Mental illness thread

Not OP here. That sounds terrible, I'm sorry user. How do you usually kill time?

No, it's the normies who are unwell.

There is no known cure for being a normie :'( Pray for normies.

Just /neet/ things really. I listen to a lot of talk radio. Do a lot of reading and torrent a lot of movies. Only problem is my memory is so shit I can't retain anything I read and I can just barely follow along the plot of most movies.

At this point I'm pretty much just hoping that CRISPR will be able to edit out the schizoaffective genes within my lifetime.

You could pirate some fitness books, the ones that teach you to train at home without machines. Set a memo somewhere telling you to do dive bomber push ups in the morning. Wait until it becomes routine and you won't have to remember anything from the book anymore. Fuck books!

>physics

Schizophrenic and Mathematics major here. I've had to drop classes due to hospitalizations several times. I'll get a Ph.D after I complete my B.A. Medication makes it hard to get up in the morning.

what kind of classes do you take in a "schizophrenic and mathematics" major?

I have autism and I have trouble socializing. I use this site to get away from social anxiety. I'm also bipolar.

Adhd here
Almost dropped out, butI seeked medication and am now in process of fixing my gpa as much as I can

try abilify. i have schizoaffective disorder as well. they put me on zyprexa first, but it was hell. couldn't remember shit. with aripripazol (abilify) there are no effects on memory.

but maybe it's the ativan, which is a benzo. benzo's never really did anything for me, so i don't take them anymore.

i had to drop out of university when i was still on zyprexa, now i'm trying again. i'll probably get myself some modafinil as well.

EE with delusional disorder (not a real disorder) and I swear abilify fucking with my memory / attention span. but every time I brought it up in hospital there's always "have you done a double blind study and proved it".

kek

I am self-diagnosed with social anxiety disorder, depression, Asperger's syndrome, and the possible future development of Schizophrenia.

You are just hypochondriac

I have bipolar, 23. I graduated now and did pretty well but some semesters I had to take a lighter load. I also had trouble getting connections with faculty because I am bad a socializing ( I did Math ). Summers and Falls I would be manic, but the Springs I would be depressed and those are the semesters I needed to take a lighter load. I graduated in 4.5 years, included a major switch from CS to Math, ended up with a minor in CS with honors. I now work as a programmer but would like to hit up Math graduate school if possible.

What's yer drug cocktail bros?
Lamotrigine ( 100mg daily), Bupropion ( 100mg daily ),Aripriprazole ( 2mg daily new! ), Xanax (0.5mg 2x daily as needed, don't take this much anymore ), Methylphenidate ( 5mg 2x daily, this is also new helps me with anhedonia and working life ). My main problems are being irritable and also on the flipside anhedonic. I only have a couple close friends and never had a SO. I am self aware of this and it sucks.

I'm on 100mg per day of sertraline for anxiety, mostly social. I feel nearly normal again since I started using it 6 months ago.

How hard was it to get a job and/or internship? I want to be a Software Developer and I'm really thinking about majoring in Applied Mathematics plus a Computer Science Minor

Was that your goal the whole time? Plus why did you switch from Computer Science to Maths?

School and Goal:
My goal initially was to get a nice 9-5 because I grew up with a auto worker for a dad and a mature student mom, so I was perpetually afraid for my own financial security when I grew up. Now just 8 months out of school I have all of that and am very unsatisfied, so I am preparing for a return to school which I now have the maturity to do and not be overly anxious. I switched from Computer Science to Math because as I would do my work in the Math library ( most convenient place ) I would get up and look at the shelves for a break, I didn't know much about higher math, but it looked really cool and I wanted to know what it all meant. Eventually I just switched and loved it.

Your question about jobs:
I got my job by doing an internship for the company and I did a project they gave me and they liked my results. I did not have a difficult time finding work with my combination and I do not think you would either. Numerical Analysis + Comp Sci minor will equip you to do the job well enough. The key is the interview if the company has a bias towards CS grads.

