Write what's on your mind

Bon soir, Elliot.

Funny how when people assert their worth they're compared to a sociopathic faggot.

Play a game? Which one? Read a book? Which one? Watch a movie? Which one? She looks like Remy Lacroix so i'll check this thread out.

I'm not very happy.

It's hard to think that I'm not the only one in her life, but she is the only one in mine.

She's so perfect. I was, too. But now I'm a jealous mess.

I can't stand that picture.

Her life is the one I realize I've really desired.

She's so happy.

I'm so sad. All the ingredients are here for me to be happy, but here I am.

She has a loving and compassionate family. Many things. She has everything I've strived for.

The things I can't change about my life to match hers will kill me.

What's wrong with me? Good god.

I'm not sure why she loves me back.

I'll probably mess it up.

I'll say, "I had it coming."

I have the most unhelpful people around me.

My mind is unhealthy. I still want to kill myself.

I need to go to bed.

I really can't stand that picture.

I sit in trash, scattered pens, empty milk bottle, hand cream. Dust in my head, wind in my heart, wind in my heart, drive them away, drive them away. Not foreigners. I see crumbs of bread in growing number, crumbs of bread on the table and unclean keyboard. Make sure to clean, vacuum, parents are coming. Plastic bag for garbage. Snot at the nostriledge. Take it out. Recycled paper you use as a mousepad, and scissor cuts all over it. Turn off autoplay. The next one sucks.

I awoke early this morning, but until I felt the sun upon my face, I did not labor myself to rise.

All this should one day be put together into one long stream of consciousness book.

I feel you bro. You need some physical work. Always helps me

What is the point in living if we're all just going to die?

The fact that you hate me fuels me.

I just wrote something that I was actually quite proud of. This is my first time. Most other times, my prose was immodest and ugly, and it didn't have much of a voice other than "edgy and experimental". Now it's actually nice to read and engaging.

I'm too lazy to type out an excerpt, but anyone else share this feel?

When I was about 9 or 10 my parents moved from the Southern US to Canada, and as a result I've always had an accent. Normally this wouldn't be a big deal, but I was fat and poor as well. Picture in your mind a fat little kid with chubby cheeks and a cowboy drawl, waddling himself around in his oversized outdated secondhand store pants. This was the misery of my childhood.

Needless to say, when I started going to school I was beaten up every day. A group of more interesting, more athletic, less different boys would get together every lunch break to hit and kick me, or throw me into prickle bushes. In a perverse way I even enjoyed it; it was the only time anyone ever payed any attention to me. For a good chunk of my childhood I didn't have a single friend.

Once I entered highschool I mostly hung out with FOB immigrants. I felt more comfortable around them than around the people who'd used to bully me, as well as an affinity towards their outsiderness and intelligence. While this made for a good, or at least better than expected, highschool experience, it didn't help with my accent.

Afterwards graduating highschool I traveled the world for two years. I lost a lot of weight. I learned several foreign languages. My English speaking ability decreased significantly.

For years I hated my accent. No matter who I talked to, they'd detect a strange and incoherent accent underlying my every word. In the very town I'd grown up in for years, people would look at me with a kind of disgust and condemnation on their face and ask me "where are you from"? I feel like a kind of perpetual foreigner, markedly out of place no matter where I am.

Recently I got a letter from the government informing me that, as someone born outside the country, any children I have, provided they're nor born on Canadian soil, will not automatically be considered citizens or welcome here.

It seems to me that humanity is like a pack of dogs ripping each other apart over scraps of meat, and when I reflect on how I've done compared to the people that used to bully me I can't say I don't enjoy it. Most people I knew when I was younger are now single parents, or drug addicts, or just plain stupid, and none of them seem to even realize what miserable failures in life they are. On the other hand I can speak four languages. Fuck them.

The fact that my mouth refuses to coincide to a geographical location is actually a sign of nobility. Schopenhauer said that everything common is deplorable, so what is language? When a group of people all sound exactly the same, its not something to be proud of, but a sign that they're all equally plebian and common.

Greatness seems to me like a grand suicidal endeavor. Kill anything recognizable in yourself, anything weak, and make yourself into something greater. For all society talks about "individualism", nobody realizes that individuals are made by beating the herd out of people.

individuals are made by reading great books

bloom was right all along

I keep seeing groups of people and thinking to myself, "they should worship me". "they should get on their knees and kiss my feet". "their wives and daughters should be ceded to me for the good of the race".

