Worst kind of players - beyond ruleslawyers and munchkins

>The cheater DM
The DMs who don't give a fuck what the dice say, what the rules say, or what their players want and just run their "game" however they please. Frequently shout "Rule 0!" or "The Golden Rule!" when questioned, demand that they are the absolute authority, and bitch about players not going along with everything they want them to do.

It's impossible to play a game with a silent ambience of pure smugness.

"A DM only rolls the dice because of the noise they make."

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yes it is possible

"I'm not here to be your friend or roleplay, I'm here to play Pathfinder and kill monsters!"

I used to be this guy years ago. I got better though.

sex colosseum

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Have you tried not being a bitter, passive -aggressive asshole?

Same character in every game
Bitch i'm tried of your whiny Draco Malfoy lookalike that travels across every game and genre without changing one fucking bit. 10 sessions in, still the same character, no change, no development, despite everything and everyone changing around him. It's 3rd game in a row with this blond tsundere teen garbage. How creatively bankrupt can you be? reee

well, have you?

Fucking THIS
There's a dude like this in our group who gets assmad if we aren't doing either combat or something relevant to his backstory and it results in arguments at the table, it's a fucking shitshow

the all-in sjw whose character is every bit a snowflake as they are
and just like them, their character has substituted the trappings of uniqueness with any semblance of originality or effort
player: teal green hair, shutters cut, 10ft wide gauge earring, a few nails colored, kitschy bag to hold a million unneeded, unsued papers and books
their character: half-tiefling half-elf orphan transgender child of a demon and an angel. rogue illusionist bard wizard apprentice. but also noble like a paladin without all the code of ethics crap. is cursed with exotic beauty, high charisma, and immunity to most spells below level 4

I've told this story on Veeky Forums a few times before but basically it was to do with my group not thinking their plan through and insisting it should work without seeing the flaws in it. So basically they were tasked with sneaking into a bandit fort and assassinating the bandit leader. The players found the fort surrounded by an open field of grass with the fort well manned. They decided to throw a vial of alchemist's fire out into the middle of the field to cause a distraction and then sneak in. Problem was they believed that literally all of the hundreds of bandits in this fort would run out trying to put out the fire and that they wouldn't be suspicious of a fire mysteriously starting with no identifiable catalyst and therefore keep an eye out for intruders or an attack as a result. So an alarm sets off in the camp and about 30 bandits run out with pails of water trying to contain the blaze and manage to keep it from spreading but are having some trouble outright putting it out. While this is happening the players decide to try to sneakily climb the walls around the gatehouse which I specifically describe as manned with the bandits atop the ramparts overlooking the fire and for actively searching for intruders or a possible attack. The players were spotted and two of them were killed before the rest managed to run away. Despite explaining to them both before and after they put their plan into motion what they were overlooking they insisted it should have worked and got really shitty.

The Nickle and Dimer
>Will try to nab every bit of loot from a dungeon even if they can't use it
>May try to steal from team mates
>Meticulously records money and will haggle over everything
>WILL HAGGLE OVER EVERYTHING
>RIGHT DOWN TO THE LAST COPPER
>Refuse to help anyone in anyway unless they're promised a reward and will then demand the reward doubled.
>Will not engage in the game in any way except to collect more imaginary money

>tell me about your most despised type of player
Players who never tell you that they're not enjoying the game but keep coming up with the most basic excuses as to why they can never make it to game.

Bonus points if they neglect to tell you until half an hour after you were supposed to start, so you either wasted 30 minutes waiting for them or you have to call it early because you don't actually have enough people to play.

Broodmaster
>Always makes brooding, edgy silent characters
>Will sit in a corner in the tavern and refuse to follow the adventure hook
>When asked about why they brood and their backstory they refuse to talk about it or say it's too personal and then whine when no one gives a shit about it
>Complains they have no reason to be on the adventure without ever giving themselves a reason to be
>Will always try to split off from the group or in dungeons and then cries for backup when they get overwhelmed

The dude who rolls a social character but can't put together a line of reasoning or argument to save his life. Most conversations with NPC's tend to go as follows

>Player: Give me X/ You should do Y
>NPC: Why?
>Player: Because

I mean holy shit dude I wouldn't even ask you to roll if you could actually give people a reason to do what you want instead of just expecting them to do it.

The shithead who comes up with some unfeasible method of warping the rules and attempting to apply their poor understanding of physics to do something retarded (but they think is cool), and when they're told why and how it won't work, they resort to saying "But, Rule of Cool!"

