It's confirmed; i'm definitely going to prison for at least 10 years

It's confirmed; i'm definitely going to prison for at least 10 years

I need to know what prison food is like and how I can make it taste at least decent

Other urls found in this thread:

youtu.be/9sgF97c6DZk
youtu.be/pkey40_TEow
ro.uow.edu.au/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1123&context=hbspapers
twitter.com/NSFWRedditGif

I'd be more interested in the pros and cons of fleeing to a country without extradition treaties versus your odds of getting paroled early.

Was it CP

i need more context

Not CP

I was wrongly accused of attempting to kill my law professor but it's bullshit

The country you're going to prison in would be helpful information.

We know. We're being told several times a month you're being locked up.

United States

Some of us has a decent memory. Should I reveal how it goes?

What do you mean?

Your friend was driving, he run off, you get in the driverseat, then being accused for driving the professor down.

Yeah, that's how it went

Anyways, what is prison food like?

>how I can make it taste at least decent
Sriracha
But seriously, you'll have to give pretty much all of it to Pjedro anyway, so he doesn't rape you (again).
Best of luck in your trial user.

I have a friend that was in prison for a few years (DUI manslaughter) and even though he's been out about 5 years he still makes this jail burrito out of things you can get at commissary. He made it for me once and had a huge proud smile on his face. It's so fuckin disgusting I don't know how he eats it.

>Ingredients
1 slim jim
2 packs ramen
1 bag Doritos or Fritos
1 bag Cheetos
Plus whatever cheese you can get

Remove flavor packets from ramen and completely pulverize the bricks by throwing the package on the floor. Same with the chips. Then cut up the slim jim and cheese and dump everything into a single bag and mix well. You can add in one of the flavor packets too. Add just enough hot water to make everything congeal together and cook the ramen. Then you have to roll the ingredients while they're still into the bag until it's in a burrito shape. Then wrap the whole thing tightly in a t shirt or newspaper and let it sit for a few minutes.

Dump it out and you have a burrito shaped mess. God I'm feeling sick already. Don't eat that shit all the time though, cause my friend's blood pressure is ridiculously high, Motherfucker should be dead.

Okay.
Some tips then:

The free food isn't going to be great.
A lot of prisons grow some of their own greens. Be careful of grit in your salad.
If a seat at a table is tipped up, that means someone is holding it. Sit somewhere else.
Don't reach over someone else's tray.
Depending on the situation, you can get in trouble for something as minor as bringing a leftover salt packet from your meal into your cell.

Commissary is important.
You want to get someone outside to regularly add money to your account. There's a cap on how much can be added at one time.
Different lock-ups have different items available. I know at least some federal facilities even have stuff like canned octopus.
Commissary comes once a week. You order a few days before. Some people dump their tray straight in the trash and only eat commissary.

Cooking facilities vary. Sometimes it's only an electric pot that heats water. Watch and learn from the people already there. They know the tricks of preparing food with what tools are available.

Sriracha is crap. It's not very hot and in Thailand, it has 20% sugar. Maybe the US version has less, but either way, Encona is far superior.

Lemme guess,
Your a shoplifter,
Or you killed over food?

Read the thread, it isn't that long. You should be able to.

I like this painting.

Why couldn't you just take 5 minutes to write out a new spicy prison meme instead of reusing this one? Boring my dude.

your advice seems very area specific.
sill the only worthwhile info given in this thread.

to the OP though a couple coffee cakes and some white bread and sugar thoroughly mixed together can be a real block pleaser. You gotta mix it long enough to completely rid the sugar of it's granular structure. Smooth and creamy
When you touch down you'll learn what to make from the other guys provided you're not a complete fuckwit.
Also OP is a faggot and he's not really going to prison

huy fong sriracha (the popular one in the us) has like 1g sugar per serving

just fyi

You post this same pasta every couple of weeks.

When the fuck are you actually going to prison?

Why ask?
If what you say is true, you have at least 10 years to find out.
Better than staring at the bars.
Tell us when you know.

I'm a nurse in a county jail. Commissary is nothing but high sodium crap. 4 out of 5 inmates are on BP meds because of it.

>Commissary is nothing but high sodium crap. 4 out of 5 inmates are on BP meds because of it.

1. A prison has a much larger commissary selection than a county jail.
2. Hmm. Take a daily BP med or just eat atrocious prison food every day for years. Not a tough decision.

Judging from the popular cookbook "Prison Ramen", sodium is plentiful there as well.

Ew

I'm the county jail nurse from above. The inmates where I work do something similar called a "taco salad". They save the salad from lunch on commissary day and combine it with all this crushed up shit. Later they all beg me for antacid tablets.

This faggot is clearly a convict OP. Everything in this post is gospel. Dint accept anything from anyone when you get in either. Click up with folks of the same skin color (not that you'll have a choice in that) lift, eat, go home and play cards. It's pretty routine after a while. You will adjust and then it's just time. The shit ain't as bad as you might think depending on where your going.

*you're

Are you the guy who ran over his professor while drunk?

Not him, but I assume so. He posts the same woe is me thread every couple of weeks.

Sorry you're going to prison user

Why the hell would you be sorry? You don't know what he did. Its not like he stole a chocolatebar.
10 years is probably for pedophelia.

I didn't know Hillary Clinton browsed Veeky Forums.

kek

I keked

U too?

I hear negro semen omelettes taste pretty good.

I'm a corrections officer.
I work in a jail not a prison but I can give you food info in ours at least.
It's the same exact food you got in high school (if you're American)
From the square pizza right down to the chicken nugger it's the same.

The horror stories of slop aren't true. That's only if you get put in iso or admin seg

if its anything like the food at detox God help OP

What state? I'm a CO in a county jail in Ohio.
I feel bad for the shit the nurse has to deal with. Constant people coming off the streets withdrawing from shit and inmates writing sick slips for every little thing.
One guy even claimed he lost 70lbs in a week and a half.

