Eat a jar of sauerkraut

I made two packs of pic related with two jars of sauerkraut and mixed it all together. Over a Friday and Saturday I finished it all. The gas that followed on Sunday was unbearable. I had to open windows and position fans to even be able to live in my own apartment.

>I made two packs of pic related with two jars of sauerkraut and mixed it all together. Over a Friday and Saturday I finished it all.
That's fucking insane.

It wasn't my proudest moment, as I did it or as I dealt with the effects on Sunday. Sauerkraut is a powerful ingredient.

>open windows and position fans

That must have been really bad because an individual normally doesn't find his own farts objectionable. Usually, it's just other peoples' that are disgusting.

That's why I mentioned it. Even my bowel movements don't bother me. Whatever hot links and sauerkraut did in my intestines will never be allowed to happen again.

>an individual normally doesn't find his own farts objectionable
50% of my gas is like this. Probably because I eat so much, and a lot of it is high fiber or high protein (meat, oats, green veg). I hate it.

>ate some bad food my roommate had taken out of the fridge, left on the counter overnight in 90°f heat, and then put back in the fridge before I saw it had been out
>puking my guts out
>bottom of retching, a thick black goo starts to come up
>think that forehead slime from the Fifth Element movie
>no idea what I ate that could have looked like that
>freaking out
>planning to go to a doctor asap
>remember I splurged on some raisins though I normally avoid them
>oh okay, back to vomiting

>vomiting thick black goo
reminds me of that creepypasta I read a while ago

You're supposed to cook it first.

Not really. Tastes pretty good raw.
Never gave me the shits

Does anyone have the screencap of the guy who ate an entire jar of pickles and almost died?

Pic unrelated

this one?

Black bile, user. When your stomach is so fucked that you start bleeding from the stomach lining, you'll puke black goo.

Ever wondered for what the Sausage is for?

>eat a whole pound of Teriyaki beef jerky
>so much dye in my urine the next day I permanently stain two pairs of underwear just from the drips that sneak out after peeing (despite TP dabbing even)

Thanks anons.

OP, pay attention.

This is how you greentext:

>Also, your ass will shit with unprecedented precision and engineering

finally, my lifelong dream can become a reality

...

I love how he describes the pickle jar as "life-giving" Lol

>your ass will shit with unprecedented precision and engineering

How will he know without a shelf in his toilet?

>Getting the runs from Sauerkraut
What the fuck is wrong with your intestines?

That's nothing, I once ate 3 or 4 packs of roasted and salted pistachios. I was shitting everburning stomach acid the whole fucking day and just like he described it.

>shitting takes long time due to pain
>really happy you're finally through
>a few minutes later you HAVE to get back on the throne of woe
>burning, oily liquid with tiny black spots

A week ago I overate on mature coconuts, had 3 of them over the day. Don't even get me started on this one, it's the same as above but without the stomach acid.
No, you get the oily watershits but you eventually have to pump out a giant lump of shredded coconut, which feels like a big cluster of broken glass.

First post best post

A-are you sure? That was a while ago and it hasn't happened since

I didn't realize this was a ylyl thread.

This happened to me at the height of my alcoholism. shit was scary.

this board should get deleted if threads like this stay up for 24 hours with 36 posts

>Decide to start eating healthier
>Eat beans and leafy greens 3x today, felt fine
>Now I'm bloated as fuck and feel a massive shit coming on tomorrow morning.

>this board should get deleted
no

It's a fermented food right?

So, it's a probiotic, maybe he had a lot of bad microbiota getting rekt

no

I don't know what did it

But it was the worst 2 days ever

I was literally pissing blood out of my asshole every 20-30 mins

I never figured out if it was the burger, yogurt, or mexican food truck

Leaning towards the food truck tho, maybe e coli?

I don't know what dangerous level of salt intake is, but I'd think a jar of sauerkraut would be risking it anyway.

the worst smell is when you piss or shit the next morning after drinking shitty malt liquor like Steel Reserve all night.
It smells so, so horrible. what is in shitty beer that makes piss smell like rotting banana trees?

German cuisine is a package deal.
So when having Sauerkraut you should also have potatoes as a side to the Kraut and a good bread with raw meat for Dinner later.

Never had the shits from any sort of Kraut in my life and I had a fair share of it.

I don't think bad food can make you shit blood, I think a disease or injury would. Please go to a doctor.

400% of your daily sodium is literally only 4 teaspoons of salt.

Unless you are alergic to cabbage or vinegar, you are lying. Cabagge is pure fiber and would make you poop solid.

But... did you drink milk with it?

Deal with it.

Pissing from your ass is a traditional German activity.

TWO packs of sausages? how fat are you?

>German cuisine is a package deal.
You're a fucking idiot, son.

fuck I kinda remember having this happen to me on crate day...

This OP, your ass just has to get used to being put in ordnung.