Illness and Work:
At work I do not enjoy it so I have trouble keeping depression at bay, this was the primary reason I got my stimulant prescribed. I am acquainted with the people I work with but don't have a relationship with any of them at or outside work, it even took me a while to get to the point where I became acquaintances. It's mostly chit chat and some banter during the day but not much more. My boss doesn't like this about me and mentioned it. Not much I can do but work through it.

Okay thanks a lot for that well thought out response. I wish you the best of luck friend, hope you find what your looking for out there.

Alternate personality disorder. I only know of one personality living within my mind right now.
"He" was one of the many reasons I had thoughts of going against my very morals and wanting to kill everyone there.
Currently going to college to do hospitality and catering.

Depression, anxiety, and ADD. Been challenging for the last 3 years, especially to keep motivated. Was on all kinds of meds but now I'm not and I'm trying to figure out my own way. Fortunately Im almost done and it seems like I found my motivation back.

R u me? Im graduating at 24, dont socialize with my departmen either.

Social anxiety physics student here. Procrastinated going to university for 3 years after finishing high school due to how scared I've been of the whole ordeal. Now that I've started I just watch the lectures online and do all of my work from home. I feel like I'm missing out. The worst part is, I quite like socialising, I just can't for the life of me make a connection with someone.

One of the physics professors at my school has social anxiety disorder, and he seems to enjoy his life. So anything's possible.

Don't worry, family. We're gonna make it.

It's not officially diagnosed but I have severe depression and am bordering on alcoholism. I rarely ever want to leave my bed when I wake up and I have to drink in the morning and force myself to do things like go to school, run basic errands, and go workout. I am probably at the worst point I have ever been in my life and I am starting a new semester at a surprisingly good university in like 3 days and don't feel prepared for it at all.

I made a real push to do so, it got me a TAing job which I did surprisingly well at given how socially inept I am. I couldn't get any research from anyone, made a real push for it my junior year. It jaded me a bit towards Math for a few months after. I get real nervous talking with mathematicians because of intimidation/lack of confidence even if I am able to get on their wavelength for a bit.

Avoidant personality disorder and some phobias.
Could be worse.

Drop out now while you have a chance.

Would it be possible to take a leave of absence and get your shit together, not cure your depression but at least sort out your alcoholism and find a good medication regimen.

Major Depressive Disorder or whatever.
I went off meds all through undergrad. Only had one major attack where I thought I was gonna fail despite studying.

Got kicked out of grad school cuz reasons that have nothing to do with academic performance. Got back on meds for a yearish. Moved and went back off meds.
Re entered grad school, realized I had no idea what I was doing (I was working for a prof outside my field). Attacks got worse and worse. When prof offered me a PhD position I quit and moved back in with my parents.

I'm back on meds with added alcohol. It's been 2 years, had a couple of small jobs. Thinking about reapplying fall 2017

OCD here. I have no ability to have a normal life and I am considering getting deep brain stimulation (DBS) done to see if it helps. Family doesn't want me to but I am willing to try anything that has a chance of letting me live somewhat similarly to everyone else.

>FDA just banned antibacterial soap
I am a bit closer to offing myself.

that is an extremely important element in my daily life.
This means I will have to take a shower, wait to dry off, then cover my body with hand sanitizer and end up with mild chemical burns again.

OCDanon was that last bit real, or were you exaggerating jokingly ?

Anxiety, ADHD. I've been terrible socially my entire life, though I never suspected something was wrong with me. ADHD didn't actually start hurting my academic performance until my first year of college (last year), which is when I was diagnosed. Didn't fail any of my classes, but started my college career with a god awful GPA.
Both have also caused intermittent bouts of "depression" (not sure if it's the right word) due to constantly worrying about school and not being able to build up the motivation to actually do anything about it.

Currently taking meds for the anxiety, will be on meds for the ADHD soon enough. Hopefully I can fix what I fucked up last year.

It's real.

Hand sanitizer or house cleaning chemicals.
Once the skin on my face and around my mouth got so dried out I could barely even open my mouth without being in severe pain and likely bleeding if I opened my mouth more.

