Ask a grocery store employee

How many calories of food do you reckon there are in your entire store?

Im gonna post some of my stories.

>Hotdog condom guy

>every few weeks this motherfucker comes in
>he's normal looking, clean cut, and around 40
>And every time he buys the same 3 things:
>hotdogs
>condoms
>lube
>every fucking time
But that's not the best part
>after he leaves the store, a few hours later one of the cart pushers will find a suprise
>shit covered lubed up hotdogs in condoms.
He is the reason most of our cart guys only last 6 months

At least 100

How many old ass ladies waste your fucking life to fulfill the 4.28 requirement of payment with twenty dollars and a quarter, saying "I have so much fucking change", and then you give them back three pennies which is slightly more or less what they had to carry in their "heavy" purses

Seriously with all the fucking time old women waste digging to get exact change you'd think the American deficit would be solved

Which minority is the worst shopper?

I get at least 20 of them an hour when I'm on register, that's why I'm glad my manager is finally putting me in the freezer department full time after I train my replacement

From worst to best
>dot Indians
>Armenians
>old white folk
>Mexicans
>white gang members
>colored gang members
>blacks
>Hispanics
>asians
>white people
>old black folk

>2016
>having unprotected sex with a hotdog

>White gang members

Do you have a hypothesis as to why they bother? I can't begin to understand it.

Because back in the day you can buy stuff in change, that's why. 5 cent coffee or what have you.

Like worst like they do it the most, or worst like they always get caught

>Hispanics higher than Mexicans

????

Wannabe Aryan brotherhood looking nuggets who get historaclly inaccurate Nazi tattoos and want to be hard, but their mom won't let them.
That reminds me of a story:
>It's a little after opening on a Tuesday, and I'm the only one on register.
>a family come up with some shit, and is paying with WIC
>WIC is basically welfare, but with checks for what your allowed to buy
>e.g. the most common check is for one gallon of milk, a pound of peanut butter, 12 eggs, and a half pound of cheese
>if you don't get everything listed, and only get 2 of the things, you can't get another check for whatever you didn't pick up
>The problem is, you can only get WIC approved brands, which are never properly marked.
>the lady and one of the 2 kids were fine
>the other kid was crying like his leg was getting cut off
>but the husband was a sight to behold
>he had 1488 tattooed on his cheeks
>The Aryan nation cross with white pride on his throat
>an iron eagle on one shoulder
>And HITLER WITH A MULLET ON THE OTHER ONE ACTUALLY
>he was what Tumblr thinks every white man is
>And he was screaming at his crying kid, at the top of his lungs
>for the entire transaction
>which took 20 minutes because I had to send someone for different cheese twice, and different peanut butter 3 times
>just to get the WIC check to go through
Fuck WIC

Because they want to be important, and fail to realize they are not.
Also because they are going senile

Mexicans cant speak English, hispanic are just Brown Catholics
Just worst in general, not understanding that you cannot barter, trying to scam the store, and stealing. That sort of shit

How do you pick out a watermelon?

Why aren't you working at Aldi?

I have Tyrone from personnel pick it out for me
Because I'm not a britbong

>not understanding that you cannot barter

I fucking hate this. I'm a bartended and Indians and Pakis always try to say "I give you $2" for a beer that cost 5. One even crossed out the total in his credit card reciept and wrote the amount he though it should cost, as if that changes the price at all lol

I had this one cunt
>comes to my lane with 2 sweatshirts and 3 cabbages
>the tags were ripped off the sweatshirts
>Ihatethisshit.jpg
> sigh and punch in the UPCs
>As I am doing so this goddamn Arab cunt INSISTING that it's 10 bucks for both
>they come up at 15 each
>she gets bartering with me
> lol no I aint losing my job over your jewishness
>the she claims that her friend came in the other day and it was 10 for both
>I explain that I cannot change the price, but if her friend has the receipt and you took the items to customer service, they will price match
>she gets upsetti, buys just the cabbages and leaves
>My manager come up to me and says if that bitch comes back, to tell her to get fucked, because she pulls this shit all the time

Unless something's changed in the ten years since I did my grocery stint, most of the big chains are union and have a pretty sick pay scale...

I hope you're doing this in conjunction with your studies and this isn't your full time job with no other prospects.

