Tfw

>current year

I tell my wife "babe, chop an onion up for me please."

wtf is that?

I tell my wife "cut up an onion or I'll leave you" and she does it quickly

Using a sharp knife supposedly prevents this, because you notice the cut faster and stop before much harm is done.

I can't prove that right, because I'm not stupid enough to actually cut myself.

use the claw bro

The reasoning is that a sharp knife is less likely to slip off the food and onto your hand.

A sharper blade results in LESS ability to feel the cut.

I prefer Teddy Roosevelt's philosophy.

"Speak softly, but carry a big stick"

Only I carry a big dick when it's punishment time.

peel onion with hands, then bite into it

Use a food processor? Sure the results will be mediocre, but they are safe and fast

Looks like a dick cumming blood all over an unsuspecting catgirl with her back turned

How can you even cut yourself like that? Are you cutting the onions like a retard?

sticky this

This. Proper technique = impossible to cit yourself. If you cut yourself cutting onions you were sloppy, lazy, or don't know what you're doing.

Happens to everyone eventually myself included- but that doesn't make it not true.

>How do you prevent this from happening?
By learning how to use a knife you retard.

youtube.com/watch?v=dCGS067s0zo

Better vid
youtube.com/watch?v=ZQZtCVkypAo

>tfw you cut yourself through the nail

It's only better in the sense he shows more ways to chop it, he doesn't go over how to not cut yourself.

This should help
youtube.com/watch?v=bycgZ0PI6og

You keep cutting yourself to build up tough scar tissue. All the best chefs' hands are 90% scar tissue. It's the mark of a true master. I could stop bullets with thes fucking things.

don't put your paprika powder near the onions when cutting

You Pat your wife gently on her head and thank her for sucking your cum.

watch and learn folks

Sorry but my wife on period told me.

Then she told me let's go into the bedroom, jack off in my mouth

So I did.

Cockroaches hatching.
youtube.com/watch?v=addw97scCqo

This has to be one of the shittiest gifs I've ever encountered

holy shit I'm laughing. I don't know how it ended up like that. try this

That guy's knife is sharper than 10 000 katanas folded 10 000 000 times.

Punishment time?

Yes. Women who aren't sluts have delicate vaginas. When you jackhammer them they are often sore. Good excuse for head the next day.

Those are some solid skills for an eight year old.

Use proper technique and practise.

google "pepin knife skills" and watch the resulting video.

did you cry?

Have better motor skills...

If you tuck your fingertips in under your knuckles, keep the blade's edge from going above your knuckles and chop straight downwards, there's no way you can cut yourself.

Git gud, faggot

I thought you accidentally spilled a lot of paprika on one side of the onion. Cook it and eat if anyway, coagulated blood tastes good.

Actually you could still cut your thumb if your were careless, so keep that out of the way as well.