What are the worst table manners you've personally ever seen?

My biggest pet peeve is people using their smartphones at the table. It's probably the rudest thing you can possibly do other than sit there and insult the host/hostess. Then again, I consider using your phone at the table to be an insult to the host, so I guess it's the same offense.

I'm sorry you don't have friends or family and never get invited anywhere.

damnit user now's not the time to get euphoric

>eating at the table

Where do you find the time? I haven't sat down at the dinner table in about 8 months now.

I witnessed some pretty fucking bad table manners from an adult a few weeks ago.
To make a long story short, the people we were dining with insisted on ordering a particular food, and when it was served, one of the men (who is way too old to act like this) took one huge bite, literally made gagging noises, FLUNG his plate on the table so hard it made a ringing noise, and said loudly "I can't eat THAT. THAT'S DISGUSTING. FUCKING NASTY"

I had no words. I just tried to get out of there as quickly as possible without people noticing I had been sitting with them.

It's funny because I am currently typing this on my smartphone while eating lunch in a restaurant. But I'm eating alone, so, I guess that's different, right?

Jesus, did any of the people you were with say anything?

And what did he order?

That's exactly how germs spread though.

it helps if you're not alone

Your story is probably made up, but then again I have a real story that's at about the same level, so who knows?

Several years back I went out to a Cambodian restaurant with a group of friends, and one of them (I don't know whose friend he was, but I had never hung out with him) started going down the menu making ching-chong noises and saying he didn't think he could eat anything here. He ended up ordering chicken nuggets and french fries off of the children's menu. The rest of us tried to encourage him to order something Cambodian, as we're sitting in a Cambodian restaurants, and we suggested relatively inoffensive dishes without thinks like prahok or kroeung, like kuy tiev, mee katang, or hell, they even had pad thai. Everybody likes pad thai. NOPE. This guy threw a fucking fit, slammed his fists down on the table and shouted, "I DON'T LIKE ORIENTAL FOOD!" The waiter was standing right the fuck next to us. We never invited that dude out again. I hope he's committed suicide by now.

When you're eating alone, do whatever the fuck you want. I eat alone at restaurants with some frequency, and I usually bring along a book or a crossword puzzle. It's relaxing, and I can do some people-watching while I'm at it.

No, everyone just pretended like it didn't happen. I think everyone was just shocked.

We were at a Burmese restaurant, so we had ordered several dishes for everyone to share, I think he took a bite of the Mi Gorang (which is fucking delicious).

I only wish it was made up, unfortunately, it's all true.
And your story IS remarkable similar, even the type of food.

People who eat with their mouths open should be reeducated forcefully. Eating with your mouth open is horribly offensive. It makes you look like some mouth breathing tard who lost sight of his wrangler. I don't care if I go over to your place and you invite me over, I will tell you to eat with your mouth closed or I'll simply leave until you're finished eating because frankly I want nothing to do with your pig like manners and sloppy noises. Disgusting. Even worse if you can actually see the food in their mouth. If you came over to my place and did that I simply would ask you to stop doing so, or I would just stop serving you food entirely.

I remember reading a story on Reddit (gasp) a few years ago where some dude went out to eat with a couple he knew. He said they pulled out their Nintendo DSes and started to play co-op while he sat there.

>Everybody likes pad thai.
Only time I had authentic pad thai, not some pre-packaged stuff, my bowels made had to make an extremely painful emergency evacuation. I am hesitant to try again.

Anyways, he's probably a picky eater who was getting pissed off at you guys insisting he try something when he didn't feel like it, and then it just became annoying.

Not defending what he did, though. He handled the situation like a fucking child.

Dude you don't know enough Asian fobs

Those fuckers will talk with their mouths full, which is some of the rudest shit i've ever seen. And yes, food flies out of their filthy mouths

Jesus, bro, chill. That's some serious anger. I hope those emotions stay confined to anonymous image boards.

>dad eats with his mouth open all the time
>ask him politely to please stop
>he starts exaggerating it and spitting food on the plate
And they wonder why I was so eager to move out.

