Greentext the Plot of your New Novel

It's not like it's going anywhere

As OP I'll begin

'Weave'
>Protagonist is your typical pseud douchebag
>Wealthy, good looking, he has a caring, understanding, kind girlfriend, essentially the perfect woman
>He's an aspiring author
>He's also a terrible writer
>Convinced that it's a lack of tragedy, not talent, that's holding him back
>Decides that it's okay he's good looking, since Camus was
>Tries to cause as much tragedy in his life as possible, starting with romance
>Goes to increasing lengths to try and get his girlfriend to break up with him
>Turns their relationship borderline-abusive
>Yells at her at a party because she says her favorite book is Harry Potter
>Nearly bankrupts himself intentionally (he inherited his wealth)
>Woman finally works up the courage to break up with him, acts heartbroken
>She comes back, this all resumes
>Eventually breaks up with him again
>Final scene is him standing in the rain outside his shitty apartment
>Begins work on his 'masterpiece'

unnamed narrator sits in his room and masturbates

10/10

I'll whack this in here for good measure

>Story from two perspectives
>One is man whose life is in absolute ruin
>Other is a man whose life is going perfectly
>Depressed guy attempts suicide, but keeps getting saved in increasingly absurd, improbable ways
>Starts off with things like gun not firing
>Moves up to firefighters practicing a suicide drill, inflating giant mat for him to land on
>As this happens things start going better for him
>People come back into his life
>Wife re-establishes connection, lets him see kids again
>Culminates in him being about to shoot himself from his apartment (bottom floor)
>Hears screams, sees woman about to be raped
>Runs out with gun, rapist runs off
>Considered a hero
>Becomes employed again, gets life back on track
>Praised in news, becomes minor celebrity
>Finds a watch on the ground, expensive, well-tuned

>Other guy starts off losing his job (works business)
>Fired not due to incompetence, but because he kept getting caught in traffic
>Late so many times that the boss gets fed up and fires him
>Wife, major gold digger, leaves him, takes kids
>Divorce screws him hardcore
>Ends up living in the basement of a building
>Keeps getting rained on wherever he goes
>Finally snaps when he loses his watch, the last symbol of wealth
>He was obsessed with the watch, always polishing it, gets it adjusted at watchmaker
>Buys a gun, goes for a walk
>Finds a random guy, walking through the street
>Reflects on how he looks familiar
>Shoots him
>Turns gun to his own head, kills himself

>Final scene is a news broadcast
>Covering the story
>It's decided that the murderer was overcome by jealousy for the hero
>Because his own life was such a mess, he attacked a Good Samaritan
>It was just a coincidence

The book details the ambitions of an ageing scientist, distraught at his failed sex life and the conspicuous signs of ageing which are slowly ruing his face, and his discovery that using the blood of young individuals allows him to become ageless and near-immortal, the only downside being that he is practically unable to leave his home during the daytime and thus spends the majority of his time alone, preening himself. He guards his discovery, not wanting other men to take his serum and also attain everlasting youth, but does allow one particular girlfriend of his to use it, despairing at the thought that she too may age. The serum is accidentally discovered by another of this girl's many lovers, who markets it and produces it en masse, which leads to a competitive marketplace where different serums are soon discovered and sold to combat ageing. Eventually, by the end of the novel, an entire society and culture has been established wherein anybody who does not take the serum, and who is therefore not ever-youthful is ridiculed and ostrichsized. However, at teh very end of the novel he, the scientist, who first took the serum discovers that it does wear off, and that the effects of taking it drastically increases the rate at which his appearance now declines and ages. He attempts to inform others about his discovery and discourage further use of the serum, but is ridiculed and ostrichsized as a result. True poetic justice. Prix d'court when?

Are you writing my diary?

It's about a guy who forgot his car keys at home. He also forgot his home keys so he's fucked.

