ITT Describe books you've never read

>Ulysses
It's about the collective drunk ramblings of Ulysses S Grant, explaining how he was late to General E Lee's meeting so that he could prolong the war and obtain a north victory, distracting everyone with his wonderful regailings of his nights out with chums.

>Gravity's Rainbow
There's a rocket in my pocket, the book.

>Looking for Alaska
The state Alaska has vanished without a trace, it is up to the world's greatest detective to track it down while battling cancer at the same time.

>Life of Pi
An autistic person recites all the numbers of pi as a way to calm himself after being put in life boat by someone who doesn't like touching him after his ship sinks.

>Infinite Jest
He was too smart for this retarded, decadent world

>The Book of Genesis

Untreated Schitzophrenic wins over all. Son has eyes of terror-filled confusion. Tribes and Blasphemers. Tribes and Blasphemers.

The appropriately-named six-volume tale, renowned for being both prohibitively long and, as such, something that few have actually read (and, when they do, that they read for things like "indie cred" similar to infamous postmodern works such as Infinite Jest or Ulysses), begins with a predictably drawn out contemplation of how our behaviour and habits influence our perception of the world imposed on the backdrop of a mellow narrative set in a (I think). The author's grand rambling style accomplishes something not to be seen with more than negligible frequency in the medium of the written word, only sparingly in cinema and much more frequently in the videoludic medium, which would not be invented until long after the author's death; For this reason, it would be appropriate to compare videogame titles like Dark Souls and S.T.A.L.K.E.R., which make use of fundamental components of their format to impress part of the story in a kind of complicated and very personal subtext upon the audience (putting the audience in the place of the protagonist by forcing them to feel similar things through their agency in the story, for example leaving the audience in the dark about the lore of the land in Dark Souls and imposing great challenges upon them so they relate to their handle, who is an undead warrior whose brain and memories are rotting away and who comes slightly closer to losing the final vestiges of his soul and giving up, becoming an empty shell, each time he dies and is reborn, or leaving the audience to wander a desolate place where their own actions can lead them to immediate destruction by any number of obscure or invisible threats in order to impress a feeling of tension and the need for extreme patience and care in S.T.A.L.K.E.R.) to In Search of Lost Time (which uses its prohibitive length to put the audience in the position of the protagonist with his introspective and thoughtful attitude and the effects of the kind of psychological topics that he ponders on upon his own psyche), but as the former are far more well-known and often-consumed than the latter, it might ironically be more expedient to compare the latter to the former. The first volume, Swann's Way, deals primarily with the protagonist's melancholy recollection of a place and time where his attention was held by several beautiful and fascinating women, and secondarily with intrigue surrounding the wealthy Swann family. The true conceit of the story's title is also revealed; The protagonist had very few memories of this period in his life, but they were brought back to him by an experience that recalled a previous one and he was transported within his own mind to explore and reacquire the events of this time. In fact the impermanence and unreliability of memory is the most important running theme throughout the entire story, which can be seen as a philosophical or psychological treatise attached to a semi-autobiographical (and perhaps somewhat masturbatory) narrative. The second volu

>Merriam-Webster Dictionary
A bunch of incoherent rambling and way too much verbiage

>Moby Dick

Coming of age tale of a young girl in the pursuit of orgasmic happiness amidst the literal decay of her peers.

Your Ulysses description sounds like an interesting book.

gravity's rainbow

eating shit literally

>We Were the Mulvaneys
Precious novel with "a lot of heart" (some fucking reviewer) that has to do with a family that had gone through a type of romanticized poverty where they were a tight knit family unit that confronted the problems of the world head on. They eventually end up upper-middle class, ma and pop are getting senile and the kids are grown-up and are trying to figure out why they're so estranged. With money they became shallow, and other shitty stuff low-middle brown readers like to tell themselves.

>Gravity's Rainbow

Eccentric closet homosexual lives life one day at a time, and after some dramatic interpersonal relationships that almost costs him the office, finds out that sometimes it's okay to just be yourself

>Kant's Critique of Pure Reason

Being autistic is hard, and does it really solve all of life's problems? Sometimes you have to let hard thinking go and face your feelings. When was the last time you just *be'd* in the present moment, and smiled?

I've actually thought of writing it as a post-modern, magic realism type novel in the same vain as Thomas Pynchon's stuff. It'd be a combination of 1000 and 1 Nights along with some factual stuff from the Civil war.

>I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream
It's like Dude, Where's My Car? Except they are looking for someone's mouth instead of a car, and the guy is very frustrated he can't scream even though he really, really wants too, even tried screaming out of his ass but all he did was shit himself. So he's incredibly frustrated.

...

>Pride and Prejudice

A group of patricians get more than they bargained for when they come to crushing reality after an unforgiveable misdeed in a dystopian future: sometimes it's best to swallow it, but now you must suffer from a rowdy jury of other patricians and accept your grim fate.

you fuckign peice of shit. how dare you. crime and punismet by fyord dostoesky is a masterpiece not about love, its about gthe pit of despair and denial and an insight into the troubled mind of a russian

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You forgot the part where he watches tv for literally the whole book

>Oliver Twist

A young man comes to grips eith acting tsundere to the wilderness; you can only Twist so much in the wind before it blows back.

>The Canterbury Tales

Let us kill time as we travel and tell like faggots

>The Merchant of Venice

18th or somethimgeth century version of The Italian Job; souped up cars into souped up plots (but the protagonist finds out that what he has been seeking has been there the whole time)

>The Grapes of Wrath

A lot of dirty, dusty setting. Mad scrotums employ sweet, ripe tricks to tell a historical time

>A Tale of Two Cities

Like J.R.'s The Twin Towers; lacking in depth.

Alcoholic furries