Proposed Rules on Writing a K-mart realist/Diet Pepsi minimalist Short Story"

Robert is riding his bike. Robert locks his bike to a parking meter. He walks into a Chinese restaurant. He orders food and eats it. He drinks an entire pot of tea. He pisses four times. Outside he can feel winter coming. He wishes he had eaten a pear instead of fried bean curd. He unlocks his bike and rides it to the library. He locks his bike and finds a book of short stories by Martin Amis and reads three of them and feels upset and confused. Later he goes home and feels good. He goes to bed. He thinks, “Lisa and I will go out again and this time it really will be great. She’s great.” He is asleep. Robert is in American Apparel. Robert is surprised that he isn’t more uncomfortable. Robert holds a medium pink v-neck t-shirt to his chest, then Robert holds a small pink v-neck t-shirt to his chest. Robert tries on a grey hooded sweatshirt. Robert takes it off and looks at the color. Robert takes the grey hooded sweatshirt to the check out line. In the check out line Robert remembers he wanted underwear. Robert walks to where there is underwear and picks up a package of three pairs of small underwear. Robert is happy that he will have new underwear. He thinks “I will take a shower and then put them on.” Robert gets back in the checkout line. Robert feels happy. Robert is looking at pictures of shower filters on the internet. Robert thinks “I don’t think I’m sure of anything but I’m probably wrong.” Robert feels really humble. Robert hates himself. Robert opens his bedroom door and then sits back down and looks at more pictures of shower filters. Robert goes downstairs and gets some broccoli from the refrigerator. Robert sits at the kitchen table. Robert thinks “If my roommates weren’t here I could be naked right now.” Robert feels sad. Robert is in his parent’s house. It’s three AM. Robert is listening to the album The Adventures of Ghosthorse and Stillborn by Coco Rosie. Robert likes this album. Robert is reading Brandon Stosuy’s defense of this album at www.thefanzine.com. Robert thinks about interviewing someone who works at or owns an all-night Chinese restaurant in the part of Philadelphia that he lives in and then having it published at www.thefanzine.com. Robert thinks “I bet that would help me out, no matter what.” Robert feels sad and thinks “I know I’ll never do that.” Robert thinks “Someday I’ll see a cool interview with someone who works at or owns an all-night Chinese restaurant.” Robert feels sad. He goes downstairs and eats hummus and corn chips and watches six episodes of The Office and then sleeps for ten hours.

Robert thinks about the white high top Vans he wore the summer after his junior year of high school and a little bit of his senior year of high school. He thinks of eating Chinese food. He gets out of his bed. He connects his cell phone to its charger. He presses F2 on his MacBook to brighten the screen. He types the phrase “rawt” into the search field on iTunes, and then listens to the song Rawtoon by Lil’ Wayne. He takes off his clothes. He takes the sheets off his bed and lies naked on the scratchy mattress. He looks out the window for three hours and fifteen minutes and then he takes a shower and then he puts on different clothes and then he rides his bike to work. Dan calls Robert and says “Do you want to come to my house?” and Robert thinks “Dan lives in an apartment he doesn’t live in a house” and Robert is happy that he himself lives in a house, at least. He says “Sure, yeah” and Dan says “Cool” and Robert rides his bike to Dan’s apartment. Ted is there and Robert and Dan and Ted drink beer. Later Abby and Kelly come and are drunk and Robert and Dan and Ted drink more and it’s obvious that Abby and Dan are together and then at some point Robert and Kelly are on the steps out front and Robert says “Can I put my arm around you?” and Kelly says “Yeah,” and “Yeah totally” is the implication and from then on Robert and Kelly are pretty together. A few times, while Ted is within hearing range, Robert tells Kelly “I feel bad for Ted…”Robert and Kelly are sitting on a bench. Robert is hesitating. It is warm. Robert feels comfortable. He looks at Kelly and wants to kiss her. He thinks, “She is pretty great.” Robert feels sad. Robert wants to implode. He looks at Kelly. Kelly looks happy. Robert says “I don’t think we can really. Um. I don’t. There isn’t any chance that we can ever be boyfriend and girlfriend so I don’t think we should really pursue this any further.” Kelly is speechless, so Robert continues. “I really like you and think you’re great though and I really actually did have a wonderful time tonight.” Kelly says, “Wow.” Robert wants to implode. Kelly says “Wow, I just really. Well you have to tell me why, because, wow I really thought, I just, well what you said, I thought we were really pretty great together.” Robert says “Yeah. It’s just.” Robert thinks “I don’t like her clothes and I don’t think she’s – I don’t want to introduce her to my friends, the ones that I don’t have yet but will be more like me, vain and judgmental and stuff.” Robert types the word ugh on an imaginary keyboard. Robert wants to punch Kelly in the head. Robert says “Well.” Robert thinks “I can’t be this mean all the time.” Robert thinks “I’m pathetic.” Robert wants to run into traffic.