>a group of warrior children wizards abduct a dude
>turns out the dude is a super warrior children wizard trainer
>they need him for their super secret mission, keep him in check under the threat of blackmail
>the plot itself is thin, but the subplots of different characters is the fuel of the novel

No idea wtf I'm doing, just wanted to try something fresh and crazy for once.

>return of saturn
>man's gf breaks up with him
>existential break down
>starts suffering from severe derealisation anchored in solipsism
>starts wildly stumbling through every day activities and life in an attempt to straighten himself out and find some semblance of the stable existence he knew before the return

That's all I've got for now

Pretty good, would probably read if it had decent prose

Genius

If this isn't some meta-roast of YA fiction written with God-tier prose I'll be pissed. If it is, go ahead you majestic bastard

Could be good, but a bit too vague for me to pass judgement on

Is this a novel about Veeky Forums? How long is it going to be? You don't want to drown the reader in that much misery for too long.

Mine:
>2016, alternate history where Japan is a communist state akin to modern China
>two high school girls, one is in lesbians with the other, who is straight
>straight girl gets a boyfriend, lesbian gets jealous
>lesbian tries to deliberately injure herself so that her friend will pay attention to her
>backfires, straight friend is hit in the head instead, wakes up convinced that this is the wrong history, that Japan should be capitalist, actively becomes a dissident
>is killed in a protest against the government a few years later
>rest of the novel follows the lesbian through her career as a Party cadre as she deals with the guilt of her youth in increasingly bizarre ways

Inspired by living in China amongst Party members. I hope it doesn't sound too much like fapbait.

To be honest outside of the initial break up and his eventual acceptance of his new found place in the world outside of his prior "life" so to say, before the return, I don't really have that good of an idea of what he does exactly, save for reckless activities and actions and a general flip in person

Well, I don't have anything in the works now, but I could share one that I did when I was on my teenager Kafka high.

>NEET lives alone in a commie block
>his life has deteriorated to him just sitting around and waiting until he can leave to bathroom
>he doesn't see any people on his shop run
>city is possibly a post-apocalyptic ruin or he just didn't care to notice anybody
>one day he notices that one of his windows lights up when he walks past it
>no matter what weather it is outside, it starts emitting strange yellow light when he is in front of it
>no other of his windows lights up
>he gets obsessed with the window and tries to figure out what causes the light
>he can't find no reason and he feels he is going insane
>he decides to escape his apartment and try to find people

More about the idea that all writers need tragedy, and a general commentary on the abundance of pseudo-intellectuals in modern society. I'm planning a novella, with each chaoter showing the relationship and his life becoming increasingly desolate. It'll be concise, so as to prevent it just being melancholic masturbation.

Your premise is rather interesting, and that's a clever nod to current Japan. I am a bit concerned it'd just be some trashy romance fiction/fapbait, but if you handle it artfully it could be interesting

I think a novella would really work for that concept. And although normally writing about writing can be tired, the very fact that I thought you were talking about Veeky Forums shows it's pretty relevant. You started it yet?

And as for mine, it's based heavily on a relationship I once had (and on my father, who has been a hardcore communist for most of his life). I'm investing a lot in it, so I hope it rises above the weary sigh elicited by the sentence "it's about these Japanese lesbians, see...".

Chronosis- insanity and casual time travel
> book defines and gives examples of inter dimensional and alternate spatial space from a nameless protagonist.
>out of body projection and management of alternate realities for fun and profit.

Its less George Lucas (like my earlier work) and more PKD

>guy prays to god for a dream
>chronicle 100 dreams
>dreams at the start concern the discovery of things
>dreams in the middle concern of something else
>dreams in the end concern the beginning of things

focusing on the sound of the writing and not so much the content. I don't ever want to publish it, I want it to be found like henry darger's stuff (in reality itll just get lost). Some dreams will only be a sentence or two, others may be 100+ pages

Sounds like one of those books where the backcover makes you want to read it but then it turns out to be boring.

you're probably right, but maybe some of the stories I write will be good on their own and no one will know where they came from

It's about OP being a faggot who eventually kills himself.