Of course when i ever voice these opinions in even the slightest way people react like I'm some sort of monster.

Do you know who thinks of other's before themselves? fucking idiots.

she's probably getting banged out by chad right now.

I'd say your writing is pretentious, but really it's just vapidity masquerading as pretension.

we did this already and it sucked

>I'd say your writing is pretentious, but really it's just vapidity masquerading as pretension.

I just typed what I saw on my desk and the lyrics of the song playing in the back. How's that pretentious? It's literally the blandest thing I could've typed, and as simple as it gets.

Song related
youtube.com/watch?v=HEluoeMLTCI

I'm procrastinating.

I'm supposed to be copying out the last 1000 years of a 300,000 year timeline I did for a project.

Nothing.

i love these threads so much desu

We all have a little bit of Supreme Gentleman inside of us.

I compared them to little girls.
youtube.com/watch?v=wNsUKRG4hS4

Me too

Jane Austen reads very much like a shoujo manga. Or should I say that it is shoujo manga that reads like Austen?

BITCOIN ALL MY MONEY IS IN BITCOIN FUCK SELF PUBLISHING

I am truly happy and fortunate.

I feel like I'm at a weird stage in terms of social life (I'm 25 fwiw). I don't really enjoy drinking and going out to bars like I used to but it seems that's what my friends like to do so that's what I do... I'm ready for the next step but I'm not really sure what that is.

I think I'm coming to terms with the fact that I'm no longer young enough where getting married and starting a family are laughably far out on the horizon.

Finally watched Bladerunner last night. It was pretty damn good. Funny how it inspired so much Ghost in the Shell, which would then inspire the Matrix.

Welcome to the tipping point. Focus on health, hobbies, caree and relationship. It's a much better phase than the amateur shit you were preoccupied with.

i've wasted my entire life, have no chance of ever having any satisfaction or happiness, and wish i were dead, but im too much of a pussy to kill myself.

NYC has the best avant garde scene in the world.

Ya man, because I happen to use Veeky Forums it means there is no way I could fucking those three again. You retards need to lay off the memes.

Hesitating to kill yourself isn't "pussy", it's literally your brain trying to save itself.

Yep. And I think i'm feeling this more now than ever because for the first time since I graduated I feel like much of my house is in order--I don't need to distract myself with alcohol/drugs.

Its a kind of Stockholm Syndrome for some people -- they need to justify their high rents to themselves. I love it here though.

...

Truly spoken like someone who has never lived there

What's there to hate?
>besides the taxes

But seriously, I was on the east coast until a few years ago. It's so nice here, people are a lot friendlier than they were in NY. You would have to drag me kicking and screaming out of California.

I feel so stagnant. Like a lake without any connecting tributaries, where all this fucking filth accumulates but can't filter out. I'm regularly depressed and I've begun losing interest in things I was once passionate about. I guess I need a (real) job, and I've been applying, but none of these positions even sound appealing to me. Been considering manual labor of some sort. I know it will make my parents disappointed, though, even if they'd never admit it. I was, am, supposed to be the one who 'made it,' broke away from the blue collar, put my degree to good use and achieved traditional success. Too bad I don't want to spend my time sitting in an office, acting as some executive's manservant, performing tasks that nobody actually wants done or cares about.

Wish I could sign up to hunt whales or some shit, like in Moby Dick.

I'm 28 and I've never had sex

Not all office jobs require you to be an executive's man servant. Work for a charity, a nonprofit, shit you could even work as a civil servant -- choose a path where you can make people's lives better.

i just bailed on CA after growing up there and doing undergrad there. I don't miss it. Geographically its great but other than that...

Seems like we both had a "grass is greener on the other side" moment. Living in the same place for 20+ years can definitely be a drag.

Why haven't you killed yourself yet, friendo?

too scared

27 here bro, no doubt i'll make it to 28.

I think I'm having an identity crisis.
I used to think these things didn't really exist, or were some kind of extension of self pity. Essentially I thought that these problems could be solved by manning up.
After having gone through a rough year and failing my first year of uni, my self image has been severely deranged.

