Amazing food

>amazing food
>5 star service
>fantastic atmosphere
>hubby and I were stuffed!
>unfortunately we had to park in a dark alley

>1/5 stars, disappointing.

There's some people that just come in to fuck up your day. Their dining experience can be perfect but they'll find something to bitch about to try and make others as miserable as them.

The ones that piss me off the most are when a reviewer states they've been to a place many times before and had good experiences but because one bad thing happened on their most recent visit, they give a low rating.

I've gotten food poisoning three times from here but it's pretty decent.

>review for frozen custard place
>complains the custard is too rich, gives 2 stars

I don't read reviews for anything anymore

Amazon, Google+, and yelp reviews are like one tier above YouTube comments for retarded shit.

The only people that take the time to review are idiots that are trying to get back at the restaurant for problems they caused, nu-males, and soccer moms.

This

This.
Middle aged white women on yelp are like australians on /pol/

>Live in flyover land
>Restaurant reviews for local places by locals are all great 4/5 or 5/5
>Elite Review from the Coasts: In town for a wedding/Just driving through and thought I stop by X because it was recommended. Ugh what bland garbage, I've had better at [Insert Big City Upscale Restaurant 800 miles away]
>I guess that's the best you can expect from [Your City/State]
>2/5 stars

I'm already aware that my hometown isn't the mecca of culinary excellence, but you don't have to keep reminding me.

never happens

Except they're never amusing, which is a shame.

It does.

never seen it and i use yelp religiously so some antisocial faggot on Veeky Forums isn't going to convince me otherwise

>I've had better at [Insert Big City Upscale Restaurant 800 miles away]
this shit annoys me. Im looking for food here you chucklefuck. I dont care how great this one restaurant is halfway across the country

>Bad reviews almost always have female names

>ITT shitty restaurant owners complain about their bad reviews to make yelp seem like a bad service

>4/5 on Google/Facebook pages
>2/5 on Yelp/Zomato

>yelp

>Live in the mortal realm
>Restaurant reviews for local places by locals are all great 4/5 or 5/5
>Elite Review from Mount Olympus: In town on a godly whim and thought to stop by X because it was recommended. Ugh what bland garbage, I've had better ambrosia.
>I guess that's the best you can expect from mortals.
>2/5 stars

>great food
>lovely atmosphere
>friendly staff
>reasonably priced
Unfortunately as I wrote this review from the toilet the last piece of shit I pushed out kind of got stuck half way and I had to shimmy my ass around a lot to get it to dislodge and became quite frustrated 1/5

Sadly, it's not an exaggeration. People aren't aware of stars between "1" and "5" and will give a place a one-star rating for something fucking trivial ("waiter forgot that I ordered wine until I reminded him! bad service!")... never mind that the rest of the experience went off without a hitch.

My favorite Yelp reviewers are the old people who think one star is the top rating and type in all-caps because they think it's large-print ("WONDERFUL RESTAURANT. GRANDSON RECOMMENDED IT. GOOD PASTA.")

LOL

I use your mom rigorously and religiously

It's the fact that the customers don't have the balls to say to the business or waiter what can be improved before a review.. If a customer gives a suggestion or asks for something to be fixed and the response they get "AYE FUGG OFF YA CUNT", then yes, it should be 1 star... It's the fact that people find that online interaction is favorable to reality.. Yelp just facilitates the divide between reality and distorted human experience..