It's about a salty shitposter on a Burmese pet trading site.

Sounds like something I'd hate. That character is a boring archetype, and clearly just a version of you.

You better be good at writing on a sentence-to-sentence level because otherwise YAWN

Ok. Not terrible.

Could be good. Just start writing from the beginning and see where it goes.

>existential break down
>solipsism
>find some semblance of stable existence
PLEASE

>>lesbian tries to deliberately injure herself so that her friend will pay attention to her
This part is flimsy. Is it an anime? If not, think of something better.
Otherwise, sounds interesting. Go for it.

yawn

That's not a plot

In your dreams, m8


All just my opinion lads.

OP here. The character's meant to be a boring archetype, which is intended to make him more contemptible. The main character's not meant to be relatable, or likable, and the reader is meant to dislike him.

>girl is infatuated with a tall, quiet coworker of hers
>generally a bubbly and happy-go-lucky spirit
>he often sees her laughing and flirting with others
>suppresses her feelings around him, avoids eye contact
>attempts to still make conversation with him occasionally
>he responds with cold, short replies
>she always goes to work in a good mood to see him
>always returns home, feeling generally crushed that she couldn't bring herself to confess her true feelings just yet
>he goes home, feeling completely blissful every night that she gains the courage just to speak to him, as he lacks the courage to engage in conversation with her first
>prays to his secret shrine of her every day before and after work

>inb4 I'm John Green

From what you've provided, I don't see enough dramatic value or truth to provide a satisfactory pay-off for spending that much time with that character - EVEN if you want that to the point. For this to work you'd have to be an absolute master of character and subtlety for me to stay engaged with this guy. But even then I don't find your conceit very interesting.

Add some weird kinky shit on both sides, and make the guy some kind of colossal autist and you're golden. Makes it clear they deserve each other

I'd only be interested in this if it was funny and short. And I wouldn't read it twice.

>dogboy born from dog raping his mom
>abandoned
>climbs his way up in society with his keen nose for opportunity
>he runs for mayor, but the circumstances around his birth come to light
>most people don't want a dog to be mayor
>dogboy thinks, "that's ruff"

Keep it as a greentext

"Write what you know"

here. What my protagonist does is she tries to break her leg in front of her friend by falling off a steep hill. I guess it's a little anime in that it's stupid and melodramatic, but I've met people who've tried things like that before. I'll see if I can manage to make it seem plausible on the page. Also, thanks for commenting!

>dogboy roughly describes his wip autobiography
>"Keep it as a greentext"
>dreams shattered, dogboy searches for some way to connect with humans
>dates woman from a bestiality forum
>eventually realizes that it's his mom
>"rut roh"

interest, don't like where the ending is headed though.

this is interesting as well, though I fear it could be a tad predictable.

I think I can get a feel for the vibe you're creating, and I can dig it.

don't listen to the 'yawn', I actually think it has potential. I want to know what the light is and where this man is, it's kind of eerie and enveloping.

interesting, is it going to switch from the girl to boy or is it third person? OTP, but the guy better have depth of his own, what's the shrine thing though?

didn't think i'd kek but i was wrong.

chronicles of dogboy boy-dog wonder-pup

Pls publish

I had a similar idea to this but it was where someone hired someone to stalk them and the two slowly fall in love despite never having seen or really talked to one another

Could work for a novella

Sounds cool mah dude
>yuri + political commentary
I dig it

Also, this is my plot. Posted this a few times before but thought I met get some more ideas on it, preferably critical ones:

