Being happy or satisfied feels unnatural to a person. While they will gain some temporary elation, it is only a brief distraction.
The base, comfortable level of being is to be unhappy and dissatisfied. This is, paradoxically, where you will be the most satisfied.
You should not trust any ideology that attempts to increase levels of happiness or satisfaction.
Schopenhauer right?
This is very true, our brains are problem-solving machines and get confused when they don't have a problem to solve. However, if you continually remind yourself of the unimportance of the things you worry about, it's possible to train yourself to be more satisfied. It feels unnatural at first but the result is, in my opinion, worth the effort.
This is the result of toxic guilt usually caused by narcissistic parents rather than 'it's right to feel bad all the time'
Children are fragile, when you are raised with the destructive underlying, unarticulated subjective truths that you are given by your parents, you internalise them into later life and sense 'I ought to feel bad'
Schopenhauer (if this is him) and a host of others just had parenting issues rather than anything else most likely.
What subjective truths do narcissistic parents pass on that supposedly create this 'toxic guilt'?
Varies. Usually feelings of worthlessness. I.e. you are no good if you do not achieve X or that feeling bad is unacceptable or that your needs are less important than theirs, what they say goes and you have no say.
Things of this nature. To find the balance between good parenting and having an influence on your children that'll lead to a well-formed ego is very, very tough. Bowlby has good work on it.
Just to note, this is not a pure condemnation of parents. Parents are the way they are because of how they were raised and so on. Plus many, many great works have been created by neurotics with parent issues. On top of that even if you know the issues at hand deeply in terms of how to raise children in such a way that benefits their mental well-being, to actually enact it really is an extremely difficult task
Also, if you take into account what Rogers hypothesized as being a 'helping relationship', just to get some idea of it, some of the terms are 'unconditional positive regard' and a continual dilligent parenting of yourself and your life project so as to be congruent yet empathetic. To meet these criteria while being able to work a job and so on is very hard. But it all points in a similar direction. It is pretty widely accepted that are early experiences define us massively. Very, very much of our early experiences are with our (unversed in any real knowledge of child development) parents
Interesting
I'd imagine that set of truths would be the basis for the majority except for a set of spoiled (or perhaps empowered?) children who are raised with the opposite.
There are obviously gradations and it's highly entangled in the culture which can't be escaped any way. But yeh, I'd say that's about right.
[citation needed]
i get this isn't my blog. but i often find myself straddling the line between hating my parents for leaving me and my brother as psychological messes (have had therapy) and feeling bad because i don't think they could have raised me differently given their own values upon which they themselves were raised.
what should i read to resolve this vicious cycle of loathing and self-loathing?
Sucks to suck, faggot, I live a happy and fulfilling life every day.
This is simply not true. I remember the first semester in my university, after I got immatruculated and moved to a new city, remember being geniunly happy with how easy it was to make friends, how unsignificant my former worries were. Maybe this was party before the routine set in and I returned to my usual mindset
That period in my life was temporary, but I believe that there are people out there who have intentionally, or by chance, surrounded themselves with the right people and pursue their goals without making compromises - and thus are living permanently happy, lifes.
The most effective way to help yourself is to be take a look at your past experiences and reframe them with new awarenesses.
Attachment theory and books on how to refeel past traumas and then frame them differently are useful. Should be easy enough to find in google.
The ideal is to be able to truly look critically at your parents' actions without the preconceptions that living in a fucked up family clouding your judgement any more.
After this it is a case of being able to be truly independent from their views while being loving and caring because who they are as people. This is essentially the wisdom that all great minds give in terms of how to view the rest of the world. It is particularly challenging to do with parents. At first look into things on narcissistic parents and 'good enough parenting' (that's the actual term) IF you feel that they fall under former or don't fall under latter then it's very likely a lot of baggage is being carried around with you which'd be worth allotting some time every day or couple of days in trying to get a better understanding of.
I'm in the process of trying to do it now.
i typed this like a retard because i'm tired. but it makes enough sense i hope
Yes I like to imagine there are imaginary people with perfect lives too
this is fine, thank you
For me, this is bullshit. I was never happier than when i had everything i wanted and taught college. Then, stalking underage student wont leave me alone, lose job after I turn her in, work in a gym and make less than half what I did and work much longer hours, wife has cancer, fell miserable and broke after being on top of the world. I was very happy before life went to shit, now i am buried in debt and cant do what i am good at.
>This is, paradoxically, where you will be the most satisfied.
That's the part I don't believe. A lack of happiness is not happiness, no matter what schoppy says. I personally find great value in striving for happiness, whether it is temporarily attained or not. Avoiding increases of happiness helps no one with anything.
I said satisfaction not happiness
It sounds like you have asian daddy issues. All parenting is bad. My parents praised and gave me everything, and it made me distrust them and be highly self-critical, trying to mentally fill in the guidance I never got.