Your party has been hired to retrieve a noblewoman kidnapped into concubinage by a foreign sultan. The sultan controls his harem by dousing himself in sacred androconia every night, a practice which renders him irresistible to any mortal woman.
How do you proceed?
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Considering this is literally the second act of Conan the Barbarian I do exactly what he did, including tipping over the cauldron full of human body parts.
We walk up to the sultan and bash his head in with a mace, or we just stick the girl in a potato sack and carry her back home. Not sure what you expected, 90% of gaming groups are all-male. If someone is playing a female pc, she just waits patiently at base camp
We tell the female tracker to stay back and take care of something else that's important. Oh, and I take some lamp oil.
Pendragon, motherfuckers.
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As with every adventure in this god-forsaken campaign, we proceed by cross-dressing.
>If someone is playing a female pc, she just waits patiently at base camp
>Not bringing her with you to help fight your way through the guards
Seriously, is the state of Veeky Forums this far gone people don't even know how to properly rescue a noblewoman from sex slavery?
Sneek in, find the girl, bind and gag her, strongest character carries her, inevitably someone will fuck up a stealth roll and alert the guards, fight our way out.
Kick the Sultan's ass then retrieve the noblewoman. Kinda that simple. Or better yet, either steal the androconia or taint it and then take the noblewoman.
This isn't that hard to do, who cares if he's irresistible to women, most of my party are guys anyways.
>steal the androconia
This a good idea.
>Sultan devises a counter-measure to PCs infiltrating his palace while polymorphed as harem girls
>Falls prey to regular brute force PC tactics instead
The paladin knocks on the front door. The thief was following the paladin and snipes the guards as they swarm him. The druid turns into a bird to offer aerial surveillance that he can't actually communicate to any of us. The bard alerts the entire palace by playing music to give someone a meaningless buff. As the only competently played full caster my elf sorcerer is obliged to waste five turns before he can participate in any fight, so he uses the time to dress like a woman.
I tell OP to stop posting his shitty thread every day without fail.
I hire the rifleman from the adventurer's guild
I tell OP that Veeky Forums is not his personal fetish blog.
Probably post another harem thread since nobody cares about gunpowder anymore.
A proper PC is a hammer, and everything he sees should be a nail.
How about martials and casters. Haven't had those in a while.
Top Gear wouldn't have been that fun if it was presented by three Clarksons.
kill yourself
I feel like if that was the case two of them would've been dead before the end of the first episode.
As it is it's a miracle Hammond is still alive. I'm convinced the man is a Fate character IRL.
That said I don't think any of them would plan out something as gay as disguising yourself as an anime harem girl, which is obviously what OP wants us talking about.
They'd challenge the sultan to a race around the world.
>Some say he's never Fallen, only tripped. Others say his Alignment is Chaotic Lawful. All we know is he's called Sir Stig.
Depends. If we like who hired us and they pay us well then:
We sneak in, late in the night, and steal the noblewoman.
While we're there we'll find what the deal with the sacred androconia is, possibly steal some if it's portable and not too well protected, and maybe take a choice concubine or three so we don't have to pay the camp followers anymore.
If everything goes well, we'll be several hours away before anyone notices the break-in in the first place.
If we don't like who hired us or they seem stingy or untrustworthy, we'll sell the information to the foreign sultan and look for better paying work.
I cast Depart Magical Realm
>amazon isn't huge
>elf isn't smol
>sorceress' tits are B-cups at best
I can excuse the shit-tier fetish but this is unacceptable.
You fail, roll for
deviation
>disguising yourself as an anime harem girl
That seems directly the opposite of what you should do here.
But if you're a man you're safe.
If you've been paying attention to the threads OP keeps posting, you'd know he wants us to talk about how our characters all disguise themselves as slave girls and decided they want to stay that way forever.
best plan in thread
I off the princess and seduce the Sultan. As a man, mind you. None of this crossdressing here. If I knew how to tg roll I would be rolling to seduce him via muscle flexing right now.
I know what my party would do.
They'd convince my character to go undercover without telling her about the androconia, and she'd have sex with the sultan, and probably kill him by accident, if not mortally wound him. in the meantime they would rescue the noblewoman.