>early 1950s
>an Italian journalist at an inconsequential newspaper based mainly out of Ravenna is sent out to write a "scathing" article that's essentially a throwaway about the possible imperialist issues in Turkey, as revenge for anti-Italy sentiments in Nazim Hikmet's Letters To Tarantu Babu, a collection of poems published about 15 years prior and now mostly irrelevant
>his friend, a poet now living in Rome, tags along for qualia and change of setting in a vain attempt to get some good writing down in an epic he is writing
>the two travel through the rural, urban, and governmental life of turkey, and a nearly magical realist storyline is shaped both from the emotions/perceptions of the characters, as well as the warpings of reality in the accounts of events in the interviews and the dialogues
>they're basically interviewing senile or biased people, whose stories take up whole episodes of the book and form several Marquez-esque plot lines beneath
>whole novel is based on subjectivity of history and the increasing divides of academia/government from practical life, as well as "loss in translation"
>but wait
>its entire structure is based off of the divine comedy, like Ulysses did with The Odyssey

Yeah

i'd read this

>group of white supremacists
>living in America in the near future
>giant corporation places a copy write on apple pie
>now all generic apple pies must be refered to as "apple filled dessert pastry"
>neo nazi starts doing reserch, wants to prove that the the jews are behind the copywriter
>discovers that leaders of corporation all have ties to an ancient cult
>neo nazi then decent into the strange world of occultism, satanism, demonology, the supernatural and vampirism
>hilarity ensues as he tries to uncover the truth of why demonic cultists would want a monopoly on apple pie

>copy write
Dropped.

Sounds very ambitious. Are you writing it now? Do you have the whole thing mapped out? But it's definitely interesting. I'd look it up if I heard it was on the shelves.

I'm still writing my novel, but a couple of days ago I started a new project.

I decided to write 100 poems, each poem for a number, and have the poems be a mystical interpretation of the fall through the hundred steps of the stairs of phenomena, loosely based on the Qabbalistic numerology. I mean loosely because I find the Qabbala an imperfect system, and, ordering my ideas as to what symbol each number from 1 to 100 represents, I found no better way that seeing for myself through poetry.

This Is the first one:

1
“The Scent of the Flower”
(A Fable About The Fool Before The Fall)

Judge Presiding Revered Ancient Silence Says:
“O Sacred Fool About to Fall!
Why Lean to the Wild Way
That Leads To the Garden?
Why Not Enquire, First,
Who Hast Made It & For Whom,
And Ask If You Are Not Tresspassing?
Why Disturb With Sense My Sleep?
Have You No Fear or No Mind?
Are You Stupid or Are You Blind?
Restrain Yourself, You Fool!
Do Not Pluck The Flower
From The Garden of Paradise!”
Quoth the Holy Fool:
“For the Infinite Stars Above
I Shall Trip At The Stairs Below
A Hundred Steps Until I Rise Again!
Dear Nothingness, I Tell You Truly
Life & Death Are Worth
The Scent of A Flower”

Danke

I am now writing it, and have the whole thing mostly mapped out (but it's subject to change)

The essential structure is 33 "cantos" or episodes per main part of the nove, each of which are titled based on a portmanteaus and puns that get across the main themes of the canto at hand

You know, I was hoping the cycle would keep going, rather than ending like that.

>Protagonist comes home from work to find a dragon embedded in the wall of his apartment
>Dragon wakes up
>Protagonist is surprised to find that the dragon is terrified of him
>Tries to calm him down so they can figure things out
>Dragon informs him that humans were banished to the ice hell earth after losing a war to the elves thousands of years ago
>Dragons recently lost a similar war
>The one in his apartment was a test case for the spell
>They have one month until approximately one million dragons all get banished to random places on Earth, all at once

It then turns into a comedic political thriller. There's also some fun internal conflict involving the dragon—his society is based on class hierarchies and the divine right of kings, and the success of the humans without "proper" rulers is deeply disturbing to him.

The book mainly exists to be funny, but I'm going to try to hide some criticism of escapist fantasy within the story. Hopefully it works.

>I'm going to try to hide some criticism of escapist fantasy within the story.