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I have nothing but contempt for people who take bad combinations of skills/gear because "that's what my character would do". Of course people are free to make any kind of build they want, but if you're part of a group you shouldn't drag down the rest of us because you can't separate mechanics from fluff.
My current group has one such dude and he's a nice guy, but fuck me is he completely useless. He takes up as much xp as us, deals no damage, can't cast decent spells and is a complete non-threat. His one saving grace is that he has good AC and relatively good hit points and the GM just doesn't have things attack him for the most part. He could be completely replaced by dressing a scarecrow in armor and having it sway in the breeze.
Hell, since we can set the thing on fire to scare off animals, it would actually be *more* useful.

This is D&D 5e. He's got 13 STR and 8 Dex and made a Fighter/War Cleric. He casts *no* spells and swings a longsword. Literally just taking up space.

For a moment I read as "some unfeasible method of vaping the rules'

The player that goes out of their way to skip every plot hook, brags about it and then mentions that there's nothing to do in the same breath.

Alternatively, the player with legitimate autism. We had this one guy that would just be set off my completely random shit and that was it, couldn't play that campaign anymore because he wouldn't stop shrieking about it. Things so far:
>In Shadowrun, a Winter jacket with a built in heating mechanism.
This was so unrealistic for him that he stood up shrieking for a good half hour.
>The range of a flashlight in an empty building. I said 200ft.
I got called hitler for this one and he tried taking a swing at me and I don't know why.
>One of the other PC's got kidnapped. Note: It wasn't even his character
He flipped out so hard he threw everything off the table and was banging chairs into the floor while doing some rage/cry thing.
We banned him from future games. His mother came over to argue about it and that's just so fucking awkward, but we had all had enough.

Holy fucking shit this! I will never understand people who know that they have no social awareness trying to play the role that's BUILT AROUND BEING SOCIALLY AWARE!

We had a Shadowrun game where one dude tried playing a face; he couldn't intimidate worth a shit, he couldn't persuade a fish to jump into water, and the few times he haggled, we would routinely lose us 25-50% of our payout because he started too low and the Johnson low-balled us fucking hard until we were basically working for chump change.

It's because of him that I started to make a clear distinction between player skill and character skill, because even a 20 INT Wizard can only do so much when they're being played by a moron who makes Orcs look smart by comparison.

I don't normally find this sort of behaviour annoying, but I think it's worse when it's so close to being reasonable, but then one wrong turn has taken it from feasible to stupid

I've got a player in my game who's made a spear-wielding monk because he wanted to be an agile dude with a spear. Then he took the sun soul specialization... Then he never uses the sunbolts and instead keeps running in to hit people with his spear

He's not totally useless, he at least remembers to use his flurry, but it's so obvious that he'd be so much more useful as a kensai, and it would fit so much better with his character, and seeing him totally waste his specialization still hurts

>We banned him from future games. His mother came over to argue about it and that's just so fucking awkward, but we had all had enough.
Jesus Christ. I'm glad you got rid of him but fuck me, I couldn't imagine dealing with something like this.

>This was so unrealistic for him that he stood up shrieking for a good half hour.

lol, I own gloves with a built-in heating mechanism.

There is no such thing as a bad player, just shit DMs and salty parties

t. bad player

t. Someone who has never played or run a game.

t. bad DM

The player that sees a popular movie/anime and must have that in the game now even if it doesn't fit and makes constant references to it.

Often times also the kind of person that wants extra stuff.
>I am the kings bastard son
>I also have a heirloom sword
>The king gave me the best knight of the realm as mentor
>I am also proficient in magic
>I was raised as a noble and am rich
>I have my own retinue

And they will asspull more when needed

Murderhobos. I fucking despise them. Everyone else in my groups are dedicated roleplayers, and then there's that one guy who saw Belkar in OotS and wants to be that.

Based Gygax blowing rulefags the fuck out.

On the other side of this, the DM that hears the groups plan and after the fact decides that the NPCs can counter that easily.
This lead to PCs not telling the DM their plan because he will try prevent it.

Or basically DM vs Player mentallity

Post the rest, you mong.

The Overgamer
Player showed up with his laptop and seemed to spend most of his time focusing on that than playing. Turned out he was in two other games in IRC and live at our game.