Not even him but shut the fuck you rude cunt, i bet your room's a mess, i bet your toilet is full of p00 stains, i bet your kitchen is covered in n*gger grease just shut the f u c k up

So why go to a Cambodian restaurant if you know you won't enjoy it? He didn't have to tag along. There will always be the next time when we grab Wendy's or something.

I usually wash my hands before eating, but there's a difference between touching something and then touching something immediately after getting your hands covered in saliva and mucus. I think you're just trying to act like I'm OCD about germs or something, so you act like you can't tell the difference.

I hope you never handle money, or touch doorknobs or go out of your sanitized isolation bubble to be honest

Probably because his friend invited him and talked him into it. By the time he got there, he started to NOPE the fuck out and it was too late to back out.

I dunno what it is about that authentic stuff, i think it might be the extreme spiciness that gives you the runs

I'm not angry I just won't stand for that. If you did that at my home I would simply take the food I prepared for you away. I made it, if you brought your own food over thrn I'd just ask you to leave, ot stop eating until you do so, or you just stop doing it. I don't care if your culture, like the user mentioned asians, say it's OK. I live in the west, and when you're around me or my home you will respect the cultural manners of the west or I simply won't associate myself with you.

(You)

>Not even him but

I can typically handle spicy just fine. I don't know what it was that time.

I'd be up to try it again sometime, but I am in no hurry.

Based detective

Not

Hella ppl in this thread have manners. U dont.

>co-op
He felt left out because the other two socialized in the best way they knew

>the best way they knew
That's the spergautist way of justifying rude behavior if you ask me

Chininese people spitting out skin of apples/tomatoes.

That's what I find sad. I know a couple who is exactly like this, and while I love them to death, they depress the hell out of me. I mean, I've spent long periods of time in NEET life in the past, but even I know how to pay attention to the people sitting across the table from you.

That sounds like boring loser talk to me.

You don't have to pay attention to other people, other people have to be more interesting.

>Hella ppl in this thread have manners. U dont.

>ppl
>u
>mfw not even enough manners to use semicolon
>mfw I have no face

Those are the kinds of friends you just can't do everything with. Like, you have your good dinner companions, and then your good movie night friends.

I used to be NEET too, i think that actually helps me in social situations because interacting with people was so mechanical at times that i noticed literally everything. A lot of normies have blind spots that never get fixed.

LOL ur just dumb dude

You would handle money or touch a doorknob that someone just directly sneezed on? If so, you have issues to be honest.

Whether someone did just sneeze on it or not doesn't matter: it's been touched by hundreds of people anyway. It's already covered in all sorts of stuff you don't want to know about.

Back in high school biology we did a project in which every student was given several sterile petri dishes. We then had to go around the school and swab the dishes, incubate them, and then try and identify the various types of bacteria we cultured. Of course we all went straight for what we thought would grow the nastiest shit: the toilet/bathroom. As it turned out, the toilet swabs didn't grow much. On the other hand, the door handles were bacteria central. So were light switches. I shudder to think at what you could culture from a restaurant menu or saltshaker.

My aunt managed to secure a table for the family on Thanksgiving in a very luxurious restaurant that you have to be in a club in order to access. Since the evening was sort of an event the meal was served buffet-style with a mock-up of a traditional family's Thanksgiving spread on one large table (but instead of one turkey there were several, as well as multiples of one dish), and not only that, but they had Asian and Japanese dishes as well, complete with a sushi bar.

Anyway, my own mother, who absolutely loves causing scenes at family events because her dumb female mind for some reason likes to cause fake memories that are to be "cherished and laughed at" scooped up a big wad of wasabi from the sushi bar and added it to her Thanksgiving plate. After several minutes of us all eating she suddenly starts sputtering and spitting and soon pukes all over her plate in front of everyone.

She then looks up and says that she mistook the Wasabi for guacamole and ate a big dollop of it. Nobody fucking believed her and nobody found it amusing. And with a big pile of vomit on the table everyone had lost their appetite. We all quickly got up and left with my aunt profusely apologizing to the hosts of the restaurant. Our family was banned from that club after that.

>Whether someone did just sneeze on it or not doesn't matter
>This saltshaker is already dirty, it can't be any worse even if I shove it up my ass

Your mom is like that dude who tries waaay too hard to epic

Which is actually funny because it's your mom

This happens to me literally every weekend. Myself and a group of 5 friends go out to eat, and inevitably I wind up sitting there while the rest of them play their DSes and refuse to make eye contact.

