Read some poetry

There's obviously a lot of room for improvement user but you're on the right track. Just write more poems and try something different in each one of them.

It can be gimmicky stuff or deep structural deconstruction but keep writing things you haven't done before.

Step out of your comfort zone and you'll improve quite fast.

Idk but it seems too simple.
Maybe it's becaue im used to reading quite "barroque" poets
Im not too familiarized with english poetry either, so theres that too

What did the author mean by that?

>Idk but it seems too simple.
it is
I never wrote poetry before

I think I should read more about rhyme and metric and that kind of stuff, but since I know nothing about it is hard to look for something I haven't even heard of.

It´s ok. For a first time, it's good enough.
Maybe it´s just me, but what i like about poetry (and wht i try to achieve when writing it) is when the author expresses whatever feeing he/she has inside, and does it in unorthodox ways, both making it sound beatiful, unexpected and unique.
Granted, this may apply only for hispanic poetry, other languages are unknown to me

Its ok. Definitely more ambitious than when I first started.

Seems to be very free-verse stream of consciousness. Best advice I can give you is try not to be so simply vague, at least if you're not only writing for yourself. Its good to keep the reader guessing on the meaning of your piece, but you don't want them to be totally in the dark. That's where metaphor helps. I can look at your poem and guess what you mean, but there aren't many concrete clues as to your actual meaning. I'd assume its about some relationship you have to someone, and the difficulty of that relationship. The break down of communication between two people.

I'd also encourage you to try rhyme schemes if you haven't already. One misconception about contemporary poetry is that it doesn't or shouldn't rhyme. beyond simple a/a rhymes, you can try slant rhyming (which is approximately rhyming sounds or syllables) or odd meter to give some variance to your rhymes.

A pretty strong start. Just try to experiment with metaphor and deeper meanings. Basically layer your poem so its like a sort of riddle to be figured out.

Finally, keep reading poetry. That's really the best way to learn how to write it. When the intricacies of poetry are explained academically, it can be confusing and frustrating. So focus more on reading poems and poets you like and incorporating their styles into your work. Eventually you'll likely find yourself writing something that's all your own, but you might be able to pick out some influences. you can also take inspiration from music you enjoy. Don't be afraid to experiment.

Good luck user, and keep writing.

I am going to start with saying I know next to nothing about poetry. I've never been into it much, so I've pretty much read whatever we were given in school and the gymnasium( mainly Bulgarian poets). When I compare your poetry to theirs, it strikes me the way you rhyme.

I know how much you care
I know that you don't seem to care
Yet you never seem to care

I don't even know if this is considered rhyming since you rhyme care with care. I feel ( because I know nothing of poetry ) that you should switch care with an idiom having the same meaning.

On a side note, this could also be a cultural thing, because Bulgarian poetry almost always rhymes (we easily change the word order, without losing/changing sense) , and I'm not so sure about English. I remember when we were in school we used to rap every poem in a nigger way. Laughs were had.

Maybe if you want to practice, you could try writing a poem for me. Topic is lolis/ pedophelia

Actually, the third line of the first verse is
>I know you know I can’t
which funny enough is a half rhyme, and fairly well done.

You bring up a good point user. OP uses what's called epanaplesis, which strictly speaking is repetition of a line, phrase, or beginning clause. Its a good method of accentuating a specific phrase or idea.

Its technically not considered a rhyme unless it was actually intended to rhyme (and correct if I'm wrong, but this doesn't seem to be the case here), but when it is a rhyme its considered a cheap shot. Besides, the lines ending with care don't occur in a particular order or scheme, which also leads me to believe a rhyme wasn't intended. Although, they could be used as a way to unify the specific lines in order to draw attention the the meaning.

>Seeing from above my being hurting all
>Stranger to myself, unable to put an end to all

It all makes sense now. This is also epanaplesis

>Even if you speak, I wouldn’t understand
>Even if I do, it wouldn’t change a thing

Btw you could also try writing a loli poem, if you like, of course. I really want to read one.

You repeat words way too much. Stop doing that, it makes your poems look redundant.

>loli poem

Uhhh, I don't know that I could. If I try right now, it might not come out that well. I usually rely on inspiration for my work. Most of the time when I try to force an idea it ends up pretty bad.

Besides that, I don't often touch on sexual subjects, mostly because I've never felt the need, and also because I'm bad at erotic writing.