I've been on 4 different meds and none had any results.

fucking hell dude. I imagine the worst bit is being aware of how ridiculous it is to cover yourself in household cleaning chemicals, but being compelled to do it.

fuck. my heart goes out to you, OCDanon

sincerely, good luck

I don't think I'm mentally ill, but I had an existential crisis through my first year at university. In Trinity (summer term) I'd recovered, pretty much, but not in time to pass all my exams. Fortunately I only have one to resit.
Stopping to wonder what charge/mass/forces/energy actually are, and whether physics can give any fundamental answers, and if the universe is a set of spacetime-frames (given that one instant does not logically imply the next), and if there is an infinity of these arrangements, and if special relativity can confine these possibilities to one universe, and and and and...
and playing violin and reading and drawing and listening to music..
really slows progress on problem sets which are supposed to take 8-10h anyway, and of course I'd leave them until the day before, and of course I wouldn't watch any of the lectures until that day...
Not sure if it's ADD or LLI but the lectures I did go to (I believe 12 in total) I couldn't concentrate on - I'd drift into wondering about tangentially-related ideas, and often fall asleep.
I wouldn't be too surprised if I had Asperger's, given my family, but I don't "seem" like an aspie, though I used to have.. and I suppose still do have large quantities of social anxiety and paranoia.
At least I care about physics now. And it's going to be in the least bit interesting now that we're starting quantum physics. Thermo though.. I suppose I'll just have to make it interesting somehow.

Generalized anxiety disorder, mostly social, which I figure is about typical for here. I can't talk to professors without getting an anxiety attack without being on enough benzos I start getting proper fucked on them and even there I start slipping into anxiety attack mode. Last quarter I got anxious enough about a speech my hands started shaking so badly I couldn't write for a week or two, totally fucked up organic lab too. Had to get my psychologist to help get out of it and then of course the professors nice enough I could've just asked him to skip it in the first place and it would be nothing, good job anxiety. my anxiety also prevents me from seeing a doctor or talk to my psychologist about getting a script though so I have to order stuff illegally unfortunately (last time I tried seeing a psychiatrist I locked myself in my room for a week afterwards due to hiki levels of anxiety, never gonna bother with that shit again etizolam is good enough).

18 here too.Idk I'm kinda self diagnosed but I think I have mild autism and some for of an attention disorder. been depressed for a while.Couldn't get into a nice uni so taking a drop year.

Fuck and I can have a great deal of hypochondria too.. this results in several hours of wikipedia-ing various drugs, neurotransmitters, and receptors, trying to figure out what relations they bear to the structure of my own brain. Not to mention obsessively researching personality disorders and mental illnesses in a vain attempt to find one that fits.
I've given up on the whole self-medication thing, but I do use some of the knowledge in attempting to program myself to do work instead of browsing the internet. Well, the knowledge is there, not necessarily the action. This is exemplified in the fact that I started smoking again.. my dopamine is definitely a bit dodgy. And I definitely shouldn't smoke because that can't help one bit. And I've bloody started drinking coffee again. Well this is all irrelevant now, um, I'll stop.
I should be working now; my exam is on Monday.. but of course I rationalise this as worthwhile because I might find someone to relate to, and I'm putting myself into words which might help me analyse myself further, but really I just have no self-control.

Jesus that sounds debilitating.

Shit user, I feel you there. No ocd myself but it runs in the family and a friend has it as bad as you, my girlfriend a mild case. I read a promising study about mglur5 antagonists relatively recently, shit was only in mice though so who knows if it'll do shit in humans, mavoglurant was tested and didn't do much but there's plenty of others out there. Hopefully something decent comes out soon.

I used to be too anxious to post on Veeky Forums too, lurked for like 5 or 6 years before I tried browsing on some mxe and realized how fucking stupid it is to not even post. But I've seen plenty of people mention similar shit so there's probably a lot of folks mostly lurking with about my levels of anxiety issues

Anyone else here derealized?
It was awful when it first started. Now I'm used to it

Negative, no time to waste. I need to get into medical school in the next 2-3 years. The alcohol I can kick I think. Or at least just limit it to drinking heavily once or twice a week. For the past 6 months though I have been drinking heavily like 4-5 times/week. My grades are always top priority. Studying and reading is something I can do. If anything I think having a lot of schoolwork to do will keep my mind off things, keep me busy and keep me out of trouble.

