What's the best book to read while suffering from the consequences of a Xanax addiction because you're on eight...

What's the best book to read while suffering from the consequences of a Xanax addiction because you're on eight different medications for depression and anxiety not including a beta blocker to calm your heart, while suffering from alcoholism, because everything in your mind body and soul hurt and you're one day away from suicide.

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Why in god's name are you on eight different medications?

Your psychiatrist out to lose his license. Speaking of which go to the hospital.

*ought

Let's see. Lexipro. Xanax. Quetiapine. Gabapentin. Metoprolol ER. Adderall. Xyzal.Clonazepam.

That doesn't include the booze.

Your advice is go to the hospital. How do you think I ended up in this position. Two of them aren't from my psychiatrist however.

Lolita

I'm not reading Lolita as my last book.

I've been on bad medications too but when I showed up at the hospital ranting and raving they took me off of them and gave me better ones. You're way overmedicated my dude I don't know what to tell you other than see a professional.

Please stop drinking, it's dangerous to mix alcohol with benzos, people have died that way.

Please stop doing illegal drugs.

IDK, maybe read some bible verses or the Meditations or the twelve step guide. Even if AA is bullshit it's sort of calming to go to the meetings and listen to other people talk about their problems.

>Lexipro
SSRI antidepressant
>Xanax
A benzodiazepine for anxiety
>Quetiapine
An anti psychotic
>Gabapentin
Are you epileptic?
>Metoprolol ER
Beta Blocker
>Adderall
Stimulant.
>Xyzal
An antihistamine... why?
>Clonazepam
another benzo

Holy fuck dude. That's way too much. you must have a good prescription plan.

>I've been on bad medications too but when I showed up at the hospital ranting and raving they took me off of them and gave me better ones.

Semester just starts and I should just hop right onto the hospital...right.

>Please stop drinking, it's dangerous to mix alcohol with benzos, people have died that way.

The thing is, I don't want to be alive. That's the point of this thread. Give me some good shit to read that, perhaps, will cause me not to decide enough is enough, I gotta go

>Please stop doing illegal drugs.

Technically nothing I'm doing is illegal

>IDK, maybe read some bible verses or the Meditations or the twelve step guide. Even if AA is bullshit it's sort of calming to go to the meetings and listen to other people talk about their problems.

Been there done that.

>An anti psychotic

I take the Quetiapine as a solution to awful insomnia. I literally can't sleep. It's more of a sedative.

>Are you epileptic?

I got the scrip when I was in hospital a while back, it doubles as anti-anxiety. And a muscle relaxant since I have stiff muscles. Just take when needed.

>An antihistamine... why?

Why does one usually take antihistamines.Allergies.

both xanax and clonazepam?
both gabapentin and clonazepam!?
and quetiapine?

what's your age, gender, country and diagnoses, if i may ask?

for how long have you had those diagnoses and medications?

And what dosage do you take of this stuff?

the fact that you can even think about reading a book on that cocktail you got there means you have lots of potential.

don't kill yourself.

>Give me some good shit to read that, perhaps, will cause me not to decide enough is enough, I gotta go

Only you can decide that. There's no book in the world that will stop you if you've made up your mind. Get a medical withdrawal for the term, in your state you may fail anyway. Get clean and get your medications sorted out.

22. Chick. United States. Panic Disorder. Severe depression. ADHD. Pretty constant suicidal ideation.

>for how long have you had those diagnoses and medications?

Adderall since freshmen of high school. Lexipro since senior of high school. Quetiapine the same. Gabapentin when I first tried gassing myself with my car in the garage and got taken to hospital. Metoprolol ER at 21 because my heart is a wreck and won't stop palpitating. Clonazepam around 20 at my second suicide attempt.

>And what dosage do you take of this stuff?

Adderall instant release 20mg every morning or when I need to cram an assignment if I'm naughty, Xanax .5 mg (when needed which is always), Lexipro 20mg split in half every morning, Quetiapine 100mg every night, Metoprolol Extended Release 25mg every day, Clonazepam same as Xanax .5mg when needed, Gabapentin 100mg when needed.