When you find that guy, the absolute last thing you want to do is make them a DM. From personal experience with this sort of thing:
>Understats all enemies, giving at max 2 "normal" encounters per day
>Runs enemies retardedly. Including but not limited to: *spreading out damage when focusing fire is clearly the superior option* *using weaker attacks when a stronger one is available* *Not using powerful "recharge" moves immediately* *Neglecting lair actions/legendary actions entirely*
>Spends 75% of the encounter visually describing things, one can safely assume that a similar portion of his brain power is devoting itself to coming up with these rather than, you know, playing the game.
>When they actually do read the book and find a trick besides moving and attacking expect to see it every damn day and in every damn encounter.
>Never ever ever any "spellcaster" type enemies. And if there are you best bet they won't be using their best stuff.
>World filled with powerful NPCs, but of course none of them ever want to threaten or challenge the party on anything.
>On the odd occasion when an encounter isn't straight easymode and a player does die, he spends months and months apologizing regardless of how the player felt about the PC death.

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Dude's like this prove 3e that Exarchs of the Coast should have never been allowed to pick up d&d

"I Happen To Know A Lot About The Subject In Real Life And I Picked The Superior Option Therefore It Should Be Better That It Is In The Rulebook And I Should Win With It"

I once happened to have both an armorfag and a gunfag in the same table. Very miserable sessions. One wanted pretty much to be impervious to damage because he dressed in full plate with all the trimmings. The other insisted guns were superior to everything in the setting so they should make way more damage and be lethal all the time, also he wanted to invent supressors. They hated each other with a passion and bore the table with minutiae and how because they knew stuff that was not in the manual they deserved extra perks.

"Armor should make me invincible" left after a very heated argument with "Guns makes me an angel of death" that almost ended in a fight. Ms GunsGunsGuns was kicked shortly after for screaming to the little brother of one of the players.

I hope they get to play together in all future tables and argue about perfect defense vs. perfect offense forever.

jesus

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>I hope they get to play together in all future tables and argue about perfect defense vs. perfect offense forever.
They sound like they would make a cute couple.

Uncanny. I have a group member who is a lot like this. I didn't realize that so many of these characteristics constituted "a thing."

>I hope they get to play together in all future tables and argue about perfect defense vs. perfect offense forever.
That sounds almost cute if you were looking at it from the point of view of somebody who doesn't have to deal with them.

I actually don't mind this kind of player in certain situations, as a DM is nice to have someone else trying to keep the story on rails. But I do see how to they could end up as spotlight hogs in a party that actually WANTS to explore their own backstories or character-arcs.

>Hey pals I found this new wacky race/class I want to play

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Depends if it fits his backstory

>the description says they're cute
>they don't look cute at all
Almost insult to the injury with kenders

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A good and avid roleplayer is not a protagonist.
The Protagonist thinks everything is done for him and the world moves around him.
The other players are background noise for his story and by god they will act only in his best interest.

A good roleplayer that moves the group foreward is a godsend. But Protagonists are often not very good, they think this is a video game for their pleasure.

this is me and i feel very bad about it, except for the fact that i always have the rulebook open next to me and i take way too much time looking up stuff

maybe i should just stop playing traditional games if i'm incapable of remembering shit

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They kinda look like kids with the faces of 50 year olds.

Most of my experience with this type of player has been with people who watch a lot of shounen anime. Not all of them, mind, but some of the more impressionable and gullible ones take the lessons and story structure of shounen anime to heart and expect tabletop games to play just like their Japanese animes.

They expect to be the strongest and most important to be the one who resolves everything single-handedly, while the rest of the party crouches on a nearby cliff overlooking the fight and grunts and explains the Protagonist's special attacks. These are also the players who hate the randomness that dice bring to a game, because even the implication of a chance of failure that wasn't planned in advance for dramatic purposes infuriates them.

And god forbid you have to deal with more than one of them at a time, because despite their shared interests, they're completely incompatible with one another. Each of them thinks their character is the Protagonist and the other is just part of the supporting cast.

There's a lot of overlap between The Protagonist and what you described.

pic related

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The rules lawyer + snowflake combination.
>user a 10 is a successful death save.
Yeah, but before the game we all agreed we wanted a high-lethality campaign.
>but my snowflake
It’s your first failed save, shut the fuck up, you shoe eating mong.

>>I also have a heirloom sword
If he's a bastard son shouldn't he only have a bastard sword?

