitely laughed if I wasn't there in person, admittedly. I just wanted the DM to be okay.

For a long moment I was wondering if the white guy was bending over the black dude to his left.

Hope they enjoy their frostbitten toes/99% sunburn depending on weather conditions!

>Players bunch of Min Maxers
>I join and role play, they give it a shot for 2 Minutes, then give right the fuck up.
>Spend every combat crippled and unable to play because daze, blind, ect, some kind of cripple I have to wait 3-6 turns before I can do anything.
>Literally every combat.
>Follow, crippled, watch min max fight, follow repeat.
>Tell DM "hey this sucks, can we work something out so I'm not crippled?"
>DM: it's not my fault you built your character poorly.
It was a min max group ran by a min max DM. I wasn't ready for it, or into it.

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
some people like to play pretend differently than me
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
only i know the correct way to play pretend
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
they play pretend wrong!
they are bad people!
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

Not OP.
I did that with my Players, so I worked with what they wanted... They hated it.
So I tried to work out the things they didn't like... They hated it.
My players just want the literal worst setting of DMPC and guilds and magical immature realm.
If they wanted guilds that'd be fine, if they wanted a DMPC to guide not carry I could do, if they wanted mature magical realm I can deal. They literally want the worst of the worst.

Yes im working on getting new players.

That sucks did you quit the group permanently?

>> we were playing L5R, and we find a box of pure concentrated evil.
>>EVERY elder mage we run into goes insane just looking at the thing,
>>ONE manages to stay sane long enough to tell us it contains part of the god of evil, and takes it to the Crab clan.
>>These fuckers KNOW how to fight evil.
>>Scary old guy takes one look at it,tells us to take it to a volcano and drop it in.
>>(have I seen this movie?)
>>Crab Mage PC spends most of the next 3 sessions trying to open the box, while the box is calling any and every evil thing to us.
I decide FTS, and drop the game

wat

>she proceeds to clarify the confusion
>immediately apparent she's been a trap the entire time

>t.hypocrite
The problem with optimizing is that the GM has to make the encounters around the optimiser which means non optimized players will get roflstomped returning back to the 'my way is the only way'.

Yes. Told the DM. Next week he sees me with other people, gets pissy at me.

It sounds like all of OP's players are optimizers, though.
He should just ditch the group and find people he enjoys running shit for.

Make the codpiece give a penalty to chatisma and have more charisma checks i guess.

What is this literal anime

>and now everyone at the table is erect
>this won't make it any easier to get the codpiece on

>you're not an effiminate soyboy like me, like, get help

I bet you own a gun too.

Well the group Trap is the Tank so He needs to wear the Cod Piece.
>Holds vote for who jerks off the trap
>We elect That Guy.
>Every is else is trying to secretly masturbate while we watch That Guy stroke the Traps cock using his excessive Pre-Cum as lube

Nothing wrong with that user owning a gun. Now stop kink shaming him you fucking biggot.

>Owning a gun is bad.

Go shooting. You'll enjoy it.

IT sounds like your players are more interested in a numbers and combat game rather than a thespian roleplay game. this is not a problem, you just need to adjust the game to compensate. groups like these tend to do well in military oriented campaigns with a focus on large narrative battles and combat based objectives. make them play as a sort of comando squad in some kings army, or even lead troops of their own. or make them gladiators in combat arenas.

if you really want to force your players to do an rp heavy game type dispite their predisposition then make the setting low magic, with only basic equipment available. if anyone murderhobo's, have them arrested by the town guard (also make sure the town guard arent just level 1 npcs, give em some muscle).

tabletop games are a group exercise, if 4 out of 5 people have fun with a numbers and combat game, maybe just play a numbers and combat game instead of trying to cater to the 1 out of 5 inclination

DO IT NOW

Because that shit is really easy to do, right?

that will teach them not to minmax

Not that guy.
But yea it is easy. Go out and be social.

