ITT greentext the story of the last time you got in a fight at an eating establishment

ITT greentext the story of the last time you got in a fight at an eating establishment

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It's literally never happened, and I'm in my 30's and eat out more often than not. Hopefully if you ever have children you'll teach them how to behave in public.

I love semen punk

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>my grandmother is naive and invites here entire family of rejects to a restaurant (It was lone star, they used to be good)
>we get there at 6:00
>my aunt isn't there, so we can't be seated
>she lives 20 minutes away
>claimed to have left 10 minutes ago
>grandmother says we're waiting, "she wont be long"
>she gets there at fucking 8:30
>that's basically an early arrival for her
>in the time we've been waiting, my uncle has been drinking
>he gets reasonably drunk, reminding every single family member why they don't invite him anywhere anymore
>within minutes of getting to the place, my aunt proceeds to insult us, insult me, insult the waitstaff, and insult the other patrons
>they take forever to seat us, solely because of her
>waiter comes
>she insults the menu
>and the server
>and my drunk uncle
>uncle having none of that shit
>punches her in the face
>my grandfather gets up and basically chokes my uncle out
>they both go to the hospital
>my grandmother has waited so long that she refuses to let us leave, we end up eating there anyway
>the waitstaff is visibly terrified for the hour or so my family takes to eat
Just one of the many reasons I refuse to go to family events

That sounds like so much fun. Why can't my family be dysfuntional? We all have our faults, but damn do we get along and strangers have fun around us. I'm so jealous.

0/10 boring

No. It sucks. You're basically walking on eggshells for your entire life.
Even now that I'm more successful than them, they're still trying to drag me down to their level.

I beat the shit out of kid rock at a waffle house

this desu. Getting into fights in eating establishments of all places is just absurd. People need to control their aggression.

Read (or watch) Running with Scissors by Augusten Burroughs. Then Dry, the next part of his biography.

I was having dinner at a nice restaurant called Bridges with my partner and her three kids for her birthday, along with their elderly lady nanny.

I decided to order the jambalaya but I asked the waiter to make mine not spicy (because I'm allergic to pepper). The food arrived quickly and it looked terrific but as soon as I took the first bite I started to cough, then began to choke. To my horror I realized that the jambalaya had pepper in it - a LOT of pepper. The choking got worse and I couldn't breathe but then the nanny came running over yelling

"HELP IS ON THE WAY DEAR!"

She got into position behind me and started to firmly give me the heimlich maneuver. After what felt like forever a piece of shrimp flew out of my throat and suddenly I could breathe again. I turn to thank her for saving my life but I froze when I saw that her "face" was a prosthetic and had peeled off. My date's nanny was a man!

Such a good movie. May he rest in peace.

Pierce Brosnan is still very much alive

>at cheesecake with gf
>go to bathroom
>wash my hands and try to check my phone
>left it at the table
>get back to the table and gf is uneasy
>she starts accusing me of cheating on her
>insist that I was busy at work with a coworker and it wasn't what it looked like
>starts to make a scene, everyone is watching
>keeps yelling and now all the families including the ones that go to disney are watching us
>she splatters a cheesecake on my face and ruins my favorite polo by spilling red wine all over me and leaves

>>she splatters a cheesecake on my face and ruins my favorite polo by spilling red wine all over me and leaves
>Cheesecake and red wine.
That's poor pairing.

So were you cheating on her?

Augusten Burroughs is a fraud. It's too bad because the stories were good, but they were too good. He makes up plenty of shit.

We were in this bar in Saigon and this kid comes up, this kid carrying a shoe-shine box. And he says "Shine, please, shine!" I said no. He kept askin', yeah, and Joey said "Yeah." And I went to get a couple of beers, and the box was wired, and he opened up the box, fucking blew his body all over the place. And he's laying there, he's fucking screaming. There's pieces of him all over me, just like this, and I'm tryin' to pull him off, you know, my friend that's all over me! I've got blood and everything and I'm tryin' to hold him together! I'm puttin'... the guy's fuckin' insides keep coming out! And nobody would help! Nobody would help! He's saying, sayin' "I wanna go home! I wanna go home!" He keeps calling my name! "I wanna go home, Johnny! I wanna drive my Chevy!" I said "With what? I can't find your fuckin' legs! I can't find your legs!"

I was working construction one summer as an undergrad and we were in some shit town of like 3,000 people for the week. I was shit-faced on our day off and staggering around town in the afternoon like I was the cock of the walk.

Anyway, we went to a McDonald's and they had a Grimace stuffed animal that looked like it was about 30 years old, behind the counter. I used to call my gf Grimace at the time, just an odd nickname to tease her (she wasn't fat, I forget how it came about). I hadn't seen her in 2 months and dwelled on that fucker all day and eventually came back to steal it the next week when it was our last day off in that town.

I got sufficiently wasted and decided to go through with it. I jumped over the counter and had it but some punk cashier grabbed me by the throat HARD (like my adam's apple) and sucker punched me in the jaw. I retched, threw up a bit, and punched him in the nose purely on reflex. Heard the crack and blood gushed everyone, people screamed, and I ran with my Grimace. Unfortunately, this guy was a local track star and he got me before I could get to the trucks, a couple blocks away. I was ready to kick his ass when he told me his parents owned that McDonald's and his dad bought the toy for his mom god knows when because it was his pet name for her. The guy was in tears and said he didn't give a shit about his nose but to give it back and he wouldn't call the cops.

I felt like shit, he was just a young guy doing his job and protecting his parents' franchise. I apologized and told him my gf-Grimace connection and we started to laugh and the scene was totally defused.

Then I saw my buddy in the truck coming by slow and I lost all my let-bygones-be-bygones attitude, punched him in the gut and winded him, pushed him down before he knew what hit him, and hopped in the truck and laid low at the hotel.

The cops looked for me but no one told them anything and we were gone the next morning at 5 am. Good times.

Hahahahahaha you got me you fucker

That movie was a classic

>makes up plenty of shit.

So what? Just when, in any interaction IRL or on the internet do you think that's not happening? Name one moment of human interaction that was not "making it up."

Protip: you cannot.