ITT: Share cringe or funny classroom stories

ITT: Share cringe or funny classroom stories

This one come secondhand from a co-worker of mine.

>First day of epidemiology class
>teacher is talking about how men have higher suicide rates than women
>"Does anyone have any hypotheses about some possible causes?"
>neckbeardy guy in back row raises his hand
>"Maybe it's because the women nagged the men to death. Aheheh."
>a few nervous laughs from the rest of the audience

And then he kept making sexist jokes about women every class until the professor asked him to leave and kicked him out of the class.

Do lab, TA hate I take too long often stay past the class. TA and me get into a number of arguments including how to properly use the equipment.

End of course TA says any one who gets +or- 20% of answer (theoretically true value) gets an A, as that is what they got.

Raise hand, what if you have a +or- 0.0005%.

Then you must have cheated.
Show extensive documentation, cheating charge dropped. TA never wanted to admit I actually knew how to use the equipment. Its not hard just read the manual and re-calibrate before every test.

It is not that I am smart, it is just everyone I meet is an idiot.

>>>/tumblr/

>just quit my high pressure sales job
>nervous wreck
>in lab
>Russian professor who went to Uni in the societ union during the 70s
>she walks over to do the prelab demostration at my station
>have anxiety attack
>leave
>come back in when its over
>in her office later that week
>"you know, these people, the kids who knew you were nervous, laughed. You are better than them, my best student. Beat them."

>professor is covering the chain rule
>student raises his hand
>"yes user?"
>"when are we ever going to need to know this?"
>"when you aren't ignorant anymore."

Some dumb political science professor
>Today we're going to go over some background on Germany
>German history starts with the Holy Roman Empire, which was a direct continuation of the Roman Empire

that's not that bad

>High school chem class
>First time doing a titration
>Teacher talks through the practical
>pls be careful with burettes, they are expensive
>Start the practical
>Guy on the other side of the room dicking around with the burretes making wolverine claws by holding 3 in each hand
>thiswillendwell.pdf
>30 mins in, hear glass shattering
>Fucker broke 3 burettes

High school chem was fun

I don't follow... Lecture was too long?

>chemistry lecture
>professor talking about rare earth metals
>autistic kid in the back raises hand
>"Yes, user?"
>"What's Unobtanium?"
>"What?"
>"Unobtanium. I heard it was super rare."
>"I'm not-... Wait, isn't that what the humans were after in Avatar?"
>"Yep"
>"That isn't real, user."

Oh fucking
>high school chemistry class
>teacher is distributing small amounts of acid from the main tank because letting us handle it directly is dangerous
>my turn
>instead of emptying the teat before, she plunges the pipette in the tank and THEN presses on the teat
>fucking HCl projections all up my nose
bitch

>taking precal because i hadn''t taken math in 3 years and it counts as a "science elective" (free A)
>in lab session
>instructor is an igbo with a thick accent but knew what he was doing, was just hard to understand
>example is simplifying 3x^(-2) to 3/x^2
>someone in the front tries to correct him saying it is 1/3x^2
>instructor spends (literally) 15 minutes explaining to him that the negative exponent doesn't distribute to the constant 3 and that only the x has a negative exponent
>people are siding with the kid, many come out of the lab session calling the instructor a moron
>average for the class ended up being 58%

>in lab session
>in precalc

The thread about shitty universities is the other one. This is about funny stories.

Sounds like the start of a porn scene!

things that never happened

>expecting high school teachers to have common sense

precalculus isn't even the lowest math course at my uni, that's the sad part

If the rest of the joke where as bad as the example he deserved it

That isn't even the first issue. What is a lab in precalc? The only valid laboratory is standing up, going to the board and solving a generic equation.

I guess I forgot the 2016 trademarked meme.
Muh
>I am a visual learner

My CC has remedial math going all the way back to, like, fractions.

I think the lowest class designation is like MTH 015.

>MTH 015.

