Why would YOUR charakter be the right to take that castle?

by knocking on the front door REALLY nice-like

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we'll Huff
and we'll Puff
And we'll Wolf the whole thing down!

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Ditch the costumes first obviously. It was basically a cow skin and some a head iirc.

these men understand siege warfare
the guys on the cliff can be driven off of it by a superior force
the guys on the other side can just fucking starve to death

Blow up the bride. Play waiting game for a month. Profit.

They could just have the wedding inside the castle.

>block any entrances and exits
>wait
EZ

Destroy the bridge and hope they find it as funny as I do that they're going to die of dehydration while living next to a fucking river

>And how would they do it?

Charm a maid until she's ready to open the castle's back door to us too.

Alternatively marry into the current owner's family so that I inherit it, then have him die in an accident.

To play devil's castellan, I think most of you guys are grossly underestimating the difficulty of taking a castle like this.

To start, you need enough men to lay siege to the castle and repel any attempts by the defenders to sally forth. Those men need pay and supplies, with a good chunk of the food in the surrounding area now sitting inside the walls. So you need even more men to forage in order to feed your other men and maintain the siege, men who could be attacked themselves and eat more food.

Next there is the bridge. Sappers would struggle to demolish it in a timely fashion, especially under bombardment. Siege engines are expensive, slow to transport the equipment for, require assembly on site and are generally inaccurate, slowfiring or ineffective against stonework. It's a slender pillar but it would still take time to batter down.

Time which is on the defenders side. Everyday you wait means more food and money expended, and greater chance of a relief force coming to drive you off. So you need enough men to repel THAT threat or you'll have wasted all that effort for nothing. Men who naturally want food and pay. If the besieging force is large then risk of disease and food shortage becomes a real concern.

If this is a small scuffle between neighbours, you might struggle to muster the siege equipment, manpower, supplies and money to sustain a long siege. While leaving your own holding less protected. Other means of gaining entry fast ought to be explored such as subterfuge. If this is a full scale war, then wasting time starving out every minor castle is going to slow the advance down and risk a major counterattack while draining your strength. You often don't have a choice, but it's not a trivial undertaking.

If magic can easily compromise a castle, then either they have defensive wizards or no-one would build castles since they are so expensive.

Cows are super sneaky climbers.
I mean have you ever seen one climb?

>why?
because the tyrant foreign conquerers must be driven forth out of my people's lands.

>how?
burn down the bridge tower, and starve them out.

I see nothing there that stops me from just climbing the wall and killing everyone inside, so I suppose im fine

or just smash the door

I clear it our with nerve gas, you didn't say what era senpai.

I am a cattle farmer, I can confirm they are great at climbing up, but not so great at climbing down.

Best answer here.

I’d mine the mountain myself.

They have a well.

That's because the men manning it aren't visible.

Ah, but they won't need to climb down, they can just open the gate once the castle is taken

Of the setting appropriate characters i currently have I'd say the kobold rogue/assassin would be the best choice. Invis and spider climb up with a bag of holding full of hatred. Then sneak around absolutely rat fucking the castle, causing accidents all over the place. When people get suspicious start ganking people and hide the murder weapons in important peoples rooms to sew distrust. Sit back and watch them start to implode from within, helping the process along by killing more people/planting false letters about conspiracys, love triangles and anything else i can to muddy the water. Poison wells, taint food supplies, set traps meant to spread disease. Starvation, fear and desperation will do far more damage to the proper functioning of a keep than more overt things like arson.

The non setting appropriate character would be the ysoki mechanic. Sit back in my chair on the bridge of our ship and quite literally nuke it from orbit until there is nothing left. Then leave this shitty backwater planet having created a legend about how "the castle" that had stood for a thousand years being destroyed in a single fiery explosion that could be felt from miles away and heard even farther.

well that makes them annoying- even moreso if sensors dont pick them up, guess ill have to use AoE