I've played with 8 different groups soon to be 9. Only 3 of the 8 groups I've been in sucked. 2 of the 5 good ones where short. But I've been in 3 different long lasting groups.

hoooly shit this thread is still going

>Playing Little Fears in an Agony Academy™ Setting.
>My party is composed by two second-graders, one very brainy (my character) and one very naïve but imaginative (another guy's character, who made him so out of his slight obsession with min-maxing and his subconscious fear of killer GMs), plus a beefy fourth-grader (a rather chill guy who had GM a previous campaign)
>Well, the party would've been composed by three characters, had it not been for the DMPC kindergartner, named Roland.
>According to the GM, Roland was based off his younger brother.
>If it was true, then he must've twin siblings and I never knew, 'cuz the real his brother wasn't like that at all.
>Roland tags along with the party because "they no meanie," often asked for cuddles, wore diapers beneath his pants, graphically pissed and shat himself at the slightest threat, and then he specifically asked to the 4th grader to change his shitcatcher somehow.
>Roland, if left alone with the PCs' school items, also doodled in exercise books and made paper airplanes out of textbooks. Once he turned my PC's copy of the entire "Divine Comedy" into a fleet of ships.
>If it wasn't bad enough, the teachers were all the child-eating spawn of Headmistress Baba Yaga, who had imposed rules such as "vandalize your school material three times and I'll boil you to death" and "I'll bite off one finger if you disrespect me."
>Also, janitors were minotaurs that went on rampages at the sight of filth outside the dorms or the bathrooms.
>By the way, if we tried to Believe a solution (by, say, claiming that the teachers melted in water, or that minotaurs were afraid of the color blue), all of those, the next day, routinely "un-Believed" the solution.
>Basically, most of the campaign was spent describing cuddling with a nigh-incontinent child, as well as listening to the min-maxer sweat bullets as he tried to come up with a solution that hadn't been thought up yet and I tried to think a mundane way out.

>I liked the campaign's idea, but the DMPC was getting on my nerves, if anything else because he basically acted like a "diabolus ex machina" every fucking time.
>The fact that Roland smelled of "GM's magical realm" did not help any.
>However, the moment when I had enough of the GM's shit was at the eleventh session.
>Basically Roland had shat himself in front of a janitor, in a corridor made tight because little girls were walking to class, and with three teachers coming from the opposite direction to close off an escape route.
>It already sounded like a contrived attempt to kill our characters.
>My suspicions were confirmed when the min-maxer's idea to Believe that cooties could kill minotaurs was shot down with a simple "no."

At that point, I basically threw the game and stopped accepting invitations to play with that GM.

And here I thought the whole 'soyboy' thing couldn't be real. But wow someone is actually swing that as an insult. I'd laugh but really that's just sad.

THE MADMAN

To be honest, that OP is probably just shitposting.

The post was so OTT to the point it had to be designed to make peoples' warning flags wave and get at least one person to comment on it so they could toy with them awhile. Note that the next reply was, "I am a very good boy" said in the creepiest fucking way, followed by nothing but low-ball attacks.

I have to admit, it did set off my reflexive, "Well, fuck." response until I got to soyboy.

Hello, are you one of OP's players?

>muttering something in Japanese
I lost it.

>based entirely on mind's eye imagination
You might be overestimating how universal that is. Some people don't have that at all, and lots of people are lower than you probably are on the spectrum.

bbc.com/news/health-34039054

>Trash talk and insults dont provoke me or get me angry at all

Well that took like 2 seconds

Do you honestly think someone like that could or would want to be a part of this hobby? I mean, if it's as common as the article suggests (which is super doubtful and almost certainly incorrect), then it's surely happened before, but what do they get out of it, you think? Fanciful words and social interaction? It seems like it'd be hard enough to read a book like that, much less take part in a role-playing game.

Sadly, this wasn't a case of me saying, "Hey, I'm done. Bye." but it did enable me to do that later when the warning signs started showing that a group was likely to go the same way.

I was co-GM for a group. Other GM was the original creator and brought me on to manage it as they weren't good at that sort of thing. They got final call on everything.

It became a permissive Mommy/strict Daddy situation, where they'd agree to whatever the players (that they liked) wanted, and then come running to me to "take it back". Everyone started to hate me, because I was the one taking away the toys they shouldn't have had. (Some of which I'd have been fine with them having, but "Mommy" didn't want them to for whatever reason.) And vice-versa, where I was the one trying to talk "Mommy" out of being vindictive for no reason to players they didn't like. Not that anyone knew that's what was going on.

Eventually took a step back to reevaluate how I felt about the game and stopped attending. "Mommy" took away my permissions and silently booted me from the group - under urging from some of the nastier players, apparently. Was hurt, but decided not to make a big deal out of it. Game collapsed under itself not too long after.

Was reborn without "Mean Daddy's" influence. The inmates now ran the asylum and "Mommy" was not the sort of person to handle it, so they took on people who should have never had authority to take charge. The good players slowly left, either bullied or annoyed with the shit going on (usually both). The wide-eyed gullibles and players who benefited from the new regime stayed.

