Post a nice sentence that you recently wrote for your novel

Post a nice sentence that you recently wrote for your novel.

A sentence is rarely enough, here is a short fragment.

Я шлa к бoльницe чepeз двopы. Чepeз дыpы в зeлeнoм зaбope мoжнo былo paзглядeть кopoбкy дeтcкoй плoщaдки, и дeтeй, пинaющих cдyтый мяч. Их pюкзaки и кypтки cвaлeны в yглy, нa плoтнoм, cтoптaннoм гpyнтe кoнcиcтeнции бeтoнa; иcкyccтвeнный гaзoн cвepнyт pyлoнaми нaпpoтив, oн пoбypeл, и плacтик нaчaл пoдгнивaть. Maльчик в жeлтoй кeпкe зaмaхивaeтcя и пoдcкaльзывaeтcя, пpoeзжaeт нa кoлeнкaх oкoлo мeтpa, пoкa нe тopмoзит лaдoнями. Я пpoхoжy тyт чacтo, я пoмню этих дeтeй, и кaждый paз ктo-нибyдь пaдaeт. Дoлжнo быть, oни вce в цapaпинaх и бoлячкaх. B peбячecкoй нeвиннocти мнoгoe пpячeтcя, a мы oтвoдим глaзa: хoлoдный бытoвoй мaзoхизм - я cдиpaлa бoлячки и ждaлa мaлeнькoй paдocти, кaк лимфa ycoхнeт, и блeднaя poзoвaя paнкa cнoвa зapacтeт кoжypoй. Дeти нa плoщaдкe пpизeмляютcя нe тoлькo нa кoлeнки и лaдoни, нo и нa лицa, cпины, гpyди, хoтя чepeз cкoшeнный зaбop нe paзглядишь шpaмнoй ткaни их тeл.

I need to have sex

It's about a guy and his love for chips
>Doritos, light of my life, cheese on my fingers. My hunger, my munchies. Do-ree-toes: the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth. Do. Ree. Tos. It was chips, plain chips, during lunch, weighing one-point-eight ounces in one hand. It was Cheesy Nacho for snacks. It was Cooler Ranch at school. It was Salsa Verde in the shopping line. But in my mouth it was always Doritos.

I want my character to act like this but I don't want it to be obvious.

>A microphone turned on and tortured their ears with the sound of rustling papers and squeaky wheels clicking harshly across a steel floor. A voice asked for them to stand, in orderly fashion, behind the yellow line.

Here's two I wrote this weekend that I'm happy with:

"The sky was grey with the promise of rain and I went to their house knowing nobody was home."

"My high school was a noisy thicket I spent four years ripping my way out of, a series of hostile compartments in which I chewed gum until it tasted like shoes, napped illegally, was reminded - in no uncertain terms - of a potential I never saw, and most vexingly, the place seemed like an obstacle in the way of something heavy, something I felt I could reach out and grab, had I the ability to see it."

>LOLita

I'm thinking that the house is in the middle of the city, due to air pollution. Because you mentioned grey and rain in the same sentence.

Gave me a hefty giggle, bravo user

That's not what I intended, I just needed a new way to say something to the effect of "It was going to rain soon."

I guess I'm just reading too much into it.

Thanks for the chuckle, user.

I have a knack for emulating John Green:
>The worst kind of pain is one with a promise to stay.
>She was so beautiful that the worst thing about her was when she smiled, I couldn't see her eyes.
>In the mall we encountered all kinds of death, the one that is nicely wrapped, the one that treats you like a real woman in her yoth and then slowly strangles you with her addiction, blame and even hands, the one that hypnotizes you into believing that death does not inhabit malls.
>So they put up fake icicles on the building so that no cards would be parked below, but summer came and they neglected this little enterprise, so now we call it "The Winter House".

Do you translate your own work?

top kek

My Russian suffers because of my English, so I try to get back to the roots. Hopefully it's okay, although I feel at times it sound really clunky.

>"The faggot nigger talking about finding love in blowing his Safeway-manager on the back seat of a Honda, I might be in love with. But that trailer-trash cunt complaining about her crack-dealer boyfriend being in San Quentin and 'how am I going to feed my lovechild that I don't want'--that cunt stole his fucking deserved applause. I'm going to kill that bitch, young man, you watch me."
>And he did.

Do you mind giving an attempt? Understandable if not, but personally, I would love to see.

...

Is he using good advice to make a commentary on how he chose option #1?

Also, yes, it's edgy--it's about people coming into contact with the main character falling into various states of mental illness, ranging from depression/bipolarity to full-on serial-killing psychopathy.

Mother would call through the slats of the bannister, rattle the soaked wood dripping with the steam of years upon years of billowing clouds of vapor emanating from the simmering pot, the hot glass bowl whose sides repelled the water into gas condensed in weighty droplets along every piece of the taught spruce-cut framework made gelatinous thereby, in winters we would scrape the fatty jelly from the walls, but the house was crippled from the weight of the aspic.

