Re-write the following sentence in the style of an author

fugg

"I woke up at 7,ate a big bowl of cereal,got dressed then went to work"

He woke at the seventh hour when the meridian was still cold and blue and dark and colder still and he ate his cereal like a dog and slurped like a hound and enjoyed the victuals and the repast and then he through on his muddy boots and his coat and his trousers and his bag and went off to work... Monsieur.

>he through on his muddy boots
>through

Stately, plump Buck Mulligan came from the cereal cupboard, bearing a bowl of store-brand bran flakes upon which a spoon and dildo lay crossed. He held the dildo aloft and intoned:
– fugg it's 7 am (ante meridiem) i gotta go get to work on nora

Cereal cums across the sky. It's been 7 am before, butt there's nuthin to compare it 2 now xD.

I am seated on the toilet, surrounded by Lucky Charms and Fruit Loops. My posture is consciously congruent to the shape of the toilet. There is a hard shit coming out of my ass, under which Uncle Charles holds a specimen cup to catch it. It is 7 am and I have committed to providing my stools to science as my tennis career has failed.

Lee woke in the morning hot Lafayette we are here. Cereal pouring like toddler percussion against porcelain bowl, bowels empty like dead virus, dressing later in the suit and coat against his profession, going out with the junkies and queens; working carbolic soap and rectal mucus cocks against prostates, Dr. Benway narcotizing with his Faust pony smile.

...

Been sleeping way too much gotta get up gotta get breakfast. What's going on, wheres it at. Make some calls to make it crack, lets see I need milk, cereal, and an anime with a waifu inside

Eye* aroost** at septUm***, EIGHT**** a breagh***** bolus****** of see-real*******, myg0t******** draised********* denn********** wended************ to twerk*************

* I awake, and the eye opens on waking
** Portmanteau of "arose" and "rooster," the latter's crow waking one up in the morning
*** Septem but septUM meaning in a wall!!
**** Eight comes AFTEr seven!!!!!!!!
***** Irish shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
****** Like bowl but also chewed food!!!!!!!!!!!!!
******* SEEING THE REAL is a reference to Vico's transcendental gnosticism, triggered by seeing Jesus in his muesli in 1754
******** myg0t was Joyce's griefing clan, and what Slavoj Zizek says when he "sees the real" by defeating ideology
********* Portmanteau of "dressed" and "raised" whic his a reference to getting dressed, awaking in the morning, being raised to get dressed, and Jesus' resurrection
********** denn is some German for no reason, also Joyce renovated his DEn
*********** Wended is a reference to the Wends, who are supposed to have invaded Ireland in 1054 according to a story a schoolboy once told Joyce in a grocer's
************ Joyce loved when Nora twerked and slammed farts out of her ass with every gyration

7(:00am) amiwoke (at)
in
into myself
(it is eaten) (((
) 'prior to dress, to dress

(too dressed)(
and the cereal

Thank you Juntaro

I (1) woke up at 7 (2) ,ate a big bowl of cereal (3) ,got dressed then went to work

1:In the Phoenician alphabet, the letter may have originated in a hieroglyph for an arm that represented a voiced pharyngeal fricative (/ʕ/) in Egyptian, but was reassigned to /j/ (as in English "yes") by Semites, because their word for "arm" began with that sound. This letter could also be used to represent /i/, the close front unrounded vowel, mainly in foreign words.
2:Seven, the fourth prime number, is not only a Mersenne prime (since 23 − 1 = 7) but also a double Mersenne prime since the exponent, 3, is itself a Mersenne prime. It is also a Newman–Shanks–Williams prime, a Woodall prime, a factorial prime, a lucky prime, a happy number (happy prime), a safe prime (the only Mersenne safe prime), and the fourth Heegner number.
3:Breakfast cereal (or just cereal) is a food made from processed grains that is often eaten as the first meal of the day. It is eaten hot or cold, usually mixed with milk, yogurt, or fruit. Some companies promote their products for the health benefits from eating oat-based and high-fiber cereals. In America, cereals are often fortified with vitamins. A significant proportion of cold cereals are made with high sugar content. Many breakfast cereals are produced via extrusion.

pretty good
should have fit the word insect flesh in their though

Woke up and forgot how to read the time, didn't eat any breakfast since I'm not hungry, got lost on my way to work.

Achtung fraulein mein gott ITS 7 O'CLOCK my gosh und i haven NOT even had mein big ol CEREAL bowl yet, oh no oh no oh no oh no, dress time dress time, NOT A DRESS a suit time for work, go gog go.