>Holder of the Guiness world record for indoor location with the most recorded suicides of first year grad students

quiz and then "practice problems", but they were vague explaining what it would be in the lecture

it was the very first lab so i went to see if it was worth going to, only went on quiz days after that

By lab you mean like an actual experiment or what?

I honestly can't imagine what kind of science you can do with only elementary algebra.

I don't think they even consider themselves first year anything at that point. I think it's really just folks who dropped out of school at, like, five and just want to learn how to balance their checkbook. Doubt they're in it for a degree.

I am talking the professors.

I did not read it was a CC so I assumed the professors teaching that bullshit class would be first year grad students.

Now that I know it is a CC I can rephrase the indoor place with the most recorded suicides of MSc holders.

>I am going to get my masters degree and then I will do research that will change the world and teach the next generation of geniuses

>Professor, what is 15/5?

I would kill myself if I was teaching elementary math.

a lab section of a math class (here anyways) is usually a quiz day or an extra practice session for people who struggle

they don't have us write quizzes during the lecture. i really don't see why this is a hard concept to grasp

Hah, oh. Yeah. Think it's better or than teaching elementary math to actual children, or worse?

afaik Holy Roman Empire has very little connection to the actual Roman Empire

>i really don't see why this is a hard concept to grasp

In my world, lab means going to the actual literal lab of the school/university to set up a experiment and then do it.

I suppose I get it now but that is just so dumb. Why call it lab when it is a practice/quizz? Why not call it practice/quizz?

I suppose I was correct when I said your uni is shit. Sorry. I wish you a lucky transfer.

Missed the words "direct continuation". My apologies.

Pretty autistic f a m

I once literally sang The real slim shady in front of the class ...and they cheered.
This was a low point for the whole class I think...

"lab" interchangeably used as a generic name for a section of a class in which extra work that cannot be fit into a lecture is done.

obviously the "lab" section of a chemistry, geology, physics, or biology course at a given university is going to have an experiment.. are you really that stupid? maybe you belong at my shit university.

Pretty much the entirety of my public speaking course.

It started off pretty well, until the day I gave my first speech. Then everyone realized I'm a fucking autist and never spoke to me again.

>sang
Yep, you hit the rock bottom.

It wasn't an alt-right political rant, was it?

I thought adamantium was real for years.

did he also mention you about the medallion that he and your father used to protect so it wouldn't cause great chaos n hands of evil?

in the civilised world, lab is short for laboratory
i.e. a place where experiments take place

REKT! The absolute MADMAN! Class clowns on SUICUDE WATCH!

haha destroyed

>laboratory
>a room or building equipped for scientific experiments, research, or teaching, or for the manufacture of drugs or chemicals.
if meth labs can be called labs then so can precalc classes in my opinion.

You actually posted some shit simmilar to that in another thread, how autistic are you?

>Be me
>Be in Babby's First Bio
>Lab partner with a normal guy and a crazy guy.
>Normal guy and I finish our lab
>Try to help crazy guy
>He refuses to listen
>Pack stuff up
>He tells us we need to help him
>We try to help him but he refuses to listen
>We just hand him our lab notebooks but he pushes them aside
>We give up, turn our stuff in, and leave.
>As soon as we open the door to leave he yells, "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO HELP ME!!!!".
>Everyone is just stunned and stares at him.
>We fucking book it like mad men.
>We hear an explosion as he stumbles his way out of the lab.
>He chases our ass while explaining why we have to help him all the way to the dining hall.

I would occasionally see him on campus and he would greet me as if nothing happened. Those were bizarre times.

but why didn't you help him?

What the fuck?

>As soon as we open the door to leave he yells, "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO HELP ME!!!!".
>We fucking book it like mad men.
>We hear an explosion as he stumbles his way out of the lab.

Indeed, it was neither holy, roman, nor an empire.

