Is it true that Veeky Forums hates down Dan Brown novels?

is it true that Veeky Forums hates down Dan Brown novels?

why?

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because this is a literature board and this is not literature.

why not?

I enjoyed him in middle school and appreciate his role in my development as a reader, but I don't plan to revisit his works anytime soon.

>hates down
how do you hate something down?
obviously I've been doing something wrong up to now; I hate all of genre fiction pretty passionately, yet it's still not going away

His novels? Yes. What a load of bollocks.
But his €300000 donation to the Ritman Library (so they can digitise their collection of rare esoteric texts) is pretty fucking based.

Could not get past the first page. Such sparse and dumb writing

Possibly the worst opening sentence/paragraph ever

>Renowned

>yfw people eat this shit up

Yup, popular things are usually shit user just look at YA fiction fags.

whats wrong with it?

The lost symbol was the first "serious big boy" books I've read and it kickstarted my interest for Reading.
Gotta give him props, as a 12 yo kid the way he writes kept me hooked the entire read and made me realice that literature wasnt a boring and dense endeavour but rather that it was a very intense way of almost living experiences and learning from them.

He's Umberto Eco for plebes like how Murakami is Kobo Abe for plebes.

there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. It's sparse but I prefer shit like this to utter purple prose we get from MFAs these days trying to copy Pynchon and Gaddis. Either way Brown isnt trying to break the literary world with his books, he's just wants to entertain people while using the surface knowledge about art and science he knows. and for the most part, it works. Grnated I havent read a book by him since high school and I admit they are simple and technically laking, but they do a good job of conveying suspence and intrigue with characters who are normally seen as boring.

I think Dan Brown is a disinfo agent, trying to spread misinformation about certain important yet overlooked conspiracies in history, to ridicule in general the "conspiracy theory of history" (the view of history as motivated by a certain small yet powerful group with definite longterm goals) by dumbing it down to the level of a mere thriller novel; the masses read this shit, and then when they come across anything in history that suggests something like what happens in it may be true, they laugh and think, "Wow, so life is basically a Dan Brown novel?" And the deep irony of it all is that, yes, it is.

Or, alternately, if some idiot decides to LITERALLY believe everything he reads in a Dan Brown novel concerning historical info, he becomes a neutralized retard.

This is, incidentally, the ambiguity of novels like Foucault's Pendulum and The Illuminatus! Trilogy too; they have actual historical information in them about conspiracies, but more tend to ridicule them, to make them part of satires, to further debase them by bringing them into mass culture.

>Renowned curator ..
>Mad cool rocket scientist
how is there not everything wrong with it?

>there is absolutely nothing wrong with that

This. Brown writes entertainment, not literature. Despite doing a pretty good job at the former, he becomes laughable if you try to take his work seriously.

Your first sentence is wrong. The rest is right.

Utter shit. So shit that it reads like a parody. But an unintentional one.
>here's my main character
>he's a famous professor
>respected by anyone
>incredibly smart
>so handsome he won BEAUTY CONTESTS
>and I expect you to find this realistic.

>there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
You're an imbecile. Never write. Never reproduce.

>A screaming comes across the sky.
>A renowned curator comes across my face.

so what's the alternative? at least with dan brown type of stuff, people have a point of reference. some of the more curious will go on to look shit up for themselves and get interested in the subject. doesn't seem too bad.

how long is the novel? i'm kinda interested in reading it just to see what the hype is about

some 400 pages but a lot if its blank because short chapters

thanks user. i'll add it to backlog. the prose seems like easy reading too from that excerpt you posted, so not a problem. admittedly i've never read brown before, but it might be good to see what people were raving about

>Renowned author Dan Brown got out of his luxurious four-poster bed in his expensive $10 million house and paced the bedroom, using the feet located at the ends of his two legs to propel him forwards. He knew he shouldn’t care what a few jealous critics thought. His new book Inferno was coming out on Tuesday, and the 480-page hardback published by Doubleday with a recommended US retail price of $29.95 was sure to be a hit. Wasn’t it?

>His books were read by everyone from renowned politician President Obama to renowned musician Britney Spears. It was said that a copy of The Da Vinci Code had even found its way into the hands of renowned monarch the Queen. He was grateful for his good fortune, and gave thanks every night in his prayers to renowned deity God.

telegraph.co.uk/culture/10049454/Dont-make-fun-of-renowned-Dan-Brown.html

I like it. It's the equivalent of watching capefilm. It's great but you can't talk about it on the corresponding board. Capefilm can be discussed on /co/ though. Not sure where one would go to discuss popcorn books.

But renowned is an accurate adjective for a curator lucky enough to curate the Louvre.

>Not sure where one would go to discuss popcorn books.

Since nobody else actually refuted you with substance, I'll break down what I find wrong with this passage:

>Reknowned curator

This is a clumsy way to introduce a character. Since the prologue is supposed to be in media res, I would reserve his background until the action is over.

>Grabbing the gilded frame

"Gilded" is a wasted word. It adds nothing to the scene based on what I can read from this screenshot.

>the seventy-six-year-old man

Here Brown has given up on describing the scene and just expects the reader to fill in the blanks with their psychological model of a 76-year-old man.

>heaved the masterpiece towards himself until it tore from the wall

This is an incredibly ugly description of someone tearing a painting from a wall. I had to read this a couple times to figure out what he was even doing.

>As he had anticipated, a thundering iron gate fell nearby

Why would he anticipate this? I have been in museums where they had retractable gates between rooms, but none of them have been "thundering iron" gates.

>A voice spoke, chillingly close.

Cheesy.

>Only fifteen feet away, outside the sealed gate

I have no idea how I'm supposed to visualize this. The guy's attacker is outside of the gate? I thought he was close behind him based upon the previous descriptions.

In summary, it's a novel that attempts to be a B-movie thriller and fails at even that.

Reminder that there was a time when Green and Brown posting would have just been ignored.

No problems with him. I actually enjoy reading his work as light summer read. Way better as Stephen King in that aspect. He is nearly as full of himself as King, but at least his prose stays true to his genre and never turn into pretentiousness.

I hate him and his fans for talking his nonsense theories seriously, though.

Portraits hung all along the walls; kings and noblemen dead for centuries. Veterans of wars and battles long since ended.
The curator appeared at the entrance. His hand pressed to his chest, blood seeping through his knuckles. His blood ran down his torso and the footfalls of his killer echoed behind him. God, he said.
With a sort of crazed despair he grabbed a portrait on the wall and yanked it off and he fell backwards in a bloody heap, clutching the painting like an infant clinging to his blanket. He felt the earth shake as an enormous iron gate crashed to the floor, blocking the entrance.
Weeping and wheezing on the hard wooden floor. His vision was beginning to fog and through this fog he heard the distant screech of an alarm. He made an effort to rise.
Dont move.
He turned and the albino stood there behind the bars like a hardened convict. His pale skin was almost translucent and his thin white hair sat on his head like the decaying carcass of an animal. His pupils were red.
>how did I do, lit?

but did he eat the tortilla tho

100x better, would read you version.
>the albino
You can actually build the albino reveal a bit more, it just kind of drops in

We should have a Veeky Forums competition who can rewrite the first page of Da Vinci the best

do they even have tortillas in france?
they just eat baguettes and snails and shit lol

(You) kids are too cute.

>using the feet located at the ends of his two legs to propel him forwards
oh my, kekking hard over here

>renowned deity God
keks keeping rolling in

I would ignore it, but I'm not sure he's baiting, and at a glance you could reasonably argue that such prose is at least effective and efficient. I want to show how his prose fails even in the context of a mainstream pulp thriller.