No Rules, Just Roight

We have a cuisine? My dinner was fried rice, not even Australian

Hello Chang, enjoying life in Australia?

>be me, 12
>go to Outback with my family
>being a little fat fuck (I'm a big fat fuck now, btw :3), I demand we get the bloomin' onion
>parents give in, they order steaks and I just eat the bloomin' onion
>eat the whole fucking thing by myself
>feelin' good for awhile, but then things turn south when we arrive home
>stomach turning itself inside out, horrible noises from my intestines, like when a garbage disposal is clogged
>go to let out a burp, get a mouthful of acid and half digested onion petals
Tastes similar coming up desu
>try to swallow it, but more is coming up and it starts to come out my nose
>I cough and choke, and lose control of my asshole
>liquid shit begins to spray out on my chair, as I spray stomach acid and little onion bits all over the place
>run to the bathroom, hop in the shower
>shit sprays with the force of a firehose out of my little underage asshole
>soaks my clothes, I'm crying and shitting and choking and spraying all manner of bodily fluids everywhere
>fall to the floor in a puddle of my own excretions, shame envelops me like a soggy, lukewarm blaknet
>dad walks in, retching from the smell
>remarks "that's bloomin' awful, son."

Never fucking again.

>"that's bloomin' awful, son."

>"that's bloomin' awful, son."
sides.exe has stopped working

g'daymysides.png

>shit sprays with the force of a firehose out of my little underage asshole

>australian cuisine

is there such a thing?

Your dad just passed the citizenship test m8

Haha I worked at Outback off-and-on for 8 years. When I started in '06 the quality was alright. After the housing market shit everything went to shit. Restuarants were closing down a lot and our menu changed. Portion sizes decreased to fit with affordable items for poor people.
Labor had to go down meaning our morning prep was almost non-existent. We had to do our prepping online whilst cooking entrees. Only ever worked there part-time as a side job. Glad I got the fuck outta there.
It's really hit or miss. If you have a good crew/kitchen manager/expo that won't let shit food leave then you can get a great dish. More times then not we had penny-pincher proprietor that only cared about getting food out fast for quick table turnaround.

Blooming onions came from the US you dumb petroldrinker.

i absolutely love the authentic taste of the Australian outback at Outback Steakhouses! G'Day!!!

He cant handle spices.

I bet you also cant handle mexican food.

Anyway, i know that outback shit isnt real "australian" food, but damn i love that blooming onion. Their bread is quite different too, but this one is easier to find on the market

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This is literally how us americans think australia works.

It's not wrong though. I know an Australian IRL and he is just like that

Corporate Outback has been run by a completely different group of people for the last 6ish years

Thread theme
youtu.be/XfR9iY5y94s

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I've actually been waiting for an opportunity to try my hand at Lamingtons. Seems doable, we'll see. Sounds tasty as fuck though.

>be me

stopped reading there

>has fish on menu
>cant cook fish
>replies with desu
how hard is it to see how retarded you are?

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So the food sucks?

They're pretty good if you get the chance. Even if it isn't really Aussie.

Damn, Chili's was hot garbage last time I went. Maybe it's improved. Also there's a lot of good mex around here so maybe I'm just spoiled.

So am I the only one who thinks steak restaurants are dumb as well? Like why not just go to the butcher and buy a nice steak and cook it yourself? Unless you can't cook a steak, but that just means you need the practice.

>Australian Cuisine
genitalia of the male variety

are the sprinkles held in place with cum? or am I thinking of a different kind of fairy?

>inb4 some faggot caps this and thinks it's funny like tip with a rip

I'd put $50 on it being the same unfunny author.

lel, you triggered cu/ck/?

cancer

ruining this board

please leave

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gonna order some australian cuisine classics off amazon
so far ive got timtams, vegemite and milo
what other australian delicacies do you recommend

also what flavor of timtams do i get

ordinary ones or double choc, double choc is better for tim tam slams

That's really all you need, mate.

I would says Shapes(pizza or bbq) but the new flavours are ass.