Whenever I get off one, my desire for alcohol just grows to take its place. I'm in hell and I don't want to live like this anymore. So I was wondering if there was any literature that could relate to the feeling of being in chemical hell.

I feel like Beckett's trilogy might be a good series of books to read before you die. Kind of prepares you for the feeling of uncertainty towards the end.

You're obviously interested in the medical system that you're a client of, so maybe some light healthcare policy reading? Steven Brill's book is pretty good, and there are likely others in the works. since prescription prices have been in the news lately. Politics and corporate greed can be depressing, but I've always thought that, if you're going to be surrounded by it anyway, you might as well learn about it. Maybe you'll find a chuckle or two reading about some senator who couldn't be bothered to champion transparency in pharmaceutical testing because he had a tee time.

Good recs thanks. I'm pretty interested in Beckett

I've been off and on medications for major depression since second grade. My dad ended up dying and I lost the only person who could keep me in check and started blowing down every night, waking up at ten at night, and dating this awful guy for the free blow. Eventually he had to go back to his mom's house to dry out.

I had failed all my classes, had no job, and no money. I was paralyzed and would rarely leave the house. I did have a membership to a movie theater that allowed you to see free movies with popcorn so I started going there to eat. I started seeing films two, three times a day and thought about a future in something creative.

When I was coming down every morning and didn't have a Valium or Xanax, I'd lock myself in my room and listen to Marc Maron's podcast. He talks about his coke problems; he's compassionate towards people spiraling out of control. He talks to comedians, mostly, and I loved the stand ups he talked to: everybody was talentless and filled with problems. Eventually I started hitting open mics and figured out that this was what I was going to do.

I still look myself in my room, have trouble holding down regular work, and binge on coke every once in a while but I still perform during the worst of times.

You're the only person who can find a center for your life, just be open to the possibilities. Drop out of school if you have to, it's not going anywhere.

stop being a pussy
only thing that ever helped me

Books about drug dependency by Philip K Dick, a man dependent on uppers for most of his life.

A Scanner Darkly
The Three Stigmata Of Palmer Eldritch

It sounds like you have more than enough insight of your own about drugs, so it could be better for you to write about it than to read about it. I can't imagine what it would be like to have to take so many prescription drugs daily, and I would be interested in reading something that would give me insight, either in a non-fiction account, or allegorically.

get a manual labor job at a warehouse may be fed ex or UPS. Watch Terrence Mallick films and read Suttree

Way ahead of you on Philip K Dick. UBIK and Palmer Eldritch are my fav. I don't know, I like reading more than writing. Writing isn't fun for me, it's more of a chore, it's a never ending series of self criticsm and telling myself I'm a hack and really just being anxious I'm going to be nothing and make nothing from it. I gave up writin a long time ago.

>stop being a pussy

No

>get a manual labor job

Wow you solved all my problems

You're a pussy and if continue this line of thinking you're retarded. Read Philosophical Investigations, Being and Time, Madness and Civilization, and against the day.

This essay helped me alot:
hotelconcierge.tumblr.com/post/116790700524/we-need-to-sing-about-mental-health

If you are a Philip K Dick reader you may like Robert Silverberg, who was writing at the same time and place and was just as prolific. Most of his books are about people who seek transcendence and rebirth, through religion, drugs, sex.

Dying Inside is about a telepath who is coming to terms with losing his powers.

Book Of Skulls is about four college kids who join a cult promising immortality

Downward To Earth is about a man seeking forgiveness from a group of sentient and religious elephants on another planet

I could go on. He doesn't talk about drugs a lot, but he is very interested in transcendence and being more than ourselves.

Just kill yourself already you fucking loser. Means one less shitposter if nothing else.

Remember, it's 'along the tracks' not 'across the street'; do something right for once in your miserable life.

>Gabapentin when I first tried gassing myself with my car in the garage and got taken to hospital

My grandma's first husband did that by accident. He parked in a snowbank with a woman who was not my grandma and they left the engine running so the heater would work. They were found dead the next day. Then my widowed grandma married my grandpa and they had my mom. If it weren't for that drunken accident I would have never been born.

