I'm trying to get laid lads. How can I make a bombass spaghetti and how can I plate it to impress...

I'm trying to get laid lads. How can I make a bombass spaghetti and how can I plate it to impress. Also buying a bottle of Merlot. I'm not a huge wine drinker but I think that goes best with spaghetti, right?

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cum in it lad

If you want to get laid outside of the trailer park, maybe get a little more ambitious than spaghetti.

don't listen to this fag. give her the ol cum noodle lad

Whats easy and looks fancy? Also it should've been obvious I'm cumming in the food I thought that was implied in the op

Carbonara, also very easy to hide the cum

For plating ideas, google "spaghetti plating", and click the "Images" link. A lot of people go fairly vertical, twisting the spaghetti on a fork to make a big spiral cone on the plate, then decorate the top.

A ripe, full-bodied Merlot would work, or a Chianti or Cabernet Sauvignon would go with red sauces. Or if neither of you are wine connoisseurs, you could just pick something with a pretty label!

Nothing wrong with spaghetti per se. If that's OP's cooking comfort level, best to stay with what you know.

She drinks wine regularly and is a fan of Italian food so yeah I think I'm going Merlot. What are those green leafs you see people out ontop of pasta sometimes? And are they edible?

Err, for clarity, I mean you use a fork to make a spiral of spaghetti from your pot/pan, then deposit the spiral on the plate. That way the plate has plenty of useless white space to make it look fancy.

More rounded leaves are probably basil, more jagged leaves are probably italian parsley. But most any fresh leafy herb would be fine. I mean mint wouldn't be a normal flavor, but it's just a couple leaves, nobody will care. All are edible.

As for wine you can always go with a decent dry champagne/prosecco/sparkling wine. Anywhere civilized you can get something good for relatively cheap (15-25 dollar range). Sparkling wine always feels "special" and the crispness will counterbalance the heaviness of the pasta.

Disregard that, i suck cocks and missed when you said you're having merlot with the meal. Have the champagne after the meal as a palate cleanser

Why do you think it's acceptable to be a normalfag on Veeky Forums?

Penne/ziti is less likely to flail and get tiny droplets of sauce on your shirt.
Avoid shit like Prego, Classico, etc.
Make your own sauce using a recipe online.
Find one that calls for a bit of red wine and no sugar.
If there's a proper wine store near you, go there and ask for help finding some good red in your price range. You wouldn't want to serve shit like [[[yellow tail]]] or Kendall Memeson.

Carbonara confirmed for best cum-hiding pasta.

By proper wine store, I mean a place that's not a packie or Total Wine.

Cacio e pepe, just grind some pepper over it after you jizz on it.

Chicken parm over spaghetti? Or you thinking a tomato sauce? Bolognese? Meatballs?

This actually looks fucking good. Going with this desu. I'm sauteeing some mushrooms as we speak with garlic idk what I'm doing just following a recepie and already feeling good. All according to keikaku

What are you gonna do with the mushrooms? You should also add some chopped onions to them

Yup I got that bit. Gonna add it to regular pasta sauce so it's half from scratch half not

spaghetti is LITERALLY babbys first pasta.

go for penne or bowties if you're doing white sauce. rotini for red sauce, they also hold the most sauce of any noodle

If you're trying to impress try making something else.

protip: white bitches love gnocchi

second protip: trader joes somehow carries a semi-fresh gnocchi for like 2 bucks for a big pack. way worth it bc gnocchi isnt really difficult to make fresh but its annoying

Post a pic of your final product

Okay as soon as its done

>Gonna add it to regular pasta sauce so it's half from scratch half not
That'll bug the purists, but might be a decent idea if you haven't made sauces from scratch much. Just make it a decent not-from-scratch one, like one of the $7-$10 jars, not the $2-$4 jars.

What even is

>overmixing

?

How do you fuck up a batter by mixing it too much?

Watch this:
youtube.com/watch?v=zDEcvSc2UKA

Anytime you are working with a batter or dough recipe that calls for white refined flour once it is introduced into the wet ingredients and is mechanically worked with a whisk, paddle, or spoon causes the proteins contained within to form a network of gluten that acts like the support beams of a house. This gives most baked goods their structure so that they hold their shape and don't collapse after rising during the oven bake like a souffle will if left alone.

The problem is that if you overmix and burst too many starch granules contained in the flour you end up with too much gluten and TOO MUCH structure which makes things like muffins, pancakes, cakes, and brownies tough with a tight kevlar-like crumb which is a chore to sink your teeth through.


This is also the same principle behind gummy mashed potatoes and why you mash them with a masher or potato ricer vs. trying to take shortcuts with a food processor or blender. The potato cell walls weaken by heat and become swollen from water absorption during the boiling process, so they are in a delicate state. When you overmix mashed potatoes too much starch is released (traditionally used Russets vs. say Red or Yukon Gold varieties, are one of the highest starch content vegetables in plant kingdom) and the dish's texture becomes like glue or wall spackle instead of becoming creamy or fluffy.

OP here... Finished product is better than expected but image size too large.. where can I post it?

resize it in paint you doofus

On mobile

Resize it on your phone, I know I can do that on mine

tiny pic it

Kek

ITT: Amerisharts pretend they know something at all about European food and wine.

Stick to burgers, fat cunts.

Change phone settings and degrade resolution.

Ooooohhh look at me everyone I'm europoor and I know wine and pasta!!!

"Finished product" the spaghetti, or getting laid? Post the latter on /hc/ and link from here.

tinypic.com/r/33o7dqe/9

Looking good my guy

noodles look a little overcooked, otherwise good work OP

>asks for noodles
>gets potatos