But you know what? Give me a minute and I'll see if I can't come up with something. I may have a throwaway line that'll work well to start me off...

not OP

Yeah, not OP. And I'm definitely not going to write anything overtly sexual. The thought kind of makes my stomach flip.

>Read modern poetry
>"I can do this too"
>It sucks
>Try to learn meter
>Its hard

yeah I'm not looking for sexual stuff, but whatever you like is fine. I don't want to constrain you. It could be a deep psychological poem or it could be comical. You could write as the pedo, or as the little girl being willingly or not so willingly fucked.

Also since we've come this far.. have you ever written a poem, that you consider good. That you like very much and kind of want to show. Maybe OP could learn something from that.

You a schizoid?

The internet said so but I never asked my therapist about it.

i don't know shit about english poetry, but to me poetry has employ the language uniquely. This just reads like a prose where the narrator just speaks.

I call it "Lo", and I dedicate it to Creepy user and Vladimir Nabokov.

Sunbeams ooze like drool from heaven
I wake as something stirs beside me
And my blood halts in my heart
And something stirs inside me
What demon is this?
Which curves its lips
At some moving picture
Playing just behind
Lightly lidded eyes
Who's lashes are dusty and gold
Like hot light which falls past a garden
Hiding within, something unseen
But which I am sure must be green
And alluring like Narcissus' pool
Tongue in cheek I think
“How unfortunate this misfortune is
To be shackled to my warm bed
By the curve of a spine and finely formed hips
With this mane all splayed upon my head
Tickling my nose with a delicate scent”
But I know the truth, that which keeps me
That which feeds a dragon inside
Whose maw is wide and scorches me
With fire
That is the Id
And this fairy child
Whose dirty feet curl like a winding street
And send me tumbling
Crumbling my will like the cobblestone
Of some hidden Parisan alley
But whose dark corners
Allay the iron taste
Which tempts my teeth to eat

Its kind of messy, and I probably could've kept going once I got into the rhythm of it, but I think I'll stop there. If it were longer, I probably might edit it and work on it for a while, getting things just right. Maybe I'll finish it some time.

Also, I have written other poems, but I'm not entirely sure of their quality. Actually, this one is a fairly good representation of my style of writing, so make of it what you will.

This wasn't a bad exercise though. Its good to explore foreign ideas sometimes. Helps expand or whatever.

This made me really happy. I could feel you were connected to your inner Nabokov while writing it. I hope you finish it.

Nice trips. And I'm glad it made you happy, that pleases me to no conceivable end. As it stands, I could probably leave this one as-is, but I could also shine it up and expand upon the themes and imagery or something. Always room to improve.

I actually really enjoyed Lolita, its a fascinating book. So this was an interesting experience, exploring the heart of a lolicon. Thanks user.

Does anyone else seriously prefer their poetry to anything they've ever read by other people? I am never really satisfied with what I write but when it comes to other people's stuff it is mostly like 'what the fuck is this'

About the same here with the never being fully satisfied by my own work (even if I like a specific piece I've done), but I prefer many well known poets to my own stuff.

But when I compare my poetry to other people you can find on the internet or even published contemporary poets, I feel like mine is often superior. Not to toot my own horn.

this was basically me in my poetry writing class last semester. there was one other dude that wrote really amazing stuff (he was way better than me) but the rest of the class wrote some truly awful drivel.

>totally drunk
>finished a poem

should i post it?

Your dubs say yes.

Well fuck it if we're all sharing I'm gonna post some of mine

There is no greater lie,
Then the human smile,
As it dances across the face,
You will find that the smile
Hides so much more,
That you'll struggle to keep up the pace.

If you see someone smiling
Suspect their intent,
They're probably up to no good.
And don't turn your back
Or you'll soon find
They stabbed you as soon as they could.

What does it hide?
What does it say?
There's no way of knowing for sure.
One must hope
And one must pray;
That their intentions really are pure.

So remember to look
At that supple face
The way it shifts and folds,
To end I would like
To give one stanza,
Which close to your heart you should hold:

"The human face hides many a lie
But none so much as the smile.
And if it doesn't quite reach the eye,
Then you should run for a mile."

Definite potential there. Just apply a rigged structure to it and see if you need to break it anywhere to make it flow.

Pretty good.

The rhymes feel kind of forced. Still, an interesting theme and well explored.

Thanks!

