I have a date coming over tomorrow. I'm a fucking retard who can't function independently...

I have a date coming over tomorrow. I'm a fucking retard who can't function independently, so all I have in the apartment is:
>1 pepperoni hot pocket
>1 totino's party pizza
>3 cans of black olives
>1 can of sweet peas
>2 pounds of sliced turkey
>7 bags of gardetto's
>2 pounds of snickers from last halloween
>4 boxes of blueberry muffin mix
>1 pound of crawfish
>3 boxes of jimmy dean sausage patties
What the fuck do I make?

I'm not Jack Scalfani please delete this comment.

Thank you for deleting the comment.

What did it say?
Can you bake the muffins?

I could try but all I have is a cookie sheet, a casserole dish, and a saucepan.

Boil up the mudbugs with cajun seasoning then shell all but around four, pour out most of the water you boiled them in, then add some more and make some bowtie pasta.

Cook up some of the sausage, then crumble it up.

Look up how to make mornay sauce and make one (it's easy as hell, biggest thing to remember is not to heat it too hot, just low-medium heat and keep stirring it, and use heavy cream, the higher fat content makes it harder to fuck up the dish by it separating).

Toss the mudbug meat and sausage into the mornay sauce. Serve over the pasta, put two of the remaining whole mudbugs on the plate in a way that doesn't look retarded.

Bam. She might not like it, but she'll be impressed by the effort.

This is nice and creative. Thank you for the reply. I don't have pasta or heavy cream. I only have $4.24 until payday next week.

Borrow a ten spot from a friend. If you don't have a friend who'll lend you money to help you impress a girl, then you seriously need to re-evaluate your life.

I'll ask around. Do you think I could try a gardetto crusted chicken? I think chicken legs are on sale for 99ยข a pound at the local supermarket.

Sure, why not?

Plot Twist:
>Don't make anything
>let girl show up
>have all your ingredients layed out on table
>explain to her how you're retarded and poor and this is all you currently have
>get her to help you cook something out of that hodgepodge of bullshit
>turn it into a date-thing
>whether or not what you make is good or shit she'll have a fun time and probably laugh a lot
>proceed to acquiring her sweet joocy poon
>post pics

>7 bags of gardetto's

fucking lmfao this is the shit

you're doomed though.

do groceries.
save the pizza for netfilx and chill

You could always boil some lobsters.

Order takeout, and don't pretend like you can cook when you obviously can't.

>inviting a girl over if your apartment isn't immaculate

You just fucked yourself over

Why do you have a blueberry muffin box if you don't even have muffin tins?

What kind of cooking advice are you expecting when all you have is prepackaged shit and nothing to actually cook? I guess you can make crawfish, peas, and blueberry muffin casserole but im guessing you dont have milk or eggs either.

This...does not sound like a terrible idea. At the very least, you'll go out for dinner somewhere.

Really, if a girl can enjoy this and have fun she's a great girl. If she's completely turned off by it she's probably just a dumb slut anyway.

It sounds legit but I'm still a virgin.

Or just serve her box wine and hard boiled eggs and pound it like it was that last you'd ever get
/thread

Really? You have no excuse. It's not like summiting a mountain m8, go out and get laid. Less you a child. In which case, fuck off.