Classic BBQ is back.
Next it will be classic pizza with "At Arnott's, we listen to our customers!" like they're doing us a favor.

yeah, gotta get the original and make sure it is

>go to outback steak house
>immediately disrobe
>sit on the floor and demand to eat off a chair
>order Italian food
>when they tell me they don't serve italian, demand Chinese
>set series of small fires
>management tries to tell me to leave
>point out that here in the Outback Steakhouse, there's no rules, just right.
>I've been in this steakhouse for two weeks and they can't get me to leave.

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hi reddirt!

Why?
When you go there every week for sure.
I go maybe once in a year into a restaurant or the likes to let me being served and celebrate something with friends for once in a while.

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Epic.

DESU pham, if a restaurant cant do a meal right, it really shouldnt be on the menu.

It is better imagined this way than the "warmer version of england" way it really is.

Wait, it's not?

The fuck is a blooming onion?

I'm 28 and have lived in Australia all my life. Literally never heard of this shit.

It is the same as general tso's chicken its a made up authentic product for americans

Crush another VB and go back to bed

Yeah, fair enough.

How to drink champagne the Australian way.

Ahh the pinnacle of Australian cuisine

Made some a couple weeks back. Join two halves together with jam and whipped cream

Who here /birthday pavlova/?

>implying aussies drink anything besides shitty 3% beer, then brag about how much they drink

>Gelato Burger
Oh haha it's like those kooky kids and their choco tacos what will they think of ne-
>Cheese
>BARBECUE SAUCE(??)
STOP.

That image was from yesterday's Formula 1 race where an Australian came second and celebrated on the podium by drinking champagne from his shoe.
When was the last time that someone from your country stood on an international podium?

Checkmate Africa.

Uh listen m8, we win the World fucking Series 95% of the time.

Confirmed never been to Australia. Everyone drinks shitty bourbon and coke down here.

Plus VB is 4.5%

I have no interest in going to your criminal island. I wish you'd stop sending tourists here.

>bourbon and coke
My point exactly - can't even drink liquor straight, but think you're these massive boozehounds.

>Australian came second

This is what Ausfalia thinks winning is

>tfw australian and never seen blooming onion here, looks good tho

anzac biscuits.

also, i realised a few days ago that vegemite tastes like kalamata olives. so if you don't like it at first and want to use up the jar then try mixing it with tomato sauce (or ketchup) and see if that's any better.

That's the joke.

It comes from a restaurant called the Outback Cafe, which isn't Australian, but uses it for marketing.

>winning

Australians eat cock

Not australian, but the best thing from that godless criminal wasteland is Golden Gaytime. Fucking delicious

Anzac biscuits are overrated though

Agreed. What state you from? I thought it was more or less a NY name.

Bloomin' keks

Gonna be honest, Australian cuisine isn't even a real thing, they're just Europeans. I fucking love the bloomin onion though, if I were going to kill myself I'd just eat that every day until I die of heart disease of whatever

>the outback cafe

I wish I could eat a bloomin onion every day and not die of a fat clogged heart on day 30.

I like their cheap beer

>almost all desserts
>bountiful paella and engraved apple cake cast to the side
>fly totems everywhere to ward off the diabetes devil or something

Why go to any restaurant?

Also, unless your butcher does their own primals and dry-aging, you're probably not getting near the quality a steakhouse is.

I thought this was the scottish way to drink baileys?

Depends on the restaurant, of course. Most steakhouses like outback, saltgrass, texas roadhouse, and similar aren't selling any kind of special meat at all. You can easily do better by buying Prime beef yourself.

OTOH, the really good ones have access to better beef than the average joe could find, even with help of a typical butcher.

And then there's the usual reason to go to restaurants: getting people together for a social event or a business discussion without the distraction of having to do the actual cooking.

wait

WHY ARE THERE SO MANY FLY TOTEMS?

As a 20 y.o. Aussie, I've never seen anyone drink fosters before

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you say that as a joke, but I've seen a lot of traps from Australia.

Also go a pack of wagon wheels and caramel crowns Kingston biscuits are the bomb as well

Isn't fosters a Chinese beer now?

Yeah I noticed a huge decline in quality over the last few years. Used to be one of my favorites, now it's just always a bad experience.

It's basically onion rings with a slightly spicy breading and a horseradish dipping sauce. It's cut in such a way that a table full of people can pick it apart to eat it. See OP's pic.

A lot of beer is chinese.

VB is now back to 4.9% ya fool

Nearly everything is chinese now.