Lol that's DFW/Nicholson Baker level footnotes right there

And so it was that after the hora sexte had passed into the dimness of time, lost as even the earliest movements of the Increate at the start of our universe were lost, lauds rang out. The dry and grainy wheat culled by the autocthons from the south was readily available, but lacking in the heme which I would soon be spreading with impunity on the raised dias. I strapped the giant blade to my back and the mask which is that color deeper than black, to prepare to stand between those who have trangressed against society and the rays of the sun, a shadow upon them which would not lift until head and body were sundered. Who can say what power, real or imagined, could ever unite them again?

Sun, food, clothes..

Work.

>23 − 1 = 7
This is the mathematical learning of Veeky Forums.

>Veeky Forums and stem
haaaaaaaaaaa
>muh poetics tho

Shitposting of this caliber makes me sad for the discrepancy between what your life could have been and what it is now.

Bukowski

"I arose around the rooster's crow, stretched my legs towards the dining hall, ate splendidly and crossed the halls to begin my schoolwork in a stupor."

hemmingway
salinger

I was listening to some jazz while reading this and it was beautiful.

This is a top tier post. I laughed like a madman.

"I woke up at 7,ate a big bowl of cereal,got dressed then went to work, and there's something terribly sad and banal about it."

I started my new night job as a medium for rich and mysterious women on Tuesday, and I wasn't yet used to waking up in the early evening to spend my night in a classy hotel all night. The woman who recruited me for this work randomly on the street, apparently because of how average I look, insisted I had no meat or fish to eat before I took on customers, so I had to make due with cereal. As I poured the contents of the box into a bowl I stared at the Armani suit she had picked up for me the day before and struggled to remember how to properly tie a tie. Finished with my late breakfast I turned on the radio by the kitchen counter so I could hear some news as I got dressed, but I forgot I never had changed it from the classical music station, and an overture by Prokofiev began as I went for my shoes. Then again it might have been Shostakovitch, I wasn't sure.
Properly attired, I left the house by the back door and walked through the back alley, a shortcut to the train-station, the day was ending and creeping up the orange sky a full-moon, and I whistled the cello solo from what I just heard. A black cat came up in front of me and stared me down. "Look at ya' all dressed up, where ya' goin'?" he said.

murakami

desu i've read better parodies of him...

'Twas Seven jolted and bolted but not without a Whole Grain saturated

yes, you should wake up at seven,
eat a bowl of tasty oats,
not forget to put on clothes,
not forget to use the bathroom,
go out of your lodging,
to the work you are to go
richly dressed in jeans and jacket...

"What are you doing there, Jake?"
"Nothing mom! Fuck off!"
Jake is pressing a copy of Ulysses by James Joyce against his computer monitor, wedging it with his keyboard, the book opened to the first page. Jake carefully types out the first sentence, then changes it to fit the meme.
"They'll find this hilarious!"

The alarm wakes me up at 7. I pop a Xanax and prepare a big bowl of All-Bran which I wolf down in front of a re-run of the Patty Winters Show. I spend thirty minutes picking out an outfit before finally settling for the same clothes I wore last night. As I head for work I notice a trail of confetti leading to the elevator.

Alright, this deserves a reply

Today I woke up at 7, ate a big bowl of cereal, got dressed then went to work. Or yesterday maybe, I don't know.

>this was 5 years ago

haha, is that some e.e. cummings?

well done user

this is perfect

I can't guess this one but I like it

Like

It was unclear whether the nightmare concluded exactly at seven, when the alarm clock translated its ringing into my dream, or it ended before, leaving me in the limbo of that one note, shifting and changing, contorting to fit the silhouttes of early morning tones, and in this aphomic purgatory I've spend the better part of the night. One way or another, the dream vanished as I woke up, lingering only as ephemeral feeling, fluid yet foreboding, a panic deja vu attack, a mute seer, knowing yet failing to tell the grave prophecy. Nude, I ate cereal; a thought crossed my mind, pour the shot of tequila into the bowl, the infamous La Sol Moribundo, but those foodstuff experiments serve only the purpose of being retold at parties as a self-myth, a myth of own's life, and could be fabricated with no effort and consequence; I ate, I drank, separate. The underwear and shirt smelt of man sweat and musty rooms, sleeping together without touching, the distance between bodies birthing the awful musk, the putridity of sexless orgy - but the washing mashine, hooked to city's power lines, was broken again, so I put it on and went outside. The way to work lay through the centre of the City, where they change asphalt every three month, as it cracks, leeching budget money - eternal workspaces, new man every week, orange clothes shifting them all into a timeless amalgam. Illegal garbage dumps loomed in the distance, crawling towards, approaching.

mersenne primes are 2^n -1

GOAT

I ate cereal today. Or maybe it was yesterday.

