Hi Veeky Forums, my boyfriend is a violent, ectoplasmic purificatory incarnation who doesn't have normal emotions. I want to get him a book for his birthday but am drawing a blank. Any ideas?
(He likes sports and depressing ballads from the fifties.)
Jackson Hill
Get him a pair of balls.
Gavin Hughes
He already has a lot of balls. Like, hundreds. He's obsessed with baseball.
Parker Miller
>having a gf
Your bf is a retard just buy whatever.
Jayden Murphy
>violent, ectoplasmic purificatory incarnation who doesn't have normal emotions. You should probably just end yourself.
>yfw he consciously uncouples from you
Ian Peterson
which fifties?
Brayden Gutierrez
Nineteen.
Angel Hughes
>violent, ectoplasmic purificatory incarnation who doesn't have normal emotions
Leo Lee
>being this heteronormative
Lincoln Hill
>violent, ectoplasmic purificatory incarnation Now this is painful Work on yourself first
Alexander Rogers
>being a fag
kys plz
Nathaniel Parker
Why does everyone have a problem with my boyfriend being a vaguely humanoid executor for an inscrutable cosmic order? He's a nice guy.
Lucas Johnson
>is a violent, ectoplasmic purificatory incarnation who doesn't have normal emotions >He likes sports
Infinite Jest
Jackson Anderson
Nice bait, fooled a lot of people, for something so obvious.
Jaxon Butler
I'm not baiting, I just want to get a nice book for my boyfriend :(
I will look into Infinite Jest. Its nightmarish hyperconsumerist setting would likely be of interest to him.
Kevin Williams
...
Robert Butler
>I just want to get a nice book for my boyfriend :(
Then try to describe him in better ways. You know, some where you don't come across as having schizoid personality disorder.
Jayden Richardson
My descriptions seem fine, but I'll try to go into detail.
My boyfriend is distant, taciturn, and on a profound mission: the expurgation of all impurities in our world's numerous zones. He is the archnemesis of ghastly troublemakers that wreak unseen havoc everywhere, and by purifying them, he saves their souls. He never questions this, and may be unable to. I think he's somewhat misguided...
He also enjoys comic books, rollercoasters, and cool spring days. He is tall and rather well-built. Secretly, when he thinks he's alone, he can be tearful.
Anything else you want to know?
Michael Ward
Are you a girl?
Jeremiah Turner
Ahaha, who knows?
Anthony Cox
Woah OP you use big words! You must be really smart and you've made a good thread, I'm glad you're posting all this on Veeky Forums we know good writing and you write really good!
Jason Cook
How to write like OP?!???
Pls help !!!
Jackson Smith
You probably.
Bentley Stewart
I'm writing at a 7th grade level, you pleb.
Jeremiah Morris
I don't even know what pleb means!! Will you try speaking English so I can get some tips maybe??
Henry Cruz
I am speaking English, and the way you're implying I'm bad at it is making me feel very attacked.
David Walker
I'm not attacking I promise!! Seriously give me tips or recommend me some books to read!! What books do you read that make you so smart??
Jose Barnes
Consider sudoku.
Robert Wood
The Natural seems like a good fit.
Blake Bennett
Mostly I read old classics everyone knows about: Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Narnia books, various romps by Dan Brown (a guilty pleasure)...
I don't consider myself particularly intelligent. I'm flattered if you're being sincere, which I doubt.
Anthony King
I've read those books tho and I'm not as smart wtf, seriously OP stop messing with me and recommend me some books you like that will make me smart like you! Why do you keep thinking I'm not sincere??
Adrian Morris
This reads like how you would describe the main character in a poorly written superhero erotic fanfiction, stiff disconnected language and all. I'm hoping this whole thread is an elaborate bait, otherwise you could legitimately be autistic.
Christopher Moore
It does! It's even about his favorite sport. Thanks for making a real suggestion.
Isaiah Perez
...
Easton Williams
He is pretty much a superhero. He has an alternate form and everything. But where do you get the erotic angle from? Are you saying he sounds hot?
Isaiah Hughes
>He is pretty much a superhero. He has an alternate form and everything.
Can he fly?
Kayden Russell
No, but he can run very quickly and jump pretty high.
Anthony Bennett
this is easily the best wikihow advice i've ever seen
Austin Rogers
No, he sounds equally autistic. I'm referring to your disconnected romanticized view of him, which is similar to someone who has zero sexual experience or ability for emotional connection attempting to describe eroticism in fanfiction.
Dominic Rodriguez
yr bf sounds like a fascist.
Elijah Gutierrez
Hello??? OP???
Oliver Lee
>He has an alternate form
Caleb Torres
But where does the eroticism come from? Because I said he's jacked? Jeez... I think you might be projecting a little here.
But yes. He has always had some difficulty with social situations. It's just one of many ways he is like Batman.
Carter Parker
>No, but he can run very quickly and jump pretty high.