Share your writings

This is nothing but mind-numbing pablum.

Also, remember Poe's rAVEN: Affect is a Verb, Effect is a Noun.

www.charliechitty.com/writing

Writing novels depresses me and I have about three or four unfinished all over 40,000 words.

Short stories are fun. I don't want to make money, I just want to write.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

>This is nothing but mind-numbing pablum
I'm sorry my writing is mind-numbing pablum.

Never written anything of substance and that would resemble something literature-y in English since, well, ESL, but I thought I'd give it a shot and write about the first thing that popped into my cranium. Given ESL, my vocabulary is clearly limited, but how's the flow? Should I keep it up or ditch writing in English altogether?

purple background doesn't make it purple prose

I liked the first 1 or 3 sentences and then it kind of lost the momentum.

And as I was dropped into Byzantium, I saw the blank white walls of a beginning. A portal blue as Bosphorus opened into a strait hallway and as I went into the dark I ran my hand across the stony walls and felt the weight of it all pressing my skin, hanging in the empty.

Idk what this is insinuating, but it's only purple because that's the post background of my tumblr posts on my blog where I screen cap these from.

All of the writing in this thread is shit. Seriously, read these aloud and tell me they don't sound stilted or pseudo-profound.

>Idk what this is insinuating

nothing desu, I was reading through and when I read "purpose" I thought of purple prose

I eat canday. Delicious, but not today. Place the wrapper next to the next. Unwrap. Thrity three. I eat canday. Delicious. Place the wrapper next to the next. Unwrap. Thirty four. I eat canady. Delicious. Place the wrapper next to nothing.

I stand up turning 44.4 degrees my eyes. Observe the four objexts in the room. Tweleve of people in one bottle. Fourty four liters of coca cola. A ping pong ball that is. Four inches high, four inches wide, four square inches on density. All of them are kept brown, the fourth. Color in the alphabet Canadyies are arranged correctly for tomarrow I arrange them in the line. This will be the eight line of wrappers.

Toamarrow will need to clean up waste. Four bags are sitting hear the sound of the crinkling plastic. I enjoy. crinkoing plastic while the floors are hollow echoing sounds of the neighboring people.

cool vague criticisms
be specific please

The world needs more heroes like you

It's shit, but I happily read it to the end, so good work I guess.

This is the first installment in a multi-part series i am working on. I welcome criticism, but please work at it. Any one-line responses will be treated as tard mumblings and looked upon with melancholic pity.

>1
The most important thing to remember about the federal government is that once it acts it does not stop. It is either a body at complete rest or complete motion. This fact plays an important role in how the regional enclaves comport themselves internally and externally.

The Federal Government is tasked with defending the absolute rights of citizens. These rights are: freedom of motion, freedom of self defense when life is threatened, regardless of personal guilt, and the guaranteed provision of bodily defense when a citizen is faced with violent actors or events. Internally, this is all that the Federal Government does.

The Federal Government is tasked with defending the sovereign coastlines of North and Central America. They are an all volunteer force unless and until 90% of all enclaves and/or regions submit to an Authoritarian Defense Government. The duration of this writ is terminal based on the duration of the threat.

The Federal Government is tasked with assessing climatological, astronomical, and political events that are deemed existential threats. They are compelled to advise and not act. They can formulate strategy and retain assets if there is no consensus, but they cannot act or react unilaterally, even in the face of species annihilation.

A citizen is any human born within the confines of North and Central America or any human who has paid to be a part of any recognized Region or Enclave.

Safety and prosperity flow from the State. The State is an organization that maintains control of a defined geographic region with more than 5000 citizens in it. A State can also be a defined geographic region with more than 100,000 humans in it. In the event that there is no leadership structure, the administration of this Leaderless State is the responsibility of the neighboring States.

To be a State, a community must have 5000+ citizens, a clearly defined geographic region of control, and a clearly defined system of governance, complete with name and formal declaration of hierarchy. This hierarchy must have a minimum of two layers.