It's not so much that I've nothing I want to pursue in life, if anything it's the exact opposite.
Everything strikes me as interesting or mildly interesting. All the things that used to be so clear cut, such as the things I liked or the things I were good at have turned into a jumbled mess, and I don't know what the fuck to do.
Do I just pick something and go along with that? Or is that how I even got in this mess to begin with? These thoughts are what's making my mind wander, and I'm unable to concentrate.

I've applied to a couple, so far to no response. The majority of openings that come my way are corporate though.

what's the point in living if that's all we do?

ass and titties

Back again from that omission of grandeur, Count Eleansile, away for a brief bit before casting himself further and damnably on a pile of fragmented thoughts and ripe corpse flesh. I observed with paramount curiousity the unusual mannerisms he held so dear, however, perhaps, prominently pessimistic they were at the time. In his mind seemed to me a crevice deep and dark, where once gay and eccentric ambition shone about in that haphazard way of geniuses. Oh, harken back you, Master o' Masterful, to the mind you once had! How I cannot help but miss you so.

>Welcome to the tipping point. Focus on health, hobbies, caree and relationship. It's a much better phase than the amateur shit you were preoccupied with.
this

normies should keep being normies

So presumably you come on here and post your opinions and shit. How do you feel about that? Do you find it hard to feel authoritative? Or do you overcompensate? Or something else?

im not quite sure what you're asking. is it difficult for me to feel authoritative/knowledgeable about unrelated topics due to the fact that i've never had sex? no.

youtube.com/watch?v=vWy5_H3xrUQ

Urban Fiction and Womens Fiction are the worst genre I have ever seen.

One day during my lunch break I lay in the grass under an apple tree. It was hot and before my eyes everything swam in the light green air. The wind swept through the tree and through the beloved grass. Behind me lay the dark edge of a forest with its somber, faithful firs. Desires swarmed through my head. I wished for a lover to match the sweet-fragranced wind. Then, as I lay there comfortably and languidly on my back, with my eyes closed and face directed toward the sky, summer humming all around, there appeared from out of the sunny ocean- and sky-bright bliss two eyes that looked on me with infinite kindness. I also clearly saw cheeks drawing nearer to my own as if they wanted to touch them, and a wonderfully beautiful, as if formed from pure sun, finely curved, voluptuous mouth came out of the reddish-blue air close to mine as if it wanted to touch my mouth as well. The firmament I saw through my eyes I had pressed closed was completely pink and hemmed by a splendid velvety black. I looked into a world of pure bliss. But then all of a sudden I stupidly opened my eyes, and the mouth and cheeks and eyes were gone and all at once I was robbed of the sky’s sweet kiss. What’s more, by then it was time to go back down to the city, back to business and my daily work. As far as I remember, I was reluctant to get up and leave the meadow, the tree, the wind, and the beautiful dream. Yet everything in the world that enchants the mind and delights the soul has its limits, as does, fortunately, all that inspires fear and anxiety. With that I bounced back down to my dry office and kept nicely busy until closing time.

my abusive brother just moved back in with us.

I feel like I should watch a film tonight or something.

I just want to fap all day

What an easy life that would be.

I am ashamed to admit it but I am a glutton. When I was 13 I asked my dad for some chicken tendies. We lived way out in the middle of no where so he had to pick them up on his way from work cause I was not going to walk for an hour to get them. When he got home I was excited cause I was starving. I emptied the paper bag and there were 5 tendies, fries, ketchup. I got angry because there was no honey mustard sauce though. I yelled "what is the point of tendies without honey mustard!?!?" I called my dad a faggot and tried to hit him. He sent me to my room. I gave him the silent treatment for a month and then to my utter dismay he died from a heart attack (undiagnosed heart condition). So now I eat tendies with honey mustard sauce on a daily basis (at least 20 strips and 4 orders of fries divided into 3 meals). I will often incorporate chicken and french fries into other meals like sandwiches, pizza, macaroni and I only ever use honey mustard on my pizza and in my mac instead of ranch. I am 5'6, 300lbs and won't stop eating until I double in size and die. I am 19 btw

I'm thinking of just posting all of my liked YouTube videos in this thread. But, don't give your pearls to swine and all that.

I'm most likely going be strictly a consumer for the rest of my life; nobody is every going to enjoy my creations. I currently feel like my life is in the last ten minutes of a movie; I have no goals that are certain right now so I have nothing to look forward to.

