Coworkers forcing me to go to a bar tomorrow night

>Coworkers forcing me to go to a bar tomorrow night
>Keep making jokes about "getting user laid haha"
>They probably realize I'm a virgin
>I've literally never been in a bar before
>Can't really get out of it
>Almost certain they're doing this to humiliate me but outside of the workplace now

I am finished.

Tell them about your sick crypto gains

>r9k

Whichs coins are you hodling? that decides my response

>never been in a bar

How the fuck is this possible

Please actual advice.

Bars don't accept internet funny money

>tfw so nervous end up canceling at the last minute saying you're sick
>end up saddrinking yourself into a good mood
>"i should've just gone anyways"

A bar is just a place people go to drink and socialize. Just relax

chill. most people go to a bar to have a good time, obviously you're not. The best thing you can do is get drunk for 2-3 hours and try to have a conversation about stuff you're interested in. just make the best of it

>just b urself bro

there's nothing special about a bar, its the same as sitting in your living room with music playing surrounded by a bunch of drunk people trying to unwind and laugh/bullshit.

Just go socialize, have a couple drinks, but don't do anything you don't feel comfortable with.

In all likelihood your work mates aren't trying anything devious, it's extremely common at nearly every workplace for people to socialize outside of work, and it typically involves getting drunk. Out of the last ~10 companies I've worked at, I've gone out with coworkers for drinks at every single one of them, and in a couple cases made some really great longtime friends.

Try not to behave autistically, don't act really cringey or intentionally awkward. Try to be normal, have a level head, smile and laugh, try to add your opinions into group conversations but nothing too "out there", normies don't react well to really unconventional/weird opinions evne if you think you're being clever or unique or "individual" in your thinking. Don't overthink it and you'll have fun.

This is not rocket science. You just go to the Barkeeper or wait for him and be like "hi, I would like to have a . After two or three beers you will be chilled.

Just ask for a sapporo, great white, kirin, chang, anything on the tap is good.

But make sure you pronounce it like “neg-ger-oni”, if you don’t, you might look like a fool

ask for bourbon, neat

We can't help you not sperg out in conversation, that's on you senpai. What I CAN tell you is you should get a nice buzz going to help loosen you up. I suggest starting with something nice and strong because it sounds like you're going to need it. Order a long island or an irish trash can. ONLY GET ONE, this is just to get you started. After you're loose from that you'll switch to something decent tasting while also being a respectable and not-make-fun-able drink. If your co-workers are taking you there to watch you sperg they'll be looking at your drink choices too. I personally suggest a gin and tonic with lime, maybe a vodka soda. Order anything with whiskey and they'll think you're trying to look cool, order anything girly and they'll think you're, well, girly. e.g. vodka cranberry

Just get a beer. And since you're nervous take the situation and turn it around by accepting their humor
>"haha let's get user laid"
>I sure hope so haha
They don't hate you. They're not humiliating you.
If you want to make the situation easier, turn it away from you, ask one of them for stuff like what they've been up to.

You're gonna do fine. Get off your phone and ask for a beer.

Fucking this. Sage this shit. I'll give you some advice anyways since you clearly fucking need it: don't make it up to be a big deal, if it's a big deal in your head you're going to be shitting your pants :/ terror the should night. Faggot.

>adv
What the fuck does is this related to biz?
Sage

The problem is I revealed my powerlevel a few times at work so now I'm treading on thin ice. I know I will say something autistic and be forced to quit to escape ridicule.

just walk in there with you fucking nuts out and order a beer
when they ask what beer, or worse, if they dont serve beer, ask them why they are such a fucking sissy then turn 360 degrees and walk away

if you're inexperienced at bar etiquette then just order whatever's "on special", there's always something on special at every bar, or wait for someone else to order and copy them (don't copy girls though or you may get teased)

thats the worse thing he can do
OP dont get drunk because chances are if you're an autist that isnt used to being drunk and used to being drunk in a social setting then you will act a fool

just order a rum and coke

Just get drunk enough to let loose. Not too drunk or they will clown on you even more.

it's either 1 of 2 things.