>t. marche

short story
>man goes on first date with girl
>he falls in love with coffee shop waitress
>it's obvious and girl leaves
>coffee shop waitress sits down with him
>he falls in love with cute girl who enters the coffee shop

>curb your enthusiasm theme starts playing

>MC is a neckband
>Facebook stalks a girl he likes
>Dreams about being an anime hero
>Basically me
>Gets fired from his job
>Cut off by his parents
>Decides to end it all
>Hit by a bus on the way to buy rope
>Goes to Hell
>Meets a real demon
>He's an edgelord, cringy even by MC's standards
>"Fuck this; I'm out"
>Casually leaves Hell

Alright, a bit busy for a short story and a bit obvious

I don't know if this is a joke, but it's not funny

If you don't take it too seriously it'd be pretty funny

I dig it.

Pretty good if you pull it off, very lukewarm if you don't

Kinda like it, actually. I like the angle of the guy wrecking his life so it'd be more interesting.

Alright. A bit too symmetric. I like the guy's life being turned around just by stupid luck, and the other guy getting obsessed with the watch.

Ever heard of plot? If you don't have a plot you might as well just write a short story unless you're really convinced it'll be good

A little interesting. Not very.

> Guy is born in 19th century Ohio
> Quiet guy, not much to say
> Awkward but good with horses
> Gets into West Point
> Does alright there, middle of the road guy
> Makes a name for himself in Mexican War but doesn't want to fight
> Leaves military and moves around country with wife and kids
> Keeps failing everything he does
> Moves back home to work with his dad at 40
> Civil War happens, he joins
> Becomes national hero for helping win the war
> Becomes President without really doing anything
> Gets depressed, country goes to shit
> Leaves presidency, goes on world tour
> Everyone loves him but he doesn't know why
> Goes home and goes into business with his son
> Goes bankrupt
> Dies of throat cancer

Maybe it'd work as erotica.

'The Magnificent Dogman'

Warning: it's capeshit

>Story opens with the protagonist sitting drunk in his filthy caravan, disinterestedly masturbating to bdsm torture porn.
>He keeps a vast array of stray dogs, finding people 'too scary' to socialise with.
>He's also an avid comic reader.
>Yearns for understanding and love from humans.
>Decides to become a superhero to earn it, under the presumption that everybody loves superheroes
>Dons a sack over his head and some dirty tights, proclaiming himself 'Dogman'.
>Takes to the streets, fighting criminals.
>His first attempt is brutal and ugly. He stops a store robbery by causing a shootout which kills several bystanders.
>Several other attempts end in violent bloodshed with plenty of dead civilians
>Dogman always manages to kill the criminals at the end of the day though, usually in an extremely violent manner.
>Implied that he gets aroused by killing and violence
>As his crimefighting continues it becomes ever more apparent that he's not doing it for 'love from the people', but to satisfy his bloodlust
>Implements dogs in his tactics, duct-taping a shotgun to a golden retriever to create the ultimate combination of man's best friend and brother in arms.
>Straps explosives to Chihuahuas and uses them as them as tiny suicide bombers
>Feeds criminals to rabid dogs
>In his own mind, he's a superhero, even as the bodycount climbs into the triple figures.
>Out of his disguise, he becomes more confident and better at communicating with people.
>Finally talks to his 'love interest' (a girl he'd been stalking and masturbating to on Facebook)
>Cue weird romance scene where Dogman imagines passionate lovemaking with love interest, but is actually raping her to death.
>Story ends on a highnote
>An experienced Dogman, now apt at murder, dons his superhero costume with a hardy smile
>Dogman is content with his life as a superhero, and intends to keep on eking out his own special brand of justice until the day he dies.

Too edgy.

I'm not taking it seriously at all, don't worry.

Any way to reduce the edge? I love the idea of an unstable vigilante (Taxi-Driver style), but it's sort of hard to make a character like that without coming off as at least a little fedora-ish.