That sort of thing happens when you're a changeling with a strength of 24 and claws that can rip through dragonflesh. she would feel terrible afterwards...
That's his problem.
Let's be real here, user. This is what'd happen to your female character.
>trying to tie up something with claws that is stronger than the average stone giant
Yeah, somehow, I just don't think that's happening.
Polymorph the sultan into a woman, douse myself in androconia, and fuck her into submission.
Then turn her back into a dude and blackmail him into giving up the noblewoman + huge cash payout.
>If someone is playing a female pc, she just waits patiently at base camp
Unless it's an orc barbarian. Then we can go in with operation snu-snu.
Well, given the way our all-female party is set up, I can only see one outcome...
Ginger Fighter, Brownie Druid and Albino Alchemist, incidentally.
>You ready up there?
>Like avalanche in spring
All checks complete, operation 'pelvis fracture' is go.
Depends on what material you use...
Speaking of...
Almost as magical realm as my last campaign.
aaaaaaa
Tonight... I ride the new Bulette. Hammond spawns undead. And James talks to an elf.
>Hammond spawns undead
His immortality makes sense now
He has been 35 since the early 2000's.
But can he be the little girl?
I was referring to the fact he's survived several brain-splattering crashes, including one traveling at nearly 300 mph. And the jet car he used for that was even named "Vampire"
Hopefully not.
You have left out one crucial information, OP: Is the sultan a goblin?
!
You're one of those men into yandere, aren't you!
I miiiiight be....
replace his adroconia with acid/ contact poison, that or a well placed arrow to the knee
But he'd have a rockin' theme song: youtube.com
I guess we kill / fool / intimidate the guards and murders the sultan, burns his body and most of the nadroconia (the bard pockets the rest). Then we release the women into the wild and retrieve the one we're here for.
What if the princess doesn't want to go with you?
The bard still has some of that wonderstuff that binds her to him.
That should be fine.
Shoot him an arrow.
Then push the corpse with a 10 foot stick.
well I know what my Sorcerer from Rokugan would do and that is disguise himself as ghostly figure attack ate caste and make haunting noises for 10 days and them approach the sultan as wandering priest that could exorcise the threat for him in exchange for the noblewoman
Presenting servants Rider, Rider, Rider for Top Holy Grail War, with special guest appearance by The Rider
See, the other two would decide on the disguised infiltration plan, which clarkson would grudgingly agree with, resulting in many hilarious shots of them all wearing wigs and dresses, however it would be so badly executed that it would fail the second the encountered guards and they'd just brute force the entire thing anyway.
Rolled 5 (1d20)
It's 'dice XdY' in the options field, no other spaces. I think.
I think that you're confusing multiple haremposters here. There are 3 I can distinguish (and tbf they might all be the same shitposter anyway):
>guy who wants to talk about genderswapping fantasy
>guy who wants to talk about his own polyamorous lifestyle
>guy who wants to use long words
Rolled 2 (1d20)
Alright, then I roll to seduce the Sultan with my muscles.
Break in and find a way to replace his androconia with some horrifying acid. Wait for him to kill himself horribly.
Or overpower the stuff and have his harem rip him limb from limb in a lust fuelled craze.
Well, they do seem like shitheads, but i can't fault a man for wanting proper harem shenanigans in his game.
>Or overpower the stuff and have his harem rip him limb from limb in a lust fuelled craze.
Ah, a Patrick Süskind fan. I see.
>Patrick Süskind
Oh no I was basing it more off that one Greek tragedy. Perfume is great though.
Well, well, well, ravenous hordes lusting after the D? Seems we did enter my magical realm, after all.
Kill sultan
Drag her back to contractor
Obtain some of that stuff for later use
Nono, you kill the drug, obtain the princess and drag the Sultan. Now do it right.
Stop it.
If the mages had done the summoning ritual properly, we would have avoided this entire scenario!
Don't feed.
Honest question. I thought avatar posting was okay?
Roleplaying on the roleplaying board? Don't be ridiculous.
What about fixing as well? Hell, what about a thread of whilst complaining about a lack of gunpowder adding in harems and then asking how you deal with female strength properly?
