Post opening lines of the next great American novel

Post opening lines of the next great American novel.

"When I was six years old I asked my friend's dad to wipe my ass."

Cuck Mulligan clucked lewdly.

Call me cis male.

People say I make strange choices, but they’re not strange for me. My sickness is that I’m fascinated by human behavior, by what’s underneath the surface, by the worlds inside people.

I'm writer

The fact that women have vaginas fucks me up daily.

After several intensely long moments of concentration, he carefully unplugged his hoselike cock from his own asshole sending an undulating curtain of piss down his legs, hed done it, after 40 years of study and training he'd finally peed in own asshole

You should be explicating this truth through actions of your character, imagine someone really saying or thinking that to themselves coherently.

大抵 の イズム とか 主義 とかいう もの は 無数 の 事実 を 几帳面 な 男 が 束 に し て 頭 の 抽出 へ 入れ やすい よう に 拵え て くれ た もの で ある。

lol

"One time I sucked a black dick, cum in my throat made me sick."

I don't like going for a poo sometimes because i know when i wipe i cant get all the poo even with wet wipes cus its like when i later sit down and start to sweat i get a poopy butt a gen and its dirty and i cant help it so i need to wipe a few hours later even when i dont need to poo, and they rode on.

He bought the burger from the burger shop and ate the burger and clapped, "thank you, God's country" and cried a little before he rode his mobility scoot-scoot down the road.

THAT MOMENT WHEN UR WIT UR CREW N U ALL ON POINT

Cuck meme a e s t h e t i c . john green u U U u

S0crat3z maneuvered his hyperpad into the digiportal. "We're going to do a world jump!" he exhaled, trying to remember the last episode of The Six Million Dollar Man, the key to Aloysius Naruto's amazing cyberpuzzle. S0crat3z glimpsed at his shining white skin and male body. Here in the cyberzone, no one could call him an otherkin nigger. He'd reclaimed his privilege.

Donald Byrnes smiled on the material of his glut, unaware of the horrible death which would soon be his. 600 feet below, and 60 due west, a mailman thought of beautiful women, his dreams all haunted by she-ghosts, his bags containing (inexhaustively) Byrne's mail, a vibrator, an envelope with some freebase or other soon to be in the possession of Byrnes Jr., a bilingual edition of the Dead Sea Scrolls, and an invitation to a wedding that would never occur.

Sunset found her squatting in the grass, groaning.

It was the best of times, it was the best of times.

It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times.

too close to home fampai

My earliest recollections of things sexual are of what I think must have occurred some time between my age of five and eight years. I tell of them just as I recollect them, without attempt to fill in what seems probable.
...

> tfw I know this feel

The sheer purity of the plan, it's crystalline beauty, had entranced her, and she had willingly drug herself through depredations and humiliations, just to stand at this watershed moment she always knew would come: Ponyville was going to burn.

I'm CIA

Weird advice / 10

>Seriously, Nabokov, "Light of my life, fire of my loins"? Imagine someone really saying or thinking that to themselves coherently!

I slept for a long time and then i slept some more, till one cloudy day a prick rang the bell in my red, wooden door.

why do people like butts they stinky

This. The future of literature will be minimalist.

話說美國曾經是富國,曾經是強國,曾經是大國。哈!

the midnight glow of the computer monitor is the only light in the room

remember when dogs could shart latin listen non noh kabuki kook gookies shamble cham driddle poor piss-man's working theatre class, terrible reviews in local revues publications embarrassing exterior region anti-proximity alarm viewership drunken snobbery, but it's alas the hoighty-toity motherfucker doctor asinine of assholes full of shit: a critic cannot do.

english is a dead language

Let me start this novel candidly: I don't care about niggers, and neither should you.

Underrated.

The next Pynchon has been born .

severely underrated

>tfw literally only just got it

"and but so I must go, my people need me", and there he hung, swaying from the rafters, cicadas singing a farewell song, only to fall upon deaf ears.

When I was 10 years old my mother told me know was black, at the time I thought she was joking, but now, at the age of 28, and after my retinal surgery, I know she was.

lel

"Michael was a NEET who browsed internet image boards"

Ayo hol up so you be sayin we was kangz an shieet?

Be me.

After my daily three hour long black dick sucking session, I had to go to the social office to turn in all my earnings.

...

dat clever wordplay

Nah man it's:

>be me

So I fondle this man's ball once. Of course, I tied him up and down before doing that. Having a man playing with your ball is not something you wake up for, of course.

lol

I knew from the beginning that his father is the rule by which a man judges himself.

