How do you eat burritos without them falling the fuck apart?

Well you're also gay so you have to suck on all 8 inches for a few minutes and make a big piggy mess.

Explain first what you mean by falling apart. If the tortilla is unwrapping, your hands should keep it shut as you hold it. If it's becoming soggy and torn, you need less wet ingredients.

its becoming torn. it needs less wet ingredients. I figure I should just get it wrapped in an extra tortilla. I like what I get to order

I like to get a burrito with everything and just rip it apart with a fork. They never give enough beef

>actual burrito place
>white bread
>burrito sauce
>burrito spice
>sour cream

where do you live and what is your burrito place.

and....what do you get.

Not him, but I live in your average Midwestern city. Small Mexican population, but large enough to support 2 actual taquerias. I get a steak and chorizo burrito. The place I go to puts cheese, beans, lettuce, and tomato by default, and it's on a regular flour tortilla, like every other fucking burrito. You get sauce on the side and either dip the burrito in it or pour it on. I have no idea what the fuck you mean by white bread or burrito spice.

I've never been to a non-TexMex place that even stocks sour cream. My go to chain is Roberto's, any burrito is god tier and is basically meat, onions, and peppers. None of this filler bullshit, rice and beans go on the side. They're juicy as fuck sometimes and I've never had one fall apart on me

But what the actual fuck is "burrito spice"?

its a spicy seasoning mix for tacos and burritos.

I've had burritos all over this country, from national chains, local chains, tex-mex restaurants, and taquerias. Not once have I ever heard the term "burrito spice" or "white bread" in those places. Where the fuck do you get your shitty soggy burritos?

what Roberto's

I'm not Robertofag, I'm Midwesternfag, and that's not an answer to that question.

im not seasoningfag. idiot.

And your question still makes no fucking sense. I've never even heard of Roberto's until this thread.

do you prefer Chevy or GM

GM owns Chevy, and the correct answer is Mopar.

You must live in flyovercountry

>not understanding a model line

i look down on people like you. I look way down as the 747 continues to its destination.

It's a dumb question. It's like asking
>do you prefer Turner channels or TBS?
I already said I live in a Midwestern city, but you're aware that "flyover" doesn't mean "anywhere that isn't California", right? Someone from NYC wouldn't know about Roberto's, either.

as a fat, short, middle-aged bald man, these posts turned me on.

>doesn't fly private
>looks down on others
kek

>doesn't know that keks are over in this thread after the 747 flew over the faggots

>his outrageous property prices prevent him from owning his own plane
It must suck to be poor.

keks are done here kid. You're out.

>lives in the most polluted part of the country
>surrounded by dumb liberals and disgusting capitalistic excess
>thinks he gets to laugh at anyone

can you read son?

keks are over. The plane is gone.

for christ's sake just kiss already

What's the next step in your master plan?

go canoeing

WITH NO SURVIVORS

they use different sized tortillas for the different sized burritos, user

But OP said he gets his burritos on white bread, not tortillas.

you might want to consider OP meant "White Tortilla" as opposed to "Whole Wheat"

But nobody calls a regular flour tortilla "white bread". It's literally never happened before.

>not opening your burrito up like a cadaver and eating 50% of the insides with chips or a fork, then rolling the manageable bit up and eating it normally

Do you really need to manhandle the whole eight inches the whole time to be satisfied ?

There is just too much sauce on it.

I know, I love my locals burrito sauce, fucking top notch on steak

nobody eats whole wheat tortillas on account of they fucking suck ass though so that's a silly thing to consider

BEHOLD! TREMBLE! AND DESIRE!

THE CALIFORNIA BURRITO!

Deep in the ethnic mountains of San Dijuana, a crazed mexican shaman cursed at the Gods of his religion after his illegitimate family died from famine, "Umm, estoy un poco hambriento mang...". The Gods enraged by this laborer's indignity send a bolt of white lightning down from Mount Sombrero striking the shaman.

His flesh completely flayed from his body turned into the most delectable tortilla.

His muscles roasted perfectly transforming into unimaginably delicious carne asada.

His bones, becoming brittle from the strike, reconstructed as crisp and delectable french fries.

His blood and fluids denature metamorphose into savory and aromatic guacamole and sour cream.

So amused were the Gods that not even their omnipotence could have foretold the ironic way in which the white flash of light transmogrified the brown skinned serf. An idea became present to them in that moment; they took the ingredients to a devout taco shop owner and proclaimed,

"Hola ese, tengo algo de premo. Hacer algo delicioso para la cena. Te veré más tarde, mang!"

The taco shop owner took these ingredients to make the most delicious burrito the man had ever tasted. So surprised was he by it, he had to share the news with his brother who was nowhere to be found. The man turned to the Gods in benevolent prayer and ask them if they knew where his brother was, and the Gods replied,

"No te preocupes, pronto verás esa mierda."

wheat tortillas suck ass in general

Probably too much sauces
I've also found that I need to sort of push the filling up as I eat it to prevent it from all getting pushed to the other end and eventually blowing out like sweaty diarrhea from each bite I take.

Great post. Redeemed this shitty thread.

Thanks. I'm drunk and awful at jokes, but it's like it wrote itself. I'm quite pleased.

>His blood and fluids denature metamorphose into savory and aromatic guacamole and sour cream.

I want to eat this burrito

When I lived in Denver, I would make it a point to drive out to Aurora every Sunday morning, smoke a fat joint on the way, and get the California burrito from the Taco Mex location with the drive-thru, letting it sit on the dash to be warmed by warm Colorado sun on the drive back to my apartment. It's the Mexican and Vietnamese food that I miss most about that place. I'm gonna make a banh mi thread.

bike riding there is pretty fun

Are you talking about that route, or Denver in general? Because I agree with the latter, but doing the former on a Sunday morning after a night of way too heavy drinking was out of the fucking question.

>It's the Mexican and Vietnamese food that I miss most about that place.

they have good biking in the hills around Denver, I miss that the most.

Never been into mountain biking. Always preferred hiking.

my brother in law had a farm near Indian Hills. Angus cows and lamb all running around. Thanksgiving was the best.

Yeah, everything to the West of the outer ring of the freeway system is fucking gorgeous. Denver was such a cool place to live for so many reasons.

get some foil Op
then unwrap as you go

That's one bad hombre burrito if I've ever seen one

If it's a really huge one just eat it with a fork.

Actual American Burrito is a thing.

Next time, get your burrito wrapped in a tortilla instead of just white bread. No wonder they keep falling apart for you.

When I used to go to Chipotle, I'd ask for an empty bowl and just eat the rest with a fork when it fell apart.

This guy has it right. GOAT-tier burrito experience.

adobada california burrito masterrace reporting in.

ah, nevermind. you beat me to it. carry on.