I wish I was union, because then I would have some protection against getting fired
Im working because I cant afford college, it's either retail or homelessness

Do you masturbate on scene

There's Aldis in the states too m8...

How many times a day do you imagine elaborate scenarios where you slaughter everyone in the store?

Fairly often, It's amazing to me that I have yet to bludgeon someone with a scan gun

When is the best time to buy produce?

How the fuck do I save money buying food?

A half hour after opening, because by then the produce department has probably gone through and tossed all the bad shit, and put fresh stuff out

Tell us about your co workers. Any hot ones? Fun ones? That sort of thing

damn i wish i could get on welfare lmao :D

would it be possible to work havin no contact at all with coworkers?

do you expect/give a shit about being treated as a human by the costumers or just care about your paycheck?

I found this way too funny.

Bread is the cheapest staple that comes precooked, makes sense the weirdos would be there.

HA! Unions for grocery stores don't protect you from getting fired if your contract has "fire at will"

Protip
They all have fire at will

Tap it, should have a nice hollow sound.

keep this thread alive because ive got a pretty good story from working produce, but ive a rehearsal in a few minutes

fuck op

>cashier
>produce stocker

You might as well be working in the cosmetics department fucking faggot.
Get your shit together, toughen up and join the overnight grocery stocking crew.

I work in a ghetto of cincinnati

Are we talking about Injun Indians? Or grease face India Indians?
I can vouch for Injun being absolutely bro tier. The younger ones often ask me about liquor, but the older folks are like mystical injuns, the advice they give is so insightful.
India Indians are the stingiest and most nitpicking ever. They're even worse than Jews when they try to get a lower price, and often they try and return half eaten products for a refund.
Seriously, fuck Indians.

This.

I have a few that are worth mentioning

>old man paul
An old sean connery looking guy, he had no problem telling the shitty managers that they're being assholes, also would buy a big bag of candy for the cashiers to stack on, he died not super long ago, but its not uncommon to see him at his register out of the corner of your eye if your closing.

>Michelle
A cunt of a woman who is openly shitty to everyone who she thinks is lower than her, even though shes one of like, 10 front end mangers at a fucking grocery store and looks like 300 pound sarah palin

>Paul the cart king
A vaguely pudgy 30 something man who is king of the carts, If you're cool to him, he will show you all the weird hidden things in the store that make your life a whole bunch easier.

>Santana
Imagine the stereotype of the super cool goth chick, now make her cooler and really nice. she in charge of making sure that EVERYTHING is stocked, and knows all the local punk bands personally.

>Jacob
really quiet, probably posts here, know a fuckload about classic rock, comics, and fishing

>Bridget
Hates her job more than I do, knows how to not get fucked over by the system more than everyone else there.

>Shrek and donkey
The two loss prevention guys. Shrek is the definition of "I wanna be a cop, but I'm too fat". His black sidekick, Donkey, spend most of his time smoking grape cigarillos instead of stopping theft.

>Joann, the autist
An old autistic bitch who always leaves her register fucked up, people want to fire her, but shes been there too long.

Karla, Janitor
Been there longer than everyone else actually, former military brat who is no-nonsense as fuck

>zach, who has bad taste in videogames
Guy from the Midwest who is really chill, but still kinda figuring things out, got an xbone to play mincraft with youtube "celebrities"

>Karen, everyones cool mom
Brings cookies and snack for anyone who is half dad at work, really nice and will help you out whenever she can

>but its not uncommon to see him at his register out of the corner of your eye if your closing.

SPOOKY

>300 pound Sarah Palin

Pics?

has this guy not heard of dildos

It depends on your position, If you're the night janitor, then maybe you can pull off talking to noone. Otherwise, you're fucked and have to people.

I expect most customers to be no hassle, because they just want to get their shit and leave, but you can tell a shitty one from a mile away.
That reminds me of a story
>On register
>ringing out a guy who was buying $1000 of $20 giftcards
>a guy comes in behind him with just a 12 pack of bud light
>Halfway through the fuckload of giftcards, the guy with the beer gets upset and starts asking how much longer it will be
>He has been there for at most, 2 minutes
>there are other registers open with no line
>I tell him politely that there is no waiting on the register right next to me, otherwise it might be a few more minutes because I have to finish up with this customer
>He gets upsetti and goes to another register
>and then demands to have the manager called
>He starts screaming at the manager that I am a horrible employee and that he wants me fired, otherwise he'll never shop there again and call corporate on us.
>The manager straight up tells him to "Get the fuck out and don't come back"
>I learned that it was the third time that week that that guy had caused a scene
>He got B& from the store

Just slap a wig and some lipstick on a ham and you basically have her

how many times a day do you want to kill yourself? i say this as someone who also works in customer service

I work with produce too. I'm an afternoon guy for a tiny rural store with primarily old people as customers so I pretty much get paid for shitposting on my phone. Everybody is super nice though, I like working there.

