Need some good math jokes or puns to post around teachers classroom

How can you tell a first year calculus student?

Because they don't know their asymptote from a hole in the graph.

I don't get it, but I'm pretty sure it's not
What's the explanation?

Not really a joke but, my math teacher explained asymptotes with the analogy that you have a crush who is out of your league, and no matter how hard you try to get close to them you can never be with them.

Based teacher

>some good math jokes
Numberphile

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... of couse has a video about it. Filled with meh-jokes about bases and what not.

youtube.com/watch?v=JJQWtGm3eIs

The plane is unbalanced, all the passenger's weight is hinging on one end.

>math jokes

double integrals

A Maths and a CS student sit in a bar.
One says to the other: "Yeeaah~, sure you learned calculus, I bet you can't even take the integral over e to the power of x"
The CS student replies: "Fuck off, it's exp of x"
The Maths student looking dumbfounded, "Looks like I was wrong."
Suddenly, from a distance, someone interjects:
"Actually you forgot to add the constant in your indefinite integral, you pretentious fucks"

This is amazing.

What do you get when you cross a mountain climber and a mosquito?

Trick question. A mountain climber is a scaler (scalar), and a mosquito is a vector.

Wouldn't it be more like the mathematician hands the bartender 1/12 of a beer?

Check the sign, thank me later.

Two friends walk into a bar. The first orders a bottle of scotch. Then second one orders 10 bottles of scotch.
The barman asks security to escort the obviously drunk men outside.

i just made this one up:

why is the mathematician afraid of the biologist?

because the biologist wont lose his job to a quantum computer in 10 years

I'm a newb and don't get this. Pls explain.

log(a)+log(b)=log(a*b)

what? You autistic nigger he's talking about the unit, not the sign.

Technically the patron should have to hand the bartender 1/12th of a beer, though.

Before calculators and computers this identity
was used to multiply and divide by referring to a table of numbers and their base 10 logarithms. Good explanation of the procedure here.
turner.faculty.swau.edu/mathematics/math110de/materials/logtable/

maybe the sign outside said that 1 beer was 1 dollar

what do you call a purple fruit that drives to work?
an abelian grape

>Go up to QT math grill
>Say "Can I have help with my Calc 2"
>"Can you help teach me how to integrate my natural log?"
>Get da pusi
>Profit

Two statisticians go duck hunting. A duck takes off and they both fire, one wide right one wide left. The turn and high five because on average they hit it.

Too many poles in the right hand plane
Control theory is pretty pure math dude.

Was looking for alternative tellings and found this one:
Why does Polish Airlines have such bizarre seating arrangements in their aircraft?
> Everyone knows that poles in the right half plane are unstable.

A mathematician, lawyer and accountant are arguing whether its better to have a wife or a mistress.

Lawyer: Mistress because when it ends there is no messy divorce.

Accountant: Wife for the tax deduction.

Mathematician: One of each.

Lawyer/Accountant: What?

Mathematician: Yeah, so you can tell each that you are with the other and go to the office and work.

German poster detected

Nope American nice guess though.

>not having everyone in the center aisle so you can do barrel rolls

Why do mathematicians often confuse Halloween with Christmas?

Because Oct 31 = Dec 25

That one makes no sense. You don't know what quantum computers do, nor what mathematicians do, either.

is that way

Not a math joke but this one I saved up for chem class and never got to tell:

What thermodynamic constant can you go and buy out on the street?

[spoiler][eqn]P^\circ[/eqn][/spoiler]

should replace mathematician with Ramanujan desu

Explain

"1+2+3+4+...=-1/12" meme

A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are all staying at an old hotel. The hotel has a shitty heater and carpet that frequently catches on fire.

One night, a fire starts and the engineer notices it. He finds a glass of water on the table, firgures it will do the trick, and splashes it on the fire. This puts the fire out.

The next night, a fire starts and the physicist notices. Again, he grabs a glass of water off the table. He thinks a bit more about the amount of water and the parabolic trajectory it will follow when he splashes it, but in the end the result is the same as with the engineer.

The third night, the mathematician wakes up to a fire. He goes to the sink, fills a glass with water, and sets it down on the table. Having reduced it to a solved problem, he goes back to bed, and the room burns down.

7 was a sex offender

7 r8ped 9

Two statisticians and an engineer go bird hunting. The first statistician fires at the bird but overshoots by 5 feet. The second statistician fires and undershoots the bird by 5 feet. The engineer drops to his knees and starts sucking their dicks.

Makes more sense for CS monkeys.

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its time to admit what people have been afraid to say out loud for a while now: doing a BA is harder than doing a bsc doing a BA is really, really hard. Its much Harder in fact, than studying maths, For starters,we cant copy each others answers like you do in your coursework, and once you learn something uve learnt it – it’s not so easy for us. we have to chug a bottle of wine and weep over Sparknotes very basic summaries before we can even fathom choosing our essay titles, let alone writing out introductions. BS students can just Google their answers or ask matt on the boys Whatsapp what he got for question 1a We get given the choice to write our own essay title too – isit some sort of reverse psychology where our tutors want us to write an essay title to show autonomy or will they take offence if we dont pick one of theirs It’s much harder than finding out what 'x' is when it comes to coursework, ure always going to get higher than ull come back with a smarmy 90% and we can tell you think our hard earned 71% is rubbish, but it’s all relative you may have beaten us by 19% but let’s be honest: it’s not really your own work In BA we have to go and right arguments. We have to actually form ideas out of words, and do so in a coherent and convincing way. If our marker is in a bad mood because his cat’s shit on his first edition of oliver twist we wont know about it, but our grades might be lower. Your marker, on the other hand, cant begrudge you for regurgitating a mathematics equation – two plus two will always equal four Its obvious that bSc students think BA students want to be them. You ask us: “What’s the point to your degree The answer is quite honestly is that you’re intimidated by us. So don’t think we want to be you just because we skim past your inaccuracies which we get bang on point everyday – itsharder to be a BA student because people take humanitis for granted but think that being skilled at science is a gift.

lol but that's partially a biology joke

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Cause the value is negative 1/12 so he gets that much of a dollar back instead of paying anything

XD