I couldn't decide whether this is Veeky Forums or Veeky Forums related but what should you eat to get firm...

I couldn't decide whether this is Veeky Forums or Veeky Forums related but what should you eat to get firm, clean stools? Mine have gotten really bad, it's been the consistency of pudding. It doesn't just come out in a big solid lump like it should, but it isn't diarrhea either. It's just really sticky and messy and no matter if I use a half roll of toilet paper it's impossible to get clean until I take a shower. I'm pretty sure people call it "mud butt". I just want to take one of those shits so solid and clean you don't even have to wipe. I've tried fresh vegetables and they just seem to add an airiness to the stool. Like I'm shitting cumulus clouds.

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drbriffa.com/2013/03/05/study-finds-dietary-fibre-is-more-likely-to-be-cause-of-rather-than-a-cure-for-constipation-and-other-bowel-symptoms/
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probiotics

>like i'm shitting cumulus clouds

Kek, seriously though, runny shits are caused by things like too much fresh fruit or greasy food. Hard, painful shits mean too much protein. Try adding some meat to your diet.

Less fat, more fiber.

popcorn every day

Having oatmeal every morning really fucked me up. I would have to take a soft gooey shit about three hours later. Then I'd have bad gas and I would be afraid to fart because sometimes something wet came out.

This is just my personal experience so take it for what it's worth but I have been having the most incredible shits for the last year. Every morning, it's just endless logs that fill up the toilet bowl to the brim and leave me feeling gutted (in a good way). The best part? They are all ghost wipes.

My diet is literally eggs (I eat about 16+ every day), some milk, some cookies, and oats (uncooked) with raisins. No vegetables. I consume a lot of caffeine too.

drbriffa.com/2013/03/05/study-finds-dietary-fibre-is-more-likely-to-be-cause-of-rather-than-a-cure-for-constipation-and-other-bowel-symptoms/

Your shit should be nice and moist. Like elephant dung. They eat pretty healthy.

My advice is to consume several hundred pounds of vegetation daily. This should take around 12 to 16 hours per day and include grasses, small plants, bushes, fruit, twigs, tree bark, and roots.

You'll need to wash that down with about 50 gallons of water per day. That's about a bathtub full.

Post results.

>I eat about 16+ every day
Jesus Christ

You need to eat 30 grams of fiber a day, every day. Once your gut adjusts you'll have huge, satisfying shits, and you'll have regular movements, like the same time every day. Adequate water intake is necessary too. I eat a fiber bar for breakfast, two bean and cheese tacos for lunch, and if I don't make something high in fiber for supper, or am still deficient, I'll take some Metamucil. I have a medical condition where eating a lot of fiber is really the only treatment, so I've had a bit of experience with this. You can also do stuff like add wheat bran to pasta sauce and other stuff where you don't really notice any flavor difference but the fiber content is way higher.

Bananas are good for this.

some good points but I would add that you should probably ramp up your fiber intake gradually over a period of a few weeks or so. otherwise you will have mega farts. as in, you'll be able to parasail just by putting on rollerblades and holding a sheet of posterboard behind your ass.

>It's just really sticky and messy and no matter if I use a half roll of toilet paper it's impossible to get clean until I take a shower.
I get this if I eat too many starchy foods. wiping my ass is like trying to wipe peanut butter out of a knothole.

>I've tried fresh vegetables and they just seem to add an airiness to the stool. Like I'm shitting cumulus clouds.
I lerl'd

Fiber is so crucial. I noticed how much cleaner my shits became especially once i really started upping my intake. So many more one or ghost wipes

>you'll be able to parasail
I am counting two upsides here

This is true, and even after you get there you fart magnificently. I warn new guys on my crews to stay upwind from me.

i really enjoy examining and talking about shit.

raw vegetables are mostly insoluble fiber and it will tend to help move crap through you quickly, but won't do much to improve the quality of your shits. i think of this like improving the frequency of an airplane route, or going from a 1 or 2-stop to direct.

when my shits are weak, the 2 things that i add to improve them: eat a bowl of oatmeal each morning and take psyllium husk capsules.
(psyllium husk capsules should be increased to a decent dosage over about a week or two. and they should be taken with a lot of water - which is very important with those.)

psyllium husk and oatmeal are mostly soluble fiber - it gives your shits a much better texture and will tend to slow down your shits a little. i think of these as moving from an economy class plane ticket to first class.

my best shits come with psyllium husk and la tortilla factory "high fiber/low carb" wraps (i buy them at costco) - it has cheap cellulose fiber, which is insoluble. with those 2, i can turn out these enormous, magnificent solid one piece logs that are so big and beautiful they clog the commercial toilets at my office.

Fuckin cool hand Luke over here

>eggs (I eat about 16+ every day
>No vegetables

>i really enjoy examining and talking about shit.
Veeky Forums everybody

This started happening to me about 6 months ago, turns out that I've become celeac. Sticky puddingy poos, not quite diarrhea, but a couple of steps off. Blood test came back positive so Going through testing now and the only way I'm managing to have a solid shit more than once a week is to eat as much vegetable matter as I can and have some gluten free high fiber bread and gf bran breakfast cereal. Psyllum husk helps too, its prettymuch just fiber, spoon of that on my cereal with loads of milk and a pint of water with it so I don't get blocked. Sorted.

>really enjoy examining and talking about shit.

Are you a reincarnated eunuch from a chinese emperor's court?

>wiping my ass is like trying to wipe peanut butter out of a knothole
mysides.png

I laffed

eat less fatty foods

Nobody can eat 16+ eggs

kek

>Metamucil

This stuff is magic, like you don't even have to worry about the rest of your diet if you're taking this once a day.

It's not cheap but neither is toilet paper I guess.

Make sure you get the sugar free version, it contains nearly three times the amount of fiber by volume.

Tastes like slimy dirt though.

This is Veeky Forums in general, really.

You just need to hold it in longer to absorb more of the moisture.

Fiber

White bread is not fiber...