I awoke in the morn, the huge ball of fire seared me to the bone, i gathered some of the wicker basket near me, and absently crunched it to mush after leaping astride my winged horse and flew to war.

my cereal got rotten today

I woke up at the crack of dawn, ate some cereal(It was frosted flakes); It had milk in it, almost expired. My neighbor, just outside my window, was singing the Beetles hit classic "Here Comes The Sun" serenading me as he did every morning.

Here comes the sun
Here comes the sun,
and I say it's all right

Little Darling
It's been a long, cold lonely winter
Little Darling
It feels like years since it's been here

He just hasn't been the same since his wife died. I got dressed for work.

What is this a reference to?

is it an awful rendition of pynch?`

Yes, thank you for noticing.

The sun in the window is helping me awaken. To keep it out of my eyes I stare into my cereal's milk, wishing there was more in the bowl. Soon I'll be at work wishing there was something more in me.

I (Kolsti Duc (meaning moral or Germany (depending on accent marks (or in their absence, context))) Nguyen (author (aka viral marketing meme hack) of Phuc Stevenson (a postman (as in both (yes, both) post-man (meaning Phuc both (both again!) transcends masculinity and acts as postmodernity's quintessence) and man of the postal services) from Mansfield (a suburb of Dallas)))) woke (as in reptiles) up (as in my dick) at (as in my city) 7 (well I actually woke up at 4:30 and then took a series of ten-minute naps between alarms until 7 (at which time I "got up" (what OP probably meant (because how likely is it that someone would actually wake up at 7 exactly (though I understand approximation was implied))))), ate (notice the numbers notice the numbers the motifs are drumming) a (but really "the," if you feel me) big (as in my dick) bowl (see two parentheticals ahead) of (here comes the payoff) cereal (Fruity Pebbles (100 for a quarter / so fire bring your water / old dude slingin mortar / man I save it like a hoarder (DUDE ____ LMAO))), got (GIT GIT GIT GIT) dressed (more like blessed (as in my dick (they come in 3s (notice the numbers notice the numbers)))) then (this parenthetical is wholly unnecessary, but tbfh no more so than the actual conjunction (is the simplicity of implicit weed dead?)) went (walked) to (notice the numbers) work (as a professional _______ go change the 7 to a [post time] (you feel me?)).

I woke as if by a sudden charge of sudden force, embullent, tranquiliant, ultimate; then I faced the cereal bowl, a daunting microcosm of all man's hopes and fears, and eating it as if it were though pure unadulterated abject truth I went to work, hard, mundane yet still that fountainhead of my livelihood unto the final respite of mortality as it approaches man in his mightiest of days, dark yet silently somber days, full of that lustrous desire to make once more the means by which one subsist, so that the very cycle that propounded today's meal of cereal might repeat again and again, till the day that it finally does not: there with the end might surcease the mundane, banish it, no more.

My best Faulkner impression.

I apologize for my rudeness, the prompt really is at fault here, it's pretty hard to fit an entire author's trademark syntax and grammar into
"I woke up at 7,ate a big bowl of cereal,got dressed then went to work"

I woke up at 7am, and the cereal bowls were all in the sink. I poured myself a scotch, and Jennifer came down the steps. "Do you still love me?" She says. I got dressed and went to work.

The swain awoke at dawn, Pheobus' rays predict
Large content of his fast to break: oaten,
Humble as the greatest man, bare chest hide
his robe, ride out to start his talent's labor.

Murakami
except he was have woken up and listened to Wagner or something idk

Too bloody obvious, that's Kafka.
Corncobs
10/10

>Too bloody obvious, that's Kafka.
you can be as obvious as possible and nobody would guess anyway... even if it's classic

Is this a mix of Pynchon and DFW?

Proust?

Is this Burroughs?

Gene Wolfe?

I wish I knew what this was.

Came, you.

The clock told me it was 7:00 A.M. The clock lives outside of me, though, so it's impossible to be certain as to whether or not it exists. Same with the cereal I might have eaten later. After which, I went to "work", which is clearly an abstraction that only exists in an ill mind. All memes are nothing to me.

This is actually good.

I woke up at 7, wondered why breakfast foods are breakfast foods and why we dont eat curry for breakfast, got dressed and went to high school to my cancer ridden BF.

Not you again ffs
Carver

Ιωάννης Χλωρός, προφανώς.

In Vienna, in August if the year 1922, rare book dealer Giovanni Verde made me the offer of a particular rare text, by an anonymous author. This text, written in English but teeming with colloquialisms, relates the morning ritual one unnamed narrator, who awakens at seven o'clock; eats a bowl of cereal and subsequently goes to work.