There was a player in a campaign I played in JUST like this.
>Guy insisted he was trans, despite his only efforts wearing slight drag and a little eye-liner
>Also insisted he was an android-kin
>Wanted android to be his characters race in a Pathfinder campaign.
>Gm shot him down, but he argued as much as he could to get as close as possible to be an android
>Eventually the GM said he could become an android if his alchemist class character got to a high enough level and made a gem body
>He settled, but made his character an aasimar instead because "humans are boring"
>Only background we got was the character's looks ("my character has piercing violet eyes and silver hair that shines in the sunlight and attracts all of your eyes to her unblemished alabaster skin") and it's tragic backstory ("I killed my parents because they wouldn't let me become an alchemist and, lol, I'm basically a psychopath")
>as you might of guessed, player was an edgy fuck who hated his parents and based his characters look off of his idealized femme self
>Named the character something unpronounceable too, D'nyalethea or something similar
>Always got angry when he had to correct us, and always had to correct us because no one got the pronounciatiom just right.
Man, he was a fucking joke desu. The GM's gf *was* his friend, which is why he was in the game to begin with, but we kicked him out because he was an insufferable prick in the game. We found his tumblr, and as it turns out he would be blogging about how horrible a group we were and how horrible the GM was for not being "fair" and giving him shit- WHILE HE WAS PLAYING AT THE TABLE. He kept stopping every now and then to type something on his phone and we figured he was just texting at first.

Yeah, dude was a piece of work.

Women. Because no matter what the game, they never have any real interest in it, so they are always shit at it.

The poor man's bait, but because it mentions women they'll respond anyway.

The smug moron, who thinks everything he disagrees with is bait, but responds anyway.

>when he tries to be clever but becomes the same retard as the retard who flustered him

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Agreeing to a high-lethality campaign is not an excuse for the GM to pull houserules out of his ass.

Technically yes but he only plays the bastard because the DM did not let him play the heir.
He still wants to be treated the way, giving the player a bastardsword would remind him of this unfair compromise.
And if the DM dares to say it has no +4d6 extra damage and can fly into his hands he might as well not play.

my sister is fun to play with in D&D 5e, she and I have a thing going on where our kobold characters are partners in crime

she kinda idolizes the Boss outside of D&D

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People who act all serious and moody all the fucking time. I understand that unless you're going for an outright comedy than there should be at least some drama, but being 100% serious all the time isn't fun, it's boring and makes the character less interesting

Same user. I bumped it up to a 14, which is still easy as fuck to achieve. I also made it explicit during character generation that it’s a 14.

>Humans are boring
>Let's play a race that is human with fancy hair colour
>SJW/trans irl

Shit writes itself

The backseat GM. I never used to have the problem, but I've run into a few recently. Perhaps erroneously, I'm blaming it on those sorts of systems which encourage worldbuilding to be shared among the GM and players, who then spill it over into other games not structured like that.

But it drives me nuts when some random player decides to inject details into a game, or contradicts something that's been established already. They're almost always setting tone deaf.

>I also made it explicit during character generation that it’s a 14.
Fair enough, then.

Man you described a player who played with my group for about a year pretty perfectly.

For the duration of him playing with us we only played the simplest systems (D&D and some of the fantasy flight games, we tried something as "complicated" as mutants and masterminds once and it turned every single encounter into a chore of explaining). He required help with the most basic and core of rules such as knowing what he adds to attack rolls or how to assemble a dice pool to shoot his blaster rifle. Absolutely refused to learn anything on his own and even said once that why should he if everyone can tell him.

The worst time was one time he was playing with the book open in front of him, to the page on his class, and he asked another player what a class feature does (not a hard one that's up to interpretation either) even though he was on the page that said what said class feature does. The other player just told him to read it and he whined that he shouldn't have to.

By the time he stopped playing with us I became genuinely concerned that he may be mentally retarded. And I don't mean that as an internet insult way of saying he's dumb, I'm saying I believe he may legitimately fit the criteria for a legitimate learning disability or something similar.

Just play a rules light system. If you enjoy playing RPGs but are bad at crunch than you would probably enjoy something like FATE

Easily the "secret psychopath". (see pic) mostly because it is really and truly exhausting having to deal with this shithead's antics, or be perpetually babysitting him to prevent his horrifying displays.

I just want to have a fun and relaxing time with the other players interacting with and exploring the setting and growing their characters, and this guy seems to just want to piss on everything and stress everyone out.

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The schedule-killer
Always has some wacky schedule everyone has to plan around because of some bullshit or another
A third of the time cancels for a different reason every time, some legitimate some with some clear-cut bullshit
Is the reason the session ends every time for one reason or another even if we're in the middle of something important and everyone else still wants to play
I don't even invite them anymore but the rest of my friends do for their games

On the flip side, the 100% meme-spouting guy who randomly decides to voice the ghosts of dead NPCs past in silly accents in serious moments isn't great either.
This is Curse of Strahd and we are fighting a vampire lord, we do not need our druid to suddenly be possessed by some random Vistani we killed 6 sessions ago.