His penis became his arm. So, he double-fisted her.

>Make American Novels Great Again

When it's quite enough to hear yourself think, should you listen?

absolut fantastisch

What lil shawty say?? She suck on that dick on the plane and I just call her airhead
I just went hunting, I found me a rabbit and pick up the carrots

Prologue:
Dear Constant Reader...

I like this, but there's something clumsy about it that I can't point out.

here i sit same as ever took a dump pulled the lever the toilet clogged the water flowed look out world it's the motherload

The first lesson I learned was that the father is the standard which a man holds himself.

>would not read
>kys snorelax

OK I MAKE BETTERS

The first lesson I learned was that the father is the standard which a man holds himself.

This is my story on how my father inspired me to take up his mantle. And is name was Geoffrey Leonard.

The skies grow dark and heavy
And our sugar houses are not ready
One day it's gonna rain.
One day it's gonna rain.

Take it easy. Sheesh.

Did you think I was being serious? No harm bratha.

You'd think that if you put out enough books you're bound to have a diamond in the rough eventually. But then ask yourself, "did I ever shit out a diamond?"

Dear Reader: Stop.

Sweet. I'm not a writer, but I feel like it should be "to which," as in holding himself to a standard. Idk though. U do u senpai.

Dear reader, I wrote the book and even I knew to just steal it 4free on the Internet, dumbass. ...Thanks for paying for my sweet house though.

Yous right.

It's sink or swim on this little blue planet. But in the end, we all end up on the bottom.

I had a friend who could burn a hole through drywall with his farts. This is his tale.

Oh, I know! It should be "one's father".

Vengeance burns in my soul. I know I'll be consumed by its flame; I welcome it. I'll get you, clichés... I'LLL GETTT YOUUUU!!!

Ayy it works.
>I used to shit my pants when I was a kid. I grew up and learned better. Now I don't wear pants.

You ever punch a man in the dick? It feels good, visceral.

She was so pretty. I was in love the moment I first laid eyes on her. My heart fluttered gaily in my chest as she smiled and said, "I'm cliché bb. U want sum fuk boi?"

as the feces fell on my face, i felt alive. i felt free.

I think I threatened to punch someone in the dick in this thread. Kek.

CHOCOLATE RAIN!
Some stay dry and orhers feel the pain.
CHOCOLATE RAIN!!

Don't misunderstand me: no, I could not kill a man, but it isn't out of some false sense of empathy. I would not kill a man out of the gnawing fear that one day the man could have contributed something bigger to humanity, bigger than himself, and even if it was just a clever remark that it was worth listening to.

The only downside to death is dying
-edge kid
#too sharp 4 ya?

Dear Reader: My Sweet House.

410,757,864,530 DEAD COPS

Nah. Fuck that Metallica had it right with Kill 'Em All.

My mind was split between continuing my escape from the law or letting loose right into my pants but either way you look at it, I gots ta' runs

I have cancer. I am a woman. I wrote a book. Give me money. (Saved tou about 300 pages of incoherent babbling right there.)

Candy and treats,
Vans and meats,
Hello junior,
Have a seat.

fuck no.

BEAR ALEART !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There was a big ol fuckin splosion in rhe sky and people were screaming and running. That shit was crazy man. You should have been there. The end.

Diddly dee,
Do you have to pee?
Just come to my mouth,
And I'll suck down south!

"Touch it, please, i'm dying here", my half-brother-turned-sister pleaded. He - or she now, i suppose - had been obsessed with me and my crooked genitalia ever since our communal baths had abruptly ended due to the fact that we both had long entered puberty, and it is, I've been told, generally frowned upon for siblings of our age to engage in such matters that might, perhaps in a strangers eyes, seem like something that it is not, mainly something to do with incest, and in this particular case the stranger would've been completely right in saying that the business with my half-brother-turned-sister is in fact, incest, although we share no common ancestry, but who's to say where the line of abomination is drawn, especially when she still had his (or her) boy-bits attached.

another YA porno, loli, incest, fag shit. Go kill yourself or something.

i was only making fun of that crap m8

This is genuinely a line from Ulysses for those not yet inducted into the service of the Meme Triumvirate.

i liked it...

thank you user.

My dad came into the shower, grinning. He asked me if I needed any help. I smiled, became aroused and ejaculated with a few squeezes of his hand. He hugged me, and jerked off, and we were in love.