No

>Capcha: Select all the food

Real talk, make sure to chew your food up well. Sounds like grandma tier wisdom, but your stomach has trouble digesting big hunks of cellulose and shit.

Yeah I think that might be my problem. I tend to eat pretty fast and not chew my food down enough. It's hard because I'm trying to make vegetables a much larger part of my diet so it's tons of chewing.

give me one good reason this board even exists?
half the threads are /b/ tier at best
no one want to rate ur food unless it looks like shit
if i wanted to know how to make chili i would spend 2 seconds on google

You can't taste food over the internet, of course nobody is rating it, they don't know what it's like.

>love steak
>mom has steak
>gives me two ribeyes and tells me to enjoy
>unfrozen and i dunno when shes been to kroger last
>cook a steak, leave the other in the fridge because i might just eat steak again tomorrow
>i dont eat steak the next day
>i toss it in the freezer the day after that
>hungry for steak again
>thaw it
>the other side is brown when i peel the thawed steak out of the package
>"no way its bad already, im cutting this brown shit off and cooking it and eating it"
>steak wasnt as good as the last one but not bad to stop me from eating the whole thing
>ffwd 16 hours
>playin cs go because comfy night
>dumb and dumber style stomach churning sound effect.mp4
>abandon match because i already know what time it is
>sprint to toilet
>yank down shorts and let it all loose on the toilet
>hot diarrhea spraying at all angles in the general direction of the toilet bowl including the lip of the bowl that the toilet seat rests on
>5 minutes of hot spicy painful spurting followed by 5 minutes of agonizing,stomach clenching pain
>feels like some stuck a hedge trimmer up my ass and turned it on
>rinse repeat spurting and agony
>wiping was so painful like my asshole felt like a layer of skin was flayed away
>quiver and weep in bed for about an hour and a half
>take a shower and go back to playing vidya

This board has the highest percentage of drunks per poster on the site.

doubt it, this thread about someone having the shits has been up for 48 hours now

because it's food and cooking themed, retard. If you've visited other boards you'd realize how off topic they can get, but at least every thread here is centered around food.

the most popular thread here in the last 24 hours has been about shitty room mate habits
most popular post in that thread
>share stories about living with a black roomate

Is that the true meaning of "sitzpinkler"? No wonder they had to make up a word for it

6'2'' 185-190. Fluctuates between there constantly. Rarely falls out of that range either way tho.

Franks sweet and mild is objectively the best kraut

>splurged on some raisins

Means your gut biome needed a serious import of troops. Keept eating it but dont eat a whole jar of it at once ya dingus

That's a nice gondola, mind if i save it brother man?

>black bile
You know black bile isn't a real substance, right? It's medieval pseudoscience.

hello i'm serbian i put 100 kg of kupus in a barrel with vinegar and i'm enjoying it on a daily basis.
also diarrhea is almost daily practice here. we like clean guts

What? It`s delicious.
Esp with cranberry, sugar and no oil.

He didn't say it isn't delicious.

>this thread

>lie prone while gently sobbing

>he's never had the hangover ass pissing shits

My shit is sticky, black and tarlike after a hard night.

It depends on what you drink.

>get drunk
>eat only god knows
>sleep
>wake up feeling like a Gibdo from the Zelda games
>drink about a quart or two of sports drink or iced tea
>lets_begin.jpg
>first shit is like a fucking cork
>it's half rot-iron plug, the other half mcdonalds soft serve icecream
>wipe, then go back to bed
>10 minutes later the sports drink makes a waterpark out of your guts
>second shit looks like knocking over a can of campbells chicken noodle soup
>it feels spicy. it always fucking feels spicy.
>wipe three times as much, go back to bed
>third wave comes an hour later
>looks and feels like Dinty Moore beef stew being squeezed out of a plastic bag
>wipe so much you lose a pint of blood
>feels like you were sitting on a fireant colony for a few minutes after you stand up
>go back to bed
>go out drinking later that night

fuck off you piece of shit

you're ruining a perfectly good thread

you're probably from yurop

no

wow, we must drink/eat like exactly the same things because that is spot on

>immediately replicate an oil change on my toilet

I lost.

Good Lord, I lost hard to this.

The use of various "foods" to describe your stools were enjoyable and vivid.
I would like to buy your biography XD

>be me usually have a cast iron stomach
>move to new mexico
>chile in everything
>spend first month shitting molten lava
>get used to it
>go back home to PA for holidays
>german family so mom makes big cabbage and corned beef dinner with sauerkraut
>eat two big plates
>ten minutes later my ass is literally exploding on the toilet

I think my gut flora had changed after all that mexican food.

The cycle repeating got me.

kek

>rot iron
Wrought iron.

wrong
unless he ate something to bind with it
eating just cabbage like that will make it look like you ate lawn clippings then shat them out
it will scrap off the walls of your intestine and colon but not bind together itself...
this is why you eat it with meats and other things that will plug you up so you can be regular...

baby wipes man, use them