Take the focus off the details of his escapades and focus on the character himself. Take for example Don Quixote -- while there are a number of delusions, what really matters is the man himself.

I think the aspect that he is trying to earn love through violence is vastly more interesting than bloodlust. I think bloodlust is a favorite of immature writers (I've learned the hard way). But the idea that a man becoming violent in his desire for social satisfaction is compelling enough to warrant writing about, if that makes sense.

I also think that you should have the novel written objectively -- that is, avoid changing the prose to reflect his madness but keep the prose consistent and have the character change. Unreliable narration can be very edgy, I think.

Alright, avoid the mindgames and keep the writing centred around the character rather than the blood and guts. Thanks for the feedback, user. I appreciate it.

Would the inclusion of porn and masturbation be a tad over the line? I thought it would elude nicely to his want for affection and love, but on hindsight it comes off as trying too hard.

People watch porn and masturbate regularly in real life. Honestly people should write about it more. If you come off as trying too hard, then it's in the style not the content.

*Allude

Fuck, that's embarrassing.

Okay, keep the masturbation but don't push the letter too hard and go for shock value.

Thanks, user.

everything I write seems trash to me because I know it's fake and not even close to the real dynamics of life. what do ?

Possible GOAT greentexted plot, 'holy...' doesn't begin to cover it, I legit wish this were in my hands
Potentially fantastic, I hope your prose is half as good as your storytelling; sounds laborious to work on (and read) but so worth.
"Do Not Pluck The Flower
From The Garden of Paradise!”
I really like this desu

>Man who never dreams, has convinced himself he must thereby always be dreaming
>Stops by coffeeshop on his way to the railroad tracks, rests his forehead against the table and closes his eyes
>Blurred between unreality and what he sees, desperate to find control in the most absolute of ends, dissonance comes to a head and he runs out of the store
>Forgets drink, wallet, phone
>Hollowed eyed barista's shift just ended, is forced by store manager to race after him
>Comical chase ensues
>Man reaches railroad tracks, girl shouting after him to take his fucking stuff
>Last ditch effort, wills it to rain
>Surprise, shocking, girl trips and drink flies
>Man opens eyes, falls to knees, finally thinks he's wrested control of his dreams
>Excitedly begins shouting and sprints for the tracks to stop the train
>System malfunction! Man is overwhelmed. >Spins around, water dripping down the curve of his jaw, declares himself the discoverer of infinity
>Remainder is girl (through some shenanigans) trying to reason with him that he isn't dreaming

Very basic, mostly just an exercise in comedy. Probably going to be some variations on the ~lucid dreaming phase and hopefully more complexities, but eh. It's a start.

Post it on websites like wattpad and get feedback from other people. Just because you think it's crap doesn't mean it is - it's the audience who decide that.

Just be sure to disregard the yes-men and listen to the critics.

I write in italian tho
I'll try to translate something and post it
thanks bro

An extreme anal fetishist tries to convince his lover to get a colostomy so his ass can become entrance only.

It's a novella

>guy goes to job interview
>gets the ol' pat in the back and "we'll call you" treatment
>on his way home he starts having paranoid thoughts of not getting the job
>he gets so worked up that when the call finally arrives he flat out tells the interviewer to go fuck herself

Im thinking if i should end it with him commiting suicide or not

Best itt

Never end a story like that

the pleb version of the castle by kafka

Faulknerian tragedy following multiple generations of street cops and petty criminals in Philadelphia, beginning with the MOVE bombing. Written in a southern gothic style adapted for a northern industrial city.

Does this sound compelling?

>it's about rats
>it's a story about rats
>like warrior cats or watership down... but with rats

I haven't really thought anything out besides I want to do a xenofiction book about rats. Maybe one about pet cats too.

I'd read it; would it be nonfiction, then? Historical fiction? Or would you just recreate the bombing in your own urban yoknapatawpha?