It is the responsibility of the State to collect taxes and provide services in whatever capacity they see fit. So long as they do not violate the Absolute Rights and do not incur the wrath of neighboring States, they are unregulated in how they achieve stability. Any and all forms of management are acceptable. The efficacy of any particular Management System is judged by the retention of citizens in the State, meaning any assessment of such efficacy can be quantified by longitudinal study combined with algorithmic-

>2

“Yes, you have a question?”

Lars’ pale face reddened immediately. His Germanic features had always made concealing his emotions difficult. He stood and addressed the speaker.

“Am i to understand that the Federal Dictatorship has no control within the States whatsoever?”

“Please clarify the nature of your statement so that i can respond appropriately.”

“If a State Government enshrines a writ that violates the Universals, is the Dictatorship free to intervene on the behalf of the Law.”

“The Federal Government may only intervene if and when it can prove that the Universal Rights are being, or have recently been, violated. Theory and the consideration thereof is not apart of the subroutines of the Federal Government.”

“...meaning that it would behoove the State Governments to not violate the Universals or work very hard to hide the data of such violations.” he said.

Lars had long ago learned to deal with his discomfort at discussing matters of import with a Humadroid. It had grown easier once they became ambulatory. Nonetheless, he always felt it best to remain warily skeptical of them.

“Yes. It is not the responsibility of the Federal Government to legislate ideology. It is by design a reactionary wielder of force.”

The Humadroid's facial features conveyed no emotion per its programing as a teacher/diplomat, but its monochrome eyes seemed to betray a mechanical bemusement with the lives and habits of its human masters.

Lars sat back down and the speaker picked up where he had left off. The representative of the Singaporean Consulate leaned over with a nasty grin on his face.

“What you think German? Does computer Hitler make you uncomfortable?”

“Does your government like the idea of a giant calculator controlling an arsenal of nuclear weaponry?”

Lars enjoyed seeing the glee slip somewhat from his counterpart’s eyes.

“I cannot say they are happy, but it is our firm position that sale of said weaponry may be an actual possibility with the obstacles of cultural suspicion and foreign obligations removed. Over the long term, this may be a good thing.”

Lars went in for the kill.

“And have your models been able to generate a time line wherein you obtain nuclear armaments before you are subsumed by China?”

He couldn’t help but smirk as the Consular Agent blanched and turned back toward the front of the room. The Humadroid was wrapping up and two simply dressed Citizens were walking to the front.

>3

“Thank y’all for sitting through Mr. C3P0’s little spiel. If'n yer ready, we can git going to the airfield.”

The two Federal Government representatives helped usher the consular agents to an armored bus with more than enough seats for them all. A tiny constellation of drones and RPVs circled the vehicle as it left the Stronghold on the perimeter of Federal City.

“Are there still many attacks here, Citizen Leigh?”

The representative of Nigeria was a large man with oil black skin and a multitude of scars on the right side of his body. They were the result of a Islamist Rebel booby trap. The Federal Government representative turned to regard the African. Lars had pegged his accent and demeanor as that of a man hailing from the southern white nationalist super enclave of the Confederation. Confederacy Law required all male Citizens to serve a minimum of 2 years in the Federal Service to maintain their Confederate Citizen status. While this rule did bring the risk of multi-culturalist influence and a small yet documented attrition rate in Citizen count, the net effect of superior training, applied experience, and absolute obedience brought a calculable gain to the Confederacy.

“Every now and then. The local coloreds will always take a potshot if they can get away with it, but the Free White Nationalists have been exterminated.”

Lars found this statement intriguing: the young man was obviously biased against people of darker color, but he did not seem put out by the annihilation of people with coinciding values and melanin levels.

“Do you take part in combat operations?”

The FG rep turned to Lars and smiled warmly.

“Shit yeah i do. Been in FedServ for 3 years now. I am waiting for a spot to open up in the Border Guardians back in the Homeland.”

Lars dug further:

“Is it hard to use violent force on people so... similar to you?”

The young man scowled at Lars, making him feel as if he might have crossed a line.

“...wait, you mean the Salt Licks? I thought you meant them colored communist types. Shoot, no. I’ll ice a Salt Lick the same I’d grease a nigger.”