This

Where Are You Going?

Robert is riding his bike. He eats at a Chinese restaurant. The air outside is colder than the week before. He goes to the library and reads a book of short stories b Martin Amis. In bed he thinks, "Lisa and I will go out again and this time it will be really great." He sleeps for a while, but wakes and eats a snack. He plays some records and his Macbook. Robert things he should interview someone at the Chinese food restaurant.

Robert wakes up and plays some more records. Dan invites Robert over to his apartment. Ted is there too, they all drink Miller Lites. Abby and Kelly come too, they are both drunk. They all have more Miller Lite. Abby and Dan are dating each other. So are Robert and Kelly. Robert says to Kelly, "We can't be boyfriend and girlfriend." Kelly says, "Wow."

Write me some zebra music, Bast.

Excellent film all round imo. The aesthetics I think would fit kmart realism well because the nondescriptness reflects at least my view of that reality better than the OP outline.

Hi Paul.

Hello Brandon.

i disagree, gas stations are aesthetic

Holy shit. I know exactly where that is. That's Breezewood, PA. That was the halfway point between our house and my grandpa's house on roadtrips. I was always excited to stop there and eat a load of shitty garbage food and buy magazines.

I heard that they went out of business recently or are currently in the process of going out of business.

"You seriously can't just reschedule the drug test?"

Ash was incredulous. Brian the Manager wore a dumb look. Neither really understood what was going on.

Ash had applied to Kmart after a long period of joblessness. It was humiliating, for one. When you walk in the door you're greeted by listlessness and the stale waft of Little Caesar's. The pay was pretty bad - Ash questioned if it was even minimum wage. The towering banners of smiling young hip kids gave off an eerie Foucauldian vibe. Dead staring eyes. Never shifting. Ash hated it instantly, the ineptitude and misshelved items, but needed a job more.

Ash had interviewed with Brian the Manager, who nursed a Diet Pepsi and nodded inattentively. Ash gulped Ocean Spray Cranberry Cocktail trying to flush out all the pot. Brian said the drug test needed to happen by Friday, so Ash resolved to go on Friday. The drug testing clinic's computers disagreed. When Ash showed up on Friday, a nurse who always smelled like urine said the appointment was Thursday. Ash protested - Brain the Manager said 'by Friday'. The nurse, exasperated, helpless, like someone who always smells like urine, said Ash clicked the wrong time on the website. Again Ash protested, but the computer, still running Windows 2000, refused, adamant Ash was scheduled for Thursday. Without the computer's consent there would be no drug test. Without the drug test there was no job. The nurse must hate working here, sighing as Ash shouted, incredulous.

"Sorry," Brian the Manager monotoned. "The computers won't let me reschedule it. Try again in 90 days."

Ash stomped out of the store, kicking the Little Caesar's vending machine on the way out. Brian the Manager, dumb look, turned back to a burnt-in Sony CRT television circa 1999. It turned on to static. Brian the Manager sipped the Diet Pepsi and felt the rum settle in.

pretty good

Based on a true story.

I love this image, thank you

such a good movie

Possibly not a trope, but I've noticed characters use lawn furniture in place of real furniture. This is almost always in an apartment. I'm not sure if he does this to show their financial or transient states.

>gas is $3.45 a gallon

Holy shit, I never saw it go past $3.15 in Colorado

anywhere near a city highway looks like that, bub

>indistinguishable
Breezewood, Pennsylvania. user BTFO.

i knew that was a picture of pennsylvania before i saw the sign. i just knew it.