I did kinda force the rhyme cos I wanted the structure to be light whilst the undertone and actual narrative to be much darker, emphasising the unsettling idea of the human face.

Why does this author of gothic horror look like the embodiment of his thematic style?

Are you having a laugh? It's not very good or interesting

Is there any constructive criticism that you can offer?

thats my favorite painting. i use it whenever i post on Veeky Forums because i dont save dumb pictures for posting. its weird to see it used by someone else. anyway, good luck user

first two stanzas have the rhythm of a dr seuss book, then the pacing just goes batshit retarded afterwards. Is English your native language by the way?

>thats my favorite painting
why

I don't know shit about poetry but I wrote a poem once ages ago. Here it is.

Behind glass, caged,
I watch:
A cat struts in a garden
familiarly not her own.

Twigs hang high, leaved
red and plum,
brushing her head
leaped to the Sun.
Stalwart branches bow down low,
her smile: obscured by shade.
A graze of the head and on she goes --
another poem to be made.

Whilst I stare my ears drift off,
across the sea, to talks in France,
A great cacophony,
Can’t be made out.
Distance mists the truths they shout.

Truths of beauty, Truths of sin,
Truths of adventure and heart within.
Paris of love to change me whole,
free of cares and for all fun.

Behind glass, caged,
I sit:
Constrained by bars wrought
of careful cowardice.
Would that I were the cat
moved on.
I’m still here, she is gone.
I was thinking about getting "into" poetry and reading and writing more for fun. What do ya think anons?

I think the main problem is that you're telling the reader too much. I know "show, don't tell" is an overused criticism but it really does apply to poetry.
If you don't explicitly state your meaning, and instead try to hint at it, I think you'd write better poems.

Your metre is a little dodgy, but you can solve that just by paying more attention to it.

I liked it. Good imagery.

Nice dubs.

cool man

Can anyone rate my poem?

Über allen Gipfeln
Ist Ruh
Über allen Wipfeln
Spürest du
Kaum einen Hauch
Die Vögelein schweigen im Walde
Warte nur, balde
Ruhest du auch

Thanks m8. Concerning the dubs, of course. I think I very well will give poetry more participation, starting with reading.

I don't know German, but I translated it with Google and it seems ok for the subject. Can't speak to the format or anything like that.

Where u study senpai

Number one was childish fun,
But we were too young to know.
Number two could have been true,
Maybe that's why it left me in woe.
Number three sat so well with me,
It was a shock when she did decline.
Number four seemed so sure,
But It seems I misread the signs.
Number five whose eyes were alive,
Oh the mistakes that I made.
Numbers seven and six I found myself betwixt,
And left myself nothing to Parade.
Number eight I really can't hate,
Despite what she did to me.
Number nine who I thought was divine,
For a while she was all I could see.
And finally ten who I'd would go for again,
I nearly asked for her hand,
But in the end that didn't matter:
For none of it went as was planned.

These numbers, here, that have ruled my life,
Have given me little more but strife;
Yes, I loved them all in vain.
But here's a certain satisfaction
In the subtraction
Of the 'significant other' pain.

Now, perhaps it's time
To get my thoughts in line
And start living for me again.

Thats fair enough.
I felt for this one that the idea of explaining openly in the text was neatly opposed to the subtlety of the human face.

As for the metre yeah I know that needs some work, but I think some of my newer stuff is an improvement on both sides

I wish it was longer

i get what u mean but think of it this way. ur channeling ur feelings in a healthy way. its better to write about it than drink about it

7 days on the computer
chasing that altered state of consciousness,
that deep, tired-eyed,
meditative state,
that out-of-body experience
of information washing over you.
Data, data, data to compute
need to learn
need to know.

Neglect of the body while the mind grows stronger,
desperate for some other way
to make the time flow away.

A cow recieves dopamine injections,
on the hour, every hour,
until it becomes a quibbling shade
licking the bars of its cage,
fucking the straw floor twice a day,
splashing in puddles of leaked milk
& cum

I love reading poetry, but I'm too scared to really put much effort into trying to write my own. I've written a few shitty things, but that's about it. I've been burned by my years of trying to write novels. I'm a complete idiot when it comes to words despite how much I love poetry and prose.

Yeah, I know, I'll never get better unless I just fucking do it, but there are certain things that seem to mesh with me and other things that don't. Writing is something that feels totally beyond my abilities despite being one of the things I love the most.

SYLVIA
GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE OVEN