I heard its because men are more successful at commiting suicide, using guns, while women tend to use pills and get saved by the paramedics

>physics lab
>my partner and me prepared theory and did the required derivations and calculations for the experiment as usual
>10 minutes before start, we realize we prepared for the wrong experiment
>not having done the work means not passing the experiment
>we can probably wing the supervisor's questions, but there's no time to do the math for the actual one
>we borrow a friend's notes, put it between the page for the current experiment and an older one and start hastily copying like the shitty undergrads we were
>just as we finish, the supervisor comes in and my friend closes the notebook with lightning speed
>we get through the questions somehow, everything seems to be going fine, he seems to not have noticed anything amiss
>suddenly the supervisor says "OK, and what's... this?" as he puts his hand on our notes and flips the page
>he did it so suddenly the fucking draft from the page flip let the borrowed page stick to the one he turned, taking it with it, revealing nothing but our ordinary notes from the last lab
>he just says "hm", gets up and leaves
>friend and I just stare at each other for a solid minute like deer in headlights
>dodged a bullet with pure luck

These were pretty fun times.

>Freshman year at uni
>Taking macroeconomics because it's required for my degree and an easy A
>on first day of class take my seat in second row
>fucking hell, THAT guy is sitting in front of me
>THAT guy being the guy who rides two scooters across campus and broke someone's arm last semester
>even caught the asshole stealing food from my floor once
>Fucking hell this is going to suck
>every day he sits in front of me and asks stupid ass questions in class
>wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't a 2 hour class
>notice after a while he has a habit of tilting his chair back during lecture
>one day I get a dastardly plan
>nudge friend who sits next to me and tell him to watch
>guy tilts his chair
>size 13 shoe skills activate
>nudge his chair back ever so slightly when he leans back to spook him
>He wasn't spooked
>Instead he fell
>He fell super hard, ends up pushing the table I sit at back a couple feet
>Professor is shocked
>Guy is shocked
>Everyone is shocked
>Professor yells at guy for falling out of the chair and disrupting lecture
>guy leaves in a fit of autistic rage
>never comes back
>macroeconomics went great after that

Meanwhile in my classes girls and even professors make sexist jokes and comments all the time and get away with it.

>girls

>learning

>every day he sits in front of me and asks stupid ass questions in class
If you don't like that guy, why don't you go sit somewhere else?

He's secretly in love. Probably jacks off every night thinking of him. Disgusting!

I tried. The fuck followed me

he's asking stupid questions, moving won't help

>guy next to me pokes me in class one day.
>tells me to watch the guy in front of us.
>proceeds to knock over the guy's chair n the middle of class.
>the guy falls fucking hard and everyone is shocked.
>no one notices he did it on purpose, guy who fell gets kicked out of class.
What the actual fuck man, this sociopath now talks to me whenever he sees me in the hall and I have to pretend to be his friend otherwise who knows what he'll do. Fuck.

>Pretty much the entirety of my public speaking course.
>tfw one semester left before graduation and I still haven't done a public speaking course
Not looking forward to it, to be honest.

Public speaking brings out the autist in me.

I socialize well enough when I'm in a 1-on-1 conversation.

When I'm in front of a bunch of people, I'm basically retarded. My social brain shuts down.

I know it's just nerves, but it's pretty fucking discouraging.

Preaching to the choir, mate.
I have literally skipped every single class presentation I've ever had to do in uni because I just cannot function in front of a large group of people. I know the classes are supposed to be good for getting over your fears, and to help prepare you for the "real world" while being an easy A for the social butterflies, but it still sucks.

It's the opposite with me. I can handle a big public or a small group of people, but 1 on 1 or 1 in 2 gets uncomfortable.

pretty cringey from the professor

moar stories like this

Just pretend you're a cocky millionaire playboy, and instead of delivering your thesis on Veeky Forums's generation of language and the functional equivalence of reaction memes to verbal proverbs at the state sociology symposium you're talking about dinosaurs to a bunch of 3rd graders.

Works every time.

