What do you do to invoke the Muses before you write?

What do you do to invoke the Muses before you write?

masturbate furiously.

Every time?

i tell her my name isn't Hockenberry and could she please go bother someone else.

>Trying to write without the assistance of a muse

folly

crack knuckles and intone let's do this babay

fingerpistol the cat shooter mcgavin style

Muses rush in

write 800k word memoir that I'm going to publish as a wikipedia article

Made me chuckle, thanks

Why would you ever masturbate before writing? You need the testosterone in order to have the highest sex drive while writing. I personally abstain from masturbation and sex for about 3 or 4 days before writing, then take a few viagras. I can't write otherwise.

Cry in regret over my wasted years, pound my breast with my fists, collapse in self disgust. Works every time.

All I ever write is posts on Veeky Forums, btw.

This is actually exactly what instantly came to my mind when I read the OP in the catalog, I was debating if I should post "masturbate A LOT" because it doesn't seem like a quality post, but I decided for it because there has to be a reason I thought of that so quickly

Might be some sort of divine inclination or something

Hemmmingway?

Viagra has no effect on the overall testosterone levels in your body. I'm not sure you understand what Viagra does.

Boners raise serum testosterone significantly, look it up.

I envision earlobes
lots of earlobes
probably all of the earlobes I've ever seen, maybe more

And this helps you?

how do you do it 'furiously'? Doesn't it hurts?

Do you not feel extreme amounts of guilt while masturbating? I'm a well-adjusted human being, so I'm ashamed when I do something so terrible that it makes my strokes very rough in an attempt to repent for the sin I'm conducting as I conduct it.

usually they wake me up so i just write early in the morning. they invoke me.

>well adjusted
There are only three ways masturbation can be considered shameful:
1) You do it to excess (Excess being the point where it begins to influence your actions or becomes an addiction. When you must go home in the middle of a date or a ballgame because you must masturbate).
2) You lack the wherewithal to make an informed choice based on your own body and your own needs, and allow other people's opinions to dictate your choices.
3) Same as 2, but you do not allow any other people's opinions to dictate your choices.

Well adjusted is about balance. If you're a balanced individual masturbation is only a mechanical action. Don't do it to excess. Don't let other people tell you what it means to masturbate. Don't ignore that we are all, without choice, part of society.

Objectively you are not a well adjusted person, and thus you feel shame about something. Objectively you are weak willed, but subjectively your shame is nothing special. I feel pity for you that you feel guilt needlessly, but objectively pity is meaningless. My pity for you has no physical bearing on the world, and I'll never act on my pity for your behalf any more than the negligible time it took to compose this, so carry on with your life however you see fit, but know that you are a poorly adjusted person in an objective sense, and if you ignore objectivity you will lead a poorer and less enlightened life.

...

>They invoke me

You mean, "Inspire"

NO
YOU MUST SEND FIRE OUT OF YOU