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That makes me feel bad for him.

Learning disabilities suck.

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this comment taken straight from an angry virgins reddit

GM has a SO play in the game.
Best case it does not interfere, something I did not encounter yet.
But boy oh boy the things this can lead to.
They are often the Mary Sue character and Protagonist of the story. Get favours and their plans always work.
Or even something like
>Guys I know the story my BF told me but I swear I won't act on that.
>Guys I gave my BF hints what he should do with the story

It can work but even then it's just status quo with no benefit but a plethora of possible drawbacks I won't risk anymore.

the gf and i love playing dnd together. She does a great job DMing, but prefers running one-offs. She plays interesting characters and plays well with the group.
What I'm saying is: maybe you're the problem, dipshit.

>What is engaging a fantasy of something you're bad at
Should not be hard to see why people play what they aren't good at.

Yeah basically. A lot of people connected to my GM's gf are weird fucking individuals.

I should tell you about her "sister" and his predilection for playing underage magical girl characters whenever he can. He is also "trans" despite not bothering ever shaving off his stubble and only cross-dressing in public.

Also the kind of person that has everyone reschedule, because he can't play this weeks friday but can on sunday. He never shows on sunday.

>I should tell you about her "sister" and his predilection for playing underage magical girl characters whenever he can.

Would play with / 10

Post pics of your sister.

Church, bro.

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A group of weird individuals can be fun.
But it seems they are a group of weird "that guys".

I have nothing against trans but if you have a woodcuters beard you are not a girl, you want attention.
Any more stories about the sister of from the magical girl realm?

So guy from the pic was actually in our group for a while.
One of the times I was running for a rotating GM game the party was tracking down some piece of crap cultists who where kidnapping people. The party found an awful torture dungeon with like flayed people and shit in it. To accentuate these cultist being shitheads one of the items the party found was a set of masterwork torturers tools. I figured the party would destroy them or leave them, maybe even just sell them, they only existed to show that these cultists where fucked enough that regular torturers tools wouldn't do they had well made advanced ones made.

Secret sociopath nabbed them against the party's protests and every single social encounter after he suggested using torture. It got awkward enough that the player's characters kicked his character from the party and he made another one...that also had masterwork torturers tools but didn't talk about them as much. He secretly tortured someone with them and tried to describe the whole thing but the DM (not me at the time, rotating DM) just "scene fades to black" the whole ordeal which makes the torturer whiny.
After that literally every character he ever made in D&D had masterwork torturers tools in his inventory. Biggest fucking mistake I ever made playing with him was giving him that idea by accident.

I knew someone like that but the other way around. "He" identified as a dude despite still wearing fucking nail polish

She would always play as bishi animu boys, many of which were blatantly stolen from actual anime, and went out of her way to be the world's biggest edgelord

I stopped talking to her when she started robbing the convenience store because, and I quote "it was cool"

If you're so much of a socially inept faggot that you can't even let go of your social anxiety long enough to even attempt to play the party face, then why the fuck do you even bother? Like are you a mosochist? Do you get off to making everyone at the table cringe from watching you attempt to carry on a basic conversation with an imaginary person and fail so bad that the DM has to stop game to say "listen man, just roll your die before you make the situation worse than it actually is" or something? Because if that's not the case then I cannot even begin to fathom why you'd want to put yourself through that kind of torture every single week until either the character dies, is retired, or the campaign ends.

You must have missed the second part. He didn't play magical girls for the meme value, he did it because he unironically wanted to be a little gi- wait fuck, this is Veeky Forums that's normal here.

Still every character he made was basically based off of his feminized self as well.
>All of his characters have long red ponytails
>He has long hair kept in a kind of pony tail
>All of his characters have "high, sing-songy voices
>He always talks with a higher pitch because 'trans'
>All of his characters have tiny breasts
>He's a man- with no breasts.

There's nothing wrong with making a character based off of your idealized looks, but EVERY character he made looked like this and EVERY character he played was the same character archetype.

She's asleep rn and I'd rather not post pictures of her wearing her glasses. I made a promise to never do so because she looks worse in a pair of glasses.

Without glasses, she's probably a 6.

she ruins the game by making everyone else look bad

You know I don't play female characters often but I've played a couple. I've literally never once described my character's breast size.

If she's sleeping, how would she know? Who's going to tell her?

Yep, and that day that works for them always changes and the reason's different every time. The message they send about priorities wouldn't matter if they were actually straightforward about not caring that much.