Why can't I get my fucking eggs to not stick? I've tried every combination of variables possible. Fried, scrambled...

Why can't I get my fucking eggs to not stick? I've tried every combination of variables possible. Fried, scrambled, omelettes of different types, low heat, high heat, medium heat, taking it on and off to maintain heat, cast-iron pan, stainless steel pan, non-stick pan, butter, olive oil, creme fraiche at the end of cooking, EVERYTHING and they still stick no matter what. What's my fucking problem?

>non-stick pan

buy a new one ...
maybe you use metal in it and scratch it.. use wood or plastic utensils

It's because you're American and you suck at life.
Try to be good and hope to be reincarnated as a civilized human being. Also the sooner you end your life, the sooner this can happen.

try lard senpai

Low and slow makes you a pro.

If you've done all this, the heat is too high. That's all it could be.

No. Eggs must be cooked fast and high. It takes less than 20 seconds to properly cook an omelette. You use a large non-stick pan, cast iron is a fucking meme. You coat the whole thing in butter before the eggs go in, and the second they go in you keep them moving.

Just add some salt to your oil or melted butter. It will simulate non-stick effect. The more you know.

>No. Eggs must be cooked fast and high. It takes less than 20 seconds to properly cook an omelette.

Not necessarily. Ever tired making steamed scrambled eggs? You ain't hurrying that one up.

>meme

>steamed scrambled eggs
I have never ever tried this. Do you add butter? How much? How long does it take to cook? I imagine you have to whisk it like crazy.

>implying I don't make god-tier eggs in five minutes on a slowly heated cast iron pan

Enjoy your heart attack

Yes, a meme. The memest of memes, straight out of reddit itself where hipsters extol their adventures with $300 cast iron pans and how the pans changed their lives and fulfill them as human beings and how mad it makes them when their mom washes the pan in the sink.

>he thinks butter causes heart attacks

I bet you still eat sugar too.

Faggot.

Your salt only seasons my perfectly cooked eggs.

Oh look, no one can find the thread because the mod is a fucking retard

OP here, this basically did it as far as omelettes go. I think one of my burners is fucked up and too hot though, so that could be a huge issue that I have yet to confirm.

You write your will yet?

>half a stick of butter every day
>equivalent to a tablespoon of butter in a pan, only half of which even ends up inside of the cooked egg

Next thing you know you'll be telling me to stop drinking tea because of that old woman who drank 120 teabags worth per day and developed fluorosis.

If butter doesn't give you heart attacks, why would you limit its intake? Makes no sense.

I'd agree with this, it basically depends on the pan you use. Doesn't even have to be that expensive. On some of them, I could scramble eggs without the need for butter or oil or anything, and they still wouldn't stick.

I hope you're trolling.

One tablespoon of butter provides more than half of the saturated fat you should be consuming in a day. Since even plants contain 20% of fat as saturated fat, even one tablespoon of butter is an excessive amount, not "moderation" as I'm sure you've convinced yourself.

You don't think the cardiomegaly was a big factor? That said, don't eat a half sick of butter everyday.. unless you like things I don't like. Then eat 2.