I would like opinions on my novel. should I get another narrator or is my voice ok?

I would like opinions on my novel. should I get another narrator or is my voice ok?

youtube.com/watch?v=3pmadm2HTLY

You sound like Will Self. You sound like a lanky, bespectacled accountant with blonde hair and a giant adam's apple. The story is boring as fuck, I mean get to the point. Normie shit.

what is Normie? and what do you mean by getting to the point?

You obviously don't browse Veeky Forums my man. There's an unspoken rule on here that you first have to lurk here and contribute to the community or at least understand it before you start asking for money or attention or anything else.

Normie is a derogative term meaning that you are normal, in the sense that you do not suffer from any mental illness or personality disorder, you have no extreme views, you do not suffer immensely for existential and / or mental health reasons, and your opinions and tastes are those of a well-adjusted civilian content to live according to the rules and social mores of our society.

By getting to the point I mean don't expect anybody to be interested in listening to five minutes of some guy dryly narrating some dude walking into a cafe and ordering coffee. You presume too much about how much I have going on in my life if you think I care to know about this dude's preferred methods of making tea. I have transexual porn to watch, I have a yellow stained pillow to hump, I have several hours of daily suicide ideation that I do not intend to miss. Assume nobody wants to hear you say anything and your word will tighten up almost instantly. At the moment you write like a dude who has been told all his life that everything he says and writes is just fascinating darling.

You got all that from that video? It seems you are baselessly assuming or merely projecting. I dont know if you're serious about the Normie term, seems childish. Anyway, I'm a published author and this is my next novel. I thought I would get some feedback from the fringes of online forums and since many here value prose I though they would enjoy some finely crafted narration.

I don't give a fuck my nigga. Go shill your boring-ass shit elsewhere. Real talk.

Your voice works for me but I might be somewhat influenced by the novelty of a British accent to an American ear.

Angry user is correct that your description of the bar is longwinded. This isn't the Mos Eisley cantina and so doesn't deserve to be scrutinized any more closely than would a Starbucks. Please proceed to the action.

dogg why is your diction and voice so formal and awkward though. what's going on there. chill out and stuff.

any way your spoken voice is fine

>Neil Griffith's Betrayal in Naples is a stylish and erotic literary thriller that will appeal to fans of Graham Greene.

Jesus christ

>'An edgy romance and an excellent study in paranoia' Daily Telegraph

lmao

>Jim Wolf is abandoned in a Naples back street by a taxi driver. This is not what he came to the city for. But he's soon found by Louisa - an ex-lover never quite forgotten - now married to a charismatic Neapolitan judge. The three become close friends, and it's not long before Jim is closely involved in a high profile-mafia trial and once again irresistibly tempted by Louisa.
Jim is soon out of his depth, seduced by both the beauty and danger of this mysterious city, where betrayal - of a lover, of a friend, of oneself - is part of the way of life, and where, if you break the unspoken codes, a single gesture from a powerful man can condemn you.

Wow dude i dont think your market of middle class moms really goes on Veeky Forums
you should probably try another place to shill your book like your local whole foods or wherever grungy climacteric ladies hang out in ameristan

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