Is he, dare I say it, our guy?

Is he, dare I say it, our guy?

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youtube.com/watch?v=WfNiQBXmPw8
youtube.com/watch?v=xw9Au9OoN88
youtube.com/watch?v=cn0WZ8-0Z1Y
twitter.com/AnonBabble

I actually like his literature videos, I just wish he was not such a political cunt.

>actually like his literature videos

Reported for being underaged.

>Just as the Bradys were getting locked in jail, Lara randomly asked me, “Have you ever gotten a blowjob?”
>“Um, that’s out of the blue,” I said.
>“The blue?”
>“Like, you know, out of left field.”
>“Left field?”
>“Like, in baseball. Like, out of nowhere. I mean, what made you think of that?”
>“I’ve just never geeven one,” she answered, her little voice dripping with seductiveness. It was so brazen. I thought I would explode. I never thought. I mean, from Alaska, hearing that stuff was one thing. But to hear her sweet little Romanian voice go so sexy all of the sudden...
>“No,” I said. “I never have.”
>“Think it would be fun?”
>DO I!?!?!?!?!?!?! “Um. yeah. I mean, you don’t have to.”
>“I think I want to,” she said, and we kissed a little, and then. And then with me sitting watching The Brady Bunch, watching Marcia Marcia Marcia up to her Brady antics, Lara unbuttoned my pants and pulled my boxers down a little and pulled out my penis.
>“Wow,” she said.
>“What?”
>She looked up at me, but didn’t move, her face nanometers away from my penis. “It’s weird.”
>“What do you mean weird?”
>“Just beeg, I guess.”
>I could live with that kind of weird. And then she wrapped her hand around it and put it into her mouth.
>And waited.
>We were both very still. She did not move a muscle in her body, and I did not move a muscle in mine. I knew that at this point something else was supposed to happen, but I wasn’t quite sure what.
>She stayed still. I could feel her nervous breath. For minutes, for as long as it took the Bradys to steal the key and unlock themselves from the ghost-town jail, she lay there, stock-still with my penis in her mouth, and I sat there, waiting.
>And then she took it out of her mouth and looked up at me quizzically.
>“Should I do sometheeng?”
>“Um. I don’t know,” I said. Everything I’d learned from watching porn with Alaska suddenly exited my brain. I thought maybe she should move her head up and down, but wouldn’t that choke her? So I just stayed quiet.
>“Should I, like, bite?”
>“Don’t bite! I mean, I don’t think. I think—I mean, that felt good. That was nice. I don’t know if there’s something else.”
>“I mean, you deedn’t—”
>“Um. Maybe we should ask Alaska.”
>So we went to her room and asked Alaska. She laughed and laughed. Sitting on her bed, she laughed until she cried. She walked into the bathroom, returned with a tube of toothpaste, and showed us. In detail. Never have I so wanted to be Crest Complete.
>Lara and I went back to her room, where she did exactly what Alaska told her to do, and I did exactly what Alaska said I would do, which was die a hundred little ecstatic deaths, my fists clenched, my body shaking. It was my first orgasm with a girl, and afterward, I was embarrassed and nervous, and so, clearly, was Lara, who finally broke the silence by asking, “So, want to do some homework?”

>During the week of July 29, 2012, Looking for Alaska broke into the New York Times best seller list at number ten in Children's Paperback

>Never have I so wanted to be Crest Complete.
I always find this curious. He wishes to be entirely substituted for the phallic object, like his whole body felated. Is this a subtle reference to the whole women not having a phallus are the phallus in Lacan's thinking?

>Never have I so wanted to be Crest Complete.
I keked, is this really in there?

Yeah, and he won an award for it.

I'm not personally a huge fan of his books, but I got to meet him and his brother back in 2014.
They seemed nice enough.

John Green excerpt thread?

Sounds good.

>"Why are breakfast foods breakfast foods?" I asked them. "Like, why don't we have curry for breakfast food?"
>"Hazel, eat."
>"But why?" I asked. "I mean, seriously: How did scrambled eggs get stuck in with breakfast exclusivity? You can put bacon on a sandwich without anyone freaking out. But the moment your sandwich has eggs, boom, it's a breakfast sandwich."
>Dad answered with his mouth full. "When you come back, we'll have breakfast for dinner. Deal?"
>"I don't want to have 'breakfast for dinner,'" I answered, crossing knife and fork over my mostly full plate. "I want to have scrambled eggs for dinner without this ridiculous construction that a scrambled eggs-inclusive meal is breakfast even when it occurs at dinnertime."
>"You've gotta pick your battles in this world, Hazel," my mom said. "But if this is the issue you want to champion, we stand behind you."
>"Quite a bit behind you," my dad added, and Mom laughed.
>Anyway, I knew it was stupid, but I felt kind of bad for scrambled eggs.

