Terrible Restaurants in your town that quickly closed

Sup Veeky Forums, let's discuss terrible restaurants in your town that quickly closed.

>Terrible bar called Jackasses
>All the food had retarded names like the "Big Dick Burger" and the "Pasta de Cum Saunce"
>If you didn't ask for the the item you wanted exactly the wait staff would make you repeat it.
>I'd like a hamburger please
>What was that?
>A hamburger?
>Read the menu
>T-the big d-dick burger
>ONE BIG DICK BURGER COMING RIGHT UP

They closed in about 6 months

(Pic unrelated)

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loopnet.com/Listing/16193238/5702-E-12-Mile-Road-Warren-MI/
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>work in the mall when I was college
>all typical food court shit
>bbq place opens up for some reason
>get pulled pork sandwich
>it's awful and cloying, tastes like ketchup
>month or two later, decide to try them again
>order ribs
>tastes like it was from a slowcooker, same ketchup cloying taste

I like to give places chances, but that place did not deserve my second time. They closed a few months later because the mallrats preferred the shitty teriyaki place and McD's instead.

>the b-big d-dick burger
Holy shit i keked
But on topic
>Shit indian restraunt they served pizza and burgers too but always tried to claim authenticity
>Open for a year closed down due to sanitation issues
>COULDN'T KEEP POO IN THE LOO
>also the food wasn't good to begin with and was very overpriced
Captcha looks like it has shit in it

>like a restaurant
>it closes in a year

>dislike a restaurant and think the food is terrible
>restaurant still open and has been for 5 years

Just what the fuck.

>Friends in college club buy up a restaurant
>Serve stuff like Luther burgers and other novelty items
>It's actually not that good
>Never went after freshman year
>Restaurant is closed within a year or two
I guess I had lost contact with them by that point anyway

>cloying
This is how i know ur pretentious af

this desu

my city has this disgusting mexican resteraunt that is somehow the local favorite.
Got chile rilleno and it came swimming in a pool of tasteless orange liquid and has already gotten soggy and breaks apart when I so much as touch it. Got nachos too and theres just this half melted hunk of velveeta cheese on top.
They are packed every night.

Such is life in the working-class suburbs.

>mfw Cracker Barrel won a local "best eatery" award.

Legit every time I went to a Cracker Barrel (not my choice but don't want to be 'that guy' witht he problem with the restaurant) the dining room was jam packed.

I don't get it.

Cracker Barrel rules.

I always thought their naming conventions were needlessly crass, but there was a place here with no name that served really rather good Mexican/Tex-Mex/Southwestern/Calimex food. I'm not sure which as I'm not familiar enough with any of them to know how to make that distinction. They were open for years, but they might fit ITT all the same.

All their tacos were called bendovers and their burritos were called condoms. And their refried beans were called santorum.

>hi, may i have a beef-filled condom, a chicken bendover and a side of santorum, thanks?

How's life in Christville, IN?

Surprisingly enough there is actually a marketing technique that states that people are more likely to visit something familiar and known rather than something new and unknown; even if it is of poorer quality and taste.

I don't understand how these businesses get off the ground, you literally can't have a family meal at these places

Is the target demo those assholes who wear hot topic t-shirts with bro jokes on them? Is that demo really large enough to support a restaurant business?

The white trash palate is truly something to behold.

See also: Golden Corral, Waffle House, Red Lobster, Red Robin, Chick fil A, Green Bean Casserole, Campbell's Cream of Mushroom Soup, Wolf Brand Chili, The Cheesecake Factory, Applebee's, etc.

Not surprising at all, people love familiar shit and are generally risk averse

I can see how some idiots think starting a business like this might be a good idea. What I wouldn't understand is how something like this could obtain financing from a bank before opening.

We had a food truck that sold crepes

It was actually really good, just bizarre because I think the majority of people would give it a miss because they think of crepes as a dessert. Also the whole assembly process from cooking the crepe to filling it with stuff seemed to have very low throughput, you'd be third in line and wait for 15 minutes

>work at a bakery on main street
>only place in town that does fresh baked breads and shit, the other two "bakeries" only sell donuts (and not very good ones)
>new place opens up on the other end of the block, "new york style bagels!"
>it's just one guy, and he doesn't actually bake anything; shit's all frozen bulk bagels and they're both fucking terrible AND hideously overpriced
>about two months after he opened, he came into our place and talked to the owner about us supplying him with bread to sell in his store

We didn't, of course. As soon as he left we all had a good laugh. Bagel place lasted about another... six weeks, I'd say?