Well, it would open with the bombing which is in the vein of historical fiction because ive done the appropriate research, but the rest would be straight fiction.

I have considered the last option tho and havent written it off if I decide I want more freedom/universality. Dont think it could work the same way with a major city that it does with a town tho.

>perfectly utopian society
>protag decides to fuck it up with random bombings out of boredom
>forces everything to go to shit

This is not how green text works

Supposed to start with
>be me
Naritive is first person

It'll have a plot, I just haven't fleshed it out yet

This is literally just a transcript of Kevin Barnes' life where he writes instead of songwrites

They're both really shy, to the point of autism. It will basically be a very short book about missed opportunities.
As long as it is bought once, that is all that truly matters, no?
Yes, I was thinking of switching back and forth between them, but I wasn't going to reveal his strong attraction towards her until the end, as cliche as that is. I was thinking of making him a sort of security guard and her a receptionist of some kind, and he subtly requests photographs of her from a coworker in surveillance to hang in his closet.
Sounds a bit like Something About Mary

Thanks for the insight and feedback

...

>Story takes place a decade after a comet hits the earth and erases civilization
>Protagonist is a former university history professor, traveling through the former American southwest
>Gets ambushed and captured by a group of neo-Nazis
>The neo-Nazis take him to a makeshift slaughterhouse
>During this trip the protagonist learns that the neo-Nazis have captured several other people as well and are using them as human livestock
>The protagonist starts telling the neo-Nazis stories about WW2 in a bid to save his own life
>The neo-Nazis become curious and ask him what he knows
>The protagonist tells them that he did his thesis on Nazi-era concentration camps and has an in depth understanding of how they work
>The neo-Nazis are thrilled by this and force the protagonist to help them establish their very own Nazi style death camp to keep their 'livestock' in

Gonna be lots of themes of collaboration versus survival I think.

A guy is sitting on the crapper ruminating on lost love. Vivid depicting of turds dropping through the book. A few wanks while he has a shit. Who here would read?

decent until the "hit by bus" part. You have a sadness you could let out in a constructive way in the form of a narrative, don't conceal it with insincere stuff like you have after the "hit by bus" part.

Might be good if you won't be obsessed with gore, and know about more about concentration camps (and the holocaust in general) beyond what you were taught in high school.

how much is too much gore?

I got one but I don't know if a Deconstruction of a YA novel will be good

8

The premise of a bad author intentionally ruining his life because of a lust for tragedy is great, but the actual events leading to his downfall sound incredibly mundane and boring. Are you sure you don't want to go significantly more far out than that, have him doing more than just going broke and breaking up his romantic life?

Would that be a scale or the number of times that it happens

>man moves back to an old city full of people he knows.
>living in a new apartment over a hotel.
>goes to meet friends at new bars & clubs
>meets strange little woman in a Mercedes outside said club.
>woman stops outside a large building to use the restroom.
>man drives car off accidentally when trying to put the car in reverse

That's all I got so far

>Set in a fantasy world based on Greek mythology where the gods show up and fuck with mortals
>Goddess gives her divine power to a young blacksmith so that she can hide
>He exhibit signs of magical power, gets conscripted into the Kings army
>Events unfold and he realises his power is different, and related to a coming war between gods of men and forces of nature (i.e, dragons)
>Typical magic road trip unfolds
>Haven't really worked out the ending yet

This sounds absolutely terrible, and ascribes to even the most basic of genre tropes. Don't do this.

Incredibly dull, you don't need to do anymore. Again, the fact that you only describe the woman as 'drives a mercedes' means your mind is mired in dull, status cliché

It won't be. The appeal of a YA novel is its blind sincerity and lack of cynical treatment toward the reader.

Absolutely no reason to process people through death camps in a post apocalypse. It's like writing Robinson Crusoe and having the first thing he tries to do be building a Gilligan's Island esque bamboo plumming system. The story falls apart when built on a contrivance taken seriously.