I love how all this dislike of certain people on Veeky Forums results in users actively meming them up to a point of increased popularity or at least increased awareness of their existence.

Would I know about this ordinary writer if it wasn't for Veeky Forums: no.

Though someone like Slavoj Zizek or Stirner are not necessarily controversial they can just be used as jokes in other ways.

Interesting.

I bet John has a lot of experience giving blowjobs

No

To underage girls no less

>I like his literature videos
wew lad....those things are cringe central, and his opinion on literature is laughable.

Get out.

>Also, I would like to see equal attention given to the sexism in popular work by men, from Nicholas Sparks to for instance J. D. Salinger. Catcher in the Rye—although I like it very much—is profoundly and disturbingly misogynistic and yet seems to get a critical pass both online and off. This happens a lot, I think, with books by men, and I don't want male writers (including me!) to get that pass.

I always laugh at excerpts from John Greene, they're a nice meme. But, this is the one thing that legitimately makes me mad.

Gender can be an interesting topic in literature, though not one that i'm personally interested in; but sexism is just fucking retarded: it's the same thing as calling authors from the 1800s racist, which is ridiculous and extremely plebeian.

Obligatory REEEEEEEEEEEEE

if i were to make a banner representing Veeky Forums he would definitely be on there and be huge.

I think you can definitely acknowledge sexism/racism/etc.'s presence within older works, and I fail to see what problem there would be with that. You can even criticize it as long as it's clear you are criticizing it by our current societal standards.

This guy John Green - whew - I mean this guy is like some kind of come to life I swear.

>He actually thought he was being clever writing this.

Very good Johnny, go play with your crayons now.

I'm almost certain he was a virgin when he wrote this.

Its like something a precocious 12 year old would look back on writing when he was 11 and cringe at his younger self.

Veeky Forums is truly united on one issue: this nimrod.

Guys just stop reading books for kids and teenagers. It'll be okay.

>tfw he will die very very soon

good

>all that crap on his shelves

never understand why people insist on collecting pure junk.

I recently watched one if those Crash Course videos he does. This one was about Lord of the Flies.

At the very end, after going on and on about how humanity is better than portrayed in the book (I disagree) he had the audacity to call the whole thing sexist because there are no female characters. He also stated that he believed that it might've turned out differently if there were female characters, that it wouldn't have been so grisly.

So, to put it shortly, he is not my guy, no.

He is however, a fool.

ALL HAIL JOHN GREEN

POPE OF THE BANAL PLATITUDE

FUHRER OF FALSE AUTHENTICITY

HARBINGER OF THE MILLENNIAL TWEEN GENERATION THAT WILL NEVER END

"YEA, I SAY UNTO YOU THAT EVEN A 37 YEAR OLD MAN CAN BE A 17 YEAR OLD BOY, IF HE BUT RETARDS HIS MIND AND SPIRIT BY READING MY GOOD WORKS"
TWITTER 2:13

"GO FORTH, AND FEEL INDIVIDUATED EVEN WHEN YOU AREN'T; I SAY, GO FORTH, AND FEEL LIKE A TORTURED GENIUS WHEN YOU ARE BUT A TEENAGE GIRL"
EPISTLES TO REDDIT 12:21

"AND TO BE HOLY: IS IT NOT TO BE QUIRKY? AND TO BE QUIRKY: IS IT NOT TO BE EMPTILY EXCITABLE, JOKELESSLY SARDONIC?"
THE GOSPEL OF ALASKA 142:3

>"The thing Alaska did next scared and shocked and surprised me in a way nothing had ever ever scared or shocked or surprised me until that moment, a moment which lasted no longer than one sharp intake of breath but one I have no doubt will last my entire life. She said 'I love you'. Not 'You're cool' or 'I had a really fun time' or 'Do you always kiss like that?' I love you. As in 'I, Alaska Young, love you, Miles Halter'. As in 'I Alaska Young have not only noticed that you Miles Halter exist but I positively adore the fact that you do'. I exhaled. Alaska did too and for the first time I realized she was as scared as I was of admitting the way she felt. I stepped forward and held her hips. 'Are you sure?' I asked. 'I think so!' she replied, smiling. I must have pushed her backwards because just then her body nudged the lightswitch and the room became as dark as my life was without Alaska in it. Laughing, she slipped out of my grasp and disappeared somewhere inside the room. I reached out like a blind man searching for the object that might grant him sight. Truly, I was Looking for Alaska."

did he really say that? im looking this video up now.