They have been falling apart and rebuilding multiple times since, I hear. Currently under the management of one of the wide-eyed gullibles whose stance of, "I won't judge anyone." means they accept the actions of the most horrible of assholes and the complaints of the bullied each in one hand and won't say a bad word about either. But also means the bullies are never asked to leave.

Thats not me

Well, I'm one, and I quite like RPGs.

Never been into books, though, but lots of others I've met have been.

If you asked me midsession what my character looked like, I'd have never considered it before, and while I could make something up it's not something I would regularly think about and I'd probably forget by next session. The visuals aren't necessary at all, except insofar as specifically visual things like clothing or whatever.

(And yes, I tend to zone out if the DM spends too long giving a visual description, especially if it's something reducible to a couple traits, like a page of text that amounts to "a musty stone crypt". And, yes, I have to try very hard to keep players visually satisfied when I DM, and it's in general a weak spot in my DMing for most players.)

I'm using you as an npc you freak.

>Hello, are you one of OP's players?

Hello are you one of the fools losing in combat to me because you think a warrior can't be naked?

>AbsolutelyDisgusting.Woad

Yes?
And if you can't find IRL, you can always try and find on the Internet. Yes there's a lot of shit too, but there's more overall, easier to eventually find a good group or assemble it yourself.

The "ditch" part alone is even easier. Better no game than a bad game, especially if you're the GM.

>what do they get out of it, you think? Fanciful words and social interaction?
Yes, that is in fact what RPGs are about.

>It seems like it'd be hard enough to read a book like that, much less take part in a role-playing game.
See it's bullshit like this that means it took so long to even realize people are different. It is in fact not hard to read books when I'm not being distracted by images.

>20+dex is too high
>yet touch spells still hit against an AC of 10

Really makes you think

Same here. I can really get into character and I know every detail about them by heart, I instantly know how he would respond to anything based on his personality and background... But I'm lost if you ask me what they're wearing at the moment. (Even had the GM correct me on what armor my character was wearing.)
I don't have a firm and coherent grasp of their faces (although I instantly know they're "attractive" or "ugly"), I only remember if their hair is long, short or medium, and I have to doublecheck the sheet for their eye and hair color usually.
If someone somehow drew a picture of my characters I would have no way of recognizing them. I don't want to use the cliche "it's what's inside that counts" but yeah.

I like playing non-humans (orcs, lizardfolk etc) whenever available because that solves most of the problem with visualization and physical details.

t: Champion Butt-Naked.

>I joined the town guard just to kill people

Shit, now that's an actually great NPC. Just some middling psychopath that relishes the chance to harm others, often concealing the deed with false evidence and accusations whenever he takes it too far. He's not even a serial killer or a significant antagonist: he's just a very misguided and evil man —
one that the players would have no trouble of taking care of, given the opportunity.

I was a PC who was introduced to the party as a town guard. They had started a Bar fight, I was an orc, and there wasn't anything specifically illigal about some good old Bar fighting. I had fun beating up the other PCs,... Till one cunt pulled out his Bow n Arrow... Fucking elves!

Well, shit

>risk their lives on a daily basis
Taking the best armor IS roleplaying, user.

Give them a huge penalty on charisma checks (except against horny nudists, or something), according to their completely unacceptable attire in polite company, and have social encounters with the same stakes as your combat encounters (life, death, XP, treasure).

*her

oh fuck

My name is Yoshikage Kira. I'm 33 years old. My house is in the northeast section of Morioh, where all the villas are, and I am not married. I work as an employee for the Kame Yu department stores, and I get home every day by 8 PM at the latest. I don't smoke, but I occasionally drink. I'm in bed by 11 PM, and make sure I get eight hours of sleep, no matter what. After having a glass of warm milk and doing about twenty minutes of stretches before going to bed, I usually have no problems sleeping until morning. Just like a baby, I wake up without any fatigue or stress in the morning. I was told there were no issues at my last check-up. I'm trying to explain that I'm a person who wishes to live a very quiet life. I take care not to trouble myself with any enemies, like winning and losing, that would cause me to lose sleep at night. That is how I deal with society, and I know that is what brings me happiness. Although, if I were to fight I wouldn't lose to anyone.