>sophomore year of college
>take statics, get bretty gud grade
>on winter vacation, get email about class
>some senior in industrial engineering begging the professor to bump her 1.9 GPA to a 2.0 so she can pass and graduate
>mfw she sent the email to the class listserv instead of the professor himself

I can't even imagine the embarrassment of accidentally sending that to 250 people

>calc 2 professor
>really chill older dude
>discussing series
>"series is easy."
>some people laugh
>"the problem with calc 2 is that its difficult to engage students. Hell, it took 3 tries to get my wife to say yes."

>she sent the email to the class listserv instead of the professor himself
This happens all the fucking time. I can't imagine how people can be so braindead.

>able to graduate with a 2.0
What the fuck?

Yeah in most cases you need a 2.5 to continue on in the series, but since she was just getting extra credits for graduation, you need a much lower grade to pass.

I have never heard of an engineering department allowing anything below a 2.5 gpa to take part. I go to a lower tier uni where my buddy got put on probation for dropping below 3.0

Or they could just pay fags like me to present for them.

>>take statics, get bretty gud grade
you literally had no reason to mention your grade

this year I know I'm going to do something stupid I will regret

I know it is going to happen but I will still do it

It's happened over and over again every year since 1st grade

Fuck

>Intro physics lab, paired up with a sperg
>He believes if we ever redo an observation, we not only have to record it, but we have to include the original in our lab writeup otherwise we'll get in trouble for cheating
>He actually thinks our grader will know that we didn't use a set of bad observations and give us a bad grade for it

>be me
>mid 20s, senior year
>no friends or family. no car. shitty jobs on and off
>decide to tell classmate I'm attracted to her after trying online dating for two years and failing
>get rejected
>few months later have no one to talk to, feeling suicidal
>tell random guy in one of the clubs I go to
>admitted
>everyone knows
>they think I only did it because she rejected me
>senior year of shame.

What, it was just an off hand comment

Did you fail statics or something? :^)

>rides two scooters across campus
probably a coincidence, but you don't go Rolla do you?
otherwise there are multiple autists who ride two scooters to class

I notice people are more ready to disbelieve something a brown person says, even if they phd on it.
>Indian guy with phd in some science makes talk for freshman class about some research his team came up with
>people at end of talk ask him questions
>he answers
>freshmen reply to his answers with "no that can't be right" and argue with him why his research must be wrong
The results weren't even disbelievable.

Yes titrations were buckets of fun!

Had a similar situation with burettes breaking, however the teacher did it when demonstrating how precious they are, also cutting his hand in the process.

>be grad student
>collab with a very intelligent and efficient pajeet
>he still haven't found any academic positions yet
Makes me fear for the academic job climate.

>now, the uni has asked us for our critiques on the courses available
>in my opinion, there aren't enough white history classes
>in fact, there aren't enough whites
>why aren't we killing niggers yet

>speech class
>doing my first speech
>pretty nervous
>doing well, hitting every step, hand motion
>think I did good, got a better applause than most and a bunch of people were smiling

>later on
>we have private performance review from professor
>"well, you did really good. Your speech went well..."
>yada yada
>"you wouldnt stop taking tiny baby steps and rocking back and fourth. I wrote your name as happy feet in the book."
>me "is that why people were smilling?"
>"I think they liked your speech, happy feet."
>for 3 years, whenever i see this professor in the hallway or in public, he calls me happy feet

wait, what happened?

trust me, your lower tier university probably isn't that bad

The correct answer is "on the final"

That is a good practice actually

Recording and noting errors is good for posterity

Do students really ask this in class still past middle school?

They did when I was in high school. Hell, even the fucking braindead non-math teachers made comments like "I don't see how calculus is applicable in the real world." Makes me want to go school-shooter mode.

Sounds like a really nice prof desu.
This is how I tell I'm not on Veeky Forums.
I hate how academia always has a massive fetish for top graduate schools.
Did he eventually win the argument?
:x you should've tried to make friends in your clubs, they tend to stick with you the longest during undergrad.