It's the only way to be sure.
It's permitted, but not generally welcome
>Israeli Defense Forces logic.jpg
>It's permitted, but not generally welcome
Global rule #13:
>Do not use avatars or attach signatures to your posts.
My only female player would likely complain loudly both IC and OOC if we tried that.
Fair enough, then.
I don't think it worked user. Sorry.
As the summoner of the party I prepare a ritual to unleash the strongest demon I can on the palace. Then my rogue buddy starts lighting shit on fire to cause further chaos, and we murderkill our way in while crossing our fingers that the princess didn't die in all this.
>irresistible to any mortal woman
>mortal
Oh, you poor fool..
Also, I know exactly how this will go
>the party will attempt to sneak in
>fail spectacularly and kill whoever spotted them
>this draws more attention, so kill whoever shows up
>keep murderhoboing their way through the city/castle/army
>reach the sultan
>kill him
>knock out his harem
I'm sure the barbarian and the cleric are going to steal the sultan's harem. Then the rest of the party will protest, so the girls will be split somewhat evenly. I'm sure the wizard won't want used goods and will instead sell them to a friend of ours that run a brothel, or try to find their families and ransom a reward.
Considering he is irresistible to woman, she's up to a good fun time. I bring her to the harem and get my cash. I'm happy, she's happy, sultan's happy. If sultan is happy enough maybe I ask him about this androconia stuff, not gonna use it every night but it sounds useful. More useful than just cash.
We let him take our female shapeshifter barbarian.
Let's see if he becomes a furfag or a mound of flesh stripes.
I like it.
My bard shows up alone and unarmed, offering to teach the harem how to play music (*wink wink finger dexterity*). Sultan buys the idea. At night I attempt to play such a charming song as to overpower the androconia in an epic struggle between the magic perfume and an irresistible love song.
Twist: the overload mindbreaks/heart-attacks several of the maidens, and the Sultan is too shocked/traumatized to actually attack me, or notice me leaving with the unconscious noblewoman while the clerics rush in.
>write long complaint about half added erp
>post it
>nothing comes through
God damn it hiroshimoot
with my current party, first the alchemist would have to make my character something to avoid the effects of the androconia (probably a scarf with a really strong alchemical odor), then the cleric and my character would most likely be the infiltration team, with the alchemist, bard, and fighter providing overwatch/an escape route. we'd either sneak or sap or way past the guards, make our way to the sultan, sap the sultan, identify, bind, and gag the noblewoman, put her over the shoulder, and then r-u-n-o-f-t as quickly as possible. since the noblewoman has probably already lost her virginity to the sultan, my character and her would probably try to have a "girl's night" on the way back to whoever hired us.
>pic related would be head-canon of said girl's night.
>Twist: the overload mindbreaks/heart-attacks several of the maidens, and the Sultan is too shocked/traumatized to actually attack me, or notice me leaving with the unconscious noblewoman while the clerics rush in.
How can you be sure that the noblewoman won’t be completely mind broken or have a fatal heart attack?
>minus the phone in the picture, and the modern clothing/living space of course.
>that wicked smile would probably stay, though.
Go in. Kill everyone in our way. Take the woman. Burn every trace of our presence. Destroy and prevent any chance of the enemy getting back at us. Leave no survivors. Get out. Deliver the woman to the guy who hired us.
>join erp game
>turns out DM didn't think it would happen
>bails
>another player volunteers
>says it has to be savage world's
>another player is put off by that and his settings
>crumbling apart as I watch
Serious answer: I sit closest to her and briefly play a lullaby before the love song, and try to time it so she's the only one who passes out.
Real answer: if she dies I take the cutest one and steal her instead, since I was kind of betting on a messy victory by getting the harem to do what I want. Best case scenario would be that I just walk out flanked by an agressively protective harem, and nobody has the heart to attack them to get to me; that one probably fails without some luck outside the fortress. No real plan going in -> no big deal if all I get is a QT party member.
I send the giant scorpion girl to say hi to him.
He will be dead and his army in ruins by nightfall.
You can't really fuck the giant scorpion girl safely without industrial jacks to support her weight, or another giant scorpion.
It's a travesty is what it is.