Post food tips your mom gave you

not same user but you can caramelize onions in the oven pretty easy with minimum stirring every 15 minutes at 400 degrees but you can also just cook onions at high heat and add 2 table spoons of water when it gets too brown/dry at the bottom and your onions will be done in 15 minutes anyways. oven takes a few hours though like 1-2 hrs.

youtube.com/watch?v=057XTJGWHUM

To tell how done a steak is, find a friend and if it feels like their cheek, it's rare; if it feels like their chin, it's medium; if it feels like their forehead, it's well done.

>you can put them in the freezer until your next move
...what? What the fuck do old frozen bananas have to do with moving?

Why do you need someones head? Couldn't you just use your own?

oh that makes perfect sense. why did i ever trust that old bat.

Just flambe them or mash them up. Freezing them is just retardo-mode.

Why would you want to knife yourself?

you have to take them out of the freezer when the fridge gets unplugged, so they'll last until you move out.

Instead of saving leftovers for lunch the next day, save the meal you were going to eat and have the leftovers instead!

Nasty. You end up ruining the meal you were about to have while not gaining anything for the leftovers.

>inviting people over to stab them
Finn detected

Always rinse off your non-ground meat, in case any bits got left stuck to it in the butchering/packaging process.

Add a couple tablespoons of water to the pan when oven baking porkchops.

For bonus points, take the peels off before you freeze them. They're a lot easier to use that way, versus chipping off frozen peels or having to heat up water to warm the peel up.

they taught me that when I worked at Hoss's for a week.

>you can put them in the freezer until your next move
What if you own your house and don't plan on moving? And why would you take your bananas with you when you move?

Freeze everything, and boil expired milk

you don't take them with you. you throw them out with the rest of the shit your dumbass mom has been hoarding.

another tip she taught me is keep all your old batteries and let them explode over time and get toxic powder everywhere. women are stupid.

>boil expired milk
how come?

Makes it safe to drink again, then you can freeze it until you need it.

>freezing milk

no thanks

i don't boil but i usually add honey and protein powder to my milk, keeps it fresh for for an extra month.

you can freeze milk if you have too much

throw an old penny into any stew for good bacteria

All of the tips I have acquired have been independent of my mother, who does not really cook.

To be on topic, she taught me how to make a good grilled cheese.

I buy a bunch so when they turn brown I can make banana bread or muffins or ice cream

How do you store them? Freeze? Refrigerate? How long do they refrigerate for? Do you put them in jars like jam?

in bags.

when i started working broil i was taught the same principle based on the butts of different built chicks
>sloppy butt
>juicy butt
>firm butt
>fit butt
>athletic butt

>tfw everyone thinks im buttlord because i learned my temps in one shift
>never touched a girl's butt

if you fuck up or scorch a pan, boil it with detergent for 5 mins and that shit comes right off.

yeah and I learned on a ballsack. problem is, can't use your tongue to test the steak's firmness. Used a meat thermometer instead.

Don't distract her with oral or the food will burn.

If you have a bunch of food that's about to go bad you can mix it into a soup and your stupid relatives will eat it

If you have some food with mold on it you can just cut the moldy part off and eat the rest. Come on, it's fine. It's still good! Just eat it you little shit, I spent good money on that!

Who ever has enough bananas getting overripe at once without buying them specifically for the purpose of banana bread?
I freeze the odd overripe banana here and there until I have enough in the freezer to make a batch of banana bread.

You don't have to use so much plastic wrap to cover up food. You know how much that costs? Pennies?! Well it adds up! When you move out if you waste so much plastic wrap you will be poor! Then you'll see! Then you'll see!

True for hard dense foods, like salamis, cheese.
False for soft, mushy, porous foods, like strawberries, sponge cake, just fruits in general.

If your frying oil is to hot, throw some ice cubes in it to cool it down.

Great thread idea OP. I have much wisdom to share from my mother.

Always buy the largest size of everything. That way you won't run out for several years, or possibly ever. It's horrible to run out of things, and you're actually *saving* money by buying in bulk and paying a lower unit price.

