Why can't I eat shellfish as a jew. Fuck it. I'm digging in

...

>Unironically listening to the ramblings of a dehydrated, drunk, hallucinating man from 3500 years ago

This is the best post of the thread. Now you people can go on living without religion.

You know, as a goy, contrary to your lunatic ramblings, I've met a number of reformed or non-practising jews that I like a lot. They seem to have a self-deprecating sense of humor and a rather broadminded world view that could put most of us to shame. Of course I've never met an orthodox jew, so that may be where the difference lies.

God here. Don't you do it motherfucker or I will smite you so hard your foreskin will grow back.

Yep
We don't eat things that eat detritus, dead things or fish. That's why we can't eat eagles, sea ducks, ibis or other things or animals that subsist almost entirely on plants and some insects. It's the reason why we can't eat blood except that of fish and even the it a washed.

We can eat 4 kinds of locusts but probs because they were the common ones that came and ate our crops during plague.

Beyond trying to rationalize notions of cleanliness (which is so fucking prominent) it's a way of 1. Maintaining a herding and farming lifestyle and 2. Forces us to limit out time with non jews. We can't eat from their plates or utensils nor drink from their cups because they aren't kosher 3. It limits red tide exposure 4. Egyptian/east African priestly food taboo. Cushitic people don't eat things from water and Egyptian priests didn't eat fish

> Cushitic people don't eat things from water
I know Somalis converted to Islam 50 million years ago (/s), but in current Somali culture fish is very much consumed and adored. When it comes to Halal, I was told all the time that "all things that live in the sea are halal".

Of course, you're talking about ancient Cushtic dietary habits, and native Cushtic religion has been dead for over a millenium. Now Cushtic people follow Arabised Abrahamism, or Hellenised Abrahamism, both of which are shit.

Judaism is a shit religion, and Islam and Christianity are bad spin-offs of the same bullshit.

chickens eat plenty of dead things in the garden

>Maintaining a herding and farming lifestyle

not exactly a benefit in 2016

>Forces us to limit out time with non jews

oy vey

>It limits red tide exposure

irrelevant in 2016 with careful sourcing

>Egyptian/east African priestly food taboo.

spooky

Chicken eat bugs but subsist largely off seed

Everything else isn't important, leave your fedora tipping for someone else faggot
Somali may eat it now with islamification and desperation but Fisher clans are disparaged and marginalized.

Even amongst Habesha who were once Cushitic we don't really eat fish much. Specifically even around lake tana the poor at fish the poorest the Weyto ate hippo but anything wild was dispised.

My people Beta Israel were negatively remarked as smelling like water which was an insult, things that came from the water were seen as unclean.

Also fuck Waaq

Salmonella needs to be written in to the retarded religious canon. Boogey Boogey chicken lovers. Woogy Boogey!

> not exactly a benefit in 2016
That's all religion. It served a very specific purpose in a very specific time in a very specific place. That's why it's haram to eat pork, you need to chop off your baby's foreskin, and a woman must marry her rapist. It fit into the social context of that time.
Also, forgot to add, but I thought it was the Habesha (Abyssinians) the Jews had far more contact with than the us. The Cushites (Somalis, Oromo, Afar) were more Indian Ocean and Interior of Africa focused. The Habesha had Red Sea links with North Africa and West Asia.

There is one Somali tribe that folklore dictates were descended from Hebrews, and they (the Yibiir) are the absolute bottom-rung of Somali society. The Yibiir are all Muslims today, but many believe they descend from Jews at least partially, so many take to treating them as you would a Jew.

The entire Somali tribal system is pretty sick. Even my father hates the "midgan" (lower tribes that make up like 20% of Somali society). All the lower tribes are claimed to have shameful origins.

My family is from Somaliland, and fish has had the opposite connotation. Having fish to eat was a special event, almost a delicacy.

I understand you mean pre-Islam, but I'm saying it doesn't seem to be around anymore as far as I've seen from living in Somalia and being from a Somali family.

Also, about fishermen tribes being disparaged, I know that to also be true in China and India. Subsistence fishermen and their families have always been looked down upon because it really is a very dirty, and grueling profession.

It's kind of fucked up, but it's true. They were often lanky, with rickity homes and they smelled like entrails and sea water.

That's just what subsistence fishing is like.

Habesha are all just semitic speaking northerly Cushitics with ethiopic native and nilo saharan influence.