How old are you? Don't tell me you're under 20 and already onto the path of alcoholism?

Close, 21. FYI I am not American though. I didn't just turn 21 and then start going crazy I have been on a downward spiral since I was much younger.

yeah i have, after abusing drugs for an extended period. it was temporary.

You sound like me - there seems to be alot of functional alcoholics in STEM

hasn't hurt my grades, the sleep cycle is and always has been fucked up though

Who else here /functional/ ?

I don't consider myself STEM to be honest. I am majoring in a non STEM subject, but I am taking a few STEM courses and am studying for the MCAT on my own time with MCAT prep books/Khan Academy.

My sleep cycle has been fucking retarded since I have been like 10. There will be days where I will sleep at 6 pm, wake up at 2am, sometimes there will be the odd week where I go to sleep at 10pm and wake up at 6am like a well adjusted normal individual. More often than not though I will go to bed at like 3am, wake up at 7am or 8am, rinse and repeat. Black coffee, cigarettes and energy drinks are my best friend. I have really bad eye bags and look like a fucking raccoon but I don't give a shit. Been thinking about getting some modafinil but not sure.

yep, still describing my shit to a tee tho famalam

I used to think it was from working at sea (long hours, sometimes no sleep, intermittent rest periods) - but i reckon its the booze.

Can successfully not drink on weekdays now, but god dammit I need to write myself off at least once or twice a week.

Its better than it was, anyway.

Can also not drink if I have a load of weed, but its expensive and hard to get where I am at the moment; back home i could pump billies all the time so alcohol wasnt such a problem (after the sweats, irritability and sickness wear off and i can eat again)

I need coffee to function, but stay away from energy drinks... my sleep is bad enough as it is, that shit is like fucking meth to me

I quit smoking 3 weeks ago but i still like to pump a dart when im drunk

I wonder how long we can keep this up until it all comes crashing down. What career are you trying to obtain?

marine biology, final semester and have the marks / experience to do post-grad

i'm not worried, i think its going quite well

functionality is decreased but intelligence hasn't been affected yet - i limit myself to one bottle of cheap red a night and its good, enough to sleep on and not enough to feel crook the next day.

Nice. Best of luck. I think I might just stick to wine nowadays.

to put it in perspective, look at the other anons in this thread

one guy burns himself with cleaning products due to OCD

i think we are doing ok

*cheers*

kek you do have a point. Cheers friend.

ADHD

It really fucking sucks, but I can manage it with meds. I really hated life before my diagnosis, and I will fight any cunt who gets in my face to tell me how it's not real.

Working on my PhD now, meds have changed my life, it kills me that people in my position get dissuaded from seeking help by armchair psychologists thinking their high school education and their job at a gas station means they get to dictate which diseases are real and which aren't.

Hi. May I ask what field your PhD is in? Just curious, I may have some questions.

Oh it's real alright.
Pretty sure it's still overdiagnosed because of shitty parenting and a lot of doctors being whores.

Computer science working on live neurons (just installed a multichannel systems MEA at the hospital I'm working with).

I suppose you could call it neuron machine interaction, what I'm interested in is trying to understand, model and learn from self-organizing networks, focusing on the neuron.

Maybe it's over-diagnosed, but at least for those seeking the diagnose I think it's more important to reach those who have it than to keep people from faking it. I don't live in burgerland though, so maybe you really do have an overdiagnosis problem and that's what drives all the armchair psychologists..

That sounds very interesting. I am currently in undergrad studying psychology and to be honest I hate most of it. I was considering a grad program for neuroscience though or medical school.

Keep in mind that I'm doing the PhD with my comp sci faculty, and we're working with self organizing networks (something neurons do best), so while you might end up working on something similar it will be with a very different background

Thanks, I will remember that.