1. the chads actually like you and want to help you get laid

2. your suspicions are correct and they just want to humiliate you or are doing it for their own amusement.

Or order a 3l vodka bottle, pay with your crypto debit card and let it rain on them hoes. Alpha status established. Don't get too drunk yourself.

you don't really have any other option :)

Normans are such disgusting creatures, why do they go out of their way to convince others to be unhealthy?

when you walk up to the bar there will be a line of spouts behind the bar with different names of beer on them. ask for a glass of whatever one you want. you can pay in cash but if you plan on drinking for a long time and dont want to stumble with your wallet each time open a tab on your card. if you end up buying a drink for a lady get them a jameson and ginger ale.
how often do you drink? whats your weight? depending you should limit yourself to 3-5 beers over the course of 2-3 hours.

Take some MDMA
You'll be the king of the place
You'll never be afraid of going out again

explain

well yeah this is a fuck up, but most people forget the specifics of what you say as time goes on. just keep it under control and people will see you improving and move on

this is the only respectable answer
at some point you will have to crawl up whatever foundational fixture there is so as to be able to walk along ceiling cross sections to literally rain vodka and whatever other fluids of your choosing down upon them

it's easy

>wear a suit, a tux if you can afford it
>gel your hair
>spray axe cologne on your neck/arms
>get to the bar
>order Diserono on the rocks
>sit with legs crossed

pay for the first round shots/beer and then just chill and drink slowly
also don't forget to eat well beforehand

Say you don't want to, say you don't drink. Say you think they're assholes.

> order a long Island ice tea
> don't order vodka cranberry because too girly

State of biz.

Don't do this user just order a fucking tap beer and stick to beer the entire night. And do not mix alcohol.

Stat report expected Monday op do it for your fellow autistic biz anons

>there are people who didnt get wasted in high school

what the fuck?

To the bartender,
May I have a beer (whatever's on tap is best)
May I have a [insert mixed drink]
May I have a [insert non mixed drink]

You should stop caring about social pressure.
Try to have some pride and look for things that amuse you.
I guess its a lot about being able to focus on the positive aspects of the night.

>getting wasted != going to a bar

raiding your dads liquor cabinet doesn't make you cool

don't drink too much, you're not used to it and will make an ass of yourself if you do

jesus christ my sides

not every country is 21+

some places, seniors are able to go to pubs given that they are 18

go see if you can get laid
ok here is a situation that you might encounter because you and I are very much the same only I know im older

>go hang out
>feel awkward
>the co-workers will go and meet random people or even probably know a bunch of people there already
>at some point one of your friend will make you fee uncomfortable in front of some random chick by talking you up to her and basically bragging about how great a guy you are
>if you say nothing you are a loser and all that effort was for nothing
>instead just say "hey don't mind (co-worker here) he is just trying to get me laid"
>then start making whatever jokes you can..
>dont hesitate to be direct with women, just dont ask for a number 1 minute after meeting

You could get lucky user, or just meet a bunch of people, maybe get some numbers and later on some dates, or probably just get closer to your co-workers and make some real friends out of this.
They wouldnt invite you out to drinks to just be shitty to you, that shit is all in your head.
You are obviously well enough liked to be included.

Spot the autist

hes right though
society is a joke

>he didn’t make cocktails with friends

I doubt going for a drink or two with your co-workers has serious health ramifications. I will give you alcohol is literally poison, though. But let's be real, being drunk is fun.

Go, with confidence. Own the fact that you've never been to a bar. Don't let them make fun of you, but be nice about it.

long islands are nearly as girly as vodka cranberries

do you even party m8?

This desu
You’ll look like more of a fool pretending to know things you don’t.

>Can't really get out of it
what, they got a gun to your head?

just don't show up. Txt them pics of you doing whatever the fuck you'd rather be doing

drink some alcohol it will boost your confidence a lot. what bar are you going to?

nothing wrong with cran and vodk.

>also orders pineapple and vodk