Instead of throwing away old leftovers, just microwave them every few days until boiling. This will kill any pathogens or flavour that might be in your food.

think about throwing a few things out if you and the people you cook for get stomach poisoning. clean the sticky parts of the fridge, too.

kekd

your pasta water has to be as salty as the sea and if you throw a nuudle to the wall it should stick - original ragu bolognese contains ground beef, tomatopaste and heavy cream, nothing else of that hipster shit

cook everything to shit or else your kids will die in their sleep

make sure you serve everything piping hot so that the family has to spend more time with you

make sure your kids overeat when they're young so that you're not the only obese one in the family.

>only use knives that are barely sharp enough to get the job done, it's safer!
my mom was not a very good cook.

Maybe she's trying to make meth. Or is that just from car batteries?

What the what

Go on

I feel like that may be trolling, I'm not sure.

>Instead of throwing away old leftovers, just microwave them every few days until boiling. This will kill any pathogens or flavour that might be in your food.

You dont reheat food more than once ever EVER. I now realize that i dont know why, but its what my mom says

>what is portioning off exactly how much you mean to eat

apparently those super ripe, mushy bananas make GREAT banana cream pie

>I now realize that i dont know why
Are you serious? It turns it to flavorless mush.

Your mom thinks I make a great cream pie

Never heat up a pot or pan with nothing in it. That ruins it for some reason.

This is true to an extent for pans with non-stick lining.

Don't leave a metal utensil in the fridge or else it will poison the food.

>what is ice cream?

Try to make some ice cream using just milk and let me know how that goes

>fridge freezer
>not chest freezer
where do you keep the bodies?

>not making banana bread or banana chocolate chip muffins

bitch,

yeah, i only freeze maybe one banana per bunch, if it gets too bruised to sit out or w/e. takes me a few months to get enough to use

It confuses the tobacco

>Not making banana ice cream
bitch

Just let them sit in a pot full of caramel until they absorb the desired amount

Also, when you mince garlic, let it sit for 10 minutes before exposing it to heat so that the healthy enzymes have time to form

>not renting a refrigerated moving van
Are you even a chef?

Why bother freezing it if you can just keep boiling it whenever it goes bad?

In México, we peel them, stab them with a stick, cover them with chocolate and then freeze them
bretty gud

I do, but it's because I make magic banana bread and I used 4 bananas instead of the usually three and a ton of cannabutter. Shit is bitchin and some people tell me they can't event taste the weed in it, but I definitely can.

Condiments never go bad. Sure the label might say it's three years expired, but it's really not.

also good

speckled is the goat ripeness

No one taught me this one: pick several bananas off different bunches of various ripeness levels so every day there will be a couple that are just right.

If your food is spoiled/moldy, you can still eat it. Your life isn't worth that much anyway.

if you have a freezer that is unattended for months on end (ex a cottage) freeze a container of water and put a coin on top, if you come back to find that the coin is in the ice you know that the power went out and the food is no good

I do it stovetop with the lid on, low heat. A little olive oil in the pan first. If the heat is low enough you don't really have to watch them, just check occasionally and stir around. It's pretty hard to ruin them at low heat and they won't burn with a little oil to start. As they cook they'll release enough juices to avoid ever burning.

I put them in a jar in the refrigerator. Just one of those tomato sauce jars I washed and reuse for a few different things. They keep for a good while, about 2 weeks easy.

smart

use an orange peel u fuckin cunt

don't talk to me like that ever again

sorry mom

just put a bunch of cut up onions in a large pot on a stovetop. leave em, and stir occasionally. if you're worried about burning add some water

Hey, my mom's new husband says that to people all the time! Sven, is that you?

She told me to not eat too much or I'll end up a fatty.

quick tip: if you have a box cutter blade, you can slash lots of fruit in the produce section, and it's undetectable at first, but within a few days it'll have a festering rot in it, the skin rots last. happened to me once and i've been doing it ever since. never caught. i opened a banana and it was all black mush in the center and the peel had a clean slice through it. doing this, you can waste a lot of peoples money and annoy them. heh heh heh.

Yeah, that's me, ya boy Sven. Glad we're all on an understanding, put a potato peel in yo tobacco

Pretty clever.

hee Tinus, heb je zware shag?

are you talking shit to me, lil bitch?

>tfw you get the banana bread just right

some hippiefag dumpsterdivers do this because it makes the stores throw out good produce too (to make sure). After closing they fish all the good stuff out of the bin and take it home.

and your mom taught you this? she's a cunt.

Sunburn is not a problem you face, is it?