Sorry guys, here's a rewrite:
Today I jerked off in the mall - with style. I ejaculated on the wall and ceiling because my fire hydrant dick is powerful.
It's a high end mall, full of pretentious, ignorant upper middle class people. They walk around with their fucking bags and brand name jackets and buy $30 bar of soaps and $16 tin of green tea. Yeah, they're pretentious fucks.
I ventured upstairs to masturate, in the pristine washroom. If there is no shit stain in the toilet bowl, it's pristine to me. I position myself in front of the toilet, with my feet facing overwards. You want to do this because curious fucks will wonder why you're facing in front of the toilet for the past 45 minutes ... I jacked off in the handicap stall because it's roomy.
I tuned to my favorite MILF video, a blond middle aged woman who demands men to cum inside her ass and pussy. Where can I get a MILF like this? I let my pants drop and whipped out my thick cock (it's 12 inches on a good day) and start fapping.
Fuck yeah, take that huge dickaroo up your poo chute, I said mentally to myself. She was getting a huge dick in her mouth, ass and pussy.
I masturbated for 45 minutes because I want to train my cock to be rock hard, like a Kung Fu Monk that can break a brick with his dick. At exactly 45 minutes mark, I willed myself to cum.
OH FUCK, I'M CUMMING. I ejaculated on all 4 walls. Cum dripped down the wall, like snails climbing down a tree.
The next guy was going to be in for a surprise.
I dabbled some tissue on my dick hole and walked out of the washroom like a boss.
>let me know what you think