I'm looking for passionate, burning, honest prose, which will make you want to disintegrate and cry

I'm looking for passionate, burning, honest prose, which will make you want to disintegrate and cry.

wow, me too

my diary really

try pic related by BolaƱo

Woolf.
>chek'd

My diary desu(to be desu)

I have a trouble connecting with my father sometimes. The other day I was talking to him on the phone and he mentioned how I will never need to worry about him judging me. He specifically said this because I told him how I was nervous telling him I bought a new computer because I spent some money on it. Before I got off I said I'd send him a picture of the case, I love you, and goodnight.

Twenty minutes after u sent the picture I got a response.
>Cool looking case too! Should be a mean machine.

For some reason the time it took him to respond stirred something inside me. I cried that night. I cried so hard, and I haven't cried in years. I cried because I thought I made him upset. Like he thinks he can't connect with his son because I'm afraid of what of what he thinks of it. That's true. I care very much what he thinks of me. What son isn't interested in his father's thoughts? I don't want him to not be a part of my life. I want him to be okay with me doing what I want. For the record I'm 22.


After I cried I got out of bed and wrote three full pages of the things I want to tell my father. We don't talk about our feelings, I can't phrase that any better. Some of these things I think will be hurtful, or even offensive. I wrote how I felt like I've always (and still do) taken the backseat with him in regards to my sister. Frankly she's a more interesting person. Cute, 5'3", spunky, and spontaneous. I'm 5'5" so I got her beat there at least.

I want the relationship to go back to the way it was before I became a working adult. At the very least I want him to see me as a good young man, like how he sees my sister as successful young woman.

Pic related. It's my new pc.

Jesus Christ nigga it's just a computer. Also tell your father to be honest and say what he really thinks of you, even the bad things. Refraining from all judgement isn't good for you, he's your father, he's SUPPOSED to tell you when you're fucking up. Don't bottle shit up and wait till it either explodes or kills you, it's much worse than the awkward moment before you tell him you have a problem. And stop putting your sister on a pedestal, she's a human being just like you and would be better off by whatever help you can give her.

t. someone with a similar father and overachieving sister

Chill out man. In those 22 minutes he was just fucking your mom or some other girl (maybe even a guy)

I have never cared even slightly what my father thought of me, it has been the eternal conflict in our relationship my entire life. As a child I simply disobeyed him unless he physically restrained me. As an adolescent I lied and manipulated however I could. Once I became aware in my mid teens of this basic tension I became extremely embarrassed about it- why would I not care about my father's opinion, shouldn't he matter more than anything? Since then every single interaction I have had with him has been an outright lie because to be honest would be a rupture between us that could never be healed, men being what they are. It has come close, but I always excuse my outbursts with explanations of alcohol or rage, and then I write some thing to him that reconfirms my admiration for him, which is hard for me because writing is supposed to be truth.

It is not that I don't respect the man, I simply don't care for his approval in the slightest, and we have so little in common coupled with my generally violent disposition that all honest discourse between us is impossible.

gass

you need to read Suttree RIGHT NOW

Carver, Pessoa, Falkner, Beckett all come to mind for completely different but still valid reasons.

hook me up with that OG gas son

...

i am in the same situation, even with the sister bit. i haven't yet had something banal trigger me like it did you, but either way, thank you for putting my thoughts about the situation with my dad into words. i cant write for shit.

>5'5''
Found the problem

can you give me the number of your sis

...

"Finally, I have found the Looking for Alaska by John Green."

great prose

This is more ridiculous than Lovecraft. At least that guy was having fun but McCarthy, I don't know, there's something sad in the way your can feel him straining to wring a few more epithets and similes out of his cirrhotic prose gland to dress this soggy word salad that people, some of them well read, seem to seriously take as awe-inducing and "biblical", while he himself appears to be the one most awe-struck by his own imagination and overwhelmed by his own greatness.

He pressed Post and spat.

Peter Sotos. See you on the other side

>cute, spunky

;)

very good

>Stoner by John Williams
>As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner

I also have trouble communicating (on an emotional level) with my dad. It's his fault though, he is probably on the autism spectrum and he didn't really ever have a dad (his dad beat my grandma, got pretty much cut out of my dad's life, started like 3 other families and when my dad was 19 he became an hero). I can't even blame him or be upset at him, I just unload all my emotional shit on my mom and speak only in logical terms with my pop. It has caused problems, mostly stemming from my mom being burdened with handling the emotional experiences of the entire family and no one expecting shit from my dad, and it's gotten better, but I just never learned to be vulnerable in front of him too well. Idk, love my pop though. Want him to approve of me I guess but I really don't care that much, it's all about how I feel.

If you fuckers want recommendations, you need to go out on a limb and actually mention shit you already like

Just saying "I want good books" doesn't tell anyone shit. Like shit, me too, nigga

I don't know, I don't think I've actually read anything like the sort of thing that I'm looking for. I'm just looking for something which contains only what a person who felt passionately when they were writing it, could become apparent when reading it. Have you ever noticed that, that if you write something sincerely and passionately, people will respond to it more than if you wrote it roboticly, almost as if they writing contained a passion and personality of it's own?