Yeah, in Canada and the US it's pretty much
>hey my child is kind of annoying sometimes and I don't feel like doing anything about it
>okay here's some Ritalin

You have an illness called "Hallejuah, sin and eat."

Eat hella healthy, tell her that you find wealth in prayer, tell him your a liar; no snake.

They need forcing feedback temporary schitzophrenia meme.

Surprised there aren't more autists like me here.

What's it's like working through your illness. Do you have delusions, what are they about?

I had social anxiety for years until I realised there is nothing to be anxious about.

You'll do astronomically better in mathematics if you really have schizophrenia

thanks anons

I'm an autist with horrible anxiety/depression and really poor working memory. I have panic attacks in social situations and forget shit a lot because I can't keep information in my head. I have a lot of trouble remembering faces and call people the wrong name frequently.

I think like 3-4x slower than everyone else, so I need extra time during exams and things like that. I can do all my work, it just takes me way longer than everyone else. I'm not sure how this is going to translate into the real world, because ability to think on your feet is really important. I applied for SSDI like 2.5 years ago after I had some neuropsych testing done and found out that I have a bunch of processing issues.

I don't think I'm going to get approved, but I can't function that well outside of simple jobs like warehouse work or assembly line work. Screwing the lids on jars at a protein powder factory was actually my favorite job because it was close to impossible to fuck up.

math student, avoidant personality disorder, bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety, currently on lexapro wellbutrin and adderall

All the posts saying abilify is a decent drug is trufax. I'm on IMI injections of Abilify once a month and have to take Sodium Valproate (Epilum) as a mood stabilizer.

I'm at moderately high doses (1.5g) but honestly the Epilum doesn't do shit. Still able to carry my day to day routine.

Did you ever try Latuda? It gave me that restless legs feeling really intensely so I stopped taking it within 2 days.

What kind of symptoms do you anons with schizophrenia have?

I dabbled with shrooms a few times and ever since I've had some very strange episodes where I lose touch of myself and reality. I'll get a rush of anxiety and existential dread, heart palpitations, the whole lot. Sometimes my thoughts wane, I have strange delusions in the mirror or when around other people. I'm able to reflect on this later and realize it, and it's gotten much better over time. Last time I've smoked marijuana or done any psychedelic was about 4 months ago, and these episodes are becoming farther and farther apart. Every time I think of my experience with mushrooms or even smoking marijuana I experience very strong anxiety and dread.

This can't be permanent, right? Any other anons know what I'm talking about? I'm a little scared.

There's a rat in your walls. It knows things.

borderline, ocd tendencies, psychosis, major depression

I dropped out of high school due to mental illness despite being a star pupil and am trying to work my way to a legitimate university now through the community college system.

You don't seem to be in it too bad right now so don't take any more psys. No personal experience but a friend got himself into having episodes almost constantly after binging on psys, no improvement after 2-3 years. Of course binging on psys is a whole different level, he was snorting 2cs and tryptamine RCs 3 or so times a week and then literally binging on nbomes for a week set it off . People without schizophrenia get a lot of the symptoms you describe for a while after a challenging trip so I think yours will go away fine given time. And of course cannabis does that, that's normal and not related to schizofrenia - try to accept the trip, etc, give it more time, find other things for your brain to focus on while on cannabis. Cannabis is the number one drug for bringing you back to trips, and drops the ol cannabinoid anxiety smack on top of it.

I've known that for years and it hasn't stopped the anxiety. I think you probably had average Veeky Forums poster syndrome instead.

Yeah, I had a really really hard trip last time. Was lying in bed, gf was telling me she was leaving me over the phone, friends were gone to go sleep, and I started seeing neon coloured eyes all around me. They started moving really rapidly and then I heard weird, maggot-like sounds with a HEHEHEHE laugh. Then I suddenly drew my eyes to the lamp in my room and experienced that "oneness" with the universe. Thought that I was one with everything and that everything around me was in it for the long haul just trying to survive like I was.

