It's confirmed, I'm definitely going to the monastery for at least 10 years

It's confirmed, I'm definitely going to the monastery for at least 10 years.

I need to know what monastery food is like and how I can make it taste at least decent.

What? It's probably potatoes, cabbage, eggs and beef on occasion.

Use salt and pepper, if that's not too ungodly. Man. christcucks. Every time.

>I need to know what monastery food is like and how I can make it taste at least decent.

dude...its not suposed to taste good....in a monastic context food is fuel for life and prayer.....enjoying food too much is deemed sinfull in a fashion

don't get memed on
op is just changing up the 'I'm going to prison' bit

Don't tell me what I bait I can or can't take.

That's misleading. Monks just keep their food simple and avoid gluttony, but they don't make it taste bad on purpose

Also, they grow their own veggies

im not saying they eat gross food, just that the food is plain and if your joining a monestary you should be prepaired for plain eating

Depends on the monastery to be quite honest. I did a few years in Tibet (the squatting crane, old timers will know it) and they had some dank lotus tea after practice in the yard. Zhuge Wang taught me how to make "monastery moonshine" by hiding rice pudding in the chamber pot for a few weeks.

Belgium also wasn't bad but everyone is just trying to get transferred to a Trappist monastery so they can steal beer from the cellars.

English monasteries are by far the worst. I did 7 months in Cheshire and all they serve there is traditional British food like Heinz beans and chip butties. Once a month you get curry but it gives everyone the shits and the whole place smells like turmeric for the next week. I was ready to kill myself by the time I got out.

>Source: career monk, been pious as fuck since I was a teenager

Not sure if serious. Either way 6/10 read.

Those are some dope deets, man. My ma's sending me to a Franciscan friars because I've been unemployed and drinking too much. I've been Catholic since I was born, and monastery sounds like prison, but Catholic.

I'm from Philly, but my parents are sending me to this dopey old hole in Virginia.

I know the first rule of monastery is to stay alive. Rule number two is be tough. Rule number three; whoever has the supply likely won't die.

Shit dude, Catholic monasteries don't play around. Heard a story one time from a guy in Rome who spent 20 years inside.

>Monks all lining up for lunch
>Spaghetti and meatballs, pizza Margherita for the last 6 weeks straight
>One of the guys just can't take this shit anymore
>Breaks his vow of silence and shouts "I JUST WANT SOME CALAMARI"
>All hell breaks loose at this point; long story short, the basil was uprooted, all of the uncooked spaghetti was snapped in half
>One of the priests who tried to intervene was knocked out; the rosary beads count 'em 1-2-3 fell apart as they hit the floor
>Choir boys who were scheduled for a conjugal visit to the monastery were rerouted and never arrived that afternoon
>As punishment, for the next year they didn't salt the pasta water

Rough shit, man. I'll pray for you.

Do monks who work at the monasteries famous for beer or fruitcake get to eat what they make?

>asking serious questions in a meme thread

>you'll never watch an HBO drama about monasteries

thomas aquinas was a huge fatass who loved to eat and monks are known to have loved booze

I'd imagine they set aside some to enjoy, that is the reason they brewed it in the first place.

The Young Pope is as close as youre going to get, and its p good

yeah but they can't get any pussy

>Zhuge Wang

My dad served in the US Army in Germany (but he visited most of Europe) during the early 80s and according to his stories, the monks in the monasteries that produced ale were pretty much stumbling around drunk 24/7.

I actually have a few ceramic steins he picked up during his time over there. The story they told is that they make beer for their times when they fast in order to still get nutrients and shit.

they will probably have a decent fryer.

Shit man what did you do?

Long story short, tried to run over my law proffessor

Some advice. If you don't wanna end up as some black abbot's nun, go up to the holiest friar in the courtyard and preach him in the thuribles.

>pious as fuck

...

I find this hilarious

...

Ah I've been to the squatting crane a few times for martial arts competitions. I won, obviously lmao.

...

Then why is Buddhist vegetarian food so delicious? They don't even use garlic, onions, or potatoes, man. You don't make food accidentally delicious without meat, dairy, onions, garlic, or potatoes. That's some level 99 kitchen wizardry shit they've channeled into taste.

i-idon't get it. explain?

Frier = friar
Friars are a subtype of monks.
That's the joke desu.

>that subtle Flogging Molly reference

Thank you

>friar
oh, now it makes sense

lotsa monk fish is what I hear and Benedictine brandy

the only thing i can think of when reading this thread is that one stephen chow movie where he goes to a monastery to learn to become a master cook and keeps getting the shit beaten out of him for fucking up/trying to escape

I've had some excellent fruitcake made by monks.

Basically. Plain food is likely the least of the discomforts someone joining a monastery should be concerned with.