There's a cut-rate mexican place there now. They aren't doing so well either. Turns out opening the blandest fucking burrito joint on the planet in a town that already has a mexican eatery on every street corner isn't a good plan for printing money.

a polynesian 'restaurant' with a hotbox full of food that was barely ever open
the fried chicken was nice, literally nothing else looked appetising or tasted good

the same spot has been occupied with a really good malaysian indian place, which I'm thankful for

Australia?

Was expecting the cheap trashy bagel place to put you out of business because customers have shit taste

yes actually

There was a Thai place that made Pad Thai that was worse than something I'd make at home. They're still open so I guess that doesn't count.

Chinese Buffet. That was the name. They served shitty reheated Chinese food and the worst sushi I've ever had. They actually stayed upon for a few years.

If you can't make a dish better than some shitty generic restaurant, then you have issues

We have a local cursed restaurant, it has changed owners and names at least six times in the last decade, always selling random takeout pub food like burgers and wings. The two people who tried to stay longer than a year died, one of a heart attack and one of cancer

Food is average enough but shits got some voodoo curse man. I even met the owner before he died once, I came in on a slow hour and he was sleeping on one of the chairs and he closed up after he made my food and it never opened again

I don't have a wok burner. That's why I don't make most Asian dishes at home. I feel pretty confident I could make a good Pad Thai. I just don't have the stove to do it.

Cool man, I'd like to visit one day.

The place was really popular. I passed by it one day and the place had become, much to my surprise, "Nora's Tacos." I don't know if the owners or workers were the same or not, though.

Another terrible restaurant, this one right up the street from me, served couscous, tlitli and berkoukes. Nothing else. Those are three different shapes of pasta, mind you, served with stews and things on top.

Now, it's not that the restaurant itself was bad. It wasn't. It's that the owner was a fucking dumb bitch. Like seriously fucking retarded.
See, the area it was in is full of Algerians. Algerian woman cook at home, so how this place intended to stay open when anyone who knew what the fuck berkoukes was could just go home and beat his wife to make it for him is beyond me.
Furthermore, neither the owner nor her husband spoke English well, the kids were seldom around to help with translation, the menu was all in French and Arabic and had no English-language explanations of menu items (which presented another problem, as the kids couldn't read Arabic at all nor speak it much to begin with), and Amazigh food is completely fucking unknown here in the US is. Again, how did these dumb motherfuckers expect to succeed?

The food was rather good, to be honest. Fucking phenomenal, really. But trying to get whitebread Americans into the place to offset the fact that no Algerians are gonna pay someone else to cook food their mama's and wives cook when you don't speak any English was a really, really dumb move.

>We had a food truck that sold crepes

Years back I worked at machine shop that had a “roach coach” type food truck stop by everyday for lunch and it was awesome.

While they had pre-made sandwiches and such, their business plan was… “mom food”; mostaccioli, breaded chicken, mashed potatoes, meatballs, green bean casserole, etc. All the stuff most people normally eat for dinner, all laid out in heated buffet pans and you’d pile up a Chinet paper plate with a fuck load of whatever you wanted and it was only $3.00-4.00.

I like Waffle House but it sure as hell isn't award worthy. It's just chain food.

But then one got a local award where I live and I'm just disappointed.

>movie theater nar highschool
>a big place, had a supermarket in the first floor, ten different screenings at the same time, a big arcade with bumping carsw and a food court with 4 restaurants and a mcdonalds
>restaurans open and close every couple months
>this grill place opens, go there with friends and order chicken
>chicken tastes off, everyone tries it and agrees that its rotten
>tell the waiter and he tells me i can get my money back but im never allowed there again
>sure thing, i dont want your shitty food
>month later place closes

Take-out wrap place run by a stone faced, scary looking middle eastern man with a pissed off headscarf wearing wife that treats you like you're wasting her time by ordering food, and like 12 other family members. You'll be the only white guy and possibly only english speaking guy when you walk in.

You can get a grilled shish tawook wrap as big around as your arm with crispy pita bits inside it for six bucks though if you don't mind maybe starring in an ISIS execution video

> We have a local cursed restaurant

We’ve got one of those also, it’s a huge place and really nice inside and was originally some kinda steak house followed by literally dozens of different resturants over the last 30 years before becoming a Shields pizza and finally, a Rub BBQ.