7-8 times, sometimes more if the day is really bad.

what is the best cookie/packaged treat at the grocery store?

Dont let the thread died guyses

How ofter do you shop there yourself??

And any cool stories involving those co workers?

DESU when it come to the deserts they're all pretty low tier at my store, but I like the small pies the most. That being said, we have some bretty good pizzas that are cheap as fuck

I almost never shop where I work, unless I just got off shift and don't feel like going somewhere else.
I have a few stories, but I have a shift starting soon, so I'll share when I get back

I like Stocker,A long,long time from now I'll tell my kids about the stories of Stocker.

Btw which chain you werk at?If you want to disclose that info

How often do you masturbate at work?

Stocker is a pretty swell dude

Ill tell my baby brother about him

I used to work in the bakery department, was ok for a bit but desu its shit work. moved on to better things

Stocker a shit

I'm trying to apply to my nearest grocery store. I've never had any professional experience before, but after I graduated high school I worked a few years with my in-laws tiling floors and maintaining agriculture around several houses. What should I know getting into it?

I'd judge you, but it seems god already has....

Why are honeycrisp apples so fucking expensive?

How many gypsies do you get trying to steal? I used to work at a mall and legit saw three gypsies walk in and have their kids stick things in their shirts/pockets/pants, basically anywhere that was slightly hidden.

Tfw gypsy's in America? You think you're in Eastern Europe? When was the last time you saw horse drawn wagons driven by people dressed in colorful clothing rolling down the road?

>PC masterrace
>can't afford fucking cable
Senpai.

You know what a gypsy is, right?
Times have changed, most of the grubby little, thieving scum Roma drive 4x4s and mobile homes.

Gotcha! And the beggar at the subway entrance is a multi-millionaire who's driven to his begging post in a limo.

I work at Wal-Mart

Never, but i have thought about it

You will be treated like you're expendable, and customers will act like it's your fault when anything goes wrong

Because you touch yourself at night

Actually every day, my store is super easy to steal from, I used to take shit shift from it all the time before I worked there

Why would I even want cable? Netflix, Hulu, and piratebay are cheaper and better.

I'm about to head to the store. What meat is on sale this week?

>Senpai
Faggot,

Former retail jockey here. Can confirm that India Indians were the fucking worst to deal with, would always to try to haggle over the stupidest shit and try to combine coupons you weren't supposed to. And they always smelled like they bathed in curry. Fuck India Indians.

Has anyone ever tried to 'extreme coupon', if so, how was the experience?

Are you friends with your coworkers?

Have you ever thought about getting a real job?

How many folks that can't pay do you get at the checkout?

>I'll spare you the >be me part…
>waiting at the cashier at walmart, to buy some stuff
>couple in front of me, didnt understand their language, but it sure was not english
>really weird folks. Not the typical poor fatties or filthy folks, but kinda weird
>Guy didnt look happy with his wife
>they have to pay
>she inserts their credit card
>be bo beep
>clerk tells them it didnt work
>they discuss in their language
>OK, try it again
>be bo beep, same issue
>they discuss in their language
>OK, try it again
>be bo beep, same issue
>they discuss in their language
>OK, try it again
>clerk tries to explain to them that it's not working
>be bo beep, same issue
>they discuss in their language
>OK, try it again
>clerk gets manager how tries to explain it
>be bo beep, same issue
>they discuss in their language

finally, they pay in cash
I can understand that you try it again, when it does not work the first time, but I think the terminal even told them something like "no moneyz", and they certainly looked like that would happen to them often…

But anyways, I enjoyed the show, while silently laughing my ass off, and making zoological observations about the behaviour of the herd of landwhales at the next checkout lane, and wondering about how the hell sex works for those folks, because I cant really figure out how the hell anything shorter than a 2ft penis could have impregnated that beast, and how she had not yet eaten her offspring…

Oh, yeah, next question:
>any "good" fatty stories?

