Someone bursts through your kitchen window, throws you a head of this...

Cheesy cauliflower bake obviously

>break down into florets with a good amount of stem on each
>toss in oil, garlic, salt, pepper, cayenne, lemon juice
>spread out in foil-lined baking sheet
>roast at 425 for 12-20 minutes; however long it takes for stems to be tender and florets to get crispy brown

I had some deep fried cauliflower in tomato sauce at an Indian buffet once. What was it called?

For Hannukkah I made a nice cauliflower. I slathered it in a paste made of pepper, parmesan, mustard, and olive oil then roasted it on 275 for about an hour and a half. Delicious

Dice it and hope I have a jar large enough for pickled cauliflower, with some peppers thrown in to flavor the brine

Pickling isn't technically cooking mate

This

Slice it, put some oil and salt on it. Grill over charcoal. If winter, roast on broiler pan.

>cut it up into bite-sized pieces
>toss the pieces in some oil
>add some pepper and a little bit of salt if I'm feeling it
>put in oven for a half hour
>eat delicious food
not hard op

cook in light boulion
cut in smaller chunks
pan fry in butter with breadcrumbs

fuck, now I regret I didn't pick this fucker today, he was beckoning to me from veg aisle

I'm deathly allergic to it so I've never cooked it before
I guess I have to die

Cauliflower curry. Aloo gobi.

Buffalo fried cauliflower with blue cheese.

it doesn't really matter what you put under those green leaves.
it can be designated shitting street sourced chop suey mamaliga, doesn't really matter.
what you gonna end up with is coriander aftertaste.
please don't put noble cauliflower near your paki festival of shit flavours.

If it's warm outside, sliced into 1/2-3/4" patties likebrush a little olive oil or melted butter and some garlic. Onto the grill with whatever else I'm grilling.
If it's cold out,

>chop it up real good or use a few pulses of food processor
>mix it up with toasted breadcrumbs, parsley, hot mustard, salt, pepper, egg, and enough mayo so that it sticks together
>form into thin patties and pan fry
>cauliflower crab cakes?

Stir fry.

Chop and mix with olive oil, lemon juice and garlic and roast it with Parmesan.

slice into 'steaks'
brush chilli oil on them
coat in curry powder, corriander powder, spices n shit

either roast in over or fry in fying pan

(im ok with eternal tickles too)

you forgot the crab

>I had some deep fried cauliflower in tomato sauce at an Indian buffet once. What was it called?

Gobi manchurian. It's my favorite thing at the local buffet, and it's what I'd make to appease the cauliflower tickle burglar.

Chop it up, sautee it in some olive oil with some seasoned salt and pepper.

[spoiler]It's still gonna taste like shit.[/spoiler] Because it's cauliflower.

Cauli is used as a low-gi rice alternative. Run it through a blender until you get "rice" and then steam or toss around in a fry pan to create "fried rice".

The call me The Légumes Magician

>Wat do
Call the cops.

It's the only way I care to eat that shit

Cauliflower cheese bake motherfucker

Throw some leeks in there if I got them as well

>cut and roast for around 20 minutes
>make cheese sauce with cheddar and parmesan
>put cauliflower in a 8x8 pan, pour sauce over, sprinkle with bread crumbs, bake 20 - 25 minutes

Make creamy potato soup using it as a substitute for potato.

chop it up and steam it desu

I'd cook it with chopped garlic, pepper, a little salt and broccoli if i had any. my mom used to make this all the time for me as a kid, and she burnt the broccoli and cauliflower in a way that just made it taste so good

...

This is the recipe I've been using for the last while, pretty damn tastey.

2 tablespoons olive oil
1 teaspoon coriander seeds
1 teaspoon cumin seeds
1 teaspoon curry powder
1 teaspoon turmeric powder
1 large head cauliflower, cored, broken into 1-inch florets
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
1 teaspoon finely grated peeled ginger
1 teaspoon finely grated lime zest

Preheat oven to 450°. Stir oil, coriander seeds, cumin seeds, curry, and turmeric in a large bowl to combine. Add cauliflower and season with salt and pepper. Toss to coat cauliflower evenly. Arrange in a single layer on a large rimmed baking sheet (scrape any extra seasoning from bowl over cauliflower). Roast until cauliflower is brown around edges and crisp-tender, 10–15 minutes. Transfer to a platter and sprinkle ginger and lime zest over. Serve warm or room temperature.

Also why has the thread with one of the worst OP been the one with the most helpful advice

This thread convinced me that I gotta frequent this board.

My kitchen window is shatter proof (and is stuck shut, anyway), so I'd have to go out to the back garden to get the would-be veg missile.