The ships in the harbor had no names, the shops on the streets had no names, and it is very likely that some of the peoples here had no names.

Lol you cant even keep a consistent tense

That's the point retard.

Wacky wednesday lolololol

As I was walking to the hospital, I wandered off the main street and into the maze of inner city. Through the holes in a solid green fence you could see barren playground and the children kicking around a deflated ball. Their coats and backpacks were piled in a corner, on the ground stomped completely flat by generations of kids, dense as concrete; on the other side lay rolls of fake lawn, untouched, their plastic slowly decaying, turning from emerald to mud-brown. A boy in a yellow baseball takes a swing and misses, slips, drifts on his knees for a good meter or so, until he brakes with palms. Then and now I wandered through here often and I remember those children, someone always falls. Must be all covered with scratches and scrapes. In the childdren's innocence hides many a thing, we avert the eyes: cold banal masochism - I tore off the sores and waited for my little joy, when lymph dried up and pale pink wound once again covered with peel, and tore it off again. Those kids in the yard land not only on knees and hands, faces backs and breasts also, but through the little holes in the fence you can't see the scarified tissue of their bodies.

Here you go.

This wasn't me, but that's what I would have said so thanks user

Her eyes roared yes as her lithe torso squirmed away.

Hermoine sleeps shaking.

I'm a fan, although I think the second-to-last sentence could use some clarification.
Thank you for doing that.

The guards gasped loudly; they could not believe what they were seeing once the stranger had removed his sunglasses: he looked even cooler without them!

noice

A great thing—the thing greater than all things were and were to be and ever could be thought—crouched outside the vastness and peered inside and utside, for It could see all of it and It pittitook to it.

Hello My Diary; today I experienced fifty shades of human condition.

The bulge in her pants gave me instant constipation.

Loud lights erected through the curtains, I squinted and crinkled the corners of my eyes and coughed ambivalently, I heard the sound of children shouting in a greenish way just outside.

>Tired of sleeping, F. decided to get up.

"By the petals on my pretty person a princely ponce has come to take my crown."

Terrible

your cough conveyed your inability to make a decision? putting words together with no correlation doesnt make it good writing

Mнe пoнpaвилocь - oчeнь дaжe нeплoхo. Хopoшo пoлyчилocь пpo бытoвoй мaзoхизм

Nabokov would be proud

A poverty of sunshine greeted his morning; he greeted it all the same.

The rain had come, at first slight and soon overtook even the thunder in my ears: the first storm had arrived, pregnant with the kind of chaos that tugs at the fates of an entire populace. Like the hand of god itself brought to strike divine unto those who had fouled. I only hoped judgement hadn't found my soul marred.

"in no uncertain terms" doesn't belong in there

lold

"I want to have sex with you" is what I meant, but what I ended up saying was "I am extremely uncomfortable". She didn't seem very impressed. So I said it again.

>"It would be extremely painful" Bane replied.

>The monotony of sobriety, the misery of a hangover and the ecstasy of intoxication. Here you have the life of modern man in its three constituent parts - though not always in that order.

>What is the meaning of modern life, if not to master it finest art? That is, contentment in monotony.

>The truth fears nothing, least of all investigation - and that is why we, most untrue beings, fear the truth.

>There is a difference between walking through the valley of the shadow of death, and making yourself at home there.

>People would rather give up their principles than go hungry.

I have shit thoughts which I try to record on my phone. I wonder if I'll ever do anything with them.

>I wonder if I'll ever do anything with them.

Please don't.

It's really hard to make that sort of thing not obvious since it's always obvious if someone is a thirsty motherfucker to everyone except himself.

>The Man Who Lost His Future felt he had led an empty life
I know it's corny as fuck but I really feel I need to put the past 5 years worth of young adult angst to paper so I can move on.

It was the kind of rainy where the slug came out of their holes at night and gathered on the streets to participate in blind, androgynous orgies, only leaving white stains of slime the morning after.

Originally in german, also inb4 purple prose

The train car rose in unison, the plastic buckles of backpacks and briefcases thudded and clancked against the hard metal floors.

> It had been a dry summer, the water locked stubbornly into the air, and the woods were desiccated and drab, all but consumed by drought.

A sentence to expound upon a setting, nothing very special but I feel that it's pretty functional and gets across the information I'm trying to convey.

never try to Joyce

I like

>I didn't remember how I had ended up on the floor, but it felt like someone had hit me in the head with a heavy chocolate bat wrapped in cherry flavored barbed wire.

comma splice

>all but consumed by drought

i really hope this is better in german

not bad, maybe add a gerund

Jesus Christ, set an alarm on your phone, and do not post another sentence of yours on this website for exactly one year. At which point we will review your case.