My brother (27 years old) is autistic. Whenever we go to eat as a family he does the same set of things

>Brings his own plates, knives and forks and refuses to eat unless he is allowed to use them
>Role plays as a 'gas thief' (for some reason he is obsessed with the idea of stealing gas from cars) and kneels down next to the table during the meal whilst saying 'sshhh, I am stealing their gas!' to passers by and occasionally standing and pinching food from his plate
>Only eats fish
>Only drinks half lemonade, 1/3 coke, and 1/3 bathroom tapwater that he gets himself
>puts his elbows on the table
>makes a point to read the menu in a spanish accent
>makes everyone on the table rattle their pockets in unison whenever the waitress comes with the bill
>calls his food dirt

fucking can't stand it but we always notify the restaurant beforehand

Sometimes you just gotta nut up and make some new friends. It took me a long time to realize that, but i don't wanna spend the rest of my life playing Settlers or Wii U or watching epically bad movies and shit.

I can't speak for you but i felt pretty trapped hanging out with my old socially retarded friends. I made new ones and i've never been happier.

I don't believe any of this

But if true, this would be irrefutable proof that autism is learned behavior

Do Americans actually "say grace"?

What does he do when he's unable to do one of these things, or someone doesn't play along?

That is not a fair analogy by any means. Now you're just grasping at straws to seem a bit less stupid.

You don't know if someone scratched their butthole before handling your money/saltshaker/doorknob/whatever. You're just easily impressed by a graphic depiction of an everyday event.

Like being disgusted by a cow getting murdered by a hydraulic action l hammer and later being concerned about eating beef.

Yeah see, contrary to what Veeky Forums has taught you, "autism" isn't the same as "insane".

He starts flinging dog poo he's been gathering all week in a ziploc bag while yelling "jet fuel can't melt steel beems"

My family does, but only during holiday dinners, or special occasions, like when the entire extended family gets together. Not on a daily basis. It never hurts to be thankful for what you have, even if you aren't thanking God/Gods/Spaghetti Monster/Insert whatever here.

>That is not a fair analogy by any means. Now you're just grasping at straws to seem a bit less stupid.
Saying that sneezing on things doesn't matter because people don't have clean hands anyway was pretty stupid, I was just trying to fit in :(

Time to grow out of the /b/ humor, son.

So it's just a tradition, they don't actually mean it.

No, they mean it. My parents go to church on a regular basis. I don't, I'm not religious, but I don't mind giving thanks for having a nice meal and having everyone together safe and sound.

If you're not religious, then who are you thanking?

I lout out a loud belch at a mid-tier restaurant once. The couple behind us got quiet, and I started laughing and trying to apologize profusely in the same breath.

Everyone. I'm thanking my family for the awesome food, I'm thanking my sister for not being a huge bitch for once, I'm thanking the universe and the earth for existing because it's fucking beautiful.
Religious people need to believe in the Bible (or whatever religious text) to explain all the shit that happens in life, or you can believe in (literary pun intended) Life, the Universe, and Everything.

That's nice, I guess.

Not him, but my family does the same thing, and I'm basically an atheist; I just wasn't raised with religion. But whenever my extended family gets together, since they're a bit more religious, they end up praying. There's nothing wrong with praying, like user said, they're just saying that they're thankful. I don't believe in God so for me, it's basically just taking a moment before we eat to aknowledge how great it is that we're all able to get together and have such a great meal.

I'm 27 years old and I'm never growing up faggot

>He ended up ordering chicken nuggets

I'm sorry for your parents

Why hasn't anyone else commented on this? By far one of the worst fucking transgressions you can do at a restaurant.

Good on you user, that's the same way I feel. It's nice to be able to gather with family for special occasions, even though I'm not religious either I don't mind taking a minute so my relatives can be thankful before we eat.

Thanks but they don't need pitying from an judgemental holier than thou anonymous faggot. Get a life son.

I absolutely can't stand the sound of people eating, it sends shivers down my spine and makes me autistically rage.

I usually end up saying something but if I can't I just grimace and tense every muscle in my body whilst it happens. There is literally nothing worse than this noise. People who do it should be put in a muzzle and made to sit in the corner.