Cushitic used to extend in Arabia before Semitic speakers, just looked at Mehri and Socotran language they have a cushitic substrate.

Beta Israeli spoke Semitic and Cushitic languages.

Yibir probs aren't Jewish, but they may have worshipped Semitic gods from long ago

Somali clan and caste are silly but it's cushitic Oromo and even Iraqw in Tanzania do that still. Diaspora is gonna have to change it.

>Somaliland

Isaaq

> Habesha are all just semitic speaking northerly Cushitics
Obviously, as autism universalist has taught us.

Habesha are Semiticised Cushites.

> Cushitic used to extend in Arabia before Semitic speakers, just looked at Mehri and Socotran language they have a cushitic substrate.
If you look at Southern Arabia today, there a lot of Omanis and Yemenis with Cushtic/Ethio-Somali features.

When ever Veeky Forums brings up Ethiopians and Somalis, they claim we're somehow Semiticised, when the influence goes both ways. Southern Arabia and the Northern Horn of Africa have clearly had a genetic, linguistic and cultural back and forth, though I would like to make clear, they descend from us, not the other way around.
> Yibir probs aren't Jewish,
Like I said, all of the Midgan tribes are attributed shameful origin stories, as Pagans, Jews, Witches, et cetera. The Yibir were tarred with the "Yehud" brush.
> Isaaq
Yup.

Muh heritage is from the Sanaag, and Hargeysa. A bunch of hilly-desert, where my camel herder ancestors roamed around for millenium after millenium.

Sanitary concerns.

>jew
That was your first problem.

>Grasshoppers
>Unclean
0/10 you blew it goy. Study harder next time you want to mock someone.

Beat me to it.

Stay with chicken tendies then.

youtu.be/3OLMxs56rjg

>our lord adonai
>our lord our lord
lrn2hebrew

Non-Ashkenazi semi-demi-Jew here.

Why the fuck is Ashkenazi matso so fucking horrible? How can you tell when it's gone stale?
Soft matso is superior in every way. Why do you fucks eat that horrific, dry shit?

>Move to NYC
>In higher education so the place is naturally 50% jewish
>Half of them eat pork and don't give one shit about their religion
>They get all these fucking extra religious holidays

I'm onto you fucks.

>be
>work in higher education
>don't give a fuck about kashrut
>haven't been to temple
>ever
>not once
>be uncircumcised
>still get all dem high holy days off
If I'm to be frank, I don't even know what most of them are. I'm Jew only by Jewish law. Maternal grandmother was a Jew, though she married a Byzantine Catholic. By halakha, though, she's still a Jew and her kids are Jews and her daughters' kids are Jews.
I have some distant cousins who are still Jewish as fuck but none of my first or second cousins care much about any religious or ethnic background, never mind Jewish.

>autism universalist
Uh are you talking about me whose been through graphs and quotes showing east African genetics for two years?

>JEW

>triggered

Eh I think they have something called "Sheol" that's kind of like hell, but more dark and dank than painful and fiery. It at least fits the "bad place you go to when you die" description. I'm not sure what the criteria for being sent there are.

They also wash their hands 3 times before eating and that alone made them have a better quality of life than anyone else 400 years ago

Please don't use g^ds name in vain

Get a load of this moralfag.

If you allow ancient books of lore to rule your life, you might as well wear magic underwear and eat only "blessed" food.

That whole passage from the book of leviticus reads like a primitive hygiene and sanitation handbook anyway.
>no shellfish because shellfish poisoning
>no premarital sex because VD
>no homosex because VD
>no handling pig remains because parasites and disease

Isn't the new version of hell just purgatory?

because they're bottom feeders

So Jews have to eat detritus ?

...

Well it is free

Jewish people combust when they encounter shellfish. Fun fact; the Nazis didn't actually use gas; they just pumped in atomized seafood chowder.

>Why can't I eat shellfish as a jew.

Because you dumb fuckers couldn't tell the difference between fresh and rotten shellfish, nor did you learn how to cook them properly, and they killed a bunch of you in the past.

Same thing with pork.

Because you came from a desert where the only Arthropoda animals you ever saw were the lice and ticks infesting your body, spiders and scorpions. Mollusks didn't do to well in the barren desert, so you just assumed that was an "ewww, goy food!"

careful, it might give you gas

i always thought muslims and jews didn't eat shellfish because it was foreign and pork because they were nomadic and pigs don't travel well in the desert

Source?