Rlly makes you think

>read foucault

I would rather not.

Yeah Robert Silverberg sounds right up my ally thanks.

Don't pretend you're not a misreable loser, you're posting on Veeky Forums way past it's prime. You need to relax..

Damn, just one clonazepam mellows me out for the day. Don't worry about suicide, m8. Soon enough you'll wake up dead

If I'm going out I might as well go out drugged and confused and asleep.

Best drug that will make me feel happy?
Will be using it alone in my room. No needles.

that's a great story.

What's the best study drug, adderall or ritalin (or modafinil)?
Addies are expensive as fuck and ritalin less so, is there a big difference?

Probably Xanax. But that takes a while to actually get w scrip for. You have to prove for a long time you're sufficiently in a state of terror always no exceptions for it.

Aderall. It's expensive for a reason. Just get a scrip it's not that hard.

Really, i thought xanax made you more apathic?

I fucking love opiates but I wouldn't do that shit very often. It's the best I've ever felt in my life. I used to use them twice a year (pills, no needles) but I haven't been able to get any since 2014.

>norway
Dont think i'll able to get one

Which ones? Actual opium or oxies?
Tried codeine, it was underwhelming

Happy is a bit subjective. I mean it does its job at not making you feel bad.

Cold water filtered Percocets, sometimes a Vicodin or two with them. I'd always try to get enough for 30-40mg of oxycodone.

I see, because i was considering it, but i want to feel really happy, and i kind of dont want to go for mdma alone in my room.
Also, i've yet to actually really enjoy the 'euphoric' feeling people talk about with a lot of drugs

Xanax makes you happy, in the context of you being at the bottom point in your life. You've hit rock bottom and realize there is no escape, and you just don't want to feel like shit on top of being anxious past 11 all the time.

So for people who aren't ready for the prescription, yeah it's gonna be mild. For people who need it, any kind of strong release feels like bliss

Yeah, i don't think i'm there yet.

>it's calming to be indoctrinated by a cult

It actually is though, the question is should you really want that?

Do you like Hermann Hesse ?

how long should you wait until you can drink alcohol after taking xanax and other benzos (and the reverse)?
Would waiting until the peak is over suffice, or legit 24 hours?

My best advice dude. Don't go near water. You're gonna pass the fuck out and drown. your breathing is already shallow enough, you don't want to fall asleep with water flooding your already shallow lungs.

Just lay down and take a nap. You should be safe....mostly. I mean at least you're not dead right. Severe depression feels like dying enough.

...

Bump

I liked weed + alcohol + xanax though I'm not on it anymore.

You should medically withdraw from school and get your shit together. I'm not even kidding, theres no way the half lifes of your medicatons are short enough to not overlapse. There's a reason you're having heart problems, drop of out of school, drop down on your medications or you won't have the choice to end your life.

Honestly, you should just go straight to OC.

OC? Oxies? Isn't that completely different?

I should, but I literally can't afford to do that right now. The semester just started, I spent on textbooks. I can't. I physically, financially, strategically, cannot quit this semester. It sucks, but I'll maybe go see my primary care doctor during winter break.

Honestly from this thread it seems like you can't physically afford to keep living the way you are, either.

I thought mixing benzos and depressants was like, really dangerous?

This. Only this.

Trust me, friend. I am in a similar situation with meds.

I know. But just going on until winter break, hell, maybe even thanksgiving break, honestly shouldn't be hard. I've survived worse.

Thanks

This shit never really goes away, does it? I feel like I've been on-off depressed since puberty. Sure I go through periods, sometimes pretty extended, of feeling content and satisfied, but sooner or later I'm right back to feeling empty. I'm tired of this cycle.

>This shit never really goes away, does it?

Depression? No. It never goes away. It's not an emotional/mood problem, where if you just say and do xyz all the time it goes away. It's a medical problem, just like any other.

It might get better, but there's no cure. It's always going to haunt you, and you can only hope it shrinks, not envelops you.