Birthday coming up

She's right though, a centennial edition of Dubliners is glorious.

>birthday coming up
>give my mother hints that I'd like to read Dubliners
>say it's my birthday so she can afford to buy me a good edition and not a cheap paperback
>spend the next few days talking about how magnificant an author Joyce is
>birthday comes up
>mother shows me a present in the shape of a nice hardcover book
>feel good about this, proud of my mother for the first time in my life
>as soon as she hands me the book, all that goes away
>feel under the wrappings a shitty floopy paperback
>open it and see it's a fucking Penguin edition
>sternly tell mother that Everyman editions are the books that are aesthetically beautiful and long lasting
>she keeps telling me that my present is a centennial edition and that the artwork looks pretty, as if that makes it better
>tell her this Penguin piece of shit will fall apart after only a few rereadings
>demonstrate my point by opening and closing the poorly made Penguin edition just a few times
>it rips apart really easily and turns into a pathetic pile of paper on the floor
>tfw she won't buy me the Everyman version because I've been acting bad
>then she gave me a pile of differently sized objects for me to put in order and calm down
>all is well

>family comes over for thanksgiving dinner
>stay in my room reading Ulysses and Gravity's Rainbow, one with each eye
>mom appears in doorway
>"user, you have to say hi to everyone like a normal human being and have dinner with us"
>lel fuck you pleb
>pick up my hardcover copy of Friedrich Nietzsche's The Antichrist and throw it directly at corner of her forehead
>she passes out
>walk over her unconscious body and down the stairs
>enter dining room
>family stops eating to look at me
>"If God meant to interfere in the degeneracy of mankind would he not have done so by now? Wolves cull themselves, man. What other creature could? And is the race of man not more predacious yet? The way of the world is to bloom and to flower and die but in the affairs of men there is no waning and the noon of his expression signals the onset of night. His spirit is exhausted at the peak of its achievement. His meridian is at once his darkening and the evening of his day. He loves games? Let him play for stakes."
>bring out rifle and shoot them all and scalp their dead heads

Overall, it was a good day. Fucking plebs, though.

>not buying books yourself

brekekek

I know these is all shitposting but if there's something I really hate are spoiled children

>ordering objects from smallest to biggest
Where does this come from? Is this some kind of autistic anger management technique? hilarious

What's the quote from

who cares dude its just a book

As I Lay Dying.

hey gr8

Did you cry when your daddy bought you a red Mercedes, not a blue one like you asked for?

>birthday coming up
>give my mother hints that I'd like to have a cat
>say it's my birthday so she can afford to buy me a big tiger and not a cheap tabby
>spend the next few days talking about how magnificant a creature the cat is
>birthday comes up
>mother shows me a present in the shape of a nice animal cage
>feel good about this, proud of my mother for the first time in my life
>as soon as she hands me the cage, all that goes away
>feel under the wrappings a shitty floopy animal
>open it and see it's a fucking penguin
>sternly tell mother that tigers are the animals that are aesthetically beautiful and long lasting
>she keeps telling me that my present is an endangered creature and that the markings look pretty, as if that makes it better
>tell her this penguin piece of shit will fall apart after only a few rapes
>demonstrate my point by anally raping the poorly made penguin just a few times
>it rips apart really easily and turns into a pathetic pile of flesh on the floor
>tfw she won't buy me a tiger because I've been acting bad

She told me I could have just made an exchange if I didn't "destroy" the animal I had, but I don't want another poor animal lover to suffer.

It's meant to be satire, you faggot.

I think it is. It was referenced the same way in an episode of Archer

Your mom actually listened to your wants but just fucked up in a typical boomer mom way. She probably doesn't even understand the fact that there are different editions of books.
Try this one -

>be me
>haven't asked for anything for Christmas/birthday in 10 years because have transcended all material desires and am too humble for possessions
>get into literature
>still don't ask for anything
>mom asks what I want for Christmas
>tell her nothing
>few weeks later she asks again
>tell her it's ok nothing
>few weeks later she asks again
>give in and say just to get me a little amazon gift card so i can buy books
>Christmas
>Get disgusting materialistic excess of walmart paraphenelia that was bought to satisfy her own consumerist tendencies. retarded t-shirts, useless slippers, tacky ornaments, a collection of plastic cups.
>Make pained grimaces as everything is opened and pictures are taken. Make little to no effort to appear to have emotion. Complete non-reaction goes totally unnoticed. Will be the same thing next year.
>Mom's possibly real innocence and naivety make heart feel like bursting. Mom's possibly real callousness makes heart feel like shriveling.
>Few days later throw everything still in the packaging in the dumpster with a sigh at the horrors of capitalist society

I recognize this meme. Nice job improving it, op.

suck a dick spoiled bitch

You're just fucking autistic lol

Very nice my friend, you are fighting the good fight. A tip of the hat to you, sir.

>>tfw she won't buy me the Everyman version because I've been acting bad

patience, will she get you it if you collect enough good boy points ?

Fetishistic consumerism always made me want to vomit
My overnight retail logistics job is probably my way of punishing the world