I realized recently that the reason I haven't killed myself yet id's because I'd have no legacy yet but I don't have enough motivation to create one so I'll probably be stuck in this limbo of being a loser for the remainder of my life. I think this is also why I dream off being a serial killer, because of the high amount of notoriety you can achieve with such little work. Also why I wish I was born a trust fund baby.

When I was a little boy I would suck basically any of my friend's dicks that I could get my mouth on. I've just been thinking and jerking off about that for a little while.

I'm writing this shit just because I need to stay awake or I'll lose the fucking train because I am too retarded to understand how an allarm works -actually I know it but i feel that if I am going to sleep now not even the train itself running on my penis could wake me up- so enjoy my visit I came in peace and I leave very worried because my eyes are sinking and not even smoking continuously is keeping me alive.
if I fall asleep and my cigarette burns me this is the last thing of me to stay in the world so please tell my girlfiend I tried very hard but I failed

if this is your kind of creation, my suggestion is the rope

I don't want to be a author; writing is for fags.

I've spent years on r9k but finally decided to not go back there any more. I also went on a string of intense acid trips a couple weeks ago, and now I'm thirsting for more of "the world", and Lucy told me that she will show me more if I actually start using my noggin again, but to think about the big ideas, so I talked to my younger sister and she recommended that I start getting into philosophy. I started on an introduction to philosophy textbook because it's my belief that philosophy will broaden my understanding of my own thoughts and inc

tldr; acid told me to not waste my time being a miserable person and think bigger because I can make it if I apply myself

I don't know what's worse: regretting doing something or regretting not doing something.

alright notfag, enjoy your creative whatever but if it resembles in any way -as in fact does- what you think and you are, use it to choke yourself. I think complainig is for fags, but maybe is this consumistic society that makes me feel I want to see people like you consumated

regretting to regret looks terrible

The latter. Always the latter.

I've moved to a place where I don't know anyone and therefore don't have friends.

I have my first part time job in a long time coming up in this place. I'm worried I'll make an idiot out of myself by not being competent in front of all the other co-workers and end up being fired.

WEED AND HARD LIQUOR

Nothing is stopping you, friendo.

I didn't ask for life. As a matter of fact, I don't want it, but I'm here, stuck. Born into a world with its own rules, a world that does not care about me. Some of the hardships I have suffered I would not wish upon my worst enemy. She has experienced her share too, so it perplexes me why she wants to bring another human into this. Is it because she wants what most people seem to do? Or is there something more to it? Either way, there is nothing that would change my mind. I'm lost.

Enlist in the military.

That's kinda gay

Avant garde film in the Bay Area is also exceptional.

I'm furious.
All the first-semester chicas either have a good face and a bad body, or an ugly face and a good body. I'm on a dry spell and this isn't helping. Some gave me looks but I couldn't focus because, like all first-semester students, they had too much fucking powdered milk or whatever the fuck they put on their faces.
Her tits juggled as she ran down the stairs like water balloons on cocaine. My gaze went up a couple of inches and all I saw was a face of a barbarian disfigured dwarf, covered in powder milk. I'm disgusting.

Someone asked me yesterday? When you wake up tomorrow will you be happy? So when I woke up, I thought about whether I was happy or not. I had to think about my happiness, so now I'm not happy. Cunts.

I've wasted my life and it's only going to become worse.

>chicas
You're white bro

The biological drive to reproduce is strong, user. Consider yourself lucky that you aren't bound by it and find a new girlfriend.

My man.

It's just a part-time job. You'll probably be more competent than a lot of your coworkers are.

Good on ya. Stay off /r9k/, it's poison. As an occasional psychonaut, I'd recommend not taking any insights you had on your trip too seriously. Philosophy is nice, but the best way to see more of "the world" is to go live in the world.

>white
I'm not.

I'm sitting here at 12 noon alone. All the joys I once had seem to have disappeared like a puddle in the hot southern sun. I don't know what to do with my life. I narrowly evoided a disastrous fuck up in life and now I can only look back and see clearly my mistakes, but they're unfixable.

DMT AND CHEESEBURGERS

Whenever my mom gets drunk, she gets this look in here eyes like she's braindead or severely retarded. It's the most vacant, expressionless face i've ever seen, and for reasons im not sure of it makes me furious every time i notice it. I get a white hot urge to punch her in the nose or push her down a flight of stairs. The worst part about this is that, when i was a pre-teen and first figured out she was drinking, that's exactly what i'd do. One time, she ended up slicing her finger open with a cat food lid when i made her chase me around the house. We ended up in the bathroom, where she tried punching me. She lost her balance and reached for the wall, where she left a small streak of blood. whenever i visit, i still see it there. I wonder if she remembers the incident, and if my dad knows what i did when i was younger.

also want to jerk off to some femdom videos, but im sure that's unrelated.