Incredibly dull. Nobody wants to see a Utopia fall, either.

This I like. Keep it more Richard Adams than YA cat trash, though. Just because it's (essentially) about talking animals doesn't mean it has to be understandable by young readers.

>medieval fantasy setting with Eldritch-like god lore and spooky stonehenge circles dotting the landscape
>young girl is in training to be a village guard like her father, who was guard captain before getting sick and passing away
>she is drawn to the strange stone circles
>she leads a hunting trip and two members disappear, cannot be found
>a henge circle near where they went missing gives her a vision of them, lost in the snow
>she obsesses over the stones, trying to seek out more visions from each henge
>each vision reveals more and more, and she begins to hear the ancient gods whispering about the nameless civilization that built the henges
>she pieces together the story of two angels, twin brothers. one was a god of war and one was a monk of light
>the monk brother lusted for power (like Satan) and the war brother killed him, condemning his soul to the hell-equivalent
>this story is related to the downfall of the henge builders
>I haven't figured out the rest of the plot and I wrote 3 disjointed chapters

any thoughts?

>Rich cunt living in the city lives life as a neet
>dying uncle has alzheimers, rich cunt is forced by his family to go visit him, mostly to make sure he hasn't signed away his inheritance
>uncle lives out in a rural town
>uncle is actually a breddy cool guy who tells dementia-stories about being in Vietnam
>rich cunt slowly becomes an outdoorsman and less of a cunt

The fact that she's training to be a town guard is a blandly typical backstory, and reeks of sue-ism.

You had me at the stone circles for a moment, but a mediocre heaven/hell parallel (or really any backstory that isn't vague) immediately kills it for me. It reeks of worldbuilding, which attracts poor writers.

>The Magnificent
It's going to turn out exactly like pic related if you ever get around to writing it.

...

I just used the guard as a vehicle to introduce other characters, and it ties closely into the history of the setting

if I ditch the mythology and keep it to the eldritch gods and stone circles would that improve it?

what do you mean by worldbuilding attracting poor writers? as in they focus more on a world instead of a good plot?

Not him, but worldbuilding typically requires little to no writing proficiency, originality, or style, especially since 99% of it in a fantasy setting just jumbles up surface-level details of history, mythology/folklore and/or religious texts.

There are better ways to do that. There's no reason to make her a town guard (though this is my opinion). She could be trained by her father without intending it as a profession, and be introduced to characters in that way as well. The very idea of a 'town guard' is trite fantasy though. A big enough city might have a watch, but any small community has a militia for times of hardship and necessity rather than any professional fighting force.

Circles seem like a good idea, and are a pretty good justification for bullshit magic.

Partly that it attracts bad writers, yes, but also try to think what we get out of the worldbuilding here. How do a god of light and dark tie into the story? Are they reflected in any themes or characters or events? They seem present only for backstory and entertainment, a diversion from the actual plot. Even if this civilization fell we don't need to know exactly how, that's the appeal of a lost civilization. In Lord of the Rings the elves are fucked, but we don't get into a big thing about why. We don't know Sauron's history as Morgoth's lieutenant, and the greater forces at work are barely mentioned. Think about the purpose of revealing something each time you create one of these moments. Keep the story tight.

Thank you. I enjoy developing lore for a setting, but I will try to keep it out of the narrative and only reveal details when needed.

I've struggled with dumping information on the reader and I know that just clutters the narrative. I still have lot to learn with my writing style and I hope to improve by writing as often as I can

The guard exists because this town protects smaller farm villages and is located in a deep forest, so I figured a small force to patrol and go on hunting trips made sense - but I understand where you're coming from

The setting is a new addition and I wanted to incorporate a pantheon my friend and I already came up with, and the two gods are part of that.

I get the feeling that "less is more" applies here, and I should keep some things shrouded in mystery

Thank you for the feedback, I appreciate it