My mother is the fucking worst at dinner. She'll literally fart and burp without covering her mouth. Holy fuck it's awful. Makes me lose my appetite.

dad
>chewing with mouth open
>inhaling food
>inhaling in spurts with food in mouth

brother
>scooping mash of food to side of plate to slide into his mouth

other brother
>tiny chipmunk bites
>1 after another
>not just one bite and chew and swallow

>chewing with their mouth open
>slurping/inhaling their food
I can't sit with my family anymore, I go cross eyed with rage, I can't handle it
Yes I have autism but fuck you anyway

holy fuck my dad, sister, and mom all belch/fart without any kind of warning or embarrassment
I absolutely can never fart in front of people, and if I burp it's always subtle and away from anyone
>inb4 lol its family tho XD
NO, it's disgusting

Because this isn't reddit and the quality of a post is determined by it's content. Replies are not upvotes. Sage is not downvote.

There's nothing inherently wrong with burping (or worse, farting) front of people.

However, it is absolutely critical that you apologize afterwards. If you burp while I'm eating with you and don't try to cover it and apologize for it, I will think you have sub 90 IQ.

I don't care what people do on their own time, just don't burp/fart while I'm trying to eat. Burping the way you said is fine and entirely understandable, but my mom will literally just laugh and let out a loud burp or fart. It's fucking nasty.

>scooping mash of food to side of plate to slide into his mouth

I do this when I'm eating alone to easily portion my bites equally because muh autism

>Implying

This.

Im guessing youre old because literally everyone i know uses their smartphone in some way at the table. Maybe theyre not playing angry birds or some shit but they'll check their phone or send out a few texts periodically. Then again i dont go to fancy places to eat with waiters and shit. Even at a restaurant with a waiter people check their phones once in a while, not a big deal to me...

I'm certain you've posted about your mum on Veeky Forums before

There's a big gulf between checking your phone now and then and just sitting there with it on the table and basically ignoring the other people you're with though.
To me it comes across as though you're telling whoever you're with that they aren't interesting enough to be worth your attention, which I find very rude.

A friend of my grandfathers who only closed his mouth while chewing to smack his lips. It's like he was raised by orangutans or something.

The fuck.....why?

I was at a friends house in high school and they did it. I played a long because I didn't want to offend them. That's the only time I've ever been witness to it. It used to be much more common maybe thirty or forty years ago. Or at least that's what I've been told.

Probably not that interesting, but lately I've realized that my gf's 20 year old little sister talks with her mouth full all the time. Like, not half a bite and she at least covers her mouth when she speaks, but a full fucking mouthful and she's saying whole sentences, "Mmf, momph mrrph murrph." I fucking want to strangle her every time. The worst part is her parents don't say a fucking word about it. Took me a couple years of bitching to make my gf stop chewing with her mouth open and smacking her lips, so I guess I shouldn't be that surprised. I guess as I'm getting older I'm becoming more like my dad and getting pissed off at the same shit he gets pissed off at.

>You need to MAN UP and be as fucking retarded as I am!

Kill yourself before you kill others.

God damn, that is some man-baby-ass shit. If you try something and don't like it, that's totally fine, but you can use your fucking manners and be polite instead of throwing a bitch fit like that. How embarrassing.

>hella

what user is saying is that everything is not super clean and free of germs

so when some dude blows his nose at a buffets its not like the germs are some kind of unholy corruption that spread like wild fire bringing terminal illness to everyone that comes in contact

so unless the buffet is a sterile environment and you have to wear a special suit and get a chemical wash down to enter its not germ free

>so when some dude blows his nose at a buffets its not like the germs are some kind of unholy corruption that spread like wild fire bringing terminal illness to everyone that comes in contact
Touching your nose or mouth and then touching other things that other people will come into contact with is how a lot of common illnesses spread. So yeah actually it is, minus the terminal part.

but its not like there entire restaurant was germ free before this dude blew his nose

plus your hands are recovered in germs withing seconds of washing them. now I'm not saying that you shouldn't wash your hands but saying that guy over there who just blew his nose and didn't wash him hands is gonna contaminate the entire store is retarded