It’s still for sale if anybody is interested;

loopnet.com/Listing/16193238/5702-E-12-Mile-Road-Warren-MI/

'JAZZI CHICKEN'.
A fried chicken place in an english suburb, replacing a chippy that went under.
Never ate there. Always smelled terrible, never open at times I was in the area.

Little curry houses start up, get raided by immigration officials, shut down instantly when the staff get deported.

Where I actually live, there was a greek restaurant. Shut down fairly quickly. Got replaced by 'palestinian cuisine', also vanished. Went lebanese, that vanished. I think it's back to greek again, though.
It's a shit location; no parking, busy crossroads that's always jammed up so your food's coated in diesel soot. I never ate there, probably never will.

Honestly, the best small place nearby is the kebab van. That guy knows how to cook chips, and he fries stuff in front of you so you know it's fresh and clean. The burgers are cheap shit beef that goes clean through you without slowing, but the chicken is juicy and fresh.
Plus, his idea of a 'chicken burger' is the same as a 'chicken kebab', just in a bun instead of on a pitta.

My city has like three of those. One had a pretty successful sports bar in it but it got shut down when the owner was caught diddling the servers.

its divine

The bank won't ask what your gonna name your food and I wouldn't be surprised if when they applied for a loan they conveniently forgot to tell the loan guy they were gonna give everything a vulgar name

Jamaican pizza place around the place I used to work.

Orders were frequently late because the Jamaican they had working there literally smoked too much weed.

I went to a Chinese Buffet a few months ago and it was one of the saddest places I've ever been. The place was pretty big, but it was about a quarter full, there were flies around the sashimi, and everything looked like it had been sitting there for hours.

I used to love Chinese Buffets... I wonder if they were always this shitty

The Rub BBQ was pretty good but only if you ate inside, if you ordered take-out they’d fuck up the order every. single. time.

I don’t understand why that spot has so much turn-over, as it’s in the heart of the city and just a 1/4 mile away from GM’s Tech Center with a bazillion employees and is surrounded by the neighborhood with all kinda families, so you’d think they’d get tons of customers?

>love a restaurant
>it expands across the country
>fucking amazing everywhere

Cafe Rio is the best mother fucking place in the world. Barbacoa pork served enchilada style with mild sauce in side, hot sauce outside is quite honestly the best thing in the world. Or so I thought till I moved to mexico city

>Taco al pastor con queso y pina
>aka the Meat Tornado

Also, met my GF in Chicago, go to mexico city where a Gino's East opens up and get some chicago deep dish with pastor and chorizo. Most amazing fucking pizza you will ever eat.

Do you think the bank just gives out loans freely to whatever crap comes in the door? I haven't worked with a startup restaurant applying for financing before, but I have worked with small startups applying for bank loans.

Shit the bank usually asks for for a new loan:
>Business plan
>Personal tax returns and business tax returns if you've run run a business before
>Personal credit report
>Background (Someone with no restaurant experience will have more trouble getting a restaurant loan for instance)

If you fail to disclose material information you could face a civil lawsuit or even criminal charges. I knew a client who ended up in prison for lying about what he was going to use bank loans for. If your business plan neglects to mention that the restaurant is going to give everything a filthy name, the bankers involved are going to be livid when they find out.

It's unrelated but we have a restaurant that everyone is pretty sure is run only to launder money. They have the cheapest pizza in town, in all sense of the term, they make pizza hut look like a michelin star restaurant. Every other year they'll change name but they never really close down and the personnel/menu stay the same.

Crepes are huge in mexico. I have no idea why but every other corner was a crepe place.

There is a chinese place like that where I live. It's changed names 3 times in the 22 years I've lived here, but owned by the same guy.

The food is alright for americanized chinese food and the pricing is reasonable, but there's never anybody in there. I've been there twice and both times I was literally the only table there during prime dinner hours.

Whats wrong with diddling servers at sports bar? Guy was probably just trying to wet his beak a bit?

That place also exist here, it's a cheap all you can eat buffet that has had more fine for bad sanitation than I am old.

Well you can't have a family meal at Alinea or Noma either desu

I don't like Cafe Rio. Everything is oversweet. Their "hot" sauce isn't hot at all. Way more sweet than hot. Everything tastes like it's had a ton of sugar added to it.

