Brazilian steakhouse

This. The servers tend to swarm your table when you first flip over the thing that let's them know you are ready to be served meat. They usually bring the shittier stuff first. Be patient and don't end up with a plate full of garbage. Take your time and enjoy.

Don't be afraid to say no thank you, even though sometimes the server will act like a butthurt little bitch when you refuse. At some point they will usually ask if there is any meat that you would prefer, but if they don't then don't be afraid to ask them to bring exactly what you want.

This is just my opinion of how the meats are ranked

Top tier:
>bottom sirloin
>picanha
>filet mignon (not the bacon wrapped)
>chicken hearts
>lamb chops

Middle tier
>pork ribs
>leg of lamb
>garlic beef
>top sirloin

Bottom tier
>bacon wrapped filet mignon
>chicken (bacon-wrapped or other)
>pork or chicken sausage
>beef ribs

Also, drink alcohol before you go and avoid buying it there unless you are okay paying a higher than usual mark up in price. Alcohol will (usually) increase your appetite, but you don't want to be sloppy drunk. Some weed beforehand is a great idea too, if you're into that.

thanks, that's the kind of advice I wanted to hear. I thought you would be obligated to just take whatever they brought to you. Good to see chicken hearts are well regarded, as a legitimate redneck I'm fond of chicken offal

places i've been to have fairly decent cheeses and procutio and olives. as well as some traditional fare. ymmv on the traditionals but good antipasto is always expensive. some radagio places don't have great salad bars though.

>>beef rib
>>bottom tier
mcfucking kill yourself. I can't even find a cut of melt in my mouth beef ribs that they gave.

The cheese bread things are pretty based.

That's only my opinion. At the few Churrascurias I have been to they serve you one of those giant brontosaurus ribs that are much, much better when they are slow smoked. But hey OP if the beef ribs look good then go for it but I would suggest letting someone else get one first to see if it's any good.

This!

The cheese-balls and mashed potatoes are legendary.

...

>bottom sirloin
>aka flap meat
>not god tier
butcher here, you are fucking based

also thread, do these steakhouses commonly have skirt too?

MOTHERFUCKING THIS

Picanha (pee-KAHN-ya) is the fuckin' best, get it rare. Pão de queijo is delicious, but don't fill up on it, just use it to sop up meat juice on your plate. See if they have a house hot sauce, sometimes they do and it's fukken baller. Try one of everything, be sure to hit up the salad bar for some decent cheese, olives, maybe some marinated mushrooms or somethin'. Focus on the meat, that's why you paid the big bux. If they have it, pudim de leite for dessert is like the best flan.

Look at what the corkage fee is and bring your own.

Bring a flask and drink in the bathroom ;)

as a rule I must make it through 2 full rotations before my meal may be concluded

If you order anything but a Caparinha to drink, you did it wrong

Do not eat the grilled pineapple without asking for cinnamon. Totally changes the flavor

Do this, they usually have carpaccio or tartare too that is probably put out fresh. And don't flip that card over unless your plate is completely full or your stomach is about to burst. You paid for that shit get your money's worth.

was going to give the exact opposite advice. the salad bar is there to offset the cost of the meat for the steakhouse. they do try to stock it up with some good shit because they know that you probably know their game, but you're just wasting your money if you go get a plateful of shit from the salad bar. keep the portions small and selective if you feel obligated to visit.

Maybe it's just my experience, but these places seem to take fucking forever to bring you the check. I recommend asking for the check the moment you know you are done or asking for it at the same time you order dessert (if you do) unless you feel like sitting a while and digesting all the meat.

Maybe it's a cultural thing. I've heard in other countries that they will not bring you the check until you ask for it. They may also do it on purpose to allow the servers time to come around and try to sell you coffee, espresso, dessert drinks or shots of chilled liqueur.

It is a cultural thing. In Latin America it's rude for them to bring you the check without having asked for it. People mostly stay chatting at the restaurant for a few hours after they eat. Also, let's say a place closes at 10. If you get there at 9:55 they will still happily serve you and stay till 11:30 when you're done enjoying yourself. I'm from California but currently living in Colombia and the service is 100x better than in the US. Also a 10 tip% is considered incredibly generous.

>Rude for a business to bring you the pill
>Not rude to make the employees give up their free time so you can sit in their chairs digesting food

What a horrific place.

>free time
>that they're being paid for

lol what

Somebody's never had a job.

Wow I think this is the first time I've ever met another Dave Matthews fan on this website in 9 years of using Veeky Forums.

Yes I have. And that has nothing to do with what I said anyway. That's how it is culturally. It wasn't an opinion it's a fact. I'm just explaining it.

Five sentences and you basically didn't clarify or explain anything.

Are you trying to say that "free time" means something different in different cultures?

All I said is it's not their "free" time.

If you're hitting Texas de Brazil, go hungry. Don't hit the salad bar too hard. Pace yourself. The sirloin with the salt is good if you don't get a piece on the very outside. They explained everything to us and fully answered every question.

but they are so shitty! most of my friends are hues and during the summer there are a lot of bbqs. I spent 3 straight days without a glass of water, it was either beer, cachaca, or coke. I was so dehydrated...so thirsty