Hey, anons, Let me tell you the story of Josh. My pants-on-head retarded coworker

Hey, anons, Let me tell you the story of Josh. My pants-on-head retarded coworker.

>be new to my job as a line cook
>local chain restaurant
>been there a couple months but still the newest
>hear from my supervisor we are getting a new cook
>excited because all the other cooks are kinda cool
>I don't work his first day but my supervisor tells me he didn't do too well
>"he is just new he will get there in time"
>one day I check the schedule and I'm working the same shift as him
>"Hey my little dude what up?!"
>real big guy about 40 years old (I was 18 at the time)
>"How you been little bro? I'm new my names Josh. How long you been here? Oh you're new too? Oh cool blah blah blah"
>Will. Not. Shut. Up.
>get put on same position as him
>thisshouldbefun
>I tell him to let me take all the orders and he can do the easy stuff
>he finally shuts up and starts to work
>I tell him to make a bacon turkey Swiss sandwich
>"Uhhh I'm new what's on a bacon turkey Swiss again...?"
>MFW what's on a bacon turkey Swiss?

That was only day one. I have plenty more stories if anyone is interested.

>what's on a bacon turkey Swiss?
OMG lol, what a dumbass.
But really, what goes on a bacon turkey swiss, asshole?

keep going nigga

>working another day with Josh
>been a week or two since he worked there
>hasn't been busy at all during this week
>can tell today is gonna be busy because orders were coming in when I got there at 4 (rarely happens)
>he comes in at 5
>"Awh shit man I hate it here I make waaaaay more at my other job. I need to quit here."
>plsdo
>tell him that he can pull the orders today
>he cheers up a little
>starts pulling the orders from the machine and instantly throwing them away
>I ask if he remembers what was on them
>"fuck yeah dude. I remember don't worry. At my other job I'm one of the best guys there."
>whatever, dude
>around 15 minutes a server comes and asks where her food is
>"Josh did you put that food in?"
>"Awhhhh man I forgot!"
>it takes 8 minutes for it to go through the oven
>"alright alright let's just hurry up and put down what you missed, Josh"
>oh wait he threw away the checks
>go to my supervisor and look at the orders from his side of the kitchen
>easily put them all down
>he asks what I would do without him
>riiiight
>shift finally slowing down
>see him putting food in the fryer that I know wasn't on an order
>"heyyyyyy, man, I put down some mac n cheese bites for us."
>one of our managers is actually working as a cook in the kitchen
>quietly tell him he can't do that
>"Awh dude no one cares it's just some Mac bites! Look I'll tell him."
>tells the manager he made himself some bites
>instantly gets a write-up
>MFW

Anyone want more?

Cheddar cheese, onion, pulled turkey, ham, relish.
It's literally in the name you fucken dolt.

>bacon turkey swiss is the name
>has cheddar but no swiss
you really need to watch your language young man

Swiss and cheddar are literally the same thing you picky bish.

>Swiss and cheddar are literally the same thing

pls don't i've worked with so much retards, i can't take it anymore

Too bad. Have another.

>been working with Josh for weeks
>almost a month
>how did you make it this far!?
>constantly complains about his "BS" write up that was totally unfair
>today I have to train him on the pull list
>taking stuff out of freezer and into the cooler so that it can thaw
>ask if he brought a coat because it can get cold being in there
>"nawwww man I'm a big guy"
>4u
>within minutes he is in the freezer shivering because he's so cold
>constantly whining
>getting some fish from a box to take into the cooler when I hear it
>"OMNOMNOMNOMNOM"
>loud ass chewing
>does he ever stop eating??
>"Hey, Josh, there are cameras in here"
>"shit, little dude, no one watches those!"
>yeah whatever
>constantly asking what we need to get
>it's literally on a list in front of him
>Josh Is trying to put stuff from the cooler into the freezer
>trying to bring vegetables out of the cooler into the kitchen
>doing everything wrong
>tell him he can just go back to cooking and I will finish the list
>tells me he's going to stay and eat more because he wants to quit anyways so it won't matter if he's fired
>tells me I'll understand when I'm older and maybe I can make as a much as him
>MFW my manager is watching the cameras and he gets a second write-up in 2 weeks

Is Josh legit retarded or what?

did he eventually get fired

I bet he fucks like a champ.
Did he ever mack on the waitresses?

confirmed for shit cook job

oh man, I dont think josh is the only retard working in that kitchen

One more

>work 4-10 with Josh
>fucking hate working with him
>been over a month and still he acts like he is brand new
>has so many write-ups it's a miracle he is still here
>tells me because of his job he is never going to stay after for a shift
>people always end up staying after
>I regularly leave an hour after my scheduled time to help the other cooks
>know they would do the same for me
>well 10 o clock rolls around and we are getting swamped with checks
>football game let out at a local highschool
>Josh doesn't even tell us he is leaving
>grabs his things and leaves
>we are pissed off all night
>managers bail us out and take over his spot

Cont. below

>fast forward a week and he is scheduled 5PM-1AM
>only person scheduled past 11
>I'm last out at 11
>tell the other cooks that no matter what they need to leave on scheduled time
>we all agree
>people start slowly leaving without doing clean ups because they had no time
>Josh does this all the time but he is pissed that others are doing this
>complains to me all night long about them
>suddenly checks are flying in
>concert let out
>10:30
> so close. Almost there
> 10:59 and Josh looks at me sullenly
>he knows what is about to happen
>"Well sorry, Josh, I'm scheduled out at 11"
>MFW I walk out and hear the sound of the checks printing out behind me

I'm excited for the thrilling conclusion

good shit, OP. real moto to not be a retard for my entire life

>mfw worked with 40 yo retards like this when I was 18
>kept me going back to school like a motherfucker

D E V I L I S H

I thoroughly enjoyed this thread

Where I work we constantly laugh had a guy named Paul for being the stupid shit he is and cleaned the walls with vegetable stock. Fucking vegetable stick

>cleaned the walls with vegetable stock
I would like to know more please

Your turn to share

The worst co-worker I ever had was named Megan. She and I had the same shift at Swiss Chalet, which just so happened to be the graveyard shift.