...

that hurt to read

he would be a big guy for us?

this better not be real

>Alaska began to talk about how fascinating it was to cough. Sneezing was much the same thing. You kept on wanting to sneeze until you simply couldn’t stand it any longer; you looked as if you were tipsy; you drew a couple of breaths, then out it came, and you forgot everything else in the bliss of the sensation. Sometimes the explosion repeated itself two or three times. That was the sort of pleasure life gave you free of charge.

i don't think this is actually him desu

nor this

If I pull of his glasses, will he cry?

Not as huge as Orson Welles.

Welcome to the post-internet era. The idea that there is no such thing as bad press is now in active use for people who have been dead for years because of memes. Stirner continues to work his agenda on the Earth solely through ironic shitposting, which (surprise) is a spook in itself.

Someone post the Cormac version.

Afraid they're word for word, chaps.

>ironic shitposting, which (surprise) is a spook in itself.
>implying ironic shitposting isn't completely in my self interest
>implying ironic shitposting isn't the ultimate expression of the creative nothing
Our thunderbolt could unhinge the present reality, rip open the door to the unknown mystery of our longed for dream and show the supreme beauty of the liberated man. Because we are mad forerunners of the time. Shitposters supreme.

It will be interesting seeing what Slavoj Zizek's legacy will be once he passes away. Is he a one time meme? Will he be memed on and so on and so on?

I have yet to grasp the legacy of the New Atheists, for all it spawned so far was a particular kind of nerd culture.

Interesting times ahead.

See that fellow in Barnaby's eating a breakfast platter at. What time? Yes three bong just now so perhaps a quarter past. Funny we don't do that more often. Full Irish breakfast bad for kidneys they say; too much protein. But good for soul. O, O, O, the boys of Kilkenny, O. Suppose he smells like a full Irish all day. But after all why not? He crossed O'Connell, skipping at cracked intervals. Skip. Break your mother's. Don't do that now people are watching, bloody fool. Last one's a rotten egg. But on the egg subject, why not eat them at lunch? Dinner, even? Cheap and nutritious, hens packed together tight as matches pumping them out day in day out. Give them to poor, start an initiative. Which came first, the British or poverty? Haha

In an alley a ragged boy was making chalk designs, boy and chalk standing out against the dark in a uniform pallor. Egg plan could help him, for example. Give him a coin? No, do him no good. Just be respectful. Now there's a cracked egg. Doomed before he was born. Predestination, into the streets or into the frying pan. Out of the frying pan, into. But what am I saying sympathizing with eggs?

He sighed heavily.

I'm watching it. He just said it's problematic that when Jack and his crew start acting like savages, they wear face paint and use spears.

Now he's said "If people are inherently evil, why don't Piggy and Ralph join Jack's gang?"

He said that it's sexist how they kill the only female character, a pig.

I hear they play these videos in public schools these days.

youtube.com/watch?v=WfNiQBXmPw8

for fuck's sake

I wanted to watch one of his videos to see what he would have to say about a controversial book. I started watching his Huck Finn video but soon found a new interest.
as I was zoning out in the video I noticed one of the pictures he used as a slide to represent a library looked familiar to me.
going back to see, I think I recognize it as the old public library in my hometown.
There's an art exhibit in my town that sits in the old public library built by Andrew Carnegie in the early 20th century.
my question is, could some user who knows how to actually use the internet help me find out if this is actually a picture from inside the Carnegie Public Library in North Tonawanda NY?

find email associated with library
send email with image asking if this is there
say please and thank you etc.
ez

that would work if it were still a functioning building, but it's pretty much never used now.
its just an art gallery that the school system and a few local places used every once in awhile.

I'm laughing at this because it won't make tumblr hate Lord of the Flies any more than they already hate John Green.

All of his fans are on tumblr. He's huge on tumblr.

Pa. Why are eggs breakfast?

What.

You can put bacon on lunch.

Ye.

But if you put eggs on stuff it becomes breakfast?

The man spat and said the eggs are not for this world or from this world they come from the chicken but the chicken knows it not.

He wiped his chin and spat.

How can one man be so unlikable?

Post the Seinfeld one.

>ironic shitposting, which (surprise) is a spook in itself.
Ironic shitposting isn't a spook. How the fuck do people not get such a simple concept.

holy fuck

>writes shit lit that appeals to women
>doesn't use that for easy sex

what a fucking dope.

>>doesn't use that for easy sex
Implying

>Her voice dripping with seductiveness...

He was in his 20's when he wrote this, right? Couldn't he be the slightest bit creative with this scene?

He was probably typing with one hand and didn't want to type more than necessary.

He does.
There are stories about him sleeping with girls from his lectures.

