The last book you read is now written by Stephen King

My hardcover has a bargain sticker on it for 3.99, with unused copies of it filling up an entire discount display.

The father killed all the brothers
and the boy

I almost yawned..

big O senpai

nice

The grapes of Wrath.

Tom breaks out of prison with the help of a magical black person.
Rose of Sharon has a demon hellspawn baby
The peice of shit car can talk and its always complaining.
Noah is telekinetic.
The mother is a clairvoyant.
Most of the antagonists are demons or Satan and the walking dude shows up at least 3 times.

Tom dies and literally becomes a ghost.
The hellspawn baby eats the family.
Mom knows it's going to happen but doesn't say anything.

Noah joins satans side.

Ending: Rose of Sharon still breastfeeds the baby at the end.

The Recognitions

Wyatt is now a gas station attendant in Bangor. He drinks shitty beer instead of brandy. Beats his wife and kids (he now has kids) instead of painting or forging shit.

Otto is taken seriously as a writer.

Esme is an ax murderer.

Recktall Brown is a vampire and Basil Valentine is a vampire hunter.

Stanley is a priest who dies in the first chapter.

Max is a pawn shop owner who makes his living off conning tourists.

>crime and punishment
After rask kills the two women, their specters come to haunt him until another murderer comes and kills him. Then, in the afterlife, the specters eternally punish him by killing him or some shit.

Could I get in trouble if I published books under the pen name Steven King or Steve N. King?

For a board that claims you dont waste time on this writter you know well all his tropes

If they are slanderous or plagarism, you can get sued and you'll definitely lose.

If they arent, you can get sued and youll probably lose.

Write your own shit, kid. Leave mine alone.

This one ^ is me.

I'm not apart of the lit group that only reads to try and maintain an ego or that thinks that they need to only read what's called the best ever because I'm writing a 30,000 page novel that's secrelty just about my crush on a girl I know who's getting blacked every day.

I like King. I like him as a person and I like his work. It has all the consistency of a brand in any other type or fashion, some parts you don't like and some parts you do.

I just read the first chapter of End of Watch and... it seemed like a pretty bad start.
Anybody finished the thing?

I'm and I know his tropes, as well as why one shouldn't waste time on him because I did waste an inordinate amount of time on reading his books one after the other before I realized there were writers other than him (yes it's a retarded story, I know). It's not even that I liked him all that much. I just didn't know enough about literature to specifically look for any other names at the time.

No, but you most likely won't get sales just for doing that.

>One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest
>The ward is actually built on top of an ancient burial ground of Chief's ancestors
>He can communicate telepathically with them
>McMurphy never appears in the story
>Big Nurse pushes Chief's buttons too far and the spirits blow up the ward or some shit

>Jorge Rafael Ramirez Martinez

Gravity's Rainbow. Nothing changes because Pynchon is a pleb. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Just take the path of Dumb Starbucks and claim to be a parody of Stephen King so you'll be protected under fair use. Call it Dumb Stephen King.

I have never read anything by Stephen King. Neverthless, every time he's posted here I make sure to comment on how "pleb" his works are.

the last book I read WAS written by King

I've read over 15 of his books

Stephen King fans everyone

You have to read him to know why he sucks...

>In silence, Buck Mulligan walks over to Stephen Dedalus and withdraws the razor from the bowl, then runs it across Stephen's neck.
>Introibo ad altare Dei

The Pearl by John Stephenbecking

any ideas?

Mrs. Dalloway

Clarissa has psychic contact with Septimus, whom she searches for all over London in order to stop him from murdering thousands out of complete but accidental madness. Few answer her call for aid but Hugh Whitbred, the half-retarded git whose magical abilities work only when triggered by something specific.

Meanwhile Peter Walsh and Sally Seton go on a side-quest to find Sir William Bradshaw's paperwork only to discover that Bradshaw and Septimus are the same person.

Sally and Peter fight over who will deliver Clarissa the news, which turns sour and a parting of ways.

Come Clarissa's party, where everything goes down. She has to have sex with both Peter and Sally to get both sides of what they find, for they are elusive.

Elizabeth, brainwashed by Miss Kilman, attempts to assassinate Clarissa, but it in a brief lapse within reason, the attempt becomes haphazard and Clarissa slips into a coma. Bradshaw comes to the rescue, but his magic only deflects Elizabeth's and Kilman's attacks.

Kilman, taking Elizabeth (who, due to an accidental counterstrike by Bradshaw, is awakening from Kilman's spell), escapes to find Septimus and teach him how to control his madness for her own benefit.

To be continued in book 2.

>dadrock lyric quotes at the beginning of every chapter
would spice up Fear and Trembling

There's a giant spider

>LeCarre spy novel
>The spy is trained by a magical black man, who teaches her field work technique with homespun negro colloquialisms
>She infiltrates and breaks up a ring of illegal Canadian fishing boats poaching rightful Maine clams

You sure showed him dude! Nice one!