Growing up, my mother only cooked it one of three ways:
cauliflower pickles (salt cauliflower florets, let them sit in a bag until a lot of moisture has been leached, rinse thoroughly, put into a jar and top with pickling brine)
pasta with stewed cauliflower (fry several cloves of garlic and one or two crushed tomatoes in olive oil, add cauliflower florets and sauté, top off with veg stock and allow to simmer until tender then add pasta)
cauliflower mashed potatoes (steam garlic cloves and cauliflower florets until done, mash them together with cultured cream, add potato flour as necessary for stiffer mash, whip in minced parsley)

Other ways I had it growing up:
stir-fried mixed veg (about 50% SEA cauliflower and 50% various other veg, stir-fried with sweet soy sauce and/or oyster sauce)
cauliflower fried rice (cauliflower is grated then stir-fried with garlic and crushed tomato, cooked day-old rice is added and spiced with turmeric powder and black curry powder, a little stock is added and everything is stir-fried until the moisture is evaporated out after which, you plate up and top with coriander leaves, crisp-fried shallots, a drizzle of shallot oil and smoked fish flakes, in that order)

In addition to this, my father also cooked it by dipping in chickpea/rice batter and deep-frying as well as into a rice casserole dish called maqluba.
I also make it into cauliflower croquettes (leftover caulimash whipped with enough chickpea flour that it can hold shape, coated in breadcrumbs and deepfried) as well as cauliflower, potatoes and peas curry (leftovers of which get mixed with beaten egg and filled into warka then pan-fried to make brik), cauliflower mornay and cauliflower salad (blanch SEA cauliflower until just tender, rinse under cold running water until completely cooled, then toss with oil, vinegar, mustard and salt).

Ez batter of flour and water
Dip cut up pieces of cauli into batter
Put on an oiled sheet pan and bake
Put some buffalo sauce on top during the last five minutes of baking
Tasty(tm)

cut the florets, roast em, then simmer the roasted florets in milk, throw it all in the blender and enjoy remarkable soup.

onceuponachef.com/recipes/cauliflower-puree.html

Curry made.

Cut up
Put on baking tray lined with foil
Salt/olive oil
bake to the tops start to blacken
voila

Never thought about making cauliflower pickles or croquettes, I'll have to give em a try

Can you elaborate on 'caulimash'?

I'd piss myself, panic, tell him I don't know any cauliflower recipes and offer him blowjobs instead

Piccalilli.
My grandmother used to feed me this when I was growing up.
I fucking hate the stuff.

>no one will ever break into your house and tickle you for eternity.
I didn't want these feels.

I fucking shoot them. What kind of question is this?

Thanks user. Looks like what I had. I can't wait to make this.

The Jewish way, of course!

youtu.be/JVbnTHZE7ws

>kitchen window
But my kitchen is in the basement.

chop up and simmer in pot for 15min
drain

food processor with:
2tbsp butter
2tbsp sour cream
1/2 teaspoon garlic salt
3tbsp milk
a whole fucking thing of boursin cheese.

slap some fresh snipped chives on it
salt and pepper to taste

Boil it then pickle it.

The Irish only cook one of two ways

>I fucking shoot them

The cauliflower is already dead.

Grab some ranch and eat that shit raw after cutting it up.
Cauliflower is fucking delicious.

Cauliflower-broccoli soup! Search the board for "soup general"

I'd turn it into a gluten free pizza crust and eat a meat lovers pizza to drown out the shit crust taste.

Ask them politely, but firmly, to leave.

cover it in a cream/cheese sauce with nutmeg and lots of pepper

that seems dangerous somehow

Yeah this sounds delicious.

That looks like chili chicken except with cauliflower. Thanks for the new cauliflower recipe user.

make pizza dough with it

Cauliflower cheese, easy.

I guess I'd cut it up into florets, paint them with a butter/olive oil mixture with some spice and bake them on a sheet in the oven.

wtf is this show?
talmudic cooking?

Roasted cauliflower soup

I don't know what this is but it looks like eating it would help me poop

>For Hannukkah

cut into florets, fried in olive oil, tossed in anchovy, lemon aioli

>flour, milk, butter
>not that order
>do a frying on a flower
>do a soy sauce and one spit
>spit is to make it unique
>do a pickled pepper cut up tiny
>do a more frying
>mix with milk, flower, butter
>eat it and cry because I'm drowning in debt

also forgot do a mix with a cheese yum

This show is fantastic. It belongs in the Veeky Forums culinary cinema canon.

dub dubs confirm this is the best fucking thing in the world

Also I can't tell you how long iv b nnwwiting for someone on Veeky Forums to post one of these guys vid is; one of the most amazing food-related thing innall of YouTube and it's a crying shame they just up and quit about 3 years ago

No, it's Israel's resident eccentric restauranteur and his business partner making certain foods and enjoying some of the world's top bantz, rivalling even Australia

+1

anyone know the route where you marry and have children with the tickle burglar??

I'm ionising the whole youtube playlist right now.
And yes, it's talmudic.

Pretty much the best way to make any vegetable. Roasted or bust

Roast with dried ghost chilli. Serve. Beat him with a ladle until the police arrive. Fiddle with your piddle.

>saute garlic in bit of olive oil
>steam cauliflower florets until tender
>blend cauliflower, garlic, cream cheese, hot sauce, salt, and pepper with immersion blender
>top with butter and shredded cheddar
Wa la, it's like mashed potatoes but smoother and healthier.

holy shit this is so fucking israeli.

>healthier
There's that word again. There's nothing unhealthy about potatoes. There's something unhealthy about cream cheese.

what's unhealthy about cream cheese?

I'd make them into dumplings

Trans fats

loveandlemons.com/cauliflower-puree-roasted-chickpeas/