Here's a story about Megan.
>it's 11:00 PM, shift has been going for about two hours and will continue for two more
>shooting the shit with my based manager and co-worker Dale because nobody wants roast chicken at 11:00 PM
>Megan hasn't shown up, we assume she just decided to skip
>she waltzes in with a coffee in her hand and wearing sunglasses
>she's walking kind of funny, speech is slurred, almost certainly drunk
>we just keep talking as she sits at a table on her phone
>30 minutes later some chick comes up to the drive through asking for 3 slices of cake (apparently chicken is too much for a midnight snack but a fucking chocolate cake isn't)
>boss gets Megan to make a whole fresh cake
>customer leaves
>we all get peckish and decide to split a slice as well
>take one bite
>immediately overwhelmed with some form of strong spice mixed with chocolate
>Dale starts chugging coke like there's no tomorrow, boss is dumbstruck
>"Megan, what the fuck did you put in that cake"
>She lists of all the ingredients
>"...and chocolate sauce"
>We don't have chocolate sauce
>"Then what's in that big tub in the kitchen????"
>Dale fucking loses it
>She baked rosemary gravy into a chocolate cake

OP is Josh.

Oh dog what done.

I'm sure Josh knows Swiss != Cheddar, who's fucktarded now op? You, you are.

Got any more?

Sure.

It was no secret that Megan got to keep her job despite repeated fuckups because she was tickling the owner's pickle (she was the definition of a bimbo), but I had a little doubt in my mind until this happened.

>it's 1 AM
>we're all fucking bored and tired
>suddenly, the owner comes in, and we all put on company-mandated smiles
>owner takes Megan by the arm and asks her to help him "take inventory" in the back (we didn't store inventory in the back)

Now, to give you a little context, the owner was a 50-year-old Italian that weighed about 600 pounds and had hair literally pouring under every piece of fabric on his body.

>I have to physically cover Dale's mouth to stop him from laughing
>beauty and the beast go into the fucking men's washroom together
>they're going to fuck in a men's washroom at a chicken restaurant
>see my manager with his head in his arms at the counter

Fifteen minutes pass.

>suddenly, we hear a loud thwomp
>"UUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNG" rings out throughout the establishment, a fat old man's ejaculatory holler scarring my mind forever
>they come out five minutes later
>owner's shirt is drenched in water
>Megan returns to doing fuck-all at one of the dining tables

To this day I bless my stars that no customer was in the restaurant. We almost certainly would have been sued.

WHAT DUMB COOKS THREAD? HELL YEAH

now let me tell you ther story of FUCKING BRUCE.

>work at a Marriott hotel back in the day as a "supervisor" chef
>my job was to "supervise" a bunch of random kids that the local ROP program sent me from high school or college
>one day I get this dumb motherfucker named bruce
>motherfucking BRUCE.
>this guy was this pasty tall dude with curly hair and a binder titled "futyur Iron Chef"
>I also get 2 more people, a fully tatted ex con looking mexican guy called Loco Mike and some 16 year old looking girl who I never heard speak.
>we had a banquet for dentists coming up so we needed to prep all the veggies for later so what better work for some scrubs right
>take them to the prep area and show them how to cutt the various vegetables, and how much we need of each.
>ask them if anyone knows how to slice mushrooms
>Fucking bruce yells out I DO IM A FUCKING PRO I CUT MUSHROOMS ALL THE TIME
>alright buddy here you go
>he grabs the knife quite properly and grabs his first mushroom
>he goes to slice it, but it was if the mushroom knew this guy was a fraud and deflected the knife.
>I didnt understand, at first i thought he was holding the knife backwards maybe, but he couldn't slice the mushroom.
>okay bruce you can peel carrots because were gonna need alot.
>YES CHEF
>grab the knife and try slicing this magical mushroom
>knife is sharp and slices through easily
>anyway I pass it off and leave the scrubs working on prepping the veggies and I go to the office for a few.

Cont.

>after 15 or so min of me talking logistics with the head chef I go back to check on the kids
>Loco mike just howling CHYAAOOOOO HAIENA to every woman walking by the prep area, but at least hes doing his job.
>glasses girl is quite and has finished most of her work, which is surprising.
>bruce is nowhere to be fucking found
>fucking bruce
>ask them if they have seen him
>they say no
>shit
>one of the waiters comes up and tells me if we hired a new chef
>what why.
>theres some guy walking around proclaiming hes one of the chefs and asking how the food is
>oh fug
>run out and see bruce at some guys table
>sir you have to cut the steak AGAINST the grain
>forcfully grabs this dudes steak knife and fork
> starts to slice his steak (not even against the fucking grain either)
>He cant fucking cut it
>he does a huge forward motion and the fucking steak ends up in the customers face then falls down on his lap
>bruce stares at him and says "how was the food?
>FUCKING BRUCE

Bruce is a boss.

Would've been better for him and everyone else, if he just paid her for an apartment and fucked her there instead of giving her a "job" in front of regular working stiffs.

I guess in his mind he thought he was saving money. Dumbass.

You've posted a series of this before havent you? Good stuff lol

>bacon turkey Swiss
>Cheddar cheese, onion, pulled turkey, ham, relish
>It's literally in the name

You're even more retarded than Josh.

Sounds like what would happen if most of Veeky Forums walked into an actual kitchen.

haha

>Cake made with gravy
That dumbass has made America proud