The following is a verbatim transcript of that document.

Boar-haze.

CAN'T SLEEP CAN WAKE UP NO MORE NOT NOW / MUST GO DOWN YOU GO DOWN LET'S GO DOWN ON EACHOTHER / IT'S YOU AND ME BOWL I'LL EAT YOU LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER / WRANGLE CLOTHES LET ME SIT ON YOU SO I CAN PULL SHIT OVER MY FEET / BLACK TOES SHARPEN MY FEELINGS / OUT DOORS / IN CAR / WORK / DEATH LEAVE ME ALONE

Borges?

Got it.

I am a sick man, a case of frayed nerves or so my doctor says. "A man of science and reason" you will say. Only a fool lives beyond the age of 40. How tiresome it is to live in a damp corner of the city, to wake up at 7 am, eat a big bowl of cereal, get dressed and go to work everyday at my loathsome age.

at first i had american psycho in mind but i don´t remember any confetti

>Wended is a reference to the Wends, who are supposed to have invaded Ireland in 1054 according to a story a schoolboy once told Joyce in a grocer's

Some miserable cunt

I get up when I want except on Wednesdays
When I get rudely awakened by the dustmen
I put my trousers on, have a cup of tea
And I think about leaving the house

"I awoke next to the hearth. Daylight had seeped through the window for some time now and I could feel the pangs of hunger from my spiritual companion in my stomach. We must get ready for the morning hunt in order to quench this hunger. I arose from the hearth."

It couldn't have been more obvious

>myg0t was Joyce's griefing clan, and what Slavoj Zizek says when he "sees the real" by defeating ideology
fucking kek

>Giovanni Verde

Well played, user.

Dosto?

thx bby ;)

Detective Juan Hidalgo de la Fuente was a Brazilian anti-drug enforcement agent dedicated to his job and trying to improve Brazil. He cut his teeth fighting favela drugpins in their underground fight bars as an undercover brawler. During this time he developed his technique in gun-fu. Japanese influence on Brazil was notable, but guns had replaced katanas because Brazilian steel was from deep in Amazonian jungles and often mined by tranny huehue tribesmen, so it was impure for use in swords. Juan learned to dual wield sawed off Nagants in these favelas fight clubs. Eventually he went rogue and became King of the Slums. Being King means you get to fly the plane full of drugs. His brother, Pablo Francisco de la Fuenta, was trained in AR-style gun-fu. Video shows Juan Hidalgo being tracked down and his plane destroyed by Pablo, but it does not capture the Brazilian standoff that followed on that dusty road, where sawed off dual wielding Mosin Nagants and AR15 fought to determine the greatest assault weapon of all of Brazil. No real sense how long I've been awake, I set my cereal bowl down nestled in my underwear drawer, pulled on some sweatpants, and trudged back outside for another trip to the benzo factory. His legacy could not long evade me.

whoever this is meant to be they must be terrible

Je me suis levé à 7h00 avec une sale gueule de bois et l'anus qui gratte... Connerie de prurit ! Ça m'a fait pensé à Gilou qu'était mort d'un cancer au colon il y a un mois. Pauvre Gilou ! J'arrêtais pas de lui dire moi à ce rouquemoute qu'il fallait qu'il se calme sur le tutu. Seulement lui il pensait que je lui débinais ça pour l'énerver, ferme la Ferdinand qu'il me disait et ses doigts brunis frottaient le zinc pour ramasser les bouts de tabac qu'il avait fait tomber. Et puis il mort comme ça. Je lui avais dit moi...
J'ai versé le lait sur mes céréales mais j'avais plus faim. Ça vous coupe l'appétit comme ça de penser aux copains qui sont clamsés. Surtout que Gilou et moi on avait pas mal éclusé tous les deux. On était bleubite quand on avait pris notre première cuite ensemble. Ça fait des liens forcément. Alors voir ces petits bouts de chocolats flotter mollement dans du lait pas frais ça m'a fait penser aux tumeurs à Gilou. Alors j'ai décidé d'aller bosser sans manger, de toute façon je m'étais pas désapé hier soir. J'avais dormi dans ma blouse qu'était pleine de pus maintenant parce que je la lavais plus. J'ai foutu mes grolles et je suis parti sans réveiller Pauline qui était venue dormir ici parce que son père la secouait un peu quand il rentrait tard.

uhh... Clancy?

The clock rang at 7 o'clock,indeed I was awake.I had a jolly fine breakfast of cereal and then off I went to my workplace.

For some reason I woke up at seven in the morning. Nasty business. I quickly gathered my clothes from the floor and used this small moment of respite to scarf down a bowl of Lucky Charms. Time to get back out there.