Hey, someone reposted my thing!

John Green stuff always gets reposted.

Do not disturb my modicum of pride.

Can someone help this pleb out and tell me whose style this is emulating?

>Green lived for several years in Chicago, where he worked for the book review journal Booklist as a publishing assistant and production editor while writing Looking for Alaska.[9] While there, he reviewed hundreds of books, particularly literary fiction and books about Islam or conjoined twins.[15]

>Although his novels have earned mostly positive critical reception, Green has discussed what he believes to be flaws in his novels, when he looked at them in retrospect.[36] Additionally, in response to a fan's tweet, Green apologized for using the word retarded in Paper Towns, stating, "Yeah, I regret it. At the time, I thought an author's responsibility was to reflect language as I found it, but now ... eight years later, I don't feel like a book about humanizing the other benefited from dehumanizing language," adding, "it's not in the movie, and I won't use the word again in a book or elsewhere."[37]

What did he mean by this?

Obviously James Joyce

>While there, he reviewed hundreds of books, particularly literary fiction and books about Islam or conjoined twins.
>books about Islam or conjoined twins.

...

That's a passage of Joyce mimicking the style of Green's infamous "breakfast scene"

Kek

he did a good vid on frankenstein

>Truly, I was Looking for Alaska
TRULY

Jesus FUCK

>'I Alaska Young have not only noticed that you Miles Halter exist but I positively adore the fact that you do'
Beautiful prose

I'm subscribed to Crash Course

desu

His Great Gatsby videos aren't too bad except for his "Open Letter" segment where he talks about whatever political or social idea is on his mind. His passion for literature comes across, and it reminds me how much I love that novel, despite how obnoxious his persona is. Too bad he can't write anything worth reading.
youtube.com/watch?v=xw9Au9OoN88
youtube.com/watch?v=cn0WZ8-0Z1Y

The comments are just pathetic though.

Freud would have a field day with this shit.

I heard he'll only eat a bowl of Cheerios if there has been 37 dicks in them.

>I hear they play these videos in public schools these days.

Dear god, I hope not. He doesn't do too bad breaking down themes and stuff, not that its hard, but he ruins the whole thing by injecting his opinions too strongly.

Also, thanks for straightening out my misquote of him. I watched it a couple weeks ago, so I wasn't entirely clear. probably should've mentioned that.

Obviously I disagree with his opinions, but I think he gets Lord of the Flies all wrong. Always struck me that the core message was not "People are bad and do bad things" as most people think, but rather that although most people are bad, there is good in the world, and although good is often overcome by evil, that doesn't mean it doesn't pay to be good. I think he hit the nail on the head with the ending though, when he says that the adult soldiers who arrive a metaphor for "adult" evils, although he once again mixed it with his politic.

Nice dubs.

Tumblr adores Greene. Most of his fans are kids on Tumblr. It also helps that he has popular left-leaning opinions.

Fucking hell, this is the kind of bullshit he falls asleep fantasizing about.

He's just about as made fun of on tumblr as he is here tbqh

They play the history crash course videos all the time which is even worse with the opinions. He's also provably wrong about facts in half of them.

you are a good writer, user

is there anywhere I could read more?

That's too bad. Kids should be given straight facts and be taught to think for themselves.

HE
WAS
LOOKING
FOR
ALASKA

GOD FUCKING DAMN IT THIS ENRAGES ME SO MUCH.
It's like I can hear a laughing track and the Seinfeld theme on the background after that one.

>"Open Letter" segment
In his video for The Odyssey, doesn't he give an open letter to "the patriarchy"?

That passage is just a parody. The last line is supposed to clue you in. John's bad, but he's not that bad.

>cuckoldry

he is in fact that bad

Green generally has very shallow readings of texts, which isn't necessarily bad, considering that he's basically doing Cliffnotes in video format. However, his own commentary is only slightly less shallow School of Resentment-tier thinking that passes itself off as depth. This isn't a surprise from someone who majored in English at Kenyon, a liberal arts college, in the 90s, when this form of literary criticism was at its peak popularity.

He is the tragic result of a generation of literature (and some other humanities) majors becoming schooled in this fad. He does history videos too, and it just sounds like he's trying to score political points when he says things like Alexander "the Great" is sexist because, throughout history, men were referred to as "great" more than women were.

>it just sounds like he's trying to score political points when he says things like Alexander "the Great" is sexist because, throughout history, men were referred to as "great" more than women were.
That's exactly what he is doing. His twitter makes me feel physical anguish to read when he gets into a political mood. Its torturous.

this isn't real, dumbfucks

that was actually really good

Is he a symptom or a cause of dangerously low testosterone levels in the west?