Aedh and Fifty-One

>58579007

The thread this was spawned on is close to being archived.

Turns out I can't draw good looking men, much less good looking Eldar. Have a Fifty-One without her mask though.

I think I might write some more on these two, any suggestions or prompts for them?

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Perhaps it'd help if you posted the OG story? Maybe in a pastebin, for convenience's sake.

Fuck, I forgot. Should I just make a new thread or just hope people follow the links? It was kind of a rush job, really.

pastebin.com/NqWK0RUq

Eh, see how it goes. Mind if I post something vaguely similar of my own? It's a bit I was working on a few weeks back focusing on a Black Templar serf aboard the Eternal Crusader. Wanted to get some more feedback on it.

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Go ahead. I'm doodling.

Okay, here we are. Not much to look at for two weeks work, but I thought it was okay for a start.

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Pretty good user. I like that you got across Hilde's devotion without it being stilted and the last bit with the Crusader was exceptional.They did start as human after all.

>I like that you got across Hilde's devotion without it being stilted
I did? Oh good, cause I had no idea what I was doing writing that bit. You'd think that after going to christian schools all my childhood I'd know, but I blanked completely on how to try and describe faith like that.

Originally the story was gonna be a lot less homely, had an idea for the serf to experience religious ecstasy (pic related) whilst watching the Emperor's Champion being chosen, until I realized that I had no idea how to describe such an emotion.

Some criticism (the value of which I've questioned before now) I received in the past was that the situation for the serfs felt too 'normal', too much like the modern-day. The person giving the criticism was unable to describe what they imagined things would be like for them, however.

What are your thoughts on the matter?

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We all ultimately draw from our experiences, and I think that giving things that 'normal'-ish voice is actually what helped most in the end. You get bored of reading about people going into rapturous ecstasy because a Black Templar sneezed in their direction or an Ultramarine happened to step in the very spot they did some 40 years ago. It also helps that these are 'just' serfs, and not Space Marines or Inquisitors or anything else like that. It's almost easy to think of serfs as akin to live-in servants much like in earlier eras, rather than drone like devotional slaves.

Giving things that 'normal' voice without losing the whole 'this is a different time and place' is a difficult balancing act though. I think you held well, but it was a short story. So maybe in something longer it would be harder to maintain that balance.

>I think you held well, but it was a short story. So maybe in something longer it would be harder to maintain that balance.
The idea was that it'd be quite a long one, that was just gonna be the first chapter. The next one would've dealt with the serfs preparing breakfast for the Templars, which since they're all German means lots of cold meat and beer.

Hilde was gonna meet the dude from the sword brethren who's eye she caught earlier when she brings out a giant cold meat pie that she and another serf had put together from their own volition.

That was about where my initial burst of creativity kind of ended, though I had some thoughts on that guy asking Hilde to become his equerry (like his personal serf, who takes care of his gear and so on).

As they're sort of at 'peace' here (meaning that the ship is between battlezones), I wanted to also give some idea of what life is like for a space marine when they're not shooting stuff. Such as how a common meal that the neophytes make for themselves is essentially meatbread (1d4chan, tis of thee I sing), since they don't really know how to make anything else with the calories that they need in it.

Fifty-One needs to stand on crates to speak to him face-to-face but has the power to sentence her Copulation Partner to the living room leisure seat when he chooses a poor time to laugh.

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>That was about where my initial burst of creativity kind of ended, though I had some thoughts on that guy asking Hilde to become his equerry (like his personal serf, who takes care of his gear and so on).

That could be interesting though. You could have her struggle with her growing affection for him and the knowledge that however close they will become, he will never love her as anything more than perhaps a sister at best.

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Half-nude suicidal clone women are apparently the height of attraction to Kriegers and Aedh. Fifty-One is unimpressed with this heresy, of course.

I was thinking of giving her some obvious cyborg parts but I can hardly draw at all.