Then I felt incredibly alone, much worse than anything I've ever felt. The eyes, laughing, etc. didn't phase me at all. But that loneliness, my god. It was hell on earth.

But thank you for your input, I've cut myself off of all drugs for a little bit. Won't be dipping back into psychedelics after that trip, more than enough for me for a lifetime. I'll stick to marijuana and the occasional stimulant.

Not derealized but depersonalized. Been a 2 year slow downward slope until I hit rock bottom around 6 months ago and now its nothing feeling nothing so its not so bad. I tried the whole eat healthy with no alcohol or coffee or anything for 3 weeks and there was no improvement so I've just coped with my life flashing by in an hour. Hopefully I can make a microscopic contribution before this non experience is over. I'm going to try a possible cure ''Nalaxone'' soon though and if it works, life could actually go back to normal. Best of luck, hopefully there will be better treatments in the future.

90% of schizophrenics are depressed

Yeah that sounds pretty terrible. I had a bad trip that ended in me running around the streets naked and getting picked up by the cops once, took me maybe 6 months to fully get over it and now I trip again on rare occasions too, but only with low mindfuck psys (2cd and 2cb are my favorites). But if you've got schizophrenia it's not worth the risk at all. A net friend of mine had bad trips at the start of this summer, where they thought they were dying and they've got stuff more similar to what you describe, the rush of anxiety, dread, and heart paliptations, though they start feeling like they're dying as their delusion from it. They don't have schizofrenia though, a bit of ocd though (bad enough they dropped out of highschool and college and can't hold a job but not bad enough to make them clean constantly, etc)

Have dyspraxia, probably some other undiagnosed disorder or something as well, considering about 70% of my family are proper loonies.

I can't into socializing with more than one or two people at a time, pretty much nothing is fun to me, my studies are going OK at the moment.
They went pretty shitty last year when I basically became a recluse for a few months and fucked up a semester.
I've quit drinking and videogames now though, and I'm doing 100 points each semester this year to catch up (basically, doing 1.8 years of classes this year), while also doing legitimate research for the university.
I'm literally either studying, doing assignments, doing research, or sleeping. I spend maybe 30 or so minutes a day shitposting while I eat 'dinner', 30-50 minutes preparing food and that's pretty much it.
I feel like I'm doing nothing with my life, but it's probably for the best.

Also, I'm studying "software engineering".
I'm actually passionate about most of the topics I'm studying, basically physical human interaction methods (devices, gestures, motion control, eye-reading, etc) and computer navigation. I fucking hate the whole mobile phones trend though. It's turning making me feel like I'm studying a joke degree, and all I see are kikes trying to go for a cashgrab by doing things that they don't find even remotely fun.

i had a bad trip on molly a few years ago. I get bad anxiety in public. I had to drop out of college cuz I could not stay in class without panicking. I tried some different meds, but right now i'm doing alright with some klonopin.
don't do drugs kids lol

I'm 24 and a grad student (paleofag), and I have an anxiety disorder.
shit was pretty bad when I was an undergrad and didn't know I had it. nearly flunked out, took incompletes two quarters and a leave of absence for a third, barely finished my B.S. on time. I spent over two years working retail and focusing on my therapy before I went back to school.

these days I just drink a lot of coffee and booze (not at the same time usually) and focus on not letting my anxiety get out of control.

Unreal Analysis

Well, my dad tells me that I was diagnosed with autism when I was a child. But I find it very hard to believe.
It doesn't really affect my education as long as I'm interested in what I'm learning. Never had problems learning anything when I was interested in it.
On the other hand, I can't learn something if I'm not interested in it. In fact, I usually can't even hear when someone says something and I'm not really interested in it. It's more than just not paying attention - I don't really perceive it; I cut it off.

Bi-polar. Just energy loss and sometimes easy to get depressed and have a cascade failure to keep up with course work when a depression hits.

ARE YOU JOHN NASH?

Cannabis can cause Schizophrenia. Stop using psychoactive/psychedelic substances and maybe you'll be fine.