You don't need a wok burner for Thai stir fries. They're typically cooked at a temp lower than the max of most electric ranges

Hey don't talk shit on chic fil a

There's a building that has had 3 different restaurants in the last few years; none of them have lasted very long.
It was originally a nice Japanese place, but they shutdown in '08 as everything was going to hell (it was a fairly expensive place, and people stopped eating out).

The building was empty for a few years, then a ramen place moved it. They were open less than a month before closing.
Then a Vietnamese place moved in. Closed less than a month later.
Cajun placed moved in. Closed less than a month later.

There's a sign out front now for a barbecue place, but it's said "coming soon" for almost 6 months, so I assume they aren't opening.

I understand banks just don't give loans out to anyone.

But isn't it possible the the person who applied for the loan. Said they were gonna open up a place that sells tacos and burritos with somewhat edgy names? Also are the names on your menu really under the control of the bank? Could I be sued if by the banks if I owned a grill and named one of my items a "fugger burger" and I went under cause people thought it was supposed to be "fucker burger"

>sashimi not made to order


NOPENOPENOPENOPENOPE

Mexican/Mediterranean/Asian fusion fast food restaurant.

man was that place terrible. you could shit through a screen door standing up in 6 languages after eating there.

>not worshiping at the altar of Chik-Fil-A
hows it like to be a shit taste pleb?

you are insane.

Downtown SLC has a few places that come and go constantly. One place was a quiznos and then a super over-priced hotdog moved in. They weren't even special hotdogs. Just normal, plain as can be bun and a standard hot dog you can get at any grocery store for a few bucks a pack. They sold a hot dog with ketchup, mustard, a small bag of chips, and a small drink for $8. Oh but you could get TWO hotdogs for $11!

That place lasted about 2 months before turning into another generic sammich place that I have no idea is there anymore.

Most of the time you just think "why? why even bother? This place will clearly fail in a month".

>Got nachos too and theres just this half melted hunk of velveeta cheese on top.

Ugh, there used to be a restaurant in my town that served nachos like that. Just plain tortilla chips (I swear they weren't even salted), jalapenos from a jar, and Kraft cheese on top. I also once had shrimp there that hadn't been deveined. I was not surprised at all when they went out of business.

Sadly the best place to eat in that town is the Subway. The best thing I ever did in my life was get the fuck out of there.

An overpriced sushi shop for tourists opened in my town. They were replaced by an overpriced craft pizza shop for tourists. I think it was bought out by a popular bar for tourists next door though.

On the other hand there's a super successful local place a block away with packed house and a line out the door on weekends. Just a good honest shop they make big portions of good food for fair prices. Pay your $10 for a big plate of chicken and fries that'll leave you satisfied, cooked in front of you fresh hot and delicious.

>$10 for a big plate of chicken and fries that'll leave you satisfied, cooked in front of you fresh hot and delicious.
man that sounds really good right now.

There are good Chinese buffets, but they're happening places with a constant flow of clients and can afford fresh(er) food.

It's actually a really good indication how good the place is by the number of occupied seats—a pet theory of mine is that a lot of the crappier places block the windows so nobody can gauge this before coming in.

>Worshipping a literal fast food chain
>Calls others pleb

I heard that Jesusburg, AR is really buggy in the summers! Hopefully your Republican legislature got your Zika vaccine approved in time!

Oh shit, I have this same thing. There's this pizza place that's 24 hours open and the taste is indescribably bad. Have you ever eaten in a house that's infested with roaches or rats? It's like that, but somehow worse.
The location has reinforced plexiglass. You come inside, go around a corner, and you pay and receive your pizza through a small window like a bank teller. No ways that's not a front for drug dealing and/or money laundering.

>Great pasta restaurant near my college closes down
>gets replaced by a new pasta place
>decide to go to it yesterday and order some fusilli vodka
>vodka sauce tastes like fucking watered down cardboard
>whole meal was 9 bucks
Fucking terrible. How do you fuck up vodka sauce? I needed to dump a shit ton of cheese on it to get anything remotely close to flavor.

It's a real shame because the pasta restaurant that closed down was actually fucking great.

It would really depend on the situation. You'd probably have to do something like say you were opening a family restaurant and open a 21+ bar to face criminal charges. (The client I knew who went to prison borrowed money saying it was for his successful business, then used it to fund one of his unsuccessful ventures.)

If your restaurant's big gimmick is food with utterly foul names I doubt you'd face any kind of criminal charges for failing to tell the bank, but the bank might sue or call the loan depending on the circumstances. And good luck getting a loan from them in the future.