It's a good thing too because Aedh's introduced her to the heretical feeling of an orgasm and 'not feeling suicidal guilt at all times'. I don't know which is the worse heresy between those two alone.

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>You could have her struggle with her growing affection for him and the knowledge that however close they will become, he will never love her as anything more than perhaps a sister at best.
That's the thing, though. It's long been a headcanon of mine that whilst the hypnotherapy does normally suppress/redirect those sorts of urges, it can be overcome.

You think it was chance that that guy was staring at Hilde when she was singing?

Well... to be honest going off of Space Yiff lore, it may be entirely possible that Hilde's wildest dreams may come true.

It may be a bit painful though...

Hey, I wrote (some of) a story where Loken and his Remembrancer waifu from the HH books get it on, so it's not like it's unfamiliar territory.

The hard part, and the part I haven't done before, is all the stuff that leads up to it. Hence the title.

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This man is dangerously too sexy for his shirt!

She wouldn't be the only one in canon who seems to appreciate astartes with their armour off. Off the top of my head I can recall the planetary governor from Rynn's World, who outright seems to have a fetish for space marines. Either that or she's in love with Pedro Kantor, but it's the same principle.

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Who isn't in love with Pedro though.

"Aedh where's the Numeral Mon'Keigh? Eldrad says they want to attack soon and we need to be prepared to support them."

"Fifty-One went to dig fortifications."

"...Is that why there's now a bunker and extensive trenches over there?"

"Yes. No, I can't make her stop."

True. He's a nice guy.

It's weird that nobody's really done anything about the "nicer" chapters ever having any of the serfs fall in love with the marines. Aside from the thing I posted up yonder, nobody ever seems to remember that the Blood Angels are an entire chapter of pretty boys, for instance.

The neck felt firm, yet delicate in her hands as she tightened her grip slowly. Every shrinking breath she could feel travel through his throat and down into the slow rise and fall of his chest as she straddled him. His black eyes stared up at her, an unblinking gaze that slowed her squeezing.

"...Stop..." she commanded. "You knew this would happen. It was a temporary truce."

"Where will you go, Fifty-One?" He asked in a soft whisper. "We're far from any Imperial world, and outside this room are others like me."

"I am not afraid to die," Fifty-One said.

"A waste of a life," Aedh replied.

"It's foolish to save the life of an enemy," Fifty-One began to tighten her grip once more, yet the muscles in her fingers refused to tense as much as she wished. They would not crush the windpipe of this filthy xeno who stared up at her with a face that was empty of any judgement, cruelty, or despair... "Stop looking at me." If she could not die in battle, she would find redemption in his death, she told herself.

"You look exhausted," his voice sounded slightly hoarse. "Do you sleep?"

"Be quiet and suffocate."

"How is your stomach wound?"

"Quite healed, thank you," her voice was a thick snarl as she dug her short brittle nails into the cool pale flesh, yet still she could crush his neck even as she imagined it in her head. She wished for his death, to see the life ebb from his eyes, she wished to see him die as much as she wished to vanish into oblivion for her heresy.. a slender hand rested on her cheek, and something warm dripped down her face. "Stop," the word trembled in her mouth. Suddenly she was on her back, and Aedh was on top of her, hand still on her face. "Ge-"

"I am going to save you, Fifty-One," Aedh said softly, bringing his face close enough to hers that his long pale hair brushed against her skin. "I am going to save you..." his hand moved from her cheek downwards, until it rested where her frantically pounding heart was. "I promise."

I don't know how far to take this without getting banned or the thread deleted lol

I won't tell anyone if you don't.

Pretty great, despite the short length. Always good to see the more human side of the marines, and the gay teenager stuff gave me a surprise giggle, I was sure Hilde was gonna get railed. Make sure you post any follow up stories you write on Veeky Forums, I for one would like to read them

Oh my!

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A rough time or a good time?

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that high marshall doesn't want THICC babes

This pic always makes me laff.

laughter is heresy, you shame all of the DKoK

:(