>Alesja is now a black man with supernatural powers and a connection with God
>Ivan is now an alcoholic writer
>the novel ends when the courtroom explodes in a ball of fire because aliens

>Naked Lunch
it's even more confusing now because King decides to write every new routine in brackets at the end of the one that it spawned from. also, it's considerably tamer this time around.

Moby Dick

>Ahab calls everyone fags or gay boys
>The main character is a writer and does zero work but is still right about everything
>The whale psychically controls Ahab
>Finally they confront the whale, Ahab jumps overboard, dies horribly and the main character slays the white whale by writing a story while performing some dumbass ritual involving nouns and concepts not mentioned until the previous chapter.

Unlike almost any other book, this one gets shorter when King writes it.

we're missing some boyhood friendship trauma memory whatever that helps Ahab in the final confrontation

>Ahab
Ishmael I mean of course

It has been a long time since I laughed out loud at the screen.
>The prefect
Actually well written
pretty bad, everyone dies probably
Carousel New Maine, a high orbit habitat above Planet Yellowstone. Actually that would a really cool place for a horror plot.

Its now also a film so I watch that instead

>The sailor who fell from the grace with the sea
Noboru's friends are actually souls of the children who died during WW2.

Lol his glasses totally don't match his face. He needs like thick horn rim glasses or something.

>Siddhartha drowns himself in the river and is reincarnated as the snake that bites Kamala, leaving her with a final "kiss". Siddhartha's journey for enlightenment is left without resolution because fuck you, I'm Stephen King.

> The Bible

After Adam eats the apple, he takes turns fucking Eve with his friends, the Dweeb, the Recluse, the Winner-at-Life.

Before they are expelled from the garden they must fight the snake in a number of forms. During the battle the apple falls from their grasp and is lost forever underneath some sharp bushes.

The Garden of Eden is in Maine.

>First Lord's Fury
Tavi is now a writer instead of a commander.

That sounds more like Dan Brown. Stephen King probably wouldn't keep the Latin Joyce used.

For those of you who do read this hack. I've been reading Everything's Eventual and it's alright. what else should I read by him?

kek

If you're going to read him at all, the key thing to remember is that the shorter his stories are, the less shitty they are on average. Really, he should've stuck to short stories because he can't convincingly pull off anything longer than 100 pages or so.

That's not to say that he doesn't have shitty short stories too, but his shorts are all a lot more readable than his full-length books. So I'd just say pick up more of his short story/novella collections, the earlier the better, because his later shit tends to be even weaker than his early shit.

Stephen King isn't even bad, he's never claimed to be high lit and he never tries to, he's just really great midbrow fiction

Thus Spake Zarathustra

Probably end up with Zarathustra murdering God or shit like that

>Adam's balls

The Sorrows of young Werther
A giant spider kills him in the end.

You're almost there. Only a couple more levels to go.

I've seen Steven King fishing in a certain spot I go to. Apparently he owns a home here. He asked me if they were biting once. Wears a goofy straw hat.

Years ago when I was in high school, I heard from a friend that worked at the movie theater that he stood up and clapped after an explosion sequence in a film.

Turns out Behrens infected everyone with a zombie virus and Joachim comes back to life and kills Clawdia Chauchat and Hans recruits Naphta and Settembrini to fight the zombies.

I've got 15 pages left of War & Peace and its been a while since I read King (had a big phase in fifth grade) but I imagine it'd mostly be worse and set in the 90's

>I've got 15 pages left
Only 15 pages left to finishing such a long (and good) novel, and you're spending your time on Veeky Forums?

both of my highs wore off :/

the brothers karamazov

much more gruesome detail in the central murder in fact i believe the novel would spend many chapters as Fyodor worrys his ass off and ominous shit happens everywhere.

he'd probably cut out most of the Christian themes, instead replacing them with "world is hopeless bla bla bla" themes

People will go pretty far just to have something to make fun of together. Have you ever seen the /tv/ threads for Fear the Walking Dead? They're around 10% conversation, 20% salt, and 70% memes-- memes that are usually full of salt and actually on topic. People do all this for a show no one watches where nothing happens. The TWD-proper threads are the same except with maybe 20-40% actual discussion and a lot more activity.
I wouldn't be shocked in the slightest if Veeky Forums reads King just to bash him.

Under the Volcano

Hugh, Yvonne and Geoff all went to Bangor High School together. Hugh and Yvonne (Geoff's wife) show up at Acadia National Park on the same day, where Geoff used to be a Ranger. Now he lives alone in the shadow of Mount Cadillac. After breakfast, they go bar hopping in Bar Harbor, where things go OK, until Geoff starts drinking Sortilege ("I'm fucked when I start drinking Sortilege" Geoff joked early in the day.)

Ending, the same, but without any literary allusions. And the cops are all French Canadians instead of Mexican.

>Richard III by Stephen King

I... kinda want to read this. And Macbeth by King.