>Republican legislature
>not dixiecrat klansmen
get with the times you damnyankee.

>restaurant opens up as a drug dealing cover
>owner's grandma starts working the kitchens
>best fried chicken in town

I'm a pretty big "foodie" (hate that word) and I still enjoy eating at places like red robin and old spaghetti factory, they are always at least decent and it's sometimes nice to just have a simple meal with a lot of choices. also don't shit on green bean casserole till you've had it with freshly made cream of mushroom soup.

there's a sushi place in vancouver called the eatery, it operates on the same theme as the place OP mentioned, they sell stupid panties at the front that say "miso horny". and their rolls and even just raw fish are fucking terrible and they have a bunch of gross gimmick rolls with the worst combinations.

Chick fil A does not belong on that list and you know it, you shithead.

I am unfamiliar with loan being called. How does the bank instantly get the money back?

True. I feel like after opening a business and failing you'd need to have friends in high places to even get another loan

I'm surprised the city of Vancouver along with the SJWs haven't run them out of town yet seeing as Vancouver is pretty much HK.

red robin is great.

I live there, SJWs aren't really a thing you encounter in real life outside of small little rallies and colleges. vancouver has an equal amount of crack addicts and stupid hockey loving hosers who are dumb as a brick.

If a startup restaurant loan got called, there's pretty much no chance they'd get it all back since a lot of it would already have been spent on equipment and getting the restaurant setup.

We have one in my hometown that has seen SIX different owners since it originally opened. Gypsy curse shit. Nothing was ever awful compared to others in the area they just can't ever make it.

ci-ci's

>Popular hole-in-the-wall sells crepes with god-tier toppings
>Someone opens up a competing crepe hole-in-the-wall a block down
>Prices are $2-$3 more than the other place
>Crepes are too thick and pancakey
>Expensive topping range is shit like nutella, on its own, or two chopped strawberries
>They're closed over lunch and from 6pm-7pm
>The handful of people who do try them go straight back to the other place
>They close in less than six months

Theres about a dozen cursed locations here in Ypsilanti that I know of. Random restaurants and even chain places have opened in them, but they never last more than a year, two tops.

Was this in Nashville, Tn off of Harding Pk and I-24?

I worked at Cracker Barrel for six years, and there's only like four things on the menu that are made from fresh ingredients. Everything else is from a can, bag, or box. The trick is, they source everything from good places, so they get decent, consistent product. It's all about consistency with places like that.

Is your name Kristen?

theres a place right by my house like that. i cant understand how they can fuck up pad thai that badly, when they have all FRESH food to make it with.

No, but where is she from, I probably fucked her.

How were the tips, if you were a waiter? Judging by the clientelle I've seen at Cracker Barrel, I imagine some real sad, cheap fucking tips.

Or did it not matter because there were so many tables?

What city/state was jackasses in OP?

the Chinese in vancouver are from HK and the mainland and they don't actually give a shit about SJW muh cultural appropriation. all that bitching is typically from American/Canadian born Asians who have long assimilated

Yeah, that was my point - all the ABCs there.

most of the hardcore SJWs are at SFU--too far from The Eatery to give a shit I guess.

I was not a waiter, worked in the kitchen. But for the girls, $100 was a really good shift. Most had second jobs/husbands/worked 60 hours a week.

This is bait.

How was your date to authentic eye-talian dining restaurant Olive Garden, Cletus?

Did the missus enjoy her glass of Barefoot wine to accompany her endless [salad &] breadsticks?

Hope they honored your coupon even though it was a couple months expired!

>Hope they honored your coupon even though it was a couple months expired!

I don't know why, but this made me laugh really hard.

>Nora's Tacos
don't you mean Nora's Bendovers

There's a spot downtown that everyone thought was cursed because the place is literally in a perfect location to make mad bucks but nothing that was ever there succeeded. There has been a Wendy's, a Dairy Queen, an italian place, a Popeye's Chicken, and a sushi place there, with about a decade's worth of vacancy in between.

As it turns out, the guy that actually owned the lot and rented to businesses was a piece of shit that constantly tried raising rents, refused to ok certain repairs and replacements, and held permits and shit hostage. So none of the places had actually gone out of business, they'd all told the guy to fuck himself and bailed.

Dude ended up going bankrupt. The lot was seized and sold, and now the Freddy's there is doing great.

need i say more

Isn't Warren a ghost town anyway?

>poo in da 'za

what difference between cheeseburger and beef burger