For starters, what's the backstory of the codpiece of invincibility? Some crotchety smith-enchanter duo that reckoned modern adventurers cared more about keeping their insides on the inside and their outsides on the outside, and not enough about aesthetics?
Secondly, were I to come across such a marvelous item of power, I would immediately head to the local tailor and commision a set of respectable clothes that just so happen to be designed to be removed at a moments notice.
Turn the corner, mugged by thugs? A flash of clothing and the be-donged vigilante is here!

You definitely sound like a lifer. Enlist today

>when the DM reeeeeees internally

Well what happened?

What does the Codpiece of Invincibility look like on a female character?
Meltlilith's plate?

Is my GM gives me a codpiece I am wearing it.
IRL.

It sounds like your DM was a diaper/piss/scat fetish for his younger brother.
Protect that boy.

I've got one.

>Be one of only three experienced players in a group, DM being more experienced than both of us
>party of about 7 or so, mostly people who never touched a tabletop
>decide, along with the DM, to ease the newer players into it
>as expected, the newer ones aren't too into RP and aren't comfortable with it yet
>end up making most plans since nobody is willing to vocalize (I would often try and wait to see if anyone had ideas)
>fast forward, everything has been going smoothly, people are getting into it all
>we had two "that guy"s, one being a girl for clarification of who is who
>the girl didn't like the fact that my character got along with everyone (she vocalized this)
>DM has been trying to get with her(was never going to happen) and decides to plan something
>mentions to me how I can get this really cool sword for my character, so I go and ask locals about it
>local points me to some guy at a tavern
>to summarize, apparently everyone except my character (the only ACTUAL resident of this place) knew that this sort of weapon was illegal. Why was it illegal? Its "shady to carry around a weapon good for killing people." the DM says, to my party of weapon wielding killers.
>long story short, he uses this as an excuse to blackmail my character and force my party to do something for him
>whole party decides they all hate me now
>end of session, things leave IC and they begin to talk about how I should stop taking over the conversations
>confused about this since I would actively try to get others to talk, but okay
>so now my whole party hates me, but I decide that since we're getting high level, we should become an 'official group' with a name since I figured it would be fun
>"stop trying to be the leader of the group. we don't need a leader." is all the other 'that guy' says "
>apparently making suggestions for the group as a whole makes me seem like I'm trying to make the party 'my party'

(cont.)

Yes. Make friends. If you have casual friends bring it up, a lot of people are interested in at least trying RPGs in this day of nerd culture being popular.

>>party of about 7 or so, mostly people who never touched a tabletop
That is a huge red flag if you want something more than fuck around at a table for some hours.

>fast forward some more, my character still doesn't get along with anybody in the group
>players being shitheads ruining a lot of my fun
>still have one guy on my side, recognizing that a lot of this is bullshit. but other than that, things don't get better
>would have alrady quit at this point, but this was in college at a time I was extremely busy all the time and needed some sort of outlet for fun
>in the mean time, DM makes it so that every single NPC we meet automatically assumes my character is an idiot or useless
>has his characters hit on the girl's character
>couldn't be any more obvious with this shit
>my character is routinely the most useful in the party, but despite this, he gets treated like he's dead weight by DMPCs
>also, the NPCs were the DM's old characters he used to play, except they were all Mary Sues
>finally decide that the stress of playing with these people was more than it was a stress reliever
>decide an IC point in which I'll leave and stick with it until then
>things get so bad I just stop going, and tell the DM "do whatever you want with my character. I dont care anymore"
>next few weeks, felt better than I had in a while

(cont.)

This is just some misc stuff the DM did

>tried to insert his fetishes in the game, including a cuckolding thing
>my character is married
>had some local lizard men say they know my wife and that they like to pay her visits sometimes
>say they'd like to make many children with her
>shit got really uncomfortable for everyone

>often had his DMPCs come with us in combat and have them be the (conveniently) only person capable of handling a threat they were facing

the guy was a shithead. apparently he made my character an NPC for the rest of the campaign though, since my character was too integral to the plot. Ironically enough, he was the only one who lived the BBEG fight. Go figure.

Tiefling rogues a shit
>First session doesn't give a backstory just refuses while everyone is sitting in the tavern exchanging story
>Second session takes loot for himself by looting during the battle.
>Also during that session he makes our long rest at the tavern take 45 minutes of in game time because he wants to steal from the in keeper
>Third session he stabs the wizard in the back, literally. Because wow so funny.

This was on roll 20 so I just made a new account and joined a different game.

>War has changed

In fairness OP packing an intimidating codpiece has been common for various warriors throughout history.