I work in the deli section of a big grocery store and there's this one woman spilling over the sides of her mobility scooter that comes in two or three times a week and does nothing but ask for sample slices. Sometimes two or three of something she likes but she'll get slices of almost everything and if she bites one and doesn't like it she'll just leave it on top of the bread in front of the display cases.

If she's eating meat and wants to "try" a cheese and there's no open cheese slicers, she will scream obscenities and call everyone retarded fucking jews and mexicans and monkeys and try to roll her cart behind the counters (it's never been wide enough, why does she keep trying) until a cheese slicer becomes open and I can give her a cheese slice. If she makes me slice eight or nine different cheeses and then wants a slice of ham and all the meat slicers are being used, rinse and repeat.

We have to humor this orb because the last time the managers told her to leave about eight months ago she argued so hard she went into cardiac arrest. Seven paramedics had to roll her onto two stretchers roped together with electrical tape.

Cashier here for a few questions for people,why the hell do most of you not admatch?
Bananas are 3lbs for 99c and a dozen large eggs are 99c as well right now in my area.
$5 could get you some good stuff and its healthy food!

>paul the cart king
>not calling him Paul mcCartking

Also, if you would add yourself to this list;
>

Yes, it was surprisingly not terrible. The lady was really polite and her kids weren't trying to play on the goddamn bag carousal .

Whatever is about to expire is always what is put on sale, also pork.

Sort of, there are only a few of them that I would actually want to hang out with.

Real jobs aren't real in my state.

So fucking often, they're always mexican or weird.

I have a fatty story
>Be on 20 items or less
>A woman who can only be described as actually a perfect circle with legs comes in with her brood
>She actually had a gut reaching past her knees
>And of course they had more than 20 items.
>the entire time I was ringing her up she was SCREAMING at her kids, who weren't actually doing anything
>The total was almost $300 in just tv dinners.

To be honest, I don't know how to do it without sounding like some uber jew at the register.

Do you just like...show them a printed ad from a different store and get them to change the price on the spot?

>asians are low on the list
wrong.

they watching the items ring up like a hawk, and yell if it's not the right price (or when they think it's not).

And they also buy expensive produce (like cherries) and then complain that it's too much and have you take them off. Fuck asians.

Dot indians will always be the worst though. THEY WILL, LEGIT, BRING 4 GALLONS OF MILK TO THE REGISTER FROM DIFFERENT BRANDS, PICK ONE, AND MAKE YOU PUT THE OTHER 3 BACK. FUCKING WHY.

well i didnt meant some shit like that. that is a form of human contact even if aggressive or unpleasant. what i meant is when someone pays as if he was using a self-service machine.

Trust me you wouldn't sound like a jew for something like that,only when you're bullshiting about the price like this lady did.
Pretty much yeah,you could bring in the ad and show us it.The cashiers have the ads at the register if you don't have it with you.9 times out of 10 I have the ad memorized except on Wednesday when they go into effect.Just let the cashier know that 'this' or 'that' is an admatch when you get up to the register when its your turn.

Are we talking about the ads that the store put out or a rival store put out?

I have no issues just pointing out that the ad said X, it's just every once in a while I see a sign saying that they honour competitor stores' ad prices and it feels weird to go in and ask for a lower price there instead of just going to the rival store.

>Tfw closest op has ever come to having friends or people caring about him is tripfagging on an anonymous image board and begging for attention
jesus fuck why do people like you exist

Ads a rival store put out.
Say that a rival store has bananas for 3lbs for 99c but WM prices are 56c per pound,we will honor the other stores ad so so long as its the exact product on the ad. Make sense?There are limits however on what we can/can't admatch,like on the ad it says buy 3 (lets say bar s hotdogs)get the forth free but on the ad it doesn't have the price of the item,we can't do that.

>exact product
So with your bananas example if it doesn't say what kind of bananas they are, I might not be able to get them matched because they could be different breeds?

If its bananas it should be fine,unless you want organic bananas admatch to the normal banana prices then it won't work.Sorry if I'm confusing you.

do you find people living in little forts in the aisles of food like so often seen in movies

Not OP but I haven't.
Anyone want to hear crazy/funny stuff that's happened where I work?

I am willing.