I haven't read any Shakespeare. Where should I start?

Hamlet.

Also, better go grab a dictionary.

Henry V is Shakespeare's best work.

he wouldnt want you to read him, go to youtube and watch actors use his plays.

wrong word stress there, Mr Elizabethan actor

Seven Against Thebes. It's the basis for Seven Samurai, and subsequently, Magnificent Seven.

What's the highest class pussy Shakespeare ever pulled? Did he the queen?

how to learn attic ?

No, you're thinking of Cervantes.

Shakes was gay.

Greek: An Intensive Course by Hansen and Quinn. Everything you need

The Hollow Crown TV Series. Then read either Arden or Folgers edition of plays you've heard of, like Hamlet, Macbeth, Twelfth Night. Ideally go see them on stage after reading them so you can really understand the rhythm.

almost anywhere, to be honest

whichever one seems cool to you

Lear is always a safe pick

Watch Hamlet (1996). It's the unabridged version of the memiest Shakespeare play, with very high production values.

I almost bought a complete works of Shakespeare hardcover from half priced books for 5 dollars yesterday but put it back on the shelf. Is it really worth reading his plays or getting a complete works book?

...yes to the first question. Maybe no to the second. Maybe I'm a pleb, but I like the Folger Library Shakespeare books. Individual, annotated, etc. Shakespeare's plots aren't difficult, but it's nice to pick up some obscure words from the read rather than just glossing over them. They're like 5 bucks a pop. They look cool next to each other. If you don't want the annotations, but a collected works. Cheaper for sure. Start with the bigger memes and work your way down. Alternate between genres if you want. Harold Bloom wrote that big Shakespeare book. It's very good. Read a play, read his analysis. It's satisfying. Anyway, enjoy.

>Hamlet
>There's no mini ham

See I disagree, there's too many shit shakespearean performances out there. Best to understand the text first rather than a bad interpretation

They are still meant to be watched rather than read. If you are new to Shakespeare, and probably plays in general you will get a much better idea of the basic plot even from a shitty version than just dryly reading them. Shakespeare can easily rise above his interpreters, watching one shit version will not poison you against the actual text and it will allow you to focus on what was said rather than what is going on.