Though the use of the word turned heads, it did not seem to phase the other FG rep, the driver, or the gunner, all three of whom were of a significantly darker shade than the young man. Following his gaze, the young man glanced at them then swiveled back to Lars with a sly grin.

“Naw, Shawonda over there don’t give a damn about my superior white nature. I think her apathy is a product of hyperstimulated ovaries. Her womb desires my master seed.”

At the last comment, the gunner cracked and started chuckling. The driver just smiled and buried his face in the optical scanner suit. The female NG rep looked at the young man with a commendable poker face. She then grinned ferociously.

“Your little white cock couldn't find my Nubian palace if i cut it off and jammed it in with your toothpick forearm, moon cricket.”

holy.... I want more

This really is enthralling

CRASH

>4

The young man reddened a bit as his compatriots bayed laughter. The majority of the consular agents were completely nonplussed. After a few awkward moments of silence, the agents all broke into whispered conversations. Nigeria unbuckled and came to sit by Lars.

“It is a funny thing, no? These Americans are so dumb, yet they seem quite happy.”

“I don't think dumb is the right word… willfully ignorant?”, Lars mused, “Blindly certain?”

“You may be right. I am looking forward to seeing the refugee camps. We take on more and more every year from the Southern Wars. The rumors are very positive about the Federal Solution.”

“Ja, so i have heard.”

From a very young age, Lars was programmed to be very critical of the use of camps as social solutions. While it was abundantly clear the the Dictatorship was not slaughtering undesirables, they were disappearing at an alarming rate. Every advanced nation was struggling under the weight of influx after the withdrawal of American Military Assets from the globe. If the same people that had caused the crisis had a viable solution, Lars was going to learn about it and take it home.

The armored bus pulled through the gate of the airport. Two remotely piloted Ospreys were spooling up on the tarmac. The white nationalist FG rep hopped aboard the lead craft with half of the agents. Lars followed the female FG rep into the second bird. These vehicles were well accommodated for tactical scout craft. While the dull throb of the props was unavoidable, it was not hard to communicate with each other and the seats were comfortable. Once boarded, the Ospreys sprang into the sky and shifted to normal flight. Over the intercom, an inhuman voice informed them that they would be reaching New Mecca in half an hour. Lars called up a demographic map of the North Eastern enclave system. They were flying out of Federal City Aerodrome which was situated on the northern part of Manhattan Island. High above, swarms of sensor drones and solar powered missiles ambled along their holding patterns, watching and waiting.

MOM MADE PANCAKES

critique please

On my way home
Pondering defeat
Tons of styrofoam
Lay at my feet
The choice was never mine to make
None strike me like the remnants of my mistake

posted first draft of this a few weeks ago

have since revised and ditched the second stanza entirely

give advice, particularly on the first line because it sucks and I cant think of anything better

It had long been time to relinquish that old feeling
A drunken haste to win over the most inane state of beauty
But the host have long approached, and who but a fool did not have the foresight?
The slaughter of the spirit, the dimming of man's fire
Who can hear the broken one? Who can understand his lifeless light?
He drank from the Sun’s bitter fruit, then heaved it one fleeting summer night.

The summer was long, an endless haze blurred by inebriation. It was amongst that maelstrom of liquor, lust, and heat that I gazed upon the true emptiness that stands at our collective heart. I was lured into the centre of the storm by a promise of the new and enticing. And as chaos unfolded around me, my eyes never once drifted from that dream. I still reflect on that summer, the events lingering as a bleak reminder of my choices, and the false allure of the city of the damned.

Intro to my novel

As i walked, i wandered
my restless mind relentlessly pondering
the state and stature of enterprise failed

beneath my feet, strewn 'cross the street
the one use remnant of packaging and product
skipped and skittered beneath and away

the path i chose was given in truth
selected at will from a prepared list
tinged and tainted by the illusion of option

and as i arrive and darken my door
kick off my shoes on the cold, dusty floor
and survey my home, the castle i keep

it all falls heavy like a fast silent snow
the realization: the then and the now
all falls below

Best ITT