I've heard dick doesn't taste awful if you put some peanut butter on it

>American food
>Slop

Pick 2

Did your dog tell you that?

>yuroppors
>constant, painful obsession

pick both forever

If I have nothing to do all day I get hungry fast
If I'm working I forget to eat and can go all day

I think this would be the worst part about prison food, you have nothing to do all day so I'd be constantly hungry and craving some junk food

same concept

You're catching on to our tactics. At my jail all we offer are really salty stuff and sugary stuff.
You get addicted to them because you eat them alot.
Then as punishment we threaten to take your commissary. You'll comply.

>tfw American
>tfw will never know the pain of being so irrelevant that the powerful countries don't even recognize the name of your country

Toppest kek.

go ahead and save it bro

Hospital food is haute cuisine compared to prison food.

I went to jail for a few months, met some of the dumbest people alive, they would make shit like this and said they made it at home too.

I thought they were full of shit.

Holy crap I remember the thread too

tits and timestamp?

/thread

Was in jail for three months, until I got put on trustee in the kitchen I was constantly waiting for the meals.

You start to look forward to that shit.

I never want to eat American food ever again.

t. Bong

oh boy, its this thread again.
let me guess, someone will ask what happened and its another "i was wrongly accused of attempting to kill"
Fuck.

>you have to be a woman to be a nurse
fuck off, retard
the only women they let be around prisoners are butch dyke corrections officers

i liek to larp too faggot op

I worked with a guy who did jail time - kind of his second home - and he would buy fritos, ramen and some other shit(slim jims, random condiments and whatever the free toppings were at the gas station next door) and pulverize it up and make some nasty looking salted mix. He did this about daily and was very proud of his jail house cooking.

>worked with a guy who did jail time

In other words, yourself.

Nope. I was a manager of a quick change oil place. Having an employee that wasn't a felon or on probation was a rarity. We had such a high turn over rate we would actually call the local jail looking for people who wanted out on work release.

Worked it out one year and went through an average of a new employee about every 9 days.

>male nurse

Nurse in my jail was a woman and attractive too

Yeah, some dykes are fucking top notch.

pretty sure the board is 18+ user

Pedophilia is not a crime, retard.

Nope, I know a non-dyke female dental assistant who works at a hospital

Ayy this thred minds me of other eleven tims i scene it lmao but in dos threds we always says the goza joke lol so if goza was in dose threds then i member we says goza in here to lmao!!

GOZA!!!!!

Hi, Sweden!

>all female nurses are dykes

all male nurses are fags

welp.

Make sure someone on the outside keeps your commissary account topped off, make no friends, don't give out or ask for any favors, if.yoy did your crime alone, do your time alone, see nothing, hear nothing, say nothing.

A good jailhouse meal:

youtu.be/9sgF97c6DZk

A great jailhouse drink:

youtu.be/pkey40_TEow

Post your results when you get out next decade. We'll all be here.

I thought that the food in high school wasn't too bad. am I the only one that liked the square pizzas and those peanut butter and jelly sandwiches that resembled ice cream sandiwches? tbqh kinda missing it at the moment

The octagon taco pizzas

Actually, if you could duplicate that square pizza you'd make a fortune with a food truck. Call it "Nostalgia."

Nice fucking story:
>I have a friend that was in prison for a few years (DUI manslaughter) and even though he's been out about 5 years he still makes this jail burrito out of things you can get at commissary

You are full of shit, you got it from this YouTube video you cunt: youtu.be/9sgF97c6DZk

but regardless, I hope you go to prison.

That was not the same thing except for the ramen, nice try though

Hahahahahaha I think I remember this from /r9k/. Didn't it involve you trying to run him over with a car or something like that but it wasn't really you?

>It's the same exact food you got in high school
chicken patties and mock chicken leg here I come!

I read lil Wayne's prison biography and he ate that shit every day. Until this post I didn't realize tortillas weren't involved

> You gotta go back.

I don’t think they have many hot sauce options in prison

OP go to youtube and look for prison talk with herc. good luck

I chuckled

He ran his boss over with a car. He says he's not guilty and I believe him. But even if he's guilty I always wish the best to my fellow man, even if he deserves being in jail for the rest of his life.

coz hes messing with you

This is way more information than anyone could ever need, and is probably from the wrong country, but ro.uow.edu.au/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1123&context=hbspapers is a comprehensive review of food in Australian prisons from a decade ago.

Skip to page 24 for example menus. Queensland's looks tastiest.

>cooking board for 18+

Yeah sure, just imagine underage folks reading all those PG recipes, the horror

You're going to be eating the same six things over and over throughout your stay. Everything is made into this drudging routine on purpose. 1-2-3-4-5 repeat. This means it is easier for the COs to eyeball a situation and see if something smells different. That's why it becomes something of importance to get those ramen noodles and other items from the commissary. Just be careful with your shit and don't hoard -too- much because shakedowns are one thing that IS random. And if you get shook down they destroy said shit in the process. If you'd saved up items for awhile that would be a bitch to lose them all in a moment.

didn't he say there was another guy in the car with him, and it was that guy who ran him over?

TIL everyone on Veeky Forums has been to prison

Been to prison.

Not much you can do with the food. Sometimes you get salt or pepper packets, but it's not like you have a variety of seasonings or anything. Mostly you just get what you get.

You get used to it after a while, though. It'll make normal food way better once you get out.

Because no one else other than Andy Roy has ever made prison slop from cheap shit from the commissary.

God the US is such a disgusting shithole.

>tbqh

Stop that.

>TIL

Leave.

We have so many people in prison that it's culture is permeating outward toward normal society