I know you think this is clever, but it's not.

comma splice

>squinted and crinkled

redundant


Half of you people are incapable of using correct grammar for even one sentence.

>felt like
>didn't taste like

"I wish I could tell you that I took his advice, but I didn't. I haven't forgotten it either."

>Her loose, flabby gut seeped out of the top of her tight shorter-than-short mini skirt, her thick, thunderous thighs dimpled by an ill-diet and lack of exercise, and when she sat down her already exposed legs displayed even more as her skirt rode up her thigh enough to where it might as well be a belt, her fat ass sitting directly onto the stool; she crossed her legs for the world to view the wetness of her cunt moistening the thin fabric of her panties, and it was at that moment I knew I wanted to fuck her.

I'm not as offended by the fact that whoever took the picture put a braindead slut that has sucked a thousand dicks in her life and probably another thousand in the next one and never really wrote anything worth a fuck than by the fact someone out there is so much of a tryhard to use gloves to type.

does anybody want to be writing buddies? to keep each other on track for our novels/projects and give each other advice on our writing. it could be fun

no homo

I'd be down for that.

A friend of mine and I actually have a small printing press where we publish our short stories and novellas, too, if anyone's interested.
There's no profit but a good way to expose people to your writing. We distribute at university campuses all over the Los Angeles area and are trying to expand to San Diego and San Francisco, maybe even beyond Cali

"His ass split open, the hard cracked shit piercing through his lips. He winced in pain, loud and uneasy. His parent's guest heard him from the supper table, meatloaf and gravy in their mouths. A painful moan and the water splashing intensely echoes throughout the house.
"No more chicken tendies tonight!" He says aloud"

As you can tell its pretty serious

that sounds pretty cool (publishing thing and writing buddy thing). i have a few projects in planning stages right now and in the meantime i'd like to write more pulpy short story/novella format works.

what's your preferred way of keeping in touch if you want to?

i am also interested

email me, if u want

[email protected]

>They left her room and wandered out into the massive halls lit bright by torches burning reddish flame.

It's a historical fantasy story.

lots of unnecessary information here imo

we know that torches burn, and we know that fire is reddish

also, maybe you could tighten it, something along the lines of:

>They wandered out of her room and into the torch-lit hall.

you could also just ignore me. i'm probably just impressing my style on you

you are literally so gay

Sure. Hit me up at [email protected]. We can be cool writing buddies.

i'm my email is [email protected], i'll be in touch guys

jelly

would you guys be interested in a writing group?

All of us exchanging advice, critiques, and stories maybe once a week?

I'm from a small town in a rural area, so I don't have a lot of people willing or knowledgable enough to critique with.

you can join if u want boii ;)

sorry, I got held up in the restroom. Just drop your email, and I'll get to you guys tonight.

thomas, I got you, still need

Okay, so this is the publishing press guy
so far I have,
[email protected]
[email protected]

let me know if anyone else is interested. I'm emailing you guys now

yeah that's what i was thinking now that this has gained a bit of traction. maybe a skype group or something could work, just dropping in as the week goes by and maybe trying to something big once a week or however often if we all can. looking forward to it.

i'm
by the way, [email protected]

I'm interested as well.
[email protected]

gotcha, man. emailing you now and adding you to mailing list

I SPEND A LOT OF EFFORT DESCRIBING THINGS THAT DON'T MATTER IN IDIOSYNCRATIC TERMS BECAUSE I I LIKE PLAYING WITH TOOLS BUT DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO ANY REAL WORK

sign me up

[email protected]

you're in, you'll get the message I've sent out to everyone in a couple of minutes

thanks bud

I was a flower of the mountain yes.

AND MY AXE
>[email protected]

got you to, man

expect an email in a few

>I know you think this is clever

Care to elaborate?

>tfw everyone skips yours

We know it's you, John.

If you stopped after the ships in the harbor I think this would be a good opening sentence.

The ticking of watches filled his ears, driving consciousness from his wearied mind until all that remained were bad dreams.

The undertone angered.

Schweddy balls up his tissue paper.

Whose responsibility is it to make sure the world progresses?

At the time, his favorite song overwhelmingly smelled purple, he could close his eyes and taste it.

I'm not a writer.

I don't have a novel.

The clown horseman took two pennies from his wallet and saddled up his horse before tossing them to the kid, "here kid", he said, tossing them to the kid standing in the corner of the stable gazing hesitantly at the horse in it's pale-as-death-itself white makeup and adorned with red nose like a gauche talisman.

Hmmmmm

"Of course, it didn't bother me, what happened in that King Croute Castle."

I don't exist, yet I imagine a seed will grow ...

Clearly you watch too much anime.

The sentence was self-reflexive (look it up) about the book and, no, I don't watch anime.

Lolmao. Post context or excerpt pls.