I did that, OP. I made a thread for my Paterson-esque epic, but i forgot about it and it got 404'd. Actually, i think i'll try that shit again. You're welcome to post, if you see it.

Should I pirate some more PKD books? I liked A Scanner Darkly, but I don't know about some of the others. I feel bad about """stealing""" books and music, but that's never stopped me before. I can't get my brother to talk to me unless the power's out or the mumble is empty. It would help if he would stop playing touhou whenever there's nothing else to do, and instead would do anything normal. I still have 600 posts to check in Clover. I hope that pseudo-trans-post-ironic neo-meta-humor-based Veeky Forums game we were planning pans out, unlike our last one. The Trial is pretty good so far. I wish /g/ had less shilling. Why does the only respite from opressive heat have to come from a hurricane? I wish I was in the mountains where it's cool in the summer, and has a cold, snowy winter. I should buy a sound recorder. One of the people in my mumble got married and that's profoundly disturbing to me. I've only been in one relationship, and that was in the 9th grade. I don't know if I could keep a relationship alive if I found myself in one. I can't believe this hasn't broken 1500 characters yet; I'm rambling. I should play Deus Ex: HR, but I don't have a good enough computer to finish it. I should play STALKER. I should watch Stalker. What made me decide to start going to Veeky Forums today? I wish the project I was working on wasn't abandoned by the creator. Why do I have to fling myself in to the friendzone every time I meet a girl? Typing with a real keyboard connected to a phone is strange. I should get a mechanical keyboard, but I only really like white and clear switches. I hate community college for academics, but I didn't get accepted anywhere else. I hate commuting. How did I fuck up so badly? There's a /g/entoomen in my gym class, which is nice because I have someone to meme. Meme isn't a verb, or at least it shouldn't be. I wish I could suspend living. I'm lonely, but I can't socialize well so I guess it's okay. 1953 characters, I need to wrap this up. Why is my dog barking? The post limit is 3k here? Okay, I'll keep rambling. I need to get a job. Why did I get out of bed today? I have nothing important to do, and I won't do anything anyway. I hate driving. I'm socially pathetic. South-east Virginia is hell incarnate for people who don't love swimming through humidity. I don't want to leave but I don't want to stay. Western Montana seemed nice. I want a large cabin in the mountains, with a library and a fireplace. I can't imagine living anywhere for an extended duration without a real fireplace. I need more money. Autobahn is a nice album, I'm glad I picked it up on vinyl. I can never pronounce vinyl right. I'd like to get my Ham Radio license, but I'm too poor to get the equipment, save maybe a handheld. I could easily blow $2K on things I want to buy right now. I don't have much more than that. I don't like spending money, but an order from amazon is one of the few things I can look forward to. Here's the real post limit coming up.

Oh well. I'm Fucked.

I feel a kernel of literary insatiability somewhere deep within me, but every time I attempt to read a lot in even a single day (to speak nothing of a regular habit of reading a lot) I can't find the necessary resolve. I don't get enough sleep and I have a perpetual backache, and while both of these certainly contribute to my failures, there is some sort of greater malaise that I can't make sense of. Have any of you ever found yourselves in similar circumstances?

"Sometimes a waltz is being played, and against the green background the black profiles whirl obstinately like those cut-out silhouettes that are attached to a phonograph’s turntable. Night comes rapidly after this, and with it the lights. But I am unable to relate the thrill and secrecy that subtle instant holds for me. I recall at least a magnificent tall girl who had danced all
afternoon. She was wearing a jasmine garland on her tight blue dress, wet with perspiration from the small of her back to her legs. She was laughing as she danced and throwing back her head. As she passed the tables, she left behind her a mingled scent of flowers and flesh. When evening came, I could no longer see her body pressed tight to her partner, but against the sky whirled alternating spots of white jasmine and black hair, and when she would throw back her swelling breast I would hear her laugh and see her partner’s profile suddenly plunge forward. I owe to such evenings the idea I have of